He doesn't even remember…he doesn't even know. How the hell doesn't he remember? The nightmare I have been reliving for years has somehow escaped him. Is he plagued by our better memories together? Oh, if that is true, I envy him. I remember every time I nearly lost him due to his own foolishness; I remember Matsuri, my own student, selling Lee out to my enemy in her jealousy. I remember every time he would open his mouth to say something, and then would close it again, and always it would be something about what he thought was too unimportant to tell me, but was important to him. I remember every night he holds onto me in desperation because he couldn't always act as if he was alright. Every time he would walk into our home, a fake smile pasted on his face, and would immediately disappear for hours, I was the only one who knew what had happened to cause it.

Everyone had thought that Lee was as steady as a rock, ironically. I knew that was a lie, but I knew he tried to meet their expectations. If he remembers our wedding, the first murder attempted on him, would he remember the night I had to restrain him to the ground because he was fighting his true emotions. Does he remember how close I would hold him to me? Every time I managed to break the barrier between his determination and his pain? I do; I held him as close to me as I could, always remembering how no one ever held me. He rarely cried, and always tried to train his pain away, but he trusted me with the tears and dread that he never trusted even his beloved sensei with.

Does he remember them? He didn't act as if he remembered Kimimaro from our past, nor Gai. If he ever recognized Kakashi or any of our other teachers, or even Naruto, he has never let on. Am I all he remembers when he wakes up in the morning?

As he slips, falling fully onto the bed as the pill takes full affect, I open my arms so he comes to lie against me again. With some shifting and minimal sound, I move us back to where we had been laying before. He's right, I've been having crazy mood swings today; it's a fight between who I am and who I was. Who I am wishes to kill for the pain Lee is in, and had nearly won over with the fight yesterday against Kimimaro; only Kakashi's perfectly timed interference stopped me from fulfilling that part of myself. I won't be hearing from his family at any time, though, it was being considered 'self-defense'. Bullshit, I didn't need to defend myself, I was defending Lee, but I was stopped by saying so much by Kakashi…bloody bastard has a love for disrupting me. Who I am wants Lee to pay for doing what he had done to who I was. Who I am resides within me, right now, telling me to put Lee away from me. Who I was knew him, who I am knows that he's different. And I am me, trying to pull myself away from both viewpoints, and failing.

As it was, who I was won out when it came time to take Lee off of school grounds; albeit that took some convincing. Promptly, I had Lee in my bed, and had stared at him until he had begun to whimper. With who I was stronger than who I am, I had laid down on my bed, and had reached for him…only to have him instantly curl around me, one hand tangling into the fabric of my shirt as he tried to push his head into my abdomen. Sometime after that, I must have fallen asleep, and then woken back up nearly three hours later. What a rude awakening…for a moment, I had been caught in the past… The good part of it.

At first, I ignored the feeling of having someone staring at me; after nearly a half an hour, I finally snapped my eyes open to catch the other still looking down at me.

"What?" The other shook his head slowly, and then giggled.

"I am admiring your youthful energy flowing in the dark of night!"

"The sun came up two hours ago."

"Yes, but no light has filtered into the room. Therefore, it is still night here in our own little world!" Had I had eyebrows, they would have shot up.

"Our own little world?"

The raven-haired man nodded vigorously, a large smile on his face as he stared proudly down at me. "Yosh! It is our own little world of love and laughter and our most joyful memories!"

"…Including sex?" His face became red as a cherry as he looked down at me with an offended look. I took that as a yes. "What do we do, now that we're in…our little word."

"Ah!" Lee exclaimed, abruptly over his shyness. "It is our own little world, not our little world! We must be very specific when speaking about such a delicate place…"

"And what do we do in our 'own' little world?"

"… I do not know…" Lee looked thoughtfully to the bed, tapping one finger against his chin as he 'hmmmed'. Following his gaze, I had an idea of what we could do.

"Is the door locked?" The other looked to me in question, before distractedly nodding his head, going back to thinking. "Are the windows sealed?" The raven-haired man smiled, sticking a thumb into my face as his eyes lit with pride.

"Yosh! I have taken time to deal with every tiny detail so that we may not be disturbed for a full day! As long as no emergencies occur, we shall not even be called upon by the outside world."

I nod again. "Good." I open my arms, and, instantly, he is curling into my chest, an almost purr escaping him.

"I reserved a entire day for us…and of all the thousands of youthful things I wanted to do with you, I can not think of a single one I wish to do now that we have the time…"

"Perfect."

Lee looks up to me now, eyes questioning. Instead of answering, I pull him closer. Closing my eyes again, I concentrate on him and only him, drinking him in. I am the kage, and he is the shinobi. One day, we will both die, and it won't be of illness or old age. Lee could never die that way, he would be unwilling to die in such a way. So, I do what I wish to do, and lie there. An hour later of puzzled silence, Lee catches on. He curls his hand loosely and rests it against my abdomen and softly chuckles.

"You are a genius, Gaara. I could not have thought of something better to do if I had spent hours upon days thinking about it."

Sighing, I close my eyes again, wondering if I could recapture the dream. It is the only good dream I have had since first dreaming of Lee's death. So…in three years, every dream I have had have been a repeat of his death, the miserable years I lived after that, my first childhood, and every tear he has ever shed that were not in happiness.

Who I am battles with who I was in what I should do next. Who I am wants to wake him up and shove him out my front door, who I was only wants to make love to him… Lately, all I seem to be able to think of is sex, and that only pisses off who I am more. As me, I just pull him closer, my eyes tingling from lack of sleep. I close them, sigh one last time, and then drift into oblivion. The last thing I hear is my whispered name.

"Gaara…"

I almost thought I killed this story with my last chapter! But, luckily, I have saved it! Or so I think, and as author, that is what is important. The only thing that bothers me is the emo I turned Lee into in the first few paragraphs… but you have to think about it to. Lee only cried once in misery…or so I saw. If you like, than please do tell.