Anything in italics is a thought.
Enjoy!
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The Irony of Life
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Sirius Black was never more grateful of his quick reflexes than at that moment, as he countered two hexes which were thrown at him while dodging the remaining ones. He wasn't expecting the cavalry to arrive so soon.
Remus' smug expression is going to be unbearable when he learns of this…
His lapse in concentration caused a hex to graze past him, tearing his sleeve in the process.
Ouch! That was close. Darned Aurors and their hex first ask questions later policy! I see that they are not keeping to friendly spells either. That was one nasty curse!
Apparating was out of the question as they had erected a barrier around the house, however he knew that such improvised warding took a lot of magic and effort, so as long as he could distance himself from the house he would be able to get away safely.
The only problem is…getting away without being caught in the process. Hmm… Ah! I know!
Pointing his wand to the floor he said the most potent water spell that came to mind, Aquaflatus, causing a huge burst of water to erupt from his wand tip. This then propelled him upward high enough for him to be able to grab onto the roof and hide from the incoming spells. Quickly regaining his balance, he ran to the other side and jumped onto the lower roof and then to the back garden.
In spite of all this, before he could get away any further, he heard the distinct sound of apparition right behind him. Instinctively dropping to the floor and rolling away he was able to escape the curses with the unknown person immediately sent, however as soon as he attempted to get up he met with the unmistakable face of none other than Mad Eye Moody.
"Oh, shit!"
"Exactly Mr.Black" was the feral response of the retired Auror, "Now, lower both your arms and hand over your wand. Don't try anything or you'll be facing so many curses that St. Mungos will have trouble straitening you out."
OOOooo§oooOOO
Paper work was one of those things that no one liked, especially when one found themselves surrounded by them, and Minister Cornelius Fudge was no exception.
It was one a usual Wednesday morning, with the exception that his favourite cup of tea had not yet been delivered.
Just another boring morning that makes me seriously reconsider my decision to become Minister. I could be enjoying a nice, long vacation right now in a very sunny place instead of being surrounded by abhorrently long papers.
He was just about to go and get the tea for himself when the door to his office burst open and a trembling, over eager, young man appeared there.
"Minister! You must come at once! They have just come back, and… and news! They did it! They finally did it!" The man suddenly spoke, tumbling over his words in his eagerness
"Whatever are you on about?"
"Sirius Black, sir! They have finally captured him!"
OOOooo§oooOOO
Sirius woke up to a disturbingly familiar situation, although the reason was not immediately clear to him. Going over his current state he decided that nothing was broken or bruised, and that the worst he would have to suffer was the slight headache of being juggled about uncaringly during his unconscious state.
Hm… trapped in a room. No wand. No escape… Ah! This is exactly how I found myself after I was captured at Hogwarts, only this time there will be no Harry and Buckbeak to help me...ah! The irony of life! Captured and rescued by my son and being captured two years later by rescuing him.
A dry laugh escaped his lips.
No hope. I will have to think of a way out of this mess on my own…
With his fate in the hands of those whom most hated him, it was to no surprise that some rather depressing thoughts began haunting his mind. He stood up and began pacing about the room, trying to prevent those dreadful memories from accosting him. Back and forth he paced, until a bang on the door made him stop.
A muffled "Stop making such a racket in there! You filthy sod!"
"Great, now I'm forbidden from walking and have to suffer through verbal abuse."
Sitting down again, he leaned his head on top of his drawn in knees.
I hope that Harry is safe and cured by now… Merlin, seeing him in that state… I could murder that Dursley for what he did! I promised myself, I promised Lily that our child would not have to suffer through a childhood similar to mine…
A bitter laugh.
Some promise that turned out to be. I failed Lily and now I have failed Harry as well… he will never forgive me. Hell, I can't forgive myself! Perhaps… perhaps it would be better to die here than face this failure.
OOOooo§oooOOO
Police sirens could be heard down the road and arriving at the source of their visit they discovered that no one had actually called them. No matter how much they insisted it was denied that anyone in that house had called for their assistance.
Faced with the undisputable evidence of the owner of the house, a woman with a slightly dazed expression about her, stating that she has made no such call they were forced to turn back.
Annoyed and certainly confused the policeman returned to their cars, they were too disgruntled to notice a few strangely dressed people nearby the house which seemed to simply disappear down the street.
OOOooo§oooOOO
Quick, desperate, steps could be heard echoing through the slightly empty corridor.
Should there have been anyone looking, they wouldn't have noted anything amiss. After all people were constantly rushing in the Ministry of Magic, to reach their appointments on time, to deliver important news or, most commonly, to have their much desired lunch break.
It is a miracle that the corridor is this empty, really, with all those reporters and curious on lookers lurking around… I'll have to have a serious conversation with the person who spread the news of recent re-capture of that convict Sirius Black, as soon as I find out who he was, of course…
This had all happened around 15 minutes ago, when the ministry had been alerted that non authorised magic was being done at Number 4 Private Drive. At first they meant to simple send another warning, since it seemed that Mr. Potter has ignored the previous two. However that warning was soon followed by the information that not only it was unauthorised magic, but illegal magic being done to muggles! Still, what had finally made them manifest the Aurors was that the magical signature of number 4 didn't belong to one Harry Potter, but to the much searched for murderer Sirius Black.
Instantly assuming the worst, that they would arrive there to find their legendary hero captured or worse still, dead, they dispatched the largest team on hand at the time of 6 Aurors. This team was then followed by another, which included the retired Auror Alastor Moody that insisted on being present during the capture of the infamous Sirius Black.
Seizing the Azkaban escapee proved to be a much more difficult task than they had originally thought, for not only did he have no intention of being captured, he was not above disabling his enemies. It took many spells, curses, a hastily erected ward and Mad Eye Moody before they finally immobilised him and brought him to the ministry to be rightly punished.
Punished for something that he didn't commit the first place!
Kingsley Shacklebolt sped up. His destination was the convict's cell and his aim was to prevent an innocent man from losing his soul in the foulest way possible. The only question being; would he be able to save Black before he was condemned to live the rest of his life without his soul?
OOOooo§oooOOO
When Remus apparated to Hogsmeade, the last thing he expected so encounter was street filled with smoke and panicking people running in all directions. He was supposed to have escaped the chaos, not landed right in the middle of it! Cradling Harry protectively, his eyes quickly scanned the hectic environment, trying to determine the cause of such mayhem while searching for an escape route.
The answer to his first question became clear enough when his eyes caught sight of a black robe together with a familiar white mask.
Death Eaters. Why is it always Death Eaters?
His search quickly granted him a hiding place, where he could think on what to do in a less vulnerable location. He knew that he had to get to Hogwarts as quickly as possible to have Harry checked over and to send aid to Sirius. But there was the risk of having to face some Death Eaters on the way and he was at an obvious disadvantage carrying an unconscious teenager with him.
But such a racket would surely have attracted Dumbledore's attention. He wouldn't leave these people to fend off for their own. It would be better to see if I can find a friendly face amidst this mess and convince them to accompany me to Hogwarts.
Reading his wand in case he needed it, Remus stepped out of his improvised hideaway only to have to dodge a nasty jinx. Turning around he cast a counter-curse, but as he expected, having to carry the dead weight of a teenager hampered his movements causing his aim to be completely off its target.
The Death Eater laughed cruelly, "Filthy half-blood, you can't hope to win against me!" Another curse followed, which he was unable to dodge perfectly, lest some harm came to Harry.
Remus bit back a scream as he felt the spell hit his side, causing a deep gash to appear and bleed. Knowing that his chances of escape were slim, he did what any Marauder would have done in his place, he exploited his enemy weakness. Stumbling and falling, Remus let out a whimper as he tried to scramble away, all without causing Harry any harm.
The Death Eater paused in his attack, relishing the obvious panic his prey was displaying. He laughed again when, upon attempting to use his wand, the shabby man merely caused it to release blue sparks.
"You are pathetic, how could the Ministry even allow you rubbish the use of a wand is beyond me. But all is to change, my Master will see to that!"
Remus saw the Death Eater raise his wand again, and not wanting to risk having to have the Avada Kedavra, he pretended to get up and stumble again, purposely hitting a nearby rubbish bin. This distracted the Death Eater enough for him to be able to position himself in such a way that his wand was hidden and pointing directly towards his assailant.
"You're such a wretched creature, you thoroughly disgust me. I've had enough fun with you."
Various thoughts rushed past Remus' mind, he knew now that there was no other option for him, he would have to kill this man or be killed himself. Focusing his mind he opened his mouth to utter the curse.
"Avada Ke –"
A boot came flying out of no where, impacting hard with the man's head, causing him to slip and fall unconscious to the floor. Following the boot came none other than Nymphadora Tonk.
"Tonks! I'm so glad to see you." And I never meant in more than now.
"Wotcher Remus. I saw your sparks, had to come and help right? Don't mind me; I'll just get rid of the rubbish." With that said, she attached a portkey to the fallen prisoner transporting him away and picked up her shoe. It was then that Remus noted that it's sole was made out of a think, shiny steal.
Well, that explains why he passed out with just one hit.
"High heels Tonks?" He joked before continuing, "I now owe my life to a pair of high heeled, steel boots" He said with a laugh, straitening up and adjusting Harry in his grasp. It was a miracle that he hadn't hurt the boy throughout all that happened.
"Hey! I was heading out for a date when this all started, damn these blasted Death Eaters and their horrible timing!" Transfiguring her boot to its normal state she turned to him, "I see you have a guest with you. Is he badly hurt?"
Pushing away the hot spike of jealousy that sprouted when Tonks mentioned her date he answered, "I'm not sure, but it would be best to get him to Poppy as soon as possible."
"No problem. Now that I'm already here I might as well accompany you to Hogwarts. It'll be safer this way."
Remus tried his best not to let his pleased smile show to much on their way to Hogwarts. After all, they might still encounter enemies along the way and it would do him no good to be distracted.
OOOooo§oooOOO
Hurried footsteps could be heard making their way down the corridor; however, in contrast to our previous passer-by this one caused many head to accompany his wake and quickly flee after a glimpse. After all, it was not everyday that you saw a flushed Minister of Magic accompanied by a Dementor and several guards.
Silence accompanied them in their small journey, being interrupted now and again by the heated muttering of the Minister. "I will make sure that Black won't be humiliating me again… blasted murderer, how dare he cause me much trouble! I was nearly thrown out of office when he remained uncultured."
The door to the cell, which held their precious prisoner, was guarded by four Aurors, standing rigidly outside, vigilantly scanning the corridor with their wands at ready.
"No one has entered or left this cell since the prisoner was brought here, I presume?" The Minister asked, his tone clearly implying that there would be consequences should his orders have been breached.
"Not a single soul has passed by us, Minister," The chief warden answered, seriously.
"Excellent" There was a positively evil glint in the Minister's eyes as he anticipated his revenge. "Let us through." The door then was released from its locking spell allowing Minister Fudge, two of the guards and the Dementor to enter.
The sound of the door being locked was all that the remaining guards heard for some minutes. If they concentrated enough they heard some muffled words and exclamations. It was only when all went silent again that they were clearly able to hear the struggle that was happening behind the door.
Some shouts, one of protest, one in response were followed by more scuffling sounds. A sudden chill then enveloped the guards outside, and they knew that the Dementor had just removed its hood.
Silence for a few seconds before the sound of a body hitting the floor was heard.
The door was then opened from the inside by the Ministry guards and they were finally able to see the horrendous sight that lay before all their eyes.
Sirius Black lay slumped on the wall. His state was worse than that of death.
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Feedback is always appreciated.
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You know, I have to admit that I am having fun with this re-write, even though my characters seem to enjoy throwing surprises my way throughout the story. I especially liked the ending, didn't you? Let's see how they will deal with this (and for those of you who know… don't tell anyone!)
If anyone is still confused, the reason Dumbledore or McGonagall didn't show up at Private Drive was due to the Death Eater attack, so Dumbledore sent Moody in his place to make sure everything would be all right.
(Heaven's Demon suddenly takes control over the keybord: noob mode ON Wah! Remus&Tonks! noob mode OFF Now on with the parody.)
[ Sitting down again, he leaned his head on top of his drawn in knees.
I hope that Harry is safe and cured by now…Merlin, seeing him in that state…I could murder that Dursley for what he did! I promised myself, I promised Lily that our child would not have to suffer through a childhood similar to mine…
A bitter laugh.
I guess there's nothing else to do but get drunk!
So Sirius abandoned his anguish mood and pulled a bottle of beer out of no where and lived happily ever… well, he lived happily until the Dementor killed him. Or maybe his liver. Whatever the reason, he didn't last long.
"Wait, wait, WAIT!" Hell's Angel entered the set. "Who wrote that? And what is wrong with the Narrator?!"
"I was following the scrip this time! I swear!" Sirius ran away from Tonks' boots, which our frustrated author was throwing at him. "No! Not the boots!"
In the background, Heaven's Demon was laughing. Mission accomplished.
Until next time,
Hells Angel & Heaven's Demon