A/N:
I don't know what's going on with me, but I have an urge to write an Xmas special. Maybe because it's never come around while I was writing my others.
And I felt SAD.
Haru would tell me off for that!
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It's Christmas, yo!
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Know what that means?
Mistletoe!
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"I thought you were gonna say presents."
"No. Mistletoe is fun."
"…"
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I couldn't be bothered to spend Christmas with my family though.
Stuff 'em, the bastards.
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"o.o!"
"Don't give me that look, Kisa."
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So I went to Brothel World for their holiday special.
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That's where the true meaning of Christmas is.
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"Hello. Welcome to Brothel World. All your desires, all wrapped up."
"Hi, I was wondering if I could have a Mistletoe Special… it was the one on the news."
"Do you cut out the coupon from the newspaper?"
"Of course!"
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Coupons. I love coupons.
I think tomorrow, I might write a whole entry about coupons.
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"Will you please stop mumbling the word 'coupons' under your breath?"
"Of course!"
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So I went in.
I turned around.
Gasp!
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"AKITO!"
"HARU!"
"WHAT THE HELL!"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"I FORGOT WHAT WAS GOING ON!"
"ME TOO!"
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Yeah, well.
It was Akito.
At BROTHEL WORLD.
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And she wasn't there by mistake, either.
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"So, I've been set up with you, huh?"
"Right."
"Gross. It's my bitchy, manipulative, sluttish, gender challenged God-figure."
"Gee, aint you nice."
"Yes."
"…Are you black?"
"For the thousandth time, NO!"
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So, Akito took me under the mistletoe.
It wasn't very eventful.
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"Akito, stop trying to kiss me! I love Yuki!"
"…o.o!"
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Okay. That was a cop out.
I just didn't want Rin in any more trouble than she already is.
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So Akito made me go home to my parents.
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"Hey Mum."
"Haru! I bought you a T-shirt!"
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Hmm.
It was surprisingly awesome.
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"Love it?"
"YEAH!"
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It says-
"For the last time, I'm not black!"
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My Mummy knows just what a like.
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Which is why she also bought me a dildo.
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"Since you came out of the closet Haru, it's been easier to buy you things!"
"Really?"
"Yeah! I just buy you what I would buy myself!"
"…"
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Whoa.
I'm shocked and appalled.
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I checked what Yuki got me, too.
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It was a court case.
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The note inside said-
"Haru. I'm sick of you following me to the toilet every time I go. I do NOT need help undoing my fly when I pee. Thanks anyway though."
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I wonder if Yuki liked what I got him.
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A shirt that says-
"Stop stalking me!"
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Yeah.
It'll remind him to leave him alone every time I see him.
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But I don't think he'll wear it.
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He only wears dresses.
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"Damn straight."
"Kyo, get out of my fanfiction and go back to your own!"
"…(sad)"
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Did I ever finish telling the story about Brothel World?
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"No one cares."
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Fine then.
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So I decided to go outside for like, 20 minutes.
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"…WTF."
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I know! Just let me explain.
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I really needed to pee, right, but my little friend Cheese Wedge was on the potty.
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"What's that meant to mean?"
"Cheese Wedge he was… he was on the potty…"
"Get a life, Haru."
"GET A MIND, KURENO!"
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Anyways, while he was peeing in there, I really was busting out of my bladder.
So I did what any good Christian would.
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"You're Sohman!"
"Leave me alone, Hatori!"
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I went outside to piss along the bushes.
In the process, my animal instinct kicked in… and I had my pants off.
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So I went on a rampage, marking my territory everywhere.
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"…"
"Yes, I peed everywhere. And crapped, for a matter of fact."
"OO"
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And so, Christmas was saved!
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"What has this got to do with anything? With Christmas?"
"Nothing."
"…"
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Yuki would be so proud.
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But that's another story.
In another world.
In someone else's pants.
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And so.
I just wanted to tell you, the reason Akito is pregnant with twins and has a HIV infection is not me.
It was…
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SHIGGY-STICKS.
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A/N:
Uh…
Merry Christmas! (flails arms)
How pathetic… (sweat drop)