A/N:
In which Haru becomes the Pope so he can sexually assault children.
In also which, Hatori teases Haru for being as straight as a row of tents.
Yep.
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Ya know what'd be awesome?
If I was the pope.
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"…WTF?"
"Go back to your own story, Tohru!"
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Because pope's always sexually assault people.
Well, little boys.
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And little boys are the hottest.
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"They are?"
"Yes Hiro… they are."
"…(runs)"
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Poor Hiro.
He's a little boy.
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So I went and I asked Akito if I could be the pope of the Sohma family.
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"Why do we need our own pope?"
"Because we have our own religion. It'd only be normal."
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Yeah, right.
Normal.
Whatever the hell that is.
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"1 D3M4ND j00 D13!"
"I demand you use English."
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So Akito went off to ask Kureno.
In other words, use his body as a sex toy.
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"Lies! Lies and scandal!"
"…So, freakin', scandalous!"
"…"
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Then, the tables turned.
For…
HATORI!
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"I'mma gonna tease you, today!"
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My god.
I'm so happy.
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"You called?"
"Piss off, Akito."
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So, Hatori comes up to me, right? And he goes-
"You're as straight as a row of tents."
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Now, I came up with the best answer.
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"Yeah, well, if a homosexual put up those tents, they'd be pretty damn straight!"
"…Touché."
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YEAH!
Hatori got BURNED.
Like a hot, hot flame.
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Anyway, after all that, Akito concluded I could be the pope.
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"Woo!"
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So he gave me a special, pope ringtone.
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For my phone.
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"What else would it be for?"
"Go back to your story, Kyo!"
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Yep. It went like this.
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"I AM THE POPE. MY PHONE IS RINGING. YOU CANNOT ANSWER IT, FOR YOU ARE NOT THE POPE."
Yep.
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So I called Tohru's phone… she didn't answer.
Momiji's moan rocks.
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So I went to a chapel in the city with the Sohma's and Tohru.
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"GET OUT!"
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So we ended up sitting under a big tree.
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"I, Pope of the Sohma Family, call for sexual assault!"
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So, I ended up getting Hiro, Kisa, Momiji and Kureno in a room.
Wait… Kureno?
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"Akito said I had to come."
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Oh. Okay then.
So… we had some cum.
I MEAN FUN.
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"Are you gay?"
"Yes."
"…You're meant to say no. (Akito Angst)"
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My humps.
My hump, my hump, my hump, you love my little lump.
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"Whatcha gonna do with all that ass inside them jeans?"
"Um… sit down?"
"…"
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Yeah.
Mix your milk with my coco puffs.
Milky, milky coco puffs.
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"What does that mean, Uncle Haru?"
"It means sex is the best breakfast!"
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God sent me to piss the world off.
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Woot!
Wait… is that…
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KISA'S DEVLOPING BOOB!
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NOOO!
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"(death)"
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A/N:
Developing boobs scare Haru.