What Should and Should Never Have Been Chapter 7: The Road to Hell, a harry potter fanfic

Anything in italics is a thought.

Any scenes in bold is occurring at a different time (Flashback).

Enjoy!

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The Road to Hell…
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He was finally back on British soil.

After two weeks on the continent, recruiting and speaking to most pure blood families there on Dumbledore's behalf, he was back to good, old England.

He would finally be able to see everyone again.

Lily, James and Harry.

Stopping to leave his luggage in his apartment, Sirius was just parking his motorbike outside Peter's house to ask him for the location of Godric's Hollow, when the information he so wanted suddenly came to mind.

A lead seemed to have dropped in his stomach and he froze in his movement.

I'm not supposed to know where they are, the Fidelius Charm should have blocked that from me!

Panic began to rise within him.

Something must have happened to Peter! I must go warn Prongs!

Rushing inside the house, expecting to see signs of battle and resistance, he once again stopped mid stride at what awaited him.

A small but completely clean house. No signs of a struggle, much less a battle.

It was completely empty.

No, no, no

Running outside, he all but jumped onto his motorbike, and within seconds was back on the air. He couldn't apparate into Godric's Hollow due to the wards surrounding the neighbourhood, but with his bike he should be there in under 10 minutes…

Please, please don't let me be too late!

His plead would fall to deaf ears, for the sight that greeted him at Godric's Hollow would forever haunt his mind.

The destroyed house stood wobbly in front of him.

Fire and debris scattered randomly on the front garden.

The Dark mark was above the house.

"No!" His voice broke down, together with his spirit.

"NO!" He all but shouted in rage at the site, allowing angry tears to run down his face. He found James lying next to the front door, dead. Lily in the nursery, dead. Both of then looking as if untouched and unharmed, as if they might awaken at any moment were it not for the fear in their open eyes.

It was then that he saw a form through the window. Running outside, part of him hoping it was an ally, a greater part of him hoping it was him, he was disappointed in realising that it was only Hagrid.

That quickly changed when he saw what he held in his arms.

Harry…

"Give him to me Hagrid. I'm his Godfather; I'll take care of him."

But Harry wasn't given to him.

He was left alone at Godric's Hollow… with nothing but his thirst for revenge.

I would find Wormtail, and make him pay for this.

But no matter how much his mind was focused tracking down the traitor, a part of it could not help but blame himself for what had happened.

OOOooo§oooOOO

Yes, you see… it is your fault that they died. Snape's voice immediately said as the memory left his mind. Your fault all this has happened.

"Yes…"

Sirius stood up from his place besides the bed, his hand almost unconsciously picking up the wand he had left on the bedside table.

You shouldn't be allowed to live… end it all Black.

All at once voices broke free within him mind, to join the one that was guiding him in his actions. He didn't even notice it when began to lift his wand, pointing it directly at him, such was his concentration on what they were saying.

You are such a disgrace! I am ashamed to think that I brought you into this world!

If you had just listened to reason this would never have happened! But you had to ruin it all, right Padfoot? Just like you nearly ruined it all with Mooney.

You couldn't even protect your own son! You are a failure as a friend and father!

You let me die, Sirius… why did you let me die?

The last voice shattered it all.

He couldn't bear to hear his beloved Lily like that.

Pointing his wand at himself, Sirius Black was lost to the world.

OOOooo§oooOOO

Remus Lupin entered the Hospital wing with the aim of checking up on Harry and convincing Sirius to come down and eat something. He never, even in his worst nightmares, expected to find Sirius on the brink of committing suicide.

Acting on pure instinct, he took out his wand and with a simple Expeliarmus had his wand within his grasp.

"Sirius Orion Black! What the hell do you think you are doing!" He screamed letting his anger and shock all clearly expressed. "After having barely escaped from the Ministry and a Dementor you decide to commit suicide? Are you bloody out of your mind!"

Not waiting for an answer Remus stunned his friend and swiftly made his way to his fallen body. Letting his eyes run over the body, desperately looking for any previously self-inflicted injuries, he was relieved to find none except for a bruise on his head from where he had fallen.

Well, that way he might get some air into that thick stupid skull of his.

Looking around him to ensure himself that there was nothing potentially dangerous within reach and taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart, he lifted the spell.

"Wha–! Moony! What are do you think you're doing? You nearly scared me to death!"

Staring at his friend incredulously, it took a while for Remus to answer.

"Forgive me, but you seemed well on your way there on your own!"

The accusing glare he directed at Sirius was enough to cause him to look away. It was a while before anyone spoke at all, as both men tried to recollect their thoughts and not drift into pointless anger.

A sigh.

"Why is it always you Moony?"

His look must have said how little sense that made to him, for his friend soon added, "nineteen years ago you also made it your business to foil my any attempts of suicide, lecturing me for hours later if I remember correctly."

"Why do you wish so much to take your own life, Padfoot?" He asked in a softer voice.

"Why not?"

"Why not? What do you mean, 'why not'?"

"I can't do anything right Moony! I betrayed my friends! I let Lily die! I couldn't even take care of my own son!"

"That's bullshit and you know it Padfoot! If you are looking for sympathy you better take that talk somewhere else! You know there was no way you could have known Peter was the traitor! You didn't even have all of your memories at the time! There was nothing you could have done to prevent them from dying. Just the same as there was no way you could have prevented what happened to Harry."

"You are so meddlesome, Moony." Sirius stated in a tired tone of voice, looking away.

"Apparently, this meddling is what's been keeping you alive all these years."

"You don't understand…I betrayed you, I betrayed the trust they gave me!" Abruptly, he stood up from his position on the floor, "Why don't you just leave me alone, Remus?"

"I don't trust you to refrain from doing anything idiotic again."

"What I do with my life is none of your business!"

"It may not even be! But, damn it all Sirius! I care about you! You are the only friend I have left! I'm not about to let you simply take the cowards way out! Harry deserves to know the truth and I am not going to let his father commit suicide! You owe it to him Padfoot! If nothing else is worth living for, live for him! He doesn't deserve to lose his father a second time."

A sudden gasp interrupted both men, who immediately turned only to meet twin pools of emerald eyes boring into them with confusion and betrayal.

OOOooo§oooOOO

In the Headmaster's office, Albus Dumbledore was doing his best to prevent one infuriated nurse from returning to her infirmary.

"Headmaster, I really must be going back to the hospital wing."

"Won't you take a biscuit, Poppy? The house elves have really outdone themselves with this one, they are simply delicious!"

"No headmaster, I must return to my patient. I have –"

"What about a lemon drop then?"

A simple glare from the nurse answered his question. "As I was saying, I have finished looking over the Aurors and now I shall –"

"Tea?" he asked, his blue eyes twinkling with barely suppressed amusement.

Mentally groaning with frustration, Poppy Pomfrey accepted the blasted cup of tea hoping it would sooth the building headache one always got when dealing with the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

OOOooo§oooOOO

At first he didn't know what had brought him back to consciousness, he knew that he didn't want to wake up, but apparently his body had decided that it had enough rest. As he became more aware of his surrounding he realised that he couldn't be at Private Drive anymore, for he was in a comfortable and warm bed.

Where am I?

Trying to move proved more difficult than he originally thought, for all his limbs were very heavy and stiff. However, after some minutes and concentration they slowly came back to life. It was then that his brain first registered some noise.

Talking? ... That, that's Padfoot's voice!

Focusing on moving his muscles, he slowly began to rise from his laying position.

"You are so meddlesome, Moony."

Moony? Professor Lupin was also here? Then… then I must be at Hogwarts.

Using his arm to prop himself up, he slowly opened his eyes, the light in the room burning them in their sensitive state.

"I don't trust you to refrain from doing anything idiotic again."

"What I do with my life is none of your business!"

The scene that greeted him was something which his was not expecting. There was Sirius and Remus, glaring at each other, one with a tired and angry expression while the other was wearing a defeated and frustrated one.

He couldn't help the gasp which escaped him at this.

What?! F-father? B-but…this…this can't be…

However, no matter how hard he looked at them, Remus' last phrase seemed to echo in his mind. Suddenly, he wished very hard that he hadn't woken up.

Sirius Black can't be his father! He all but screamed mentally. James Potter is his father! And James Potter was dead! No, no, no! I cannot be true…Professor Lupin…Professor Lupin must have meant it in a figurative way. Padfoot was the closest thing he had to a father after all, yes… yes! That has to be it.

The surprise, annoyance and fear he could see within both their eyes, however, made it all the more difficult to believe in that thought.

Anger suddenly grew inside him at that.

Why are they annoyed and afraid? It wasn't them who had just discovered that they supposedly dead father isn't dead!! They weren't the ones who had just been basically told that all their life was a lie! They weren't the ones who were feeling their world fall apart!

Despite all the anger coursing through him, he felt the familiar sensation of tears running down his cheeks.

"Harry…I–" Sirius began, but seemed unable to finish whatever he planned on saying.

If you think your soft tone of voice is going to make me feel better you're wrong! You lied to me! All my life I've wanted someone to come and take me away from the hell I was forced to live in and now I find out that you! You were there! You, who was supposed to take care of me only stood aside and watched! I hate you!

"Harry…" This time Remus was the one incapable of ending his phrase.

Why? You can't be my father! You can't! You can't have simply left me there with the Dursleys! You can't… you wouldn't…

"Harry, please listen to me. I-I can explain! I–"

"No." he whispered, afraid that to say anything else would break the dam that was holding back his turmoil of emotions.

"Harry, please–"

Something in that tone of voice cause the dam inside him to break.

"I said no! Get away from me! I don't want you for a father! It is wrong! I don't want to ever see you again! How could you! How could you simply leave me there! I hate you! I hate you! Get away from me!"

"At least let us explain!" Sirius said, stepping closer to his hysterical son.

He screamed in anguish, causing various objects around him to shatter.

"Get away from me! You lied to me! I won't listen to anymore to your lies! I won't believe anything you have to tell me!"

"We won't lie to you"

"I don't believe you! I don't believe any of this! You are not my father! I will never accept that! I won't accept you! This is not right! You can't…you couldn't…!"

Just how twisted could his life become? He though bitterly. How much bad luck can one person have during their insignificant human life? Is there no ending to this suffering and rejection?

"Harry…"

"Just leave me alone."

"But –"

"Are you stupid? I don't want to see you! I don't want to hear you! Leave me alone!" He was nearly hoarse from all the screaming that he was doing, but he didn't care. They had to get out before more tears could break free. He hated crying. He hated the weakness that came with it and how vulnerable he felt. He refused cry in front of them, especially after all that has happened.

"Harry jus–" Remus began, but this time he was prevented from continuing by Sirius. He turned to look at him and saw the damage this talk had done to him. There was no emotion in his grey eyes.

"No…. I've heard enough already…" his voice was dead; like talking to an animated corpse.

Remus could do nothing but watch as his best friend changed forms and left the infirmary, running away from the person that had wounded him so unmercifully. Taking one look at Harry, who was clearly on the verge of tears, he couldn't help but feel that this situation was rapidly spinning away from their control.

In the end he, too, left, deciding that his friend needed him more than his adopted Godson.

As soon as he was alone in the hospital wing, Harry collapsed into tears, sobs wrecking his frail body.

OOOooo§oooOOO

He ran, ran past the Great Hall, past the entrance doors and past the lake.

He only stopped when his strength failed him and a few tears managed to escape his tightly closed lids. Shifting back into human form he sat down, knees pulled to his chest and head bent, allowing his tears to silently fall to the ground.

Sirius Black wasn't a man that allowed sobs to wreck his body, nor was he one to make noises when he cried, so he simply sat there, giving his emotions free reign. When he thought of telling Harry the truth he never expected to be rejected in such a cold and cruel way, he didn't expect it to be easy, but he never expected this.

I was always afraid of being rejected… I guess I grew so used to being admired and accepted that I forgot how painful it could be… a cynical snort escaped him then, mother would have been pleased, poetic justice and all. Her disgraceful son, being rejected by his own son…

Just as he was about to slip away into the safe corners of his mind, a sudden presence assaulted him.

Pure, undiluted evil.

Doing his best to gather his thoughts and recollect himself, he stood up, wand at a ready.

A malicious laugh sounded before him, and soon enough a form appeared.

His blood ran cold, and he instinctively shot a curse at the person, if he could be called such. A surprised look formed on his face when the curse simply passed through the man and hit a nearby tree behind him.

"Did you really expect me to come here in person? What a fool you are Black, Azkaban has probably damaged your brain."

I really don't need this right now…

"What do you want Voldemort?" He asked, lowering his wand but keeping an eye on the hologram in case it made any abrupt movements.

"You know exactly what I want, Sssiriuss Black. Something I have desired and coveted for a long time, and something you have denied me again and again."

"Well then, you should have learnt your lesson the first time and stopped bothering me!" He snapped temper stretched thin.

To his disgust, Lord Voldemort laughed again.

"I did not come here to negotiate, Sssiriuss. I came here to warn you, come willingly or watch all you hold dead perish. I will get what I want either way."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk." He said mockingly, having absolutely no regard for his safety. At least if he kills me, Remus won't be able to hassle me about it. "Still you insist on that old whim. He who wants all, loses all, you know?"

"I see you still haven't lost that attitude of yours, Sssirius. But no matter, I shall have you by my side, whether by will or by force."

Glaring at him, he was about to retort when he found himself looking at thin air once again, his evil presence gone.

Sheathing his wand, Sirius sat back on the ground. His mind filled with thoughts, though his grief was overlaid by worry for he knew that Voldemort was a man of his word. If he came to warn him, something was going to happen.

Just like something happened the last time he warned me…

Pushing the memory of that event to the back of his mind, he frowned in thought.

I'm going to have to be ready. This time I'm not going to lose anyone.

OOOooo§oooOOO

Back at the hospital wing a lone and suffering boy couldn't help but wonder it he did the right thing. The image of his godfather's wounded face and his defeated voice plaguing him for the rest of the day.

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Feedback is always appreciated.
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God! I nearly started crying when writing this chapter; Sirius has to suffer so much… but now it's over and there is another hilarious behind the scenes story after this note in compensation. I must admit though, I had a lot of fun writing Remus in during these last few chapters! So much fun!

Now, for the story:

[ "Ok, again Sirius, for that scene we will hide a microphone in your head so that we can hear Snape's voice. Get it?"

"Got it."

"Great. Now, action!"

He was finally back on British soil.

After two weeks on the continent, recruiting and speaking to most pure blood families there on Dumbledore's behalf, he was back to good, old England.

He would finally be able to see everyone again.

Lily, James and Harry.

What a beautiful paternal feeling. I think I'm going to vomit.

"Snape, that's not your line! Damn it, you don't even HAVE a line in this scene! Again!" Shouted Hell's Angel.

"Sirius Orion Black! What the hell do you think you are doing!" He screamed letting his anger and shock all clearly expressed. "After having barely escaped from the Ministry and a Dementor you decide to commit suicide? Are you bloody out of your mind!"

Stop spoiling my fun Lupin. This was starting to get interesting.

"Sev, darling, either you SHUT UP or I'll lock your head in a cage with a famished rat!" Shouted Hell's Angel, again.

I'd love to see you trying to lock a bodiless voice in a cage.

"Now I remember why I haven't put him in the story up to now…"

"At least let us explain!" Sirius said, stepping closer to his hysterical son.

He screamed in anguish, causing various objects around him to shatter.

"Get away from me! You lied to me! I won't listen to anymore of your lies! I won't believe anything you have to tell me!"

Yes, yes! GO POTTER!

Silence.

"What was THAT?"

I didn't I say a thing. It's all in your head.

"God, I hope so." Hell's Angel whispered, terribly disturbed by the mental images that popped in her mind.

Until next time,

Hells Angel & Heaven's Demon