Sorry for the delay folks. My children are out of school for Fall break; I hardly get to touch the computer. This chapter was hard to write (and might be a little choppy), not sure why, but I know where the story is going now, so be patient.

Ch. 4

It took him a minute to understand what he was reading. But when it finally sunk in his heart started to hammer in his chest and ears. The part about her being in love with him was almost something to be deliriously happy about. But something big was happening here. Castle gathered that Will had proposed. Kate was seriously considering it, despite not loving Will. That is the part that had Rick almost in a full blown panic attack. I can't let this happen, can I? Is Will better for her? He always thought that he could let her go if she was happy. But she didn't seem too happy. There was an internal argument going on in her head.

The other part made sense as to why it was troubling her now. Will did not want to have children and Kate did. She didn't have to say that she did, it was evident in the way she talked about her nieces and nephews, in the way she held Ethan. There had to be a tug of war with her hormones when it came to holding the newborn.

Castle looked down at the sweet baby. What is it about newborns that make them so irresistible? They smell great; how or why that is, Castle didn't know, but it was a fact. It's the hope of a new life. Castle was almost disgusted with himself for thinking that the timing of this babysitting job was rather fortuitous, for him anyway.

Rick tucked the piece of paper back into the couch cushions. She would be mortified if she knew that he had read it. Ethan started to stir and looking at his watch, Rick knew that it was feeding time. He stood and walked to the door of Kate's room. She was curled up in a fetal position herself on top of the comforter. He closed the door completely so they wouldn't disturb her. Walking to the kitchen, Ethan started to wail. Rick opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of breast milk, running the tap the whole time so it could get hot. He went to grab a mug to heat up the bottle and an arm came around him to get the mug instead.

"Here, let me help with that." Her voice was slightly husky from sleeping. Immediately he felt a flutter in his stomach. In that hour of time, things had changed dramatically. He had been mulling over how long ago the proposal had been. Less than a week, he thought. Some time in the past week Kate seemed preoccupied more often than not. And she didn't have any big cases right now. She was going to have to make a decision soon. Sorenson would not wait forever.

Kate took the bottle and put it in the mug of hot water. "Thanks for letting me sleep. I really needed that."

"I didn't mean for you to wake up. I shut the door in hopes of keeping the noise down."

"I figured, but I heard him cry. Couldn't help it." She smiled.

"Here," Castle said holding Ethan out towards her. "Do you mind taking him? I have to pee."

"Yeah, sure." She took the baby and cradled him to her chest, nuzzling the top of his head with her nose. "You smell so good." She cooed.

Rick smiled and turned to the hallway. After the bathroom, Rick turned the corner into Kate's bedroom. Making a cursory glance around the room, he quickly spotted what he was looking for. There was a white box next to the lamp on her bedside table. He took a peek. It was simple, elegant. He was impressed. He thought that was probably something she liked. He put it back and headed for the living room.

"Hey, can you take another bag of breast milk out of the freezer and put it in the fridge to thaw?" Castle nodded; while he was in there he also washed the bottles and put them in a big pot filled with water to sterilize them.

Later that afternoon, while Kate was giving Ethan another bottle, the doorbell rang. Castle opened the door and on the other side was Avery, Kate's sister with a small suitcase in her hand. From what he could tell, all of the Beckett sisters were attractive. Avery was the shortest of the bunch standing at five feet four inches. She had petite but muscular frame and long, straight brown hair and brown eyes. Maggie was a couple of inches taller than Avery, but not as tall as Kate. Maggie had auburn hair and hazel eyes. Rick had only met them once before at the hospital when Kate had surgery. Avery didn't look much better today than she did that day.

"Hi, Avery. Everything ok?" Rick leaned over a took the suitcase from her.

"Mr. Castle," she said with a tired smile. "What a surprise to see you here."

"Yeah, well, couldn't resist seeing Kate with a baby. She's feeding him in the living room."

Avery walked in and found Kate sitting cross-legged on the couch feeding Ethan. "It looks good on ya, Sis."

Kate rolled her eyes. "So how is Emma? Were you in the surgery with her? I've tried to call, but I can't get an answer."

Avery sighed and the exhaustion and sadness entered her face again.

"Oh, God. What?" Kate asked. "What happened?" She was thinking the worst. Oh please please please don't let anything else happen to this family.

"I was in the surgery with her. Dr. Roberts performed the surgery, but I assisted. We just thought it was going to be routine. I was watching everything on the scope. There wasn't even supposed to be any incision." Avery stared off into space as she recounted the day's events to Kate and Castle. "I could see from the scope that there was a piece of placenta that didn't dislodge. That was what was causing the bleeding. Heidi was using a curette to scrape it off…and all of the sudden she was hemorrhaging. There was so much blood, Kate, I was sliding in it."

Kate and Rick looked white. Rick sat down next to Kate and took Ethan to burp him.

Avery continued. "We didn't have any choice. We had to open her up. Even then we couldn't stop the bleeding. We were pumping blood into her as fast as we could, but I think she was losing it faster. All Heidi had to do was look at me and I ran out the door. I told Jorge that we needed to do a hysterectomy immediately. That she was bleeding and that was the only way to stop it. He said, 'Do whatever you have to do to save her. I trust you, Avery.' So I went back in and helped Heidi with the procedure. It was everything I could do not to think of the fact that Emma wanted one more baby to be close to Ethan. I just had to remember that I wanted to have my friend for the next fifty years."

All three of them had tears in their eyes. "How is Emma now?" Rick asked. He didn't even know her, but he knew her son, and he wanted Ethan's mother to be okay.

"She's in ICU. They are keeping her heavily sedated for the next 24 hours. Her condition is serious. She lost so much blood that she coded on the table. We got her back of course, but who knows?"

When Avery mentioned that Emma coded on the table, Rick looked at Kate and could almost physically see the walls going up. It was too close to her. This was her way of coping.

"Which brings me to why I'm here. Jorge asked if you could keep Ethan until noon tomorrow. Emma's parents are coming from Tennessee, but they're driving and it will take a while for them to get here. If you can't, I'll take him home with me. I don't want to impose Kate."

"No, it's no problem." Kate answered. "We'll be fine."

"Are you staying?" Avery asked Castle.

"As long as she'll let me."

Avery watched Castle looking at Kate with concern. "I brought a suitcase from their house. It has more clothing and bottles and…formula."

Kate met her eyes with a question. Formula?

"Jorge said that you didn't have enough breast milk to last that long. What I would do is start mixing the milk and the formula. Start with 3:1 ratio and go from there."

Kate nodded. She didn't trust the lump in her throat enough to speak.

"You okay Kate?" Avery asked. Kate shook her head slightly.

"I'm fine. My friend isn't." She raised her voice. Kate stood and paced the room. Rick and Avery could hear the anger. "My friend who had to bury her six year old son two years ago. Whose husband had to go through a vasectomy reversal, so they could have another baby? Then she had a miscarriage, because apparently she hadn't suffered enough." Kate's voice was almost in hysterics. "And now…she almost dies? No, wait, she did die. On the table. And she lost the ability to have anymore children. And you are asking me if I'm okay? I'm fine! I have stupid little decisions to make, like whether or not I'll accept a marriage proposal from a man I don't love."

Avery looked down at the floor. She knew about Will's proposal and how he felt about children. She also knew how Kate felt about Richard Castle. Castle didn't have to fake a look of surprise. Her outburst had already triggered one. He had never seen her like this before.

Rick stood with Ethan. "I think I'll take this little guy in the other room for a diaper change."

Avery focused on Kate. "Are you finished?"

Kate nodded, her eyes wide. How could she let that slip in front of Castle?

"Are you sure you want to keep Ethan tonight?"

Kate nodded again.

Avery moved closer to Kate. "Let Castle stay with you." She whispered. "He seems to know what he's doing, and you don't need to be alone."

Normally Kate would have been offended by the suggestion that she needed any help, but today she could only give her assent.

Avery gave her sister a hug. "It'll be okay. I love you. Call me if you need anything."

"Love you too." Kate replied.

Avery left and Kate stared out the window, trying to wrap her brain around what just happened.

Suddenly, she felt Castle's hands on her arms. She could feel the warmth of him behind her. Kate turned and looked at him.

"I can't do this." She said. Kate turned and walked out of the room.