So I'm back from vacation and I've worked this out many different ways. I think most of you will like this one. It's long because I've been away so this is your souvenir. Warning: there is heat at the end of this one (and I'm not talking about Nikki). I need to know quickly if this is okay for a T rating. I think so, but I need confirmation. Let me know what you think. Maybe two more chapters after this one and maybe even another sequel.

"How long were you standing there?"

"Long enough to know you can sing."

Ch.7

"That's between you and me, Castle. They'd never let me live it down at the precinct." Kate walked into the kitchen and pulled a bottle of red wine from the small wine rack. Glancing over her shoulder at him she said, "Want a glass? It's nothing fancy, but I like it."

"Sure. Thanks." Looking over her shoulder Castle could see that it was an Australian Shiraz, inexpensive but decent. He knew, of course, that she could have offered him kerosene and he would have tried it for her. But he thought it in his best interest to keep that to himself.

They took the wine and headed for the living room. Kate sat at one end of the couch and folded her legs under her. Rick sat at the other end. "How long have you been singing?"

"As long as I can remember. I sang in the children's choirs at church. I did some children's theater musicals growing up. Chorus and select chorus in high school and more productions. Not so much in college. And then after my mom, well," she shook her head. "My old chorus director is now the choir director at Avery's church. Small world, huh? Anyway, she ropes me in to sing solos during Christmas and Easter and every once in a while she needs a sub for the contemporary worship. If I'm available, I'll go."

"Didn't peg you for a church-goer."

"I'm not. God and I had a falling out. She guilts me into it." Why is she telling him all of this? Will doesn't even know this stuff.

"A falling out. Because of your mom?"

Kate nodded and took a sip of wine. "My mom, Jacob, Luke."

He left Jacob alone for now. "How did you meet Emma and Jorge?"

"Jacob used to work with them. All brilliant scientists with PhDs." She had a sad look on her face again.

Okay, he keeps coming up, he had to ask: "Jacob. Avery's husband? What's the story there?"

"You're going to think my family's cursed." She chuckled. "Jacob died from a brain tumor three years ago. Lily was one. Avery was devastated. The girls were the only thing that kept her going. He was diagnosed late December and he passed away by Easter."

"That's awful. How does she do it?" What little Castle knew about Avery, he liked. He met her two months ago at the hospital while Kate was in surgery. She knew who he was and their dad told her Castle was with Kate at her arrival to the hospital. Avery sat next to Rick and prodded for the whole story. He gave her everything (minus the kiss) and she kept telling him that he did the right thing and that Katie (that's what Avery called her) was a fighter. She would be okay.

"Avery has a faith that could 'move mountains' so they say. I know that in the beginning she wanted to die. But her church surrounded her, and she went to therapy, took some antidepressants for a while. The girls went to therapy. She'll tell you herself that bringing new life into the world will heal so many wounds."

"Did she deliver Maggie's babies?"

"She didn't want to. Maggie has a mean streak. Avery didn't want to be on the business end of that. But Maggie persuaded her. Justin, Maggie's husband, took the brunt of her ire."

"How did it go? Were you there?"

"Believe it or not, I was there for all six deliveries. I was eighteen when Johanna was born. My mom was still with us then, so that is my happiest delivery memory. Avery never had any pain medication, so it was tough to watch, but beautiful too. I had to hold her legs back for the deliveries. Actually, Johanna was in trouble. She came really fast and didn't take it well. Her heart rate was dropping so the doctor was using a vacuum thingy to help her out. He laid Avery flat on the bed and told Jacob and I to push Avery's knees to her shoulders. I remember pushing and trying not to hurt her. Avery looked at me and said, 'Push harder Katie. Don't worry about me. Do it for your niece.' That day she became my hero." Kate smiled at the memory. "After Johanna was out and Avery was all stitched up…" Rick winced. "Avery let me hold her. Then she said, 'One time without a condom, Katie. That's all it took. Don't let it happen to you.'" Kate laughed a throaty laugh and Rick laughed with her.

"Think I can get Avery to scare the crap out of Alexis like that?"

"Maybe. My mom was videotaping the birth, so I have a copy. Nothing graphic mind you, but you still get the picture. It's pretty scary. Especially since she didn't have an epidural."

"And Maggie?" Rick asked. He had met Maggie too. She was a fiery red head with pale skin and freckles. After he told the story at the hospital that day the only thing he can remember Maggie saying was, 'How's that for irony? You survive getting shot and it's the bump on the head that you got takes you out.' He thought Avery was going to smack her.

"Maggie had pain medication with all of hers, and thank goodness. She was a bitch during labor. I can't imagine what she would have been like without it. With Jonathan she only had this thing that numbed the cervix. So she was fine until delivery. When Jonathan crowned…" Kate shook her head. "I think there might be places in Australia that didn't hear her. Beckett was the toughest for all of us though; Avery delivered him four months after Jacob…that was..." Kate stood and moved to the shelf with the pictures. She grabbed six different frames and sat next to Rick on the couch. She held one out to him. He had seen this one before.

"Johanna." Then the next. A slightly older Kate, still teary-eyed, but with an underlying pain, holding a baby with a blue hat. A small school photo in the corner of a boy with brown hair and Maggie's eyes. "Jonathan." Another picture. Rick cherished this moment with Kate and he knew it would never end up in a book. These are her prized possessions. Kate's hair was tightly braided down the back of her head and she was wearing a NYPD t-shirt. The cap was pink in this one and the school photo showed an auburn headed girl with Kate's face, but her father's eyes. "Kate." The next cap was blue and Kate's hair was loose around her face and quite long. The young boy in the corner photo was missing teeth. He had bright red hair and dark brown eyes. "Austin." A pink cap was next with a small photo of a beautiful little girl. Avery's girl. She had dirty blond curly hair with sparkly hazel eyes. "Lily." The last photo. The Kate he knew. Her hair was short and her eyes were sad. She was smiling at the baby with the blue cap. There wasn't a school photo in the corner. He was too young. "Beckett. He has red hair like Austin, but the bluest eyes, like Justin."

Rick asked the question that popped in his head, "Would you let her deliver yours?" He turned his head, and she looked at him. They were so close their noses were almost touching. Kate blushed and took another sip of wine.

"I don't know. I think I would. Avery is amazing at what she does. She puts everyone at ease. She doesn't let you get away with crap though. I'd like to say I could do it like she did, without pain medication, but I'm not going to hold to it.

So what about you? Alexis' birth? Everybody has a story." Kate threw his words back at him.

"C-section. The thought of a natural delivery scared Meredith to death. She begged her doctor for a planned C-section, and she got it. I was there, sitting at her head, behind the curtain. I went with Alexis to the nursery while they stitched Meredith up. Not the same kind of story. Alexis and I did get to bond though. I had to get up every night. Meredith couldn't lift her for like a week." He sounded disappointed.

"So not the way you would have liked?" she asked.

"You know, there's the romantic way…mom goes into labor or her water breaks, 'honey, it's time.' The breathing. Cutting the cord. But in the end what's important is a healthy baby and mom."

"Right." Her thoughts drifted to Emma. Kate swallowed the last of her wine and stood. "I think I'm going to take a shower and try to get some sleep before he wakes up again. I'll see you in a little bit."

"Okay." Rick stood and grabbed the glasses to take them to the kitchen. Kate stopped in the doorway with her back to him.

"Rick?" He froze. She hardly ever called him that when she was serious. "Thanks for staying." And she walked into the bathroom.

Rick sat on the couch and watched TV for an hour while Kate showered and went to bed. He didn't want to think about her in the shower or what she slept in. It was becoming everything he could do not to touch her. Part of him thought that coming over to help with Ethan was the worst idea he ever had, but a larger part of him was humming with her proximity and the walls crumbling down. He had a feeling that she still wanted him, but he needed to make sure she was ready. Everything that was going on with Will and Emma, her defenses were down. He could not take advantage of that.

He thought he heard something in the bedroom and he opened the door to check on Ethan (and Kate). He could see her in the dim light. She slept on her side, looking so peaceful. It was difficult to think of all of the losses in her life. He was amazed at the way she held it all together and it made him feel even guiltier that he added pain to her life, by not respecting her wishes and her privacy and betraying her trust. He resolved then and there not to add any more pain to her life.

Looking over at Ethan, Rick could see what he heard. Ethan was awake and had what was properly dubbed as a "blow-out diaper." Great. He picked up the soggy infant, and took him to the other room. Grabbing the diaper bag and moving to the ottoman, Rick changed the diaper using eight baby wipes. He was tempted to bathe the boy, but he wasn't sure about how to go about it, and he was pretty sure he would need more hands. It surprised him that Kate didn't wake up; Ethan howled pretty good when Rick swabbed his back off with a cold wipe. Tying everything up in a little bag and picking up the freshly changed (diaper and clothing) child, Rick headed for the kitchen. Ethan seemed to be on a two-and-a-half to three hour schedule.

The feeding was relatively uneventful until the last burping session. With the very last burp came a large amount of spit-up all over Rick's shirt and Ethan's romper. Rick mopped what he could up with a burp cloth, but quickly realized that he and Ethan were going to need a change. Rick laid Ethan down on the ottoman while he unbuttoned his shirt. Tossing the shirt on the floor in the bathroom, he said to himself and Ethan, "She gave me a toothbrush; maybe she'll let me borrow a shirt." Hopefully not one of Sorenson's.

The only other item of clothing he could find in the diaper bag was an undershirt for Ethan, and since he wasn't willing to go into the room and disturb Kate to look through the suitcase, Rick changed him into that. Picking him up once more, he cradled the newborn to his bare chest and swayed around the room with him. Thirty minutes later Ethan was sound asleep. Castle heard her bedroom door open.

"Castle, why are you half-naked?"

Kate woke up, and looked at the clock. It was five after three in the morning. She turned on the bedside lamp, briefly noticing the white box as the light hit it. Looking in the bassinet, she knew Castle had Ethan. The baby's bed was a mess, so she stripped the sheet and the waterproof pad, and grabbed another set out of the suitcase. Kate made quick work of the tiny bed and went across the hall to put the dirty linens in the hamper. When she went in the bathroom, she noticed Castle's shirt on the floor. Picking it up she couldn't help but notice that it was wet and reeked of spit-up. Tossing everything in the hamper, Kate washed her hands and brushed her teeth. Then she headed to the living room.

"Castle, why are you half-naked?"

He looked at her, surprised. "Spit-up happens. I was going to go in and ask you for a shirt, but I didn't want to disturb you." He took her in, standing there in a tank top and knit shorts. She looked incredible, but then again he always thought she looked incredible.

Truth be told, Kate didn't mind the sight before her, either. He looked very sexy there wearing jeans without a shirt and holding the tiny baby up against his chest. It made her feel very warm all over. Rick looked over at her. "I think I'll put this little guy back to bed, and maybe I can get a shirt?"

"I'll think about it. I changed his sheets by the way. So the bed is ready for him."

"Sweet." Castle said softly. As he walked by Kate with Ethan, she stopped him, leaned in and kissed the baby's soft head. Her hair brushed his skin and his breath hitched in his throat. She turned away and he went straight to the bedroom. She is going to kill me. He laid Ethan in the bed and took a deep breath. He didn't know if she was going to follow him in, but now he figured she wasn't. Rick headed back to the living room. Kate was looking out the window into the night.

What is it about the night that makes everything feel so intimate? Is it because we can't see or hear the other people around us, the people outside of our lives? Is it that sense of aloneness that causes us to drop our guard and let others in? To drop our inhibitions? To make a leap based on love and desire instead of listening to the mind? Are we giving our nightmares a foothold or are we giving flight to our dreams?

Rick stood behind her, frozen. He wanted to touch her, but he couldn't. She knew he was standing there; she could see his reflection in the window. The room was dimly lit, but it was still lit.

Kate felt so close to him earlier. God knows why she was sharing all of this with him, but he never made fun, and he listened like she was telling the most fascinating story. When she was sitting next to him on the couch earlier, she wanted to kiss him. Later, in the shower, she berated herself for not taking the chance. Kate told herself then that if she had the chance again, she would take it.

She turned to face him, but she didn't look him in the eye. She put her hands on his stomach and she felt him tremble. She wanted to see his face, his expression, but she kept her eyes on her hands. She leaned into him and pressed her nose into his chest. She inhaled his scent that was also mixed with the irresistible baby smell. She brushed her lips over his chest just under the collarbone. He gasped and her lips turned up just the slightest bit. She placed another kiss where the collarbone met the neck. He let out a soft groan and his hand came up to her head.

Kate slid her left hand up to his neck, the right sliding around his side, bringing her closer to him. She still couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye. She kissed her way up the side of his neck. Kate could hear his breathing quicken in her ear, and she could feel his heart beat hammer away in his pulse. As she kissed the edge of his jaw, her nose nuzzled his ear. She heard him breathing in her ear and then he had her earlobe in his mouth. It was her turn to moan.

His hand wrapped around the back of her neck and the other was on her hip. His thumb slid under the tank she was wearing and brushed the warm skin it found there. He kissed down her jaw line and paused right before he kissed her lips. He had to see her eyes. Green met blue and he saw passion in her eyes and maybe even love, but no hesitation. He kissed her, trying to hold back. To give her a chance to rethink this. She would have none of that. She opened her mouth and deepened the kiss, with a deep rumble he responded. His hand slid up underneath the back of the tank igniting a trail across her skin.

Kate wasn't thinking—it was pure emotional response. She loved this man, and everything about the moment felt right. Kissing him was like finally coming home. She was content and yet, there was a burning deep inside of her for more. She had to remember to breathe. Every movement of his tongue against her sent a current swirling through her. It seemed to be a mutual feeling. Just as she wrapped both of her arms around his neck, Rick bent down and hoisted her up by the backs of her thighs, all without breaking the kiss. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to the bedroom.

Rick laid her down on the bed. Again, his brain was in conflict; Kate seemed to be confident in this decision, but she has had a really bad day and her hormones are playing mind games with her. He knew that she loved him, but she didn't know he knew. What if later she thinks he just took advantage? He loved her too, though now wasn't the time to say it, and God, he wanted her right now, but not if it were only for now. He swore to himself that he wouldn't cause her any more pain. He just needed a sign of what path he should take. Rick was driving her crazy at the moment and he knew it. He had pushed up her shirt to expose her stomach and was taking his time kissing every inch of it.

Kate groaned in frustration and with a surprise move flipped him over on his back. "Kate!" Now he was in trouble. She was in control and he couldn't resist her. She kissed him again and his hands found the bare patch of skin between the back of the tank and the top of the shorts. Her mouth left his and found his shoulder, kissing her way down to his chest. His hand slid under the shorts and she groaned. Coming to his senses once more, he moved his hand to the safety zone of her back.

That was it; she couldn't take it anymore. Why was he so hesitant? "What! What is it! Is this how you play? Or do you just not want me?" She had momentarily forgotten about the infant sleeping in the room. Castle put his fingers to her lips to try to remind her, but he was too late. Ethan let out a startled cry that proceeded to a full blown wail.

"Dammit!" Kate cursed.

"I'll get him." Castle said calmly.

"No. I'll get him. You might just go over to the crib and let him think you're going to get him out, when actually you're just going to listen to him cry."

She was angry. Not the reaction he was going for. Castle followed her out to the living room and watched as Kate and Ethan calmed each other down. She would still glare at Rick, but she was able to settle Ethan down and get him back to sleep. Kate went back into the bedroom to lay him down. When she didn't return Castle followed her in the room. Kate was lying in the bed, under the covers, on her side facing the baby bed.

Rick went around to the other side, stripped down to his boxers, and slid in next to her against his better judgment.

"Castle!" Kate hissed. "Leave me alone."

"I don't think so." He whispered. "I have to explain."

"I understand clearly," she murmured back.

"I don't think you do. You know that I want you Kate. I know you could feel how I respond to you. I think you know how I feel about you." Rick moved closer to her wrapping his arm around her and pulling her back to his chest. She trembled.

"Stop being a tease."

"That is the last thing I am and you know it." Castle murmured in her ear. "I want this more than you know, but I don't want either of us to have regrets." His hand slid under the tank and caressed her stomach.

"Regrets? You think you might have regrets?" Her voice had an edge to it, but her hand slid behind her and found his leg. She ran her fingertips along his leg until they met fabric. It was his turn to tremble.

"I would if you did." With his last declaration, his voice changed from sensual to serious. She edged away from him and rolled onto her back. She could see his face in the palest blue glow from the sliver of moonlight that happened to find her window between the buildings. His hand now rested on her side still under her shirt, but no longer caressing.

Kate brought her fingers to his face and they drifted from his bangs along his eyebrow down the bridge of his nose, slowing as they fluttered over his lips. She rested her hand on his neck and caught his eyes. Castle always pretended to be this shallow ladies man, okay sometimes he really was a shallow ladies man, but she knew the different side. The side that really cared about her, that saved her life, what was it…three times…two months ago. The side that had tears in his eyes when he heard her friend almost died in surgery. The side that wanted to see her happy, in love, with children of her own someday. The flame within her roared to life again.

She pushed him onto his back and threw her body on top of his. She kissed him with everything she had and he matched her passion easily. She sat up, straddling him and pulled her tank top over her head. She lowered her head to look in his eyes and said, "I won't."