A/N: Sorry about the wait. I have been going crazy lately... Okay not really. Here's the deal: After the camping trip (which went HORRIBLE, might I add), I lost all inspiration to write until 1 that next morning (aka this morning). So, I typed up the rest of it and then my Beta, .Scotland (who is absolutely amazing) looked over it. So, that's why it took so long. Beta didn't take too long; it was the fact that the camping trip turned bad (okay, more like a nightmare.. there is a reason i hate the outdoors) and then little ABC lost all inspiration. So, without further ado (yes, it is ado), here is Chapter 4: Same Old Visit With A New Twist. I know you guys have been waiting for it.

EDWARD

I ran, having a purpose in mind. I figured I could go to Denali, where Tanya would be. If worse comes to worst, I knew I would have her. Sadly, girls do not get over guys, even if they are vampires.

It took me a few hours of running to get to Alaska. Once there, I knocked on the door. Tanya, looking as beautiful as ever, answered.

"Why hello, Edward. It is so nice to see you again," she said, her voice beautiful. I wonder if he changed his mind about me. That could be why he is here… she thought excitedly.

"Hello, Tanya. Nice to see you as well. Unfortunately, I have not rethought your offer," I said, as gentlemanly as possible. Bella… I gulped… would be pleased if she was still alive.

"Come on in. So, what brings you here?" she extended her hand, an offer to come inside. I took her generous offer, and went sit on a loveseat. I wasn't tired; I have just been playing human for too long.

"I thought I needed a break from what was going on in Forks. I knew you would welcome me back, cousins. Sorry about the last time," I said, seeing Kate, Irina, Eleazar, and Carmen. They sat down next to me also. Tanya decided to sit on the recliner, trying not to take offense to my gentlemanly rejection.

"Well, let me know what is going on. How are Carlisle and the rest of your brothers and sisters?" She asked. "I haven't seen them in awhile. We should go visit one day."

"They are fine. We had an…" I struggled to find the right word, "incident," there we go, "with another vampire. Carlisle and Alice are tending to the situation," I said, realizing how weird that sounded. The only incident that vampires caused was over humans or hostility. Jasper knew this well; he hated himself for the upbringing of his vampire years, and he constantly thought about it with fear that Alice would see who he was before and leave him. Of course, his thoughts were half-hearted. He could feel Alice's emotions and know that she only felt pure love for him, even while he explained his story to her.

"What happened?" Kate sounded curious. She put her arm around me, a sign of remorse.

I shrugged out of her arms, not wanting to be held by anyone except Bella. "It was incident between a human that we were talking to and a vampire," I said, hoping they didn't notice my struggle over the word "human."

"Edward! How could you let him? Jasper brought a human… to eat," Kate sounded angry. Her thoughts immediately went to how Jasper could do such a thing. Our covens believed that human life was sacred; they had always been wary of Jasper because of his unusual upbringing.

I struggled to answer her. "No…Jasper did not bring her. I did. I ended up falling in love with her." I didn't even care what they thought. I just wished she was still alive and well.

I looked around after a few moments of uneasy silence. They all had different expressions of shock on their face. Tanya seemed hurt. I didn't even bother to read their minds.

"Edward… How… could you?" Kate managed to gasp.

"It wasn't on purpose. I couldn't hear her. I wanted to know what she was thinking…and then the first thing led on to the second…I soon found I could not resist her," I said, almost dry sobbing again. I didn't want them to feel my pain; it was bad enough Jasper had to feel it while I was at home.

"Oh, well, let me know if you need anything. I need to go hunting. I'll be back soon," Tanya quickly said, knowing I wanted to change the conversation. I silently thanked her for her helpfulness.

"I'll be fine. I just wanted to get out of the situation over there. Thank you again."

Quickly, the others joined Tanya to go hunting. I decided to stay behind and let my thoughts run free. I could only keep them contained for so long.

I decided to get out of the lovely house. I went to a forest not far from the house. That way, I would still be able to be secluded when they came back.

Twilight came. I instantly went back to the house, ready for whatever awaited me.

When I walked in, I realized that this was wrong. I wanted so desperately to go back to Forks, but it would be different because Bella was dead. I did not want this to come true, but I knew that I had killed her.

Tanya instantly noted something wrong with me, and asked me if she could see me outside. I agreed, wary of what would happen.

"Edward, something has you down. I wanted to know if there is any way I could help," she asked, concern in her thoughts.

"Tanya, it's just what happened. I killed the girl because the vampire had bit her. Carlisle told me that I could suck the blood out to try to save her. I did, but I killed her. My love!" I screamed to the world, hoping that no one would hear me. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and join my Bella in death. I knew my family would disapprove, but they have never felt the way I do. "I just wish there was some way I could join her," I said, immediately regretting it. Tanya was too nice for her own good.

"Edward, don't do anything rash. Are you sure?" she asked, just to make sure.

"Her heartbeat was low when I finished, Tanya. I doubt that she could recover from what I did," I said, trying to reason that she was alive. Tanya gave me that little sense of hope… Maybe she was alive. My mind instantly shied away from that thought; I didn't want to keep believing in something that was not realistic. But you aren't realistic, I thought to myself.

"Edward, you may want to go back and find out for sure. I know how much it will kill you. But, cousin, you need to set things right." I could tell she wanted me to stay here, but she didn't want me to be in pain like I was. She hoped that maybe I could bring Bella here and we could all live a happy life. But, knowing Bella, she would not survive living around vampires. She could hardly survive living in a world at all with those clumsy feet of hers.

"Let me get things situated… I'll go in a few days. I hope everything will be calm then," I said, procrastinating. I knew Tanya would remember in a few days that I said this, but I didn't care. I hoped she would just understand when the time comes.

The next few weeks dragged by relentlessly. Bella was the only thought that filled my mind, an image of her broken bones, and sounds of her screaming about the venom consuming her bloodstream left me quite unpleasant. Then my brave attempt to save her, ending in her death; it was wrong. I shouldn't have saved her. She would be alive, as a vampire, if it was not for me. I could not bring myself to regret the fact that I had gotten rid of the fire; I regretted the fact that I killed her. Two very different things, yet they seemed so similar.

After the initial conversation with Tanya, we really didn't talk much. Everyone kept to themselves; life went on for them. I wish I could get out of this never-ending nightmare. Bella was all I ever thought of. She was my life; the reason for my existence. Now that she was gone, I could not find a way to cope. I would never find a way.

Carlisle would not have given up on her; I knew that. But, how far could he go when a volatile monster like me killed her? Would he bite her again, just to save her? He knew that she was the reason for my being. He had thought about biting her before James attacked her. He knew it would save us trouble, but he decided against it. He guessed that I would be angry; he was definitely right with that thought.

As these thoughts came to my mind, I found myself running faster than humanly possible. I wanted to go back to Forks, to see what happened. If Bella was still alive, I would stay. If she wasn't, well, I would find some way to execute myself from this world also. I could be with her. Sorry about the wait, I thought to Bella.

I hoped the Denali clan did not take offense to my leaving. To be sure that it would not end horrifically as it did last time, I took a turn and went to tell the Denali's my goodbyes and best wishes for the future that I would not intrude upon.

As expected, Tanya and her family were in the house. They noticed I had something important to say (I really did love them; they were like family) so they all went back to the couches where they were when I first arrived; it was their meeting place. I stood up, hoping to make my speech short. The longer I made my announcement, the longer I would have until I see what my fate is, and the longer I would prolong death.

Tanya ushered me to begin. I promptly did so, talking at a human's pace.

"I have decided that I would like to go back to Forks to see what the situation is at home. I really do appreciate your kindness and generosity towards me and I hope that I can one day extend this out to you. I do not think I will be able to, though, because my time on this planet is short-lived. My fate depends on the person that I truly admire. As much as I love the people, I feel that my life has no meaning without the one I love. I hope you understand my decision. Please be careful and do not do anything rash because of me. Thank you for your hospitality throughout the years," I said, hoping that covered all the major points. I instantly tried to gauge a reaction through the tenor of my audience's thoughts. They were all shocked, to say the least.

Should I let him go back? I told him not to do anything rash and this is what he comes up with? I hope he does not truly mean it. But, in all the years I have known Edward, I cannot recall a time when he did not mean something he said. I should probably alert Carlisle. Maybe he can do something. Would he listen to me if I reasoned with him? Tanya wondered.

"Thanks for your offer, Tanya, but I cannot be reasoned with. If you feel the need to alert Carlisle, do as you wish. It would go against every fiber of his being to hold me back against my wishes." I turned around saying, "I guess this is farewell."

With that, I was off. I could hear Tanya in the background, running after me. After awhile, she eventually stopped and went back home. I continued running, needing no audience to keep me entertained. I was busy thinking about how to exterminate myself from the world if the need would come. I knew that Carlisle would not hold me back, but he would not assist me in my wishes. Emmett and Jasper were best left out of this whole ordeal, for they would hold me back. They would also not take a part in my death. Alice would be, by far, the hardest to tell a lie to. She could probably already see what I was planning. I just hoped she would not hold me back. She knew what I really wanted.

I felt bad for my family. I know it would break Esme's heart, but I felt this was for the better. I could not live in a world where Bella did not exist. I hoped she would understand this in time. I was blessed to know such a person like Esme. I knew I didn't deserve her when things like this happened.

Please forgive me, I thought as I walked into the house.

Playlist: dealt with two major songs: No Surprise (Daughtry) and The World's Greatest (R. Kelly)

Hope you enjoyed it! But, the problem is: I don't really know.. so, please review. If you hate it, please let me know (I know some are like no flames, but I really don't mind. They help me know that someone is actually reading this story; plus, they help me get better as a writer). Of course, if you review and you want one, you can get a snippet of the next chapter (that you really want.. trust me). When you respond, please answer this question: Do you believe in vampires? If you do, why? I just want to know. I'll post my answer up when I put the next chapter up.

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you when the next chapter will be up. My life is quite hectic right now and I use all my time to either research what's happening, read other stories, or write this story (using the research and the other stories that I have read). I will write this: I am hoping to at least start the chapter tonight. I may or may not finish depending on the circumstances tomorrow and tonight. Plus, I will be sleeping at a friend's house tomorrow night (hopefully), so don't expect an update this late at night. I might be able to do it earlier if all works well. :)

AliceBrandonCullen