At last some colour started to appear in the sky. I still lay, fully clothed, on my bed. The anguish of last night's discovery had kept me awake sobbing all night. Selfish again – all thoughts of Harry had been forgotten in my own misery. I had cried so many tears over this boy. This perfect, angelic, boy. But he left me; he left me a long time ago. In the daylight I sat up on the bed, leaning back against the wall for support. The wall was cold and hard, which again reminded me of Edward. I drew some courage from the light, and looked down at the picture in my hand.
I studied Edward's beautiful topaz eyes, staring coldly out at me. He had already made his decision when this picture had been taken. Even before Edward left, I had folded this picture in half so that I was hidden from view. By comparison, I was so plain; he was flawless – godlike. This was reflected in all that we could (or in my case could not) do. The music still wafting gently from my player was testament to that. He had not only played, but composed, the beautiful pieces that were recorded. I could barely remember how to play "chopsticks" from my childhood lessons. While I was clumsy he was agile and graceful. I was stupid to have thought we could work, when really we obviously could never have been a good match. How could I have ever thought that someone like him would love someone like me?
I was still studying the photograph when there came a gentle knock at the window. I jumped – could my thoughts of Edward have conjured him up? I rushed over to the window and opened it, stretching my neck out to peer down. Of course it wasn't Edward, it was Jacob who had come to find me. Always my saviour. I stepped back, so that he could climb the tree and leap acrobatically into the room.
"Bella? Are you alright?" Jacob looked worried. Belatedly, I realised that of course I was still in yesterday's clothes, with red, swollen eyes. I wrapped my arms around my best friend, relieved that he, at least, had not left me.
"Jake," I sighed. His arms around me twitched.
I stood back to look at him. "How's Harry?"
Jake closed his eyes, and shook his head. My eyes filled with tears yet again.
"Harry didn't make it, Bella. But I thought you knew? Charlie has been helping Billy look after Sue. And if that's not the reason for your tears, then what…?"
Again I felt ashamed at how selfish I had been. It was too hard to form the words, so I led Jacob over to where I had left the photographs on the bed, and sat on the edge.
"When you dropped me home yesterday, I found a pile of photos and other things…" I gestured to the gaping hole in the floor, where I hadn't as yet returned the floorboard. I sighed, "I wasn't prepared for seeing him again. I know I'm selfish, but it hurt almost as much as that first day all over again."
I looked over at Jacob. The pain on his face was clear. Why did I keep doing this to him?
"Why have you folded this one over?"
I blushed. "Isn't it obvious?" I unfolded it, to reveal myself standing next to Edward. Jacob took the photo, and gently touched my face staring out of the picture.
"I still don't understand. Unless, as I would, you wanted to fold him away."
"No, Jake. Look at me next to him. He's so…perfect. I am so plain, and ordinary. It's embarrassing."
Jake sighed, "Oh, Bella. You look beautiful, as always."
I shook my head. "But that's not all, anyway. Hear that music?" Jake inclined his head, "That was Edward too. He wrote and played it for me. He was so good…at everything. It's no wonder he left me, I am good at nothing."
Jacob grabbed me by the arms, "Good at everything? Except looking after you! Who he once claimed was everything to him? Don't put yourself down! Don't even compare yourself to that useless bloodsucker who hurt you so much! How could he do that, when you loved him? I would never break your heart like that!"
Tears spilled out of my eyes, and Jake dropped his arms, his tone much gentler, "Sorry, Bella. I know you don't like a word spoken against him. But he left you, when you had done nothing to deserve it. How can you keep defending him?"
"I know, Jake, I know," I sobbed. His arms wrapped around me again, pulling me close. I wept against his shoulder, as he stroked my hair.
After some time, when I had settled down, Jake pulled back gently, announcing that he had to return to La Push to help with the arrangements for Harry's funeral. He kissed me quickly on the cheek, and was gone the way he came.
Charlie came home later that day, exhausted. I had come to my senses enough to prepare a light dinner, which we ate predominantly in silence.
"The funeral is tomorrow, kid. Will you be coming? Jake will be there with Billy."
"Of course Dad, I'll help any way that I can."
Charlie went upstairs to check his outfit for the funeral, while I did the dishes. I wondered how Sue, Leah, and Seth were coping. After putting the last plate away, I went up to bed. I hadn't slept the previous night, so had some catching up to do.
That night I dreamed. It was a familiar dream, with Edward standing in the shadows of a forest, his teeth gleaming. This time I was not alone on the other side of the clearing – Jacob was with me, in wolf form. I looked up at Edward,
"You hurt me, Edward," I managed.
"No Bella, I was trying to help. I love you! Trust me…" he purred.
Jacob growled. I wound my fingers into the russet wolf's long fur, urging him to stay with me. I would not lose Jacob too, I would not.
"How can I trust you? You left me!" I replied. Suddenly the three of us were not alone; the rest of the pack, and the Cullens, were there too. Huge wolves, all baring their sharp teeth towards Edward, while the Cullens had adopted offensive crouch positions.
"No!" I shouted, and as the wolves tensed their muscles ready to spring, I jerked awake. How could I reconcile these two families? It was not just Edward I had loved, but the rest of his family too. They had all left me, even Alice and Carlisle. And yet, my strongest fear in the forest had been for my new wolf family. They would surely suffer greatly in a battle with vampires. I shook my head. Just a dream, I told myself, just a dream.