A/N: Thanks to Stormy Phoenix for reviewing the last chapter! Hopefully this one will be interesting enough for all those who didn't review last time to have something to say about. And thanks to Tessabe for reviewing chapter one!
"The night calls to me," Faolan said, "Even now, when the moon is hiding behind the other face of the earth."
She sat on the floor, stretching her muscles out, one by one in the meditative way that Raul had described. Although it was still quite cold outside the fire kept it warm inside, and Fao wore nothing but a thin pair of pants, her feet bare against the wood floor.
"I can touch my toes," she commented lightly as she did so, "I could never do that before. Being three sure does make you flexible."
:Yes: Raul said indulgently, standing off to the side to make room for Faolan to jump around if necessary.
"Up!" shouted Fao, jumping to her feet and then jumped up as high as she could, bringing her legs up tucked against her body before dropping back down and landing squarely on her feet and she whispered to Raul, "Down."
:I suppose you learned martial arts somewhere along the way as well?: Raul teased, her blue eyes twinkling in amusement.
Faolan shook her head with a grin and said, "No, I'm just making this up. A lot of the things I know, my head knows, but my body doesn't. Like swordplay. I've learned that so many times I could describe in detail exactly what moves to make against an opponent if they did this or that, but to actually go against someone? I'd lose."
:And that wouldn't have anything to do with your size and/or ability to lift a sword: Raul said, nudging Fao's small body.
"Of course not," Fao grinned back and then her expression turned somber and she sat down on the floor, folding her legs pretzel style and resting her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands.
"It's so weird," she said, "Having all these memories. I guess I seem well adjusted to them, but that's because they're all mine but I don't feel like me anymore. Sometimes I lay there as I fall asleep and I'm Faolan again, but then I'll start thinking about how to shoe a horse and I'll get confused, because I've never shod a horse and I don't even know the word shod. It's almost like this life has been stolen from me, and now I'm just a mixture of all my old lives, just a bunch of knowledge without any personality. And I won't really have the chance to explore in this life, because I've already done it. I mean, this life wasn't shaping up very nicely until you and the wolf came along… Of course, I didn't think much on it then either…"
Fao heaved out a long sigh and then crawled up onto the bed to look at Raul a little more directly and her eyes, usually bright and cheerful from the energy of a small child, but now they were shadowed.
"It's surprising actually how much I don't remember from this life. I have flashes of being wrapped up in a bundle of cloth, of being warm, of drinking my mother's milk, but that's all hazy. The real clear memory starts after I could talk- that makes sense though, because that's when I would have started thinking, and thus remembering, in words, right?"
Raul only nodded, but didn't speak and Fao gazed at her for a long time, her expression deep and upset. She sighed again and flopped backwards onto the blankets.
"But once I could walk and talk…" she said, her voice turning into a whisper, "Things went bad. And it makes me hate having so much experience, because I know I should talk about it, I know what I'm feeling, I know why I'm feeling it and I know how to remedy it, but I don't want to! And even that, I understand! I have too much experience; I don't need it all to draw on! Every moment I keep speaking I know this ranting is pointless and the fact that I'm not shutting up represents my inability to accept those memories!"
:Faolan…: Raul whispered, stepping over to her and pressing her nose against the girl's chest, her words wrapping around Fao's mind like a blanket, :It's all right.:
"I know," Fao whispered, wrapping her arms around Raul's face and burying her own face against the filly, letting salty tears seep from her eyes and down her cheeks and onto the filly's fur.
"I know," she whispered again…
"I was born on a farm, this life," Fao whispered, shaking her head what seemed like ages later, her face was still sticky though and the fire wasn't too much lower, "Having my old lives with me almost seems to dim this one, and I wish they wouldn't. This is real, right Raul? This is my life now, not those ones."
:Yes, although do not disregard what they can tell you: Raul advised with a nod of her head and a flick of her ears as the wind howled against the door.
"They tell me to keep talking," Faolan spoke softly, folding her hands in her lap, "Because it hurts, even though I can now call upon memories of other lives to support myself. Because I have had parents that loved me, I have been surrounded by love and support before, I'm not alone and someday I'll find someone to love me if only as a friend."
"I think I like my second to last life the best so far," Faolan mused a moment later when Raul stayed silent, "But one quite a while ago I was a noble… A lady. I can still feel her inside of me, and that's one life I almost wish I could forget. It was harsh, and I really didn't like it, which is why I think I had trouble in the life after that, in the beginning anyway."
:You grow and learn with each life. Your past lives normally affect you in ways you cannot touch, like the things that are considered personality traits that are not inherited or learned. You just remember yours with more clarity, and thus can learn from them with more clarity, although usually they cause more trouble than help. The people you were in past lives are not who you are today, just as a young adult is not the person they were as a child. The memories do not make you someone else, you are still Faolan and it is how Faolan deals with those memories that will turn you into yourself: Raul explained.
"I've never been a Herald before though, or a Companion," Faolan said with a smile, "Am I ready for it now?"
:Yes: Raul said and Fao could feel the smile once more, gentle and sweet in her mind.
"Not everyone will grow in that direction though, right?" Faolan asked and then added, "I haven't been human in my most recent lives either… The one before the noble I was a deer, but those memories don't come up as much, I suppose because I'm human now and can most easily interpret the memories most like those I have now…"
:The soul assumes many forms: Raul answered mysteriously, :And yes, not everyone, not every life, leads to being a Herald, nor are the oldest souls all Heralds. Heralds, you must realize, do not represent the epitome of the human race, we are simply the most suited to carry out the tasks needed of us.:
Faolan nodded slowly, "I think I understand that."
:Good: Raul said and peered at the fire for a moment, :I think there is a lot you will need to learn to understand in order to live with your past lives.:
"Yes," Faolan agreed and lay back against the blankets, her eyes drifting to the door of the Waystation and suddenly she sat up quickly and said, "Let's go for a walk. Or a ride, which ever."
:All right: Raul nodded and Fao pulled on all of her clothes, letting them slip over her body, following Raul out into the snow covered ground, her boots sinking deep into the snow and cold air wrapping around her.
:The outdoors entrance me: Faolan said, gazing around at the light woods around the Way station, and Raul could tell by the overtones in the words sent by mind that Faolan didn't want to disturb the peace of the woods with her voice.
:It's cold: she continued, :but I like it anyway. I think once I'm a Herald I'd like to do circuit duty, or be a messenger. I couldn't stand being cooped up in a city year round.:
:Faolan: Raul said, nudging the girl in the small of her back, :I'd like to point out to you that the opinion you just made is most definitely Faolan's and not anyone else's, am I correct?:
Faolan stopped walking through the snow that was now only a few inches deep- there had been enough warm days to melt away the really deep snow, although under this short layer was patches of slippery ice. As the wind blew through both of their hairs, white and red, Faolan realized her Companion was right.
"Yes," she whispered, the wind catching her words and tossing them away to the trees, "Because I've always been outside, every day since I was born…"
And then she laughed and spun around, spreading out her arms and looking up at the spindly trees above her, waving down cheerfully and leaflessly in the wind, skeletal yet friendly.
"I'm me Raul!" she shouted, her cheeks growing red from the cold and cheer, "I'm me!"
:Your are: Raul agreed and then said, :Let's ride.:
Faolan nodded and once Raul had laid down on the ground she pulled herself up, holding tightly to bits of white mane and feeling quite small on the broad expanse of the filly's back, and feeling warmer with her legs against the soft hairs and warm body.
"Where to?" Faolan asked and then answered herself as she whispered, "Anywhere. I wish it were night. I never liked the night much, but recently… it's the moon. I like the night, the way you can barely see except for starlight or moonlight flashing in black and white shades through skeleton like trees. It's somehow magical, less dull and solid than in daylight. Shadows create creatures that are nothing during the day. A rock at day is just a rock, but at night… it could be anything. The night has so much more potential!"
:I can see what you mean, although I myself prefer the warmth of daylight: Raul commented.
"Just wait until summer- then you'll like the night better!" Fao laughed and Raul moved into a canter, gracefully moving through the trees towards the road, her hooves pressing into the snow and leaving small prints behind her, and nothing else…
Slowly, without either being aware of it, their schedule changed. They no longer moved with the sun, and on occasion Faolan found herself shooting at the target at night, only guided by the light of the moon and stars- when it wasn't full that is. The night filled her with a sort of energy unlike that of a normal three year old, and nearing the full moon Faolan was unable to fully sleep now that she was fully healed, and Raul adjusted to that.
And before they knew it, they had turned somewhat nocturnal. Faolan first acknowledged it when they started setting out traps again, in attempt to catch the awakening and not so cautious animals that had been hibernating all winter. It was night, of course, and the air had a warm and dirty smell. The ground was wet from the melting snow, and patches of it still lay scattered, but wet and mushy.
"Oh for a rabbit…" Fao whispered, carrying a trap in each hand and walking in front of Raul, not riding. Her boots, getting too small and worn through at the toes, sunk into the soft ground.
:I take it you do know how to set these?: Raul inquired, only half expecting an answer, for they both knew what it would be.
"Yes," she nodded, "It's one of the things I did often in my last life."
Faolan looked up at the sky and the moon, growing rounder each night like one pregnant, with a soft sigh. If she was unlucky, she'd probably catch a rabbit the night of her change and end up eating the captured creature then, and she'd miss a nice warm stew.
"You know," she said, her eyes now studying the buds on the trees, "We're kind of nocturnal Raul."
:Yes… we are, aren't we?: Raul answered and stopped, her hooves falling silent and Fao turned around to peer at her Companion.
"What is it Raul?" she asked, tilting her head slightly and letting the breeze mess up her hair even further- it was now down past her ears.
:We don't have much time: she said and her voice had a far off quality, :Faolan, how soon do you think you are to controlling the change?:
"Pretty far," Faolan muttered, and although she had been trying, Raul's words made her feel guilty, as if she hadn't been trying.
:Faolan…: Raul started, her eyes now burning into Fao's, :Do you think you could change yourself right now? If you could do it more often and of your own will… that may make it easier on the days where you are forced by the moon's rays.:
"Now?" whispered Fao, her face expressing a mixture of confusion and fear. The traps slipped from her hands and landed with dull thuds in the mud and Fao leaned back against a tree, staring up through its branches at the stars.
:Not now, but maybe after we set the traps: Raul said, dropping her nose to sniff at the cold metal things.
"Did you just think of this now?" Fao asked, her voice taking an accusing tone as she shivered, suddenly noticing the chill beneath the Spring warmth.
:No, I've been dwelling on it for a while now: Raul admitted, :But not until now did I think we'd actually need to try.:
"It makes sense," Fao said with a shiver, looking down at her hand and imaging the reddish gray fur sprouting up but she quickly shoved that away because the moment she had she'd started to tingle all over and had become almost painfully aware of the proximity of the moon and she whispered, "I can do it Raul, if it's needed."
:It is, Faolan: Raul said softly.
"Then I can do it."