Finally, no depressing stuff! YAYSIRS!!!

This is basically a sketch from a Marx Brothers movie called Horsefeathers. I thought it would be interesting if it was rewritten and starred Reuben, Carmen, and Stitch as Groucho, Chico, and Harpo (respectively). In this version, Jumba is trying to teach anatomy to some of his Experiments, but guess who butts in?

So, here we go with…!

Classroom Comedy

Jumba's four eyes gazed approvingly at his Experiments. This was the first day of their class on anatomy, and he was determined to teach them well. With a clearing of his throat (Harrrupmh, hack!) and a straightening of his collar, Jumba continued his lecture.

"And thus," he said, speaking as slowly and boringly as possible (or so it seemed to his students), "we see that the function of the respiratory system is to transmit oxygen into the bloodstream. This process – which is called 'osmosis' – "

"Have they started sewing a woman's hairnet in here yet?" interrupted a familiar voice. It was a sarcastic voice, tinged with a Brooklyn accent, yet with the familiar (but unheard, unless you had grown up with them, like Jumba had) twang of an Experiment's voice. And there was only one Experiment who sounded like he had just come out of Brooklyn.

Jumba smiled at the tan and tubby Experiment. "625!" he greeted, "I was not expecting you! What brings you here?"

Reuben entered the classroom, wearing the familiar maroon uniform of a galley cook on a Federation battleship. And, several Experiments had to admit, maroon was Reuben's color. With a satisfied smirk (though it was impossible to see what he was satisfied about), Reuben replied, "A bicycle, but I left it out in the hall." Then, changing the subject, he added, "Hey, do you have two empty chairs? Because I have two empty dunces." With that, he beckoned in the doorway to two unseen Experiments. "Come on in, Dunces!"

"Hey!" came another familiar voice; a female with a Latino accent, "I'm no dunce! I'm a woman!"

With that, the owner of the voice – Experiment 123 aka Carmen – entered the room, a smile on her face, four clean paws on her arms, a brightly shining pink coat, gorgeous blue eyes, a stack of faux fruits on her head, and a real apple in a paw. With an expert toss, she gave Jumba the apple just as the second Experiment – Experiment 626 aka Stitch – entered behind her, carrying a watermelon. With an expert toss, the blue Experiment handed Jumba the watermelon; with pure luck, Jumba managed to not only catch it, but stay on his feet whilst doing so.

Reuben noticed Jumba's newly acquired fruits and remarked, "Well, now all you need is a bowl of cherries."

Carmen smiled in agreement. "Si. Las cerezas."

Jumba quickly cleared his throat and placed the apple and the watermelon on his desk. "123, 625, and 626. Please find yourselves a seat."

With smiles as wide as the Grand Canyon, Carmen and Stitch scrambled for two chairs in the front row. One just so happened to be next to Angel; Stitch snatched that one pretty quickly. The other one happened to be next to Carmen's latest in a long line of crushes, who was Slushy; she quickly sat down next to him, too.

Once the two were seated, they whirled around and gave their darlings (ie, Stitch gave Angel whilst Carmen gave Slushy) a kiss on the lips. Of course, in their excitement, they accidentally whirled around and gave each other a kiss on the lips, too. They probably would have had a brawl on their hands if Jumba hadn't started speaking again.

"NOW!" Jumba barked, causing any distractions to end instantaneously, "let us go on with our lecture."

"No, let us go on without your lecture," snapped Reuben, who was now sitting on Jumba's desk, gazing at a glass slide that was under a microscope.

Reuben's statement elicited several cheers, but they were quickly silenced with a single glare from Jumba.

Jumba nodded at the microscope. "What are you thinking about that slide, 625?"

In all truthfulness, Reuben answered, "Well, I think he was safe at second, but it was pretty close."

"Let us examine the circulatory system," Jumba continued, as though there had never been an interruption in his lecture at all. With a piece of chalk, he sketched out what appeared to be a liver on the chalkboard behind him.

"This is the liver," Jumba explained.

Reuben squinted at the drawing. "What, no bacon?" he gasped, "I'd send that back if I were you!"

"Moving on!" Jumba snapped, his patience already beginning to thin. With that, he held his teacher's manual open with one giant hand, reading aloud the information he wished to convey to his students. When he got to a part about 'cirrhosis', he turned to the classroom and asked if anyone knew what 'cirrhosis' was. Surprisingly, Carmen raised a paw.

"Sure!" she cheerfully replied, "Cirrhosis are red, cirrviolets are blue, cirrsugar is sweet, cirrso are you."

Reuben rolled his eyes and sighed, "I didn't even see who that was, but I can take a guess that it plays maracas for a living."

Jumba continued his lecture, pausing only one to see if there were questions (there was: Stitch asked when Jumba was going to cut the watermelon open). As he spoke, he paced back and forth across the room, caught up in his own teachings. Unbeknownst to him, Reuben kept pace with him all the way.

Finally, after quite some time of Jumba's ramblings, Reuben finally asked, "Is this stuff on the level, or are you making it up as you go along? Because I'm getting a better workout up here than I've ever had in my entire short life!"

"Why," Jumba chuckled, "everything I have told you can be found in simplest Earth textbook! Surely my students will, as they say, 'bear me out'!"

Immediately, Carmen and Stitch were on their feet. "We bear you out!" Carmen announced, to which Stitch surged forward, lifted Jumba off his feet, and tossed him (gently!) out of his own classroom.

Stitch sighed and observed, "Jumba is very long-winded."

Carmen rolled her eyes. "You're telling me? I've had to put up with for mucho years than you!"

On that note, Reuben pointed at his fellow Experiments and announced, "And remember, that goes for you too! This classroom was here before you came, and it'll be here before you go!" He narrowed his eyes at a suspicious-looking character that sat upon Jumba's desk. "And that goes for you, too, ya numbskull!"

He knocked the skull off of Jumba's desk.

Meh…I guess it's okay…

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