Guess who's back! That's right; it's ME!

This chapter is based on a skit from Mystery Science theater 300 (in the episode, Attack of the the Eye Creatures). In it, Stitch has some questions that need answering. What are these questions about? Well, they're all about…

The Relevance of Making Out

Stitch sat behind the wheel of a red convertible, pretending that he was a racecar driver. "VRRRRROOOOOOOOOM!!! VRRRRROOOOOOOOMM!!!" he yelled as the twisted the wheel this way and that. Of course, since the owner of the car had taken the keys with him, the car wasn't going anywhere, but Stitch was still having fun using his imagination.

Just then, Sparky flew by. He had been going out to buy some double-A batteries for lunch when he had seen Stitch in the red convertible. The curiosity that Jumba had cursed him with had forced him to swoop down and investigate it.

"Hey, Cousin!" Sparky greeted, floating by the driver's side, "Hey, sweet wheels!"

"Why, thank you," Stitch said, then a random thought hit his mind. Because of the way his mind had been designed, this often happened, and he usually ignored them. This time, however, something prodded him to keep on wondering.

"Wanna hop in?" he asked; this was important to figure out what he needed to know.

Sparky shuddered visibly. "Heck, no! Your driving frightens me."

Stitch pshawed him. "I don't mean to drive around! I don't even have the keys. I meant to make out!"

"Ah, I see…" Sparky nodded…then suddenly realized just what Stitch had just said. "…WHAAAAAAT?!"

"Well…" Stitch stammered; how could he explain this? "…I was watching a movie with Lilo the other night, and they kept doing something called 'making out'. It seemed enjoyable, but I wanna know exactly what it feels like."

"Uh…" Sparky stammered, glancing about nervously, looking for an escape route, "…I'm not sure…"

"Oh, come on!" Stitch argued, "It's easy, or at least it looked like it in the movie. All you do is skooch up next to me, then you just kinda tilt your head back, and you…moan. Like this."

Stitch began to pretend to make out with himself, to which Sparky began to spazz out and scream "OHMIGOSH!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" before flying away to safety.

Stitch watched the yellow Experiment fly away, then shook his head and clicked his tongue in disgust. "I wonder what his problem was…" he remarked to nobody in particular.

Just then, Reuben walked by, wearing a the maroon uniform of a galley cook for the Galactic Alliance Military Force. He held a sandwich in one hand, a coke bottle in the other, and wore a smug smile on his face.

Reuben spied Stitch in the car and waddled on over. "Hey, Cuz!"

Stitch's eyes widened in surprise when he saw the tan Experiment. "Reuben!" he exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"

"Gantu stopped by to visit Lilo," Reuben explained, "So I took the opportunity to say 'Hi' to my Cousins, and to get a good old-fashioned Earth-style BLT." Just then, the beauty of the convertible revealed itself to him. "Heeeeey! Sweet wheels, Stitch!"

"Why, thank you!" Stitch said, "Wanna make out?"

This random question startled Reuben so much that he dropped his BLT and spilled his coke all over his uniform. "Uh…" he said. "I…" he explained. "Er…" he stammered.

Then he ran off, bumping into Belle and Angel as they were headed for Angel's car after a long morning of shopping. They saw Stitch, his saddened expression, and his sweet wheels; and they hurried over to get a better look at the car and find out why he looked so blue, if you pardoned the pun.

Belle got to the car first. "Stitch?" she asked, "What's up? Why was Reuben actually running for once?"

Stitch sighed, his forehead on the top of the steering wheel. "That's the second time I haven't been able to get someone to make out with me." Suddenly, his head popped up. "Oh, Be-elle…" he sing-songed, but Belle gave a disgusted sniff.

"Forget about it," Belle snapped, "No matter what some of our fans may think, I do NOT want to make out with you."

"Buh-buh-but…" Stitch stammered as Angel joined Belle, "I just…I want to know the relevance of it! Why do humans like it so much? CAN Experiments make out, or even kiss, for that matter? Who initiates the making out; the boy or the girl? And where the heck do you put your tongue?"

Belle turned to Angel as Stitch's questions began to ramble on. Angel's eyes darted about uneasily under her friend's glare. "…what?" she asked.

Belle arched an eyebrow. "He's your boyfriend," she pointed out, "You're the one out of all of us who could best SHOW Stitch what making out's all about."

Angel understood Belle's implications, and decided that now was, indeed, the time to answer some of Stitch's questions. She hopped onto the side of the car, crossing her arms on the window and putting her head on them, looking at Stitch with a bemused expression.

"And does making out have ANYTHING to do with the birds and the bees?" Stitch wondered, and was probably going to ask a few more questions before Angel stopped him.

"Stitch," she sighed, "you ask too many questions." With a mighty heave, she leapt into the car, right into Stitch's lap…

…and for exactly sixteen-point-five seconds, all of Stitch's questions about making out were answered.

When it was all over, Belle just had to take a picture of Stitch's bewildered and confused expression…and send it via her cellphone to Carmen…and Bonnie…and Nosy…and Shush…and…

Well…I guess I coulda done better…I dunno…

Review!