A/N: Happy almost the last day of March! And thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter!


:Hey Raul?: Faolan asked a few weeks later as they rode sedately through the Companion's Field, enjoying the changing colors of the leaves around them.

:Yes, Chosen?: Raul asked.

:Why am I here?:

:I don't know Faolan.:

"Sometimes, I'm sitting in the middle of the Great Hall and I looked around at everyone eating beside me, and I think- they're normal, they don't know the things I know and I wonder why. My past lives and my werewolfism seem to be closely tied together- I never would have remember them if not for my bite, and I would never be able to handle being bitten if it weren't for those memories and your Choosing of me. And you wouldn't have Chose me if I my Lives had resurfaced from being bitten and… it all makes one big, jumbled loop. None could have existed without the others," Faolan sighed, looking at the leaves on the trees without seeing them, "And then… no one knows. No one knows but you. It's like there's this me, but no one knows me. I mean, Alaska likes me, and I'm sure he figures I'm not normal, but I think most people think it's just because I was Chosen. I can't sit down with him and have a theoretical philosophical debate and I can't tell Rathmir how it hurts to change into a werewolf, but I love the freedom of being one- even though I have the horrible desire to kill everyone and take over the world- which, thankfully, my wolf self seems to have put on hold…"

:Ah Faolan…: Raul sighed and stopped, looking back at her Chosen, :I never said your life would be an easy one, my sweet.:

"I know," Faolan said, then added with a grin, "I never asked for an easy life either. It's just weird though…"

:I have no doubt that someday most all the Heralds will know you're a werewolf- I doubt that one will stay a secret forever. But you cannot speak of your past lives.:

"Why can't I just tell them now then?" Faolan wondered.

:It is not the time. And you have not mastered the change enough: Raul said, reverting to the annoying Companion mysteriousness, :However… I believe you will soon be starting a new train of lessons which will undoubtedly help.:

Those 'new lessons' turned out to be Gift training. And it was not as fun as Faolan had expected it to be, after hearing about Tobie burning down buildings and Christopher Alaska creating monsters in his own mind…

No, her Gifts were much more mundane than that and the lessons were even more boring. She had, as the Girls had pointed out, Mindspeech, entailing both thought sensing and thought projecting, although the latter was much weaker and neither were particularly strong unless amplified by Raul. However, she did have one other Gift that she hadn't heard of before and that was Empathy. Apparently her 'good sense' of people's emotions wasn't just a good sense, it was an actual Gift.

:Gifts are really only extensions of that sort of sense anyway, Faolan: Raul pointed out at one point.

Faolan already knew meditating, so when her first lesson rolled around she was already, sort of, prepared for what she was being taught. Rathmir, who as a Gift teacher was teaching Faolan Gifts now as well, as they both knew she would eventually. The first lesson though, came as something of a surprise.

"Faolan," Rathmir said as the red headed four year old entered the room, looking excited and a little red cheeked from being outside with Raul in the increasingly colder afternoons.

"Yes, Rathmir?" inquired Faolan as she sat down in a chair across from Rathmir in the empty classroom.

"Today, you start Gift training."

"I do?" Faolan echoed, peering at Rathmir with surprise.

"Yes, you do," Rathmir said, "We'll still practice here, your Gifts aren't so strong that we need to be in a protected area, as with your friend Tobie."

"All right," Faolan said, watching with her blue eyes.

"First off, you need to know how to ground and center yourself. Grounding involves pushing your power into a solid source, like the earth, or your Companion, and it gives you a place to funnel your power if it ever gets out of control. Centering is bringing yourself together, identifying what is you and what isn't. This is particularly important for those with Mindspeech, because sometimes when you hear someone else in your mind, you can't always identify it as a stranger- especially if they're trying to convince you they're your own thoughts. It sounds complicated, but once you get the hang of it, it becomes second nature. Most of us Heralds are walking around grounded and centered all the time- or at least centered and shielded," Rathmir explained and Faolan blinked.

"That does sound complicated," she agreed, fiddling with her fingers.

"But, like everything else," Rathmir said with a smile, "All it takes is practice. Now I want you to open your mind. You have internal blocks, a sort of subconscious shielding, that stops you from hearing things all the time, and stops people from hearing you. Just relax, and listen."

Faolan did as she was told and closed her eyes, trying to complete relax herself and sure enough she started to hear things trickle into her brain.

This is so boring… Crap- what did he just…

..she hearing me yet? I can't tell…

…the farm… there was a lot less sweeping to do.

…so wonderful. And those eyes! And…

Along with the words came other things, feelings, emotions, strange and foreign and Faolan was tempted to try and thrust them out, but she kept herself relaxed, like a rock in a river, letting the words and emotions flow around her. Irritance, worry, boredom, infatuation…

…good to be back. Ahh… I wonder what everyone's been up to in my absence? Havens, I missed being able to have a good bath. Along with those thoughts there was a weary tiredness, like a person about to go to bed, but hidden, in the depths of those words, were pain and horror, fear and shock and Faolan pulled away from that person, as if she had touched a hot piece of iron.

Her eyes fluttered open and she jumped as a white shape walked by their open door, leather boots creating low pats on the floor.

"Faolan?" Rathmir asked, her eyes and voice worried.

"I'm okay," Faolan said, looking back at Rathmir, her breath coming in a little quicker than usual, "I'm not sure I like hearing other people's thoughts."

"You heard more than just me? Did you hear me?" asked Rathmir, her voice hinting of surprise.

"I'm not sure- I couldn't identify the voices at all. It sounded like they were all people near by, trainees, Heralds, servants… I'm not sure. I also felt their emotions."

"Ah… okay," Rathmir nodded, "Are you hearing anything now?"

"Just whispers, like in the back of my head," Faolan said, "But they'd become clearer if I let them. I can see how having this Gift untrained could drive someone crazy."

Faolan scratched her head with an annoyed expression and said, "It's already starting to bother me."

"I'm afraid now that you opened yourself up only training will make it go away again," Rathmir said, "but I want to discuss something of the ethics of your Gift."

"Ethics?" echoed Faolan, tilting her head at Rathmir.

"Yes. Would you want someone digging in your head, reading your mind?" Rathmir asked, and as Faolan shook her head Rathmir nodded and continued, "No one wants that. What you did now was hear things that people were letting loose, slipping out of their shields in this relaxed environment. Around trained Heralds in a tense situation you'd never hear anything unless you broke through their shields. Among those untrained… if you let down your Shields and listen you will hear those 'surface' thoughts of those around you, and their 'surface' emotions. It's not all right to do that just to listen, but if the need arises, and it will, you can lower your shields. If it means pinpointing the weakness of an enemy, do it. Ah… but I have the feeling you understand all of that, don't you Faolan?"

"Yeah," Fao nodded with a grin at Rathmir, "I understand."

"Good," Rathmir nodded, "Now I want you to try to Ground and Center. I will show you how to do it the first time, then I want you to try and copy me. Close you eyes and relax again."

Faolan did as she was told and soon she felt a presence enter her mind, foreign and alien like, but at the same time familiar.

:Hello Faolan: Rathmir said and Faolan almost jumped, but she kept herself calm, :There is no need to 'voice' your response to me, I can hear your 'surface' thoughts right now. Just think it and I will hear it.:

Okay, Faolan thought back to Rathmir.

:Now, watch, feel, listen: Rathmir said and Faolan felt her powers being pushed into the earth and she felt… well, grounded to it. Stuck, like a tree putting down roots. It was a safe feeling. And then she felt Rathmir pulling her together, as if she had been spread out and there was this feeling like a click as a lock slides into place and Faolan felt like all of 'her' had finally been totally fit into herself. And then, it was gone and Rathmir was gone too and Faolan felt momentarily disoriented.

"Can you do it yourself?" Rathmir's voice floated through the room and Faolan opened her eyes, feeling only half there.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Then do it."

Faolan tried, but it wasn't as easy as it had seemed when Faolan did it for her. It was hard to manipulate her 'power' and it seemed to spring from her whenever she tried to push it somewhere, like a slippery egg. It didn't flow down into the earth in that smooth line the way Rathmir had down it, but squirmed around like a worm trying to avoid being impaled on a hook.

What's so bad about being grounded? Faolan growled at her power and then she felt a hand on her shoulder and she opened her eyes, blinking sweat away that she hadn't been aware was there.

"Enough," Rathmir said, "That's enough for today. Go take a shower and meet me downstairs for dinner. Your Companion will Shield you until you can control your power."

The Herald stood up with a swish of her long hair and Faolan hurriedly followed her out. As she walked she felt Raul's presence and the whispering that had been in the back of her head died down- it was like Raul had covered her ears for her and Faolan felt a part of her relax that she hadn't know was tense and her forehead throbbed in protest of all the mental work.

:Why is it so hard, Raul?: Faolan asked as she made her way to the baths, in a different direction than the one Rathmir disappeared to. Her feet hit the floor in a way that seemed a little too loud and the world seemed to be tilting slightly at the edges, :And why do I feel like this?:

:It's a reaction headache, but not a bad one. You'll be fine tomorrow morning: Raul said gently, :Don't push yourself so hard- and tell Rathmir you got one and she'll make sure you don't push yourself that hard. There is no need to learn any of this quickly, so take your time.:

:She made it seem so easy though: Faolan protested, stumbling into the bathing room, where a few other trainees sat in tubs, conversing quietly. It was hot and steamy and Faolan breathed in deep, feeling she liked the warmth and steam- it was good for her head.

:Well, your mind has never been forced to do those sorts of things before, Fao: Raul pointed out and Faolan moved to an empty bath, pumping hot water into it.

:But… shouldn't my meditating and Changing and all my past lives give me some sort of advantage?: Faolan wondered, ignoring the customary curious glances in her direction.

:I'm afraid not. In fact, they seem to what has made them come to a strength where they needed to be trained in the first place. However, keep trying and soon you'll be able to manipulate your powers as precisely as Vanyel, although not with so much power.:

:I wouldn't want that much power: Faolan shuddered, stripping her dirty clothing and shoving it down the laundry shoot before climbing into her bath.

:Neither would I Faolan: Rathmir said, :Neither would I…: