A/N: Yay it worked! I tried uploading yesterday and it didn't work. Sorry about the long wait, I've had a busy week! AP exams... woot. Makes me glad I've written ahead of time, since I'm not gonna have much writing time in the next few weeks. Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter!
When Faolan saw Raleigh laying there, perfectly still, as if dead except for the warmth to his cheeks, she went hot and cold all over, as if she were sick again, and stopped dead in her tracks. A Healer was tending to him, checking his pulse and fussing. They had the pale green robes of a Healer in training- but Faolan couldn't see the Healer. All she could see was that face, rimmed by the starched white of the pillows in the House of Healing. His room had a window, and sunlight streamed in through it, landing on him and his bed and haloing his body like an angel.
"Faolan?" Rathmir asked, "Faolan?"
It was a moment before Faolan heard and she blinked and looked up, "Yeah?"
"Are you all right?"
It took another moment for Faolan to register that and she said, "I don't know…. That man, why is he here?"
Why here, and not at the front, leading Heralds like Jamie Lauren against the enemy?
"I don't know Faolan," Rathmir said, and Fao had the feeling Rathmir thought she was just being a kid again.
"Excuse me?" Faolan asked, and being Rathmir could stop her she had stepped into the room and was looking at the Healer, burning all over with the need to know. Seeing Raleigh lying there had stirred up all sorts of feelings she had thought she left in her past life. Not desire- that she couldn't physically feel yet. But this overwhelming need and want to be with him, be beside him, was raging through her body.
"Yes?" the Healer trainee looked up, puzzled, and then added, "You shouldn't be in here."
"I just wanted to know why he's here," Faolan said.
The Healer looked over Faolan's head at Rathmir, and when Faolan glanced back she saw Rathmir shrug with an apologizing smile. Fao sighed and looked back at the trainee.
"He's been in a coma," the Healer trainee said, and then added, "For six years."
"Oh," Faolan said, her eyes widening and she looked at Raleigh, feeling an overwhelming sorrow rush through her body and her eyes were suddenly damp.
Oh Raleigh, she thought, holding herself stiff, because if she didn't she'd run over to him and take his hand and start crying, and she couldn't do that. What happened Raleigh? What happened? What happened when I died?
"Come on Faolan," Rathmir said and took Fao's hand, and Fao let her lead her away, feeling dazed and shocked and not really wanting to leave him at all. There was a horrible fear, deep inside of her, of the day Carry Rolf died, and she had never let herself touch it, but now… the desire to know why it had resulted with Raleigh in a coma burned through her.
"Fao, I think we should go back to your room," Rathmir said and Faolan started to nod blankly but then she stopped and shook her head, looking up at Rathmir.
"No," she said quickly, "I want to see Raul."
"Okay…" Rathmir agreed, "But not for long. You're not better yet, Faolan."
They continued walking, out of the House of Healing and past the Heraldic Collegium out towards the Companion's Field. A few minutes passed and then Rathmir spoke.
"Faolan?" she asked, her voice venturing and cautious and Faolan looked up at her as they walked.
"Uh huh?"
"Jamie Lauren- you remember him? He told me that you asked him about a woman he once knew on the border," Rathmir said and a chill went through Faolan, "You were wearing the same expression when you saw that man in the House of Healing that you wore when you first saw Jamie."
"I was?" Faolan asked.
"You were…" Rathmir said slowly and then asked, her teal eyes meeting Faolans, "Why?"
"I…" Faolan was at a loss for words, "I…"
"Never mind," she said, and seemed to lose total interest in the same way Alaska had when he asked about Carry Rolf. Faolan sighed, feeling bad about having pulled the Companions into it once more. She had the feeling they didn't appreciate it. She knew they had something to do with Alaska and Rathmir's sudden lack of interest. She doubted Christopher Alaska even remembered asking her about it, let alone her confession that she was Carry Rolf.
:Faolan? What happened?: Raul inquired as they entered the Field. She was trotting over, looking nervous as the chilly late fall wind blew through her mane. It was cold, Faolan suddenly realized with a shiver.
:I saw Raleigh: Faolan admitted.
Somehow she sort of expected Raul to have known all along, but the filly only asked, :Who?:
:Raleigh: Faolan said, hugging the Companion's nose as Raul reached them and closing her eyes.
:Who is Raleigh?:Raul asked slowly, suspiciously.
:He… Carry Rolf… he…: was all Faolan could sputter out but she knew that upon being asked to explain who Raleigh was, Raul had felt everything that was twisting around in Faolan's emotions.
:Where did you see him? Did you speak?: Raul asked, and her voice was worried.
:In the Healer's Collegium: Fao said numbly, and then, :No. He's in a coma. He's been like that… since I died.:
:Since Carry Rolf died: Raul said, her mind voice somehow urging the need to make that distinction.
:Why…?: Faolan started to asked but as she looked into Raul's eyes she knew she didn't need to complete that question.
:Faolan… block out Carry Rolf and tell me exactly what you are feeling: Raul said.
Faolan, inspired by Raul's urgency and a bit scared at the way Raul was speaking, quickly said, :I don't know. Sort of sick, but not in a stomach or body sort of way. Scared. I… He… He's been there for six years:
:What do you feel, Fao: Raul nudged, :Block out your past lives.:
Faolan nodded and pushed the clamoring Carry Rolf away. It was harder than before, she seemed to have melded into Faolan a little more, but she did it and then she sat down heavily on the cold ground and said, :I feel the way a four year old shouldn't. Like I just want to be with him forever. Sit by his side until he comes out of that coma. I want to see him awake, alive, laughing, speaking! I want to look into his eyes, Raul. I want to hold his hand. Why am I feeling this way?:
:Faolan…: Raul fidgeted, looking very uneasy and finally she said, :I think you're lifebonded to him.:
It took a full two minutes for that to sink in and when it did Faolan shook her head fiercely and said, "No." :No. I wasn't lifebonded to him in my last life. Why would I be now?:
:You're not feeling Carry Rolf's memories, Faolan: Raul stated, :Are you?:
:No…But…: she looked up, searching Raul's eyes in confusion, :I'm only four. And he… if Carry Rolf was still alive I couldn't be lifebonded to him… How…? How did that happen, Raul?:
:I don't think age has anything to do with it: Raul said with a sigh, :Damn. You aren't ready for this. You were not lifebonded to him in your past life but you loved him. Deeply, am I correct?:
Faolan thought back, and pulled up the memories of everything that happened since that first kiss, and the memories of a love as powerful as what she was feeling right then washed through her and she nodded numbly.
:Well… Rolan will kill me for telling you this but I don't really have a choice… Faolan… that's what lifebonds are. The love you had for him still persisted even after you died. If he had died as well and you two had chanced to meet in another life, hundreds of years from now, you would be lifebonded, precisely because you already loved each other. Lifebonds usually only occur when two people die young, die deeply in love, die not ready to leave each other. An old married couple that loved each other just as deeply, would be ready to let go, and they would not be lifebonded. Even though only one of you died, Raleigh still loves Carry Rolf, and you are Carry Rolf, if only a bit changed and a few years younger. You are lifebonded to him, Faolan.:
:I don't think I'm ready for that: Faolan said and hugged Raul tighter.
:No, you aren't: Raul agreed, :And if things were normal you probably wouldn't have met up with him until you were at least a full Herald, well into your teen years.:
:But my life isn't normal to begin with: Faolan pointed out frantically, near tears again.
:Exactly. I doubt a lifebond like this has occurred in… well…since Vanyel's time: Raul mused and then she lay down so Fao could wrap her arms around the filly's neck.
:I just want to be with him: Faolan sobbed into Raul's mane.
:That's pretty much what being lifebonded is like, Faolan…: Raul said, and then she sighed, :Talk to Rathmir about it, okay?:
Faolan pulled away to stare at Raul, "Raul?"
:She's lifebonded to William: Raul started and then she laughed and shook her head, :Oh I don't mean tell her about your past lives. But she can help you. Here, I'll do the explaining to Conlan, and he can explain to her- in my own twisted version of what's happened of course.:
Faolan could stop the tiny chuckle that emerged from Raul's words and she leaned back, wiping her eyes to looked around the Field. Rathmir had moved away and was talking to Conlan. Suddenly, her face erupted into the picture of surprise and shock and she glanced at Faolan, but when she saw Fao looking her way she quickly looked back at Conlan, the 'listening' look on her face that told Faolan she was still listening to Conlan.
:I'm not sure I wanted her to know…: Faolan admitted, feeling nervous.
:Well, she knows: Raul said, :And I think I'm right in thinking that she's the one person you would want to talk about it to, am I correct?:
Faolan paused and then nodded, :Yes. Is she coming over now? I don't think I can look at her.:
:Calm down Faolan: Raul said and Faolan peeked over Raul's neck to see Rathmir making her way over, an incredulous look on her face, :She can help you. She loves you, she's your friend.:
"Faolan?" Rathmir asked and Faolan put her face into Raul's mane.
:Tell her to go away: Faolan said and Raul stood up, making Faolan sprawl onto the grass.
:Stop being silly now and go to her! I'm going to go talk to Conlan: Raul said, :I'll be here for you though.:
:Okay: Faolan said miserably.
:You should go back inside too… you'll catch chill and get sick all over again: Raul added on as Faolan looked up at Rathmir, embarrassed and uncomfortable.
"Conlan tells me Raul wants me to take you back inside before we talk about this interesting situation," Rathmir said and Faolan felt herself turn red as she nodded.
Rathmir leaned down and picked her up, scooping her up into strong arms and making her feel even more altogether way too young to be dealing with this sort of thing. She leaned up against Rathmir and closed her eyes as they walked. A few minutes later Faolan heaved a sigh of relief as she was laid down in her own bed in her own room in the House of Healing- they had not stopped to see Raleigh.
This will so be all over the Collegium and then people will have a new reason to stare at me…Faolan thought miserably, pulling the blankets up around her as Rathmir sat down on the edge of the bed, her weight making Faolan roll towards her slightly.
"Do you want to sit up?" Rathmir asked and Faolan opened her eyes and sat up, resting her hands in her lap and avoiding the Herald's gaze.
:Oh Faolan…: Raul put in, giving Fao a mental hug, and then adding in a way that didn't seem quite directed at her, :I'm not even sure if it's a good thing or bad thing that he's in a coma:
"Conlan tells me… well," Rathmir said and then paused, "Why don't you tell me?"
Faolan looked up, feeling a blush still hovering around her cheeks as she met Rathmir's eyes and the moment she did she was overwhelmed with emotion and she leaned forward, hugging Rathmir tightly, a low sob emerging from her.
"It's too much," Faolan whispered as tears once more brimmed up in her eyes.
"Faolan…" Rathmir whispered sympathetically, wrapping her arms around Fao, "It's okay baby… It's alright."
A few minutes later Faolan pulled back and looked up at Rathmir. Rathmir looked back down at Faolan, her face contorted with sympathy.
"Let me tell you one thing," Rathmir said, "I wouldn't want to be in your place. I know that doesn't help, but you're in a real predicament! I would give my life ten times over to know how you became lifebonded to a man at least five times your age! Havens, he could be my brother and you could be my daughter!"
Faolan gave her a slight smile but didn't say anything, just looked up at Rathmir, waiting.
"No wonder you were out of it!" Rathmir said, pushing Faolan's hair from her eyes in an affectionate gesture, "I remember when I first saw William- and I was much older than you are!"
"What happened?" Faolan asked.
Rathmir smiled and looked off and then said, "Well… I was fourteen I think, freshly Chosen and just getting used to having a bond to a Companion. I was in the Great Hall, nervous and unsure of my way around and I looked over and there he was. He was standing up, about to leave, and he didn't see me. But I knew at that moment that I was in love. It wasn't until a few months later that people realized we had to be lifebonded. I never spoke to him, thinking it was just an insane crush, and just sort of watched him day in and day out. It drove me insane not to be able to be with him. He had a girlfriend at the time you see, and they seemed pretty tight. She was another Heraldic trainee, and I'm sad to say we don't really get along even to this day. Once we met, we were inseparable. Couldn't get enough of each other. She understood, of course, but I know she had to be jealous. They might have married if it weren't for me, although they also might have broken up too… Anyway, once we were together… it made me happier than I'd ever been in my entire life. I can't imagine how you feel though, Faolan. You're too young to feel… anything else, but a four year old feeling the love of lifebond pulling through them!" And then she pulled Faolan close and hugged her tightly once more.
"Thanks, Rathmir," Faolan said once she was realized, knowing that she wasn't quite four years old, but a lot of the time, she still felt like she was.
"I'll get William to visit you later," Rathmir said, "He can explain to you a little more about lifebonds than I can."
"Raul already explained a lot of it," Faolan confessed, Probably more than even William knows…
"Yes," Rathmir nodded, "You should get some rest. Sleeping on that will do you good."
"I want to go see him again," Faolan said.
"Not now," Rathmir shook her head, "Now Faolan, you sleep. You'll get sick again if you get too worked up."
Faolan nodded in defeat and sank back onto her pillow, feeling immensely tired, "Okay Rathmir."