A/N – Thanks very much to everyone who's been keeping up with this story. Sorry about the delay in the updates, and hope you enjoy this particularly long chapter – it was one of my favourites to write!

– 05 – 05 – 05 – 05 – 05 –

1"Was she worth it?" James asked, looking at his best friends with the eyes of a man many years their senior. "Look at what happened. Was she really worth it?"

Alice looked up and gaped at him, stunned he could even say such a thing, but Remus spoke first, "More than you will ever know Prongs. More than you can even imagine."

Turning to face them, Lily asked softly, her own memory of last night leaving her certain that she knew the answer, "Did you love her?"

Eyes closing on pain, Sirius nodded, "I do. More than you know Lily Evans. I can't remember ever loving anyone like I love her."

"Look what happened because of her," James repeated numbly, shaking his head in disbelief.

Something in Sirius broke and his eyes darkened dangerously. Alice stood and approached him as Remus looked at her beseechingly. They knew what to do when his eyes were violent and savage like that. But she didn't get there quickly enough, for Sirius grabbed James by the shirt, growling viciously, "She caused none of it. She was stuck in the middle of something that she shouldn't have been exposed to. You blame it on her and I will kill you, regardless of who you are. Never once did she lift a finger to hurt anyone, even when they hurt her. It's sick, sick, to blame it on her when she deserved none of it!"

He shoved James away, completely oblivious to the absolute terror on his best friend and Lily's faces as he whirled away from them. His back still towards them, and his voice shaking, he placed a hand on Remus' shoulder. "Moony, mate. You saw too. What they did to her?"

James stared in horror as Remus' face tightened, paling drastically as he managed hoarsely, "We heard her Padfoot. And we couldn't go to her. She never moved. It was like she let them touch her."

It was a completely unprecedented action as Alice grabbed Remus by the shoulders and said, "No, it wasn't. She would never let them. Not when she knew you were there. Why else do you think she stopped screaming? Merlin. What did they do to her?!"

The voice that came from the doorway was of a face they had all trusted, and they all turned to see Gideon Prewett, "Answer your own question, Alice. They destroyed her. Merlin, I've never seen them do that to someone. And a pureblood at that. She woke up today, but she won't let anyone near her. Fabian went in to see her, and she near scratched his eyes out. You know what happened, why she wouldn't want him around."

Lily took a step forward and asked, "What about her mum? Or her step-dad? Did they go see her?"

Shaking his head, Gideon replied, "They won't let anyone see her until they can get a Healer in there. Probably by tomorrow they will have. Her step-dad was there when I left. Merlin, he's been there non-stop since he found out. I don't think he's slept since he came in either."

At the news of his uncle, James stood, but Gideon's gaze withered on him. "He told me to tell you explicitly that you're a fool of a seventeen year old. And that he expects higher behaviour from you next time he sees you. Just so you know."

With a snort, Sirius nodded, "Thanks Prewett. I'm going to the hospital tomorrow, to see her. I need to see her."

Nodding, a slight smile gracing his face, Gideon patted him on the back and disapparated, leaving them alone again. Daring to touch the boy, Lily asked gently, "Sirius? What happened to her? I know you were there, and Remus was a little too, but nobody's told me anything."

"They tortured her," Remus snapped gruffly. "And there are plenty more options open to a man torturing a woman. And they used all of them. Need I go into detail?"

Lily, her definition of torture eternally different from the glassy image James held, paled and Alice shuddered. The two watched as Sirius' hand grasped her forearm and she turned to him. The girl who had been unable to stand Sirius the year before let herself be pulled into a comforting embrace. Remus sank into the chair and swore violently, fisting his hands in his hair. Looking up, he managed softly, "I'm going with you to see her."

Instantly Sirius stiffened and knelt down beside the werewolf, asking, "Are you sure? I saw what happened, but she's accepted that. You heard, dammit, and she knows you were there. Are you sure you want to go tomorrow to see her?"

Looking up, Remus' golden eyes bored in Sirius, "More than you know." And it was settled. No one could argue with the dark desperation in his eyes. Nor did anyone want to.

– 05 – 05 – 05 – 05 – 05 –

Sirius went in first, his dark eyes probing the still features. "Mira. How are you?"

She said nothing, moved nothing, and she appeared to be more of a statue than a girl as she lay immobile on the bed. "Your step dad's been worried sick, and your mum. The Prewetts have been driving us batty, the Potters are going crazy themselves. And you've got me, Remus, and Alice ready to beat our brains out."

There was still no response, and Sirius looked at Remus, trying another tactic. Reaching forward, kissing her hand gently, he started over, "I never found out what I was promising you. You scared me, so badly."

"You already broke it."

Relieved to hear her voice, despite the muted distance her pain and sorrow yielded, Sirius buried his face into the blanket by her side, "Well what was it?"

"Get out Sirius. Come back in when you can look at me without pity. When you don't blame yourself for what happened. And take Remus, Alice, and Lily with you."

"What about James?"

"He doesn't make me feel disgusting."

"Cela!" Alice exclaimed, shock on her features as James and Lily exchanged uncertain glances.

Eyes still closed, Mira Celaeno showed no sign of response, tensing as Remus spoke softly, "We don't pity you. We worry about you. Is that wrong? You aren't disgusting. If you were we wouldn't have tried so hard to make sure you're okay."

Sitting straight up in the bed, eyes flashing open with a ferocious pain that wrenched James' heart, she said bitterly, "Well maybe you shouldn't have! Maybe you should invest your time and energy somewhere worthwhile and leave me be!"

Taking in the bead of bruises around her neck, the bandages around her arms and chest, the cuts along her body, and the burn marks on her arms, James wondered what exactly had happened. Sitting down beside her best friend, Lily ignored the tears burning at the back of her eyes and hugged her tightly. "I missed you. Please, don't ever make me worry like that again."

"They found out about you. You're in danger now, because of me. Stop pretending it doesn't matter."

"It was bound to happen sooner or later. James and Sirius and Alice are all in danger too, and you're the only one in the hospital. Stop feeling guilty, you didn't ask for any of this."

"Yes she did," Sirius pointed out, grunting as Remus smacked him mercilessly. "Dammit, Mira. Don't be bitter with us for worrying."

"Do they know?"

"Do they know what?"

Eyes flashing, Cela repeated dangerously, "Don't play with me Black. Do they know?"

"The only people I've told are the healers, I swear. Mrs. Potter knows, because she wouldn't leave me by myself. I never left you. I kept that promise."

"Did you hear the spell? Did you understand it?"

Her eyes turned to Remus now and Alice watched as Remus shook his head. Sirius nodded softly in Remus' stead, "I heard, but I didn't understand it. Moony wasn't there anymore."

"Ask the healers. I don't want to talk anymore."
Leaning back and closing her eyes, Mira Celaeno jumped up with a sob of terror as James grabbed her arm. Sitting in the chair, eyes boring into her features, his voice was hard, "Stop it Celaeno! They were worried about you and all you can do is toy with them! Stop playing victim; they weren't your attackers!"

Tears filled her eyes, not from his words but from his proximity. Remus reached out for her, to soothe her, and her breath hitched. Seizing up and curling into a ball, Celaeno swallowed a hollow scream and fell backwards in a frantic attempt to get away from them. Alice shook her head, pain lancing through her at the sight of Cela's sudden aversion for men. She fell, her soft cry of pain making Sirius' eyes close in agony. Holding her in his arms, he caught her as she flailed at him. Resting her against his chest, clasping her tightly against him, he ignored her convulsions. "It's just me Mira. None of us are going to hurt you. Nobody's going to touch you. I swear it. I'll kill them myself. It was just Remus. You know he would never do that. Hush, listen to me. Stop fighting me Mira! Dammit! I've got you now."

Pressing his lips to her hair, Sirius shook his head and hid his face. "Don't do this Mira. We love you."

Sobbing incoherent nonsense, she let him rock her steadily. Lily watched, tears trickling over her cheeks as Sirius looked up at Remus sorrowfully, mouthing an apology. James shuddered, knowing he deserved the dirty look Sirius sent him. Grabbing a potion off her side table, reading it, Sirius stroked her hair and said softly, "You're going to sleep. Let Lily and Alice kiss you goodbye. And let us touch you, nobody will hurt you."

Curled into a ball, Cela nodded and meekly returned Lily and Alice's gestures, allowing herself to be squeezed with the love of friends. Kneeling, James stroked her cheek and said softly, "I'm sorry."

Her eyes closed on tears as Remus stepped forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "We'll be here when you wake up Cela, I promise."

Making an effort not to flinch at the gentle touch, she struggled to find her words. "I'm sorry I didn't listen."

"I sorry you had to."

Her jaw tightened slightly, her dark eyes watering as she turned away. Sliding off the bed and stroking her hair, Sirius looked at her and murmured, "I'm going to have to tell them. They deserve to know."

She nodded, tears trickling over her cheeks. Wiping her cheeks furiously, Sirius winced as she managed, "Just don't leave me alone."

"I won't, little Mira. Now drink this and sleep."

"You'll leave."

Holding her tightly, pressing a kiss to her hair, he shook his head. "No, I won't. If you need me, I'll be here."

Looking up at Remus, Sirius's wide eyes darted toward the bottle. Nodding as he sat on the other edge of Cela's bed, Remus stroked her face lightly and tilted to potion into her mouth. "One of us will be here, don't worry. Trust us."

"I do," she murmured, her last conscious thought of Sirius holding her against his chest. "It's me I don't."

Laying her back down, Sirius looked at Remus and cursed violently. Lily looked at him reproachfully, though there was little threat through the worry in her eyes. Shaking his head, Remus motioned for them to go. "Coffee. We'll need it soon enough. She has another couple of hours before she wakes."

They left the room and went, getting coffee in silence. Over two hours passed, with the same heavy silence between them. And it was Remus who turned to Sirius this time. "When did she trust you like that? I mean, I know she trusted us, but nothing like that. Not anything like that."

"She knows I saw everything. When we left, they'd left her there. They thought she was finished. When they left her there I went in after her. She was still hysterical. She was trying to fight me, screaming every time she moved because it hurt, but she was more afraid of me than afraid of the pain. It took over an hour for her to calm down enough for me to get her out of there. I was afraid she was going to die before I could. She started convulsing when I tried to pick her up, and it wasn't until she blacked out that I was able to pick her up and leave."

"If you're that scared, and you wake up safe, you figure you can trust the person who took you away," James said softly.

Sirius shot him a dirty look and the boy looked back levelly. "What? I didn't get that it was that bad. I figured it would've been the Cruciatous, and then if she was still sane it couldn't have been that bad."

"As a muggle-lover, they saw it fit to use muggle methods with magical additions."

Lily winced, stopping and grabbing Sirius' hand, "Will she be okay?"

"No," the healer said, looking at them. All of the teens stopped, looking at the man in horror. "One of the curses, the one you didn't catch Mr. Black, was to make the room cold. Think Northern Scotland on a wet winter night cold. Plus some other dark additions that we can't identify. She has consumption, like muggle tuberculosis."

"But tuberculosis is treatable. She'll be okay."

"Miss?" the healer asked. "If it were merely muggle tuberculosis we wouldn't have a problem. With the blow her body's taken it would have been hard enough. Now she doesn't have a chance, they put a spell on her, we have no idea what it is, that prevents her from accepting the medication. It made her sick earlier, we had to pump her stomach the muggle way to keep her from being asphyxiated right there. We can treat it, delay it. But she will die before she reaches thirty, there's no way around that. She knows."

"No, you're lying. She isn't going to die. She's going to be okay."

"It's going to be years. No need to worry, Ms. Quirke. Death happens, we all run the risk. She just has a better idea of how long she has left."

"No!" Remus roared, tears in his eyes. "She isn't dying!"

The healer started, watched as Sirius grabbed Remus across the chest and held him firmly in place. "Moony," Sirius started, pain etched in his features. "Moony. Moony!"
Remus froze, letting Sirius whirl him around. "Moony, that isn't going to help. They'll find a cure. It's ten years before we even have to start worrying. They'll find a cure by then."

The healer nodded and left, unable to condemn the young man's hope, and Remus looked at Sirius. "You won't be saying that when she starts getting sick."

"Dammit!" Sirius said, face darkening. "What the bloody hell gives you the right to tell me that? I would do anything, anything dammit, to keep her safe! I don't care how close you are now; I was the one who had to stay with her! Or did you forget that?"

"Sirius," Alice cut in sharply. "It wasn't our choice to leave you with her. You told us to go. We went to the Ministry, to the Potters and her parents first thing. Like we agreed together. I've known her long enough to assume that Procyon Venatici would stick to his old tricks and not try any new ones!"

"Well, you were wrong," Sirius growled. Then he paused, turning and looking at her carefully. "Venatici's old tricks. Alice, can Mira have children?"

"Of course," she said brusquely, looking quite confused. "Why shouldn't she be able to?"

"I doubt she can now," he said, shaking his head. "Dammit! I need to see her."

"She's asleep. Thanks to you," Lily pointed out. "She needs it. I'd rather have her safe than see her pregnant."

Looking up, Sirius shook his head, "Evans, they used muggle torture tools. It wasn't so clean as a wizard's spell. How many potions do they have her on?"

"A whole lot," Fabian Prewett said, looking at them as he leaned against the wall. "Care for coffee? Come on, the lot of you, my treat. You need one, what with what poor Celaeno's going through."

"Already had some. How are you so close to Mira, Prewett? And how close are you two?" Sirius demanded, eyes narrowing protectively at the thought of the older man being near Mira Celaeno.

Laughing, Fabian shook his head, "Not that close, Black. Think more little sister and less lover. If I ever thought of it, I stopped when she tried to scratch my eyes out. Impressed Gideon, the bastard, but Celaeno's too young for him and he knows it."

"Why are you here?"

"Suspicious prat," Fabian countered. "For good reason, too. Because I'm an auror, because I've known Celaeno for years, and because I'm one of the few people who can actually take you and your posse on."

"In your dreams," James said smoothly, standing beside Sirius.

Raising an eyebrow, noting the pallor in James' face and the shock in his eyes, Fabian's voice was like ice, "So you've seen her then? I don't know how you managed to get her out of there, Black, she was ten time worse two days ago."

Sirius remembered well, face darkening as he croaked, "I know."

Frowning, grasping the young man's shoulder tightly, Fabian led them away. "She'll be alright. I heard the healer talking to you. Mira Celaeno was talking to her mum earlier, most normal I've seen her, and she said that if she was going to die then as long it wasn't now she didn't care. She's a strong bird, she'll pop up again."

"I know. I've seen her do it."

"The three of you have, haven't you?" Fabian said, motioning to Alice, Remus, and Sirius. "Seen what Venatici does when he gets ideas into that head of his?"

"And felt it," Sirius grunted.

Lily stopped and stared at him, the others all freezing. Sceptical about how Lily Evans would react, considering it was Sirius Black, they all felt their eyes widen involuntarily as she flung her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. "Oh, Sirius! We'll make everything okay! It has to be!"

Patting her awkwardly, stunned by both her hug and her addressing him by his given name, Sirius disentangled himself and mumbled incoherently as he shoved her into James' hands, "Let Prongs take care of you. He does a better job than I do."

Though Fabian had to decipher Sirius words, the others froze and four indignant voices rang out at the same time. Face tightening, body tense, Sirius whirled to face them and snapped, "Don't try to make me feel better about it! I had the opportunity to get her out of there before any of this happened and I was too thick to take it! This is my fault as much as Venatici's!"

Stunned into silence, they jumped as a voice said softly, "She'd be disappointed to hear you say that. She asked for you before she permitted them to let me in. I doubt she would ever hold you responsible, especially in comparison to the bastard who hurt her."

Turning slowly to face the strained features of Mira Celaeno's mother, Sirius winced. As acutely aware of people's emotions as her daughter, she sensed his discomfort instantly and drew him into a warm embrace. After he had rejected Lily's similar gesture, his companions were shocked to find him reach up and grasp her tightly. Only after they noticed him stroke her hair, jaw tight, did they realize it was to give comfort as much as to receive it. "I tried. I really did."

"I know. So does Mira. She resents herself for not being strong enough to get over it, not you for your humanity. I don't think she's even thought to blame her father yet. Let alone her father's keeper."

Sirius stiffened, staring at the face that was so like Celaeno's. Blanching, he turned and darted back toward her room, ignoring their cries and furious attempt to follow him. And they all froze as they watched him drop down beside her, squeezing her hand until she awoke with a gasp. "Ow!"

"Look at me."

Surprised by the urgency in his voice, Mira Celaeno obeyed with fear in her eyes. "Don't give me that!" Sirius snapped, his face hidden from them while his voice rang with insistence. "I'm not going to hurt you, dammit! Do you know why this happened to you?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I don't care what you bloody want! It's what's good for you! Look at me. Look at me Mira Celaeno!" voice reverberating with hidden power, Mira Celaeno looked up at him carefully. "Do you think this was your fault?"

Instantly able to interpret his sudden softness as concern, she felt tears fill her eyes and she looked away. Finally she managed uncertainly, "I don't know."

Wrapping his arms around her, holding her carefully as he kissed her forehead, he said gently, "You're a bloody idiot. A damn fool."

"Are you trying to make me feel better?"

His laugh was bitter, somewhat amused despite his evident agitation. Sitting back, forcing her to look into his endless black eyes, he said firmly, "You're here for one reason. It has nothing to do with you, me, Remus, Alice, or any of the others. It has to do with Voldemort. With his sick idea that who your parents are really matters."

"What if it does?"

Anger flashing over his face, he fought the urge to shake her. Voice soft, he asked softly, "Do you think I'm like my parents?"

"No!"

Her cry was as instinctive as it was shocked. "So how does it matter? How can it matter? You aren't your father. But that's not whose fault it is. It's the fault of the twisted man who started this, who gave their sick ideas a place to grow and a reason to act on them. This is the man who would kill Evans if he had the chance, who would have killed you, who laughs at our telling him he's wrong. He wants you to think it could be your fault. Because then you won't fight him, and he'll have won. Do you really want that? Can you really blame yourself when he's out there?"

She was silent, her large eyes slowly overflowing with tears. He hadn't meant to make her cry. Panic, yes, cringe, yes, anything but the large tears that soaked her cheeks. Gasping, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, soothing her as he kissed her gently, lovingly. Forgetting to be shocked by the fact that he had actually kissed Mira Celaeno, rather than the playful peck on the lips he had done countless times before, he felt her shake her head into his robes. Swallowing, he looked at her and said, "I need more coffee. I'm going to pass out if I don't get something to keep me awake. And tea won't work. Not enough caffeine. James is the only one of us really awake, to be honest. We couldn't sleep, we were too busy worrying about you. And your mum looks like she hasn't slept in ages."

Looking up, tears still on her cheeks, there was a new fire in her eyes. "Go back to the Potter's, Sirius. All of you. Go, sleep, and I don't want to see you until I come there."

"I'm not leaving you by yourself."

"Then leave Potter. Mum is going home. I heard Fabian tell Gideon he was going to drag her out if she didn't leave of her own free will. They already dragged Dad home. I'll come as soon as I'm ready."

"You're the one who made me promise not to leave."

Aware of his personal interest to stay, she smiled and reached up to kiss him deeply. "Remus should be the one objecting, not you."

Knowing what she was implying, Sirius glared at her, softening as she kissed him again, his face in her hands. "I love you. I love Remus. I love Alice. I love Lily. I love my family. And I am telling you that I will not leave any of you yet. But I need my space; I need to get past what has happened on my own. For my sake, if not for your own, take everyone and leave. If you can't bear that much, James may stay. I will come to you when I am ready, no sooner. You will see me again, soon; I promise you that. But not yet, you have to understand that."

Pressing his lips to her forehead briefly, he smiled sadly. "You're strong, Mira. I love you, and they all love you too. Just stay strong for us."

She stroked his cheek, watching as he turned back to them with tears in his eyes, grasping Remus by the arm and touching Lily's shoulder gently. As he walked out the door, Remus looked over his shoulder and caught her gaze, the burning intensity in her dark eyes as she watched him. His eyes stayed on her as her mother bent to press a tender kiss to her burning forehead, and it was no longer the eye of a lover with which he watched her. Swallowing, James shifted uncertainly, acutely aware of the fact he was the only one left with Mira Celaeno. "I don't really know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. You're here because of Sirius, remember?"

Stunned by the ice she had withheld for him, he dropped into a chair. She had been his uncle's step-daughter for what, fourteen years? And still he was held at such distance. "No I'm not."

Eyebrow lifting, she watched him warily, expecting another attack like the one she had received earlier. Jaw tightening, James ran a hand through his already-messy hair, "Look, I know I haven't been the best cousin and all, but –"

"You're not my cousin, remember?"

He recognized his own words with a wince. Eyes flashing, he looked at her levelly. "I'm trying to apologize! I'm not good at it anyway and you're not making it any easier!"

"Do you think you deserve my help?"

Wincing again, he looked at her. She was beautiful, Remus and Sirius had not been wrong about that. As he shook his head he watched her, the deep gaze of her dark eyes, the smooth contour of her pale skin, soft face, elegant curve into her neck and shoulders, dark hair shorter than he ever remembered, but still filled with a shining, lively beauty. He sighed heavily. "I've been a prat. Alright, I said it. To you and to a bunch of other people. I'm not sorry about a lot of it. But I am sorry that I treated you the way I did. I should've known better, even if I was a stupid prick. After all, I was okay with Sirius and Remus, right? You've been my cousin all along, even if not by blood, I was just too self-absorbed to accept that. But I never would've wished this upon you."

"I never said you would have."

Sighing again, he felt a wave of relief as she met his gaze, allowing him to continue. "Yesterday was the first time I saw Sirius since you got here. He'd locked himself up. I asked him if it was worth it, all that he'd gone through for you, and he nearly killed me. I'd never been afraid of my best mate before. I figured it had been a few rounds of the cruciatous, and since you were still altogether it couldn't have been that bad. So I made an ass out of myself because I never really made the effort to figure out what really happened. I'm not trying to make excuses, especially for what I did earlier today, but I want you to know why I acted like that. When I saw Sirius acting more mature than I ever had, it hurt. He'd known you outside of Hogwarts for three weeks while I've known you for fourteen years, and he was acting more like a family member to you than I ever have. If you hadn't accepted my apology he'd have killed me."

"No he wouldn't have."

"You didn't see the look on his face. That's the second time in twenty four hours that I've nearly lost my best-mate because I've been an ass. You don't deserve that. I get what Lily means when she calls me a bullying toerag," he smiled there slightly. "I know I can't take back what I did. But do you think, maybe, you could be the bigger person one more time and give me another chance?"

"How many times have I had to do that for you?"

"Too many. And if I didn't really want it, and if I hadn't realized what it would do to me, forget Sirius and Lily and the others, if anything happened to you, I wouldn't be asking. That sounded a lot better in my head."

"No," she said softly, "I understood. What would it do to you?"

Pressing his forehead into her hand, he shook his head. "When Sirius came back in and you were lying here, and you couldn't say you didn't think this was your fault. I thought my world had collapsed. It was like Lily failing something. It couldn't happen. You destroyed my world. And I got to see yours, what it's like right now. And I can't stand it. I don't know how you can. I can't live with myself knowing that you're in here and I'm living my life as though none of it matters. I can't do that, I just can't. I know you don't need my help, especially with Sirius, Remus, Lily, Alice, and your mum and my uncle here to help you. But let me help you, because I need to. I need to feel like I've done something to make up for it. You said I didn't make you feel disgusting. It's because I look at you and I'm disgusted with myself."

His face went down into the sheet beside her and he felt her fingers run through his hair. She was quiet for a long time and he hardly dared to breathe. Finally Cela's voice came, soft and gentle. "You're a seventeen year old boy. And you're a Marauder. I wouldn't have expected differently from you. What will Lily and I complain about now, now that all the Marauders have grown up? We'll have to find new prats to bemoan."

Celaeno felt the breath leave her lungs, not from fear but from James's arms wrapping around her. "James, air," she gasped, smiling as he jumped away and smiled sheepishly.

"I'm guessing you'll want me to go now too?"

Pulling him back into the chair, she shook her head softly. "No, no. It's nice, to have someone who isn't worried about me. Just stay. You have fourteen years of being a cousin to make up."

"I will. I swear I will."

James grasped her hand tightly, kissing it and resting his head against the soft mattress. Smiling, she squeezed it gently and murmured, leaning back and closing her eyes, "I know James. I believe you."