DISCLAIMER: No I do not own Treasure Planet. The Brilliance came from Disney.
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Chapter Eight – A Little Lesson In History
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When Amelia finally returned to her stateroom, it didn't surprise her to find Delbert there. He was sitting in the dark, in the chair across from her desk. He didn't look up when she entered; he only still seemed to be staring off into space. His face still held that incomprehensible expression she was unable to decipher.
When she sat down opposite him, he spoke. He kept his gaze away from her. He only continued to stare in any other direction. The carpet, through the window; it was as if he was embarrassed to show himself right now. Amelia hadn't known how true this was.
"You'll let me explain everything then? No interruptions." It wasn't a request.
"Very well." Amelia said, her voice slightly softer than it had been only minutes ago on deck. Seeing him act this way had struck something within her, and she didn't care for it. No, not one bit. She could only stare directly at him when he started to speak.
"Whatever Kylan Granger told you, I'm assuming he spoke the truth, but it's only a small part. Yes, I was previously married. And yes she did pass away. I met Juliana in college and we were together for quite some time. As was fitting, I proposed and she said yes. It was supposed to be a long engagement but we couldn't wait. We were going to wait until I had finished the work for my Doctorate and her with the book she had been writing at the time. Things didn't work out the way we had planned.
"I didn't know she was sick. It was something she had kept as a secret from me for a very long time. She had kept it intentionally. I don't know why. One night after a dinner at her home she just collapsed. Until that point I had never been so scared for anyone ever in my life. After she was rushed to the hospital, I spoke with her mother. The only thing she told me was that it was an illness she'd lived with since childhood. She wouldn't tell me what it was; said it wasn't her place to tell me. The – the doctors wouldn't tell me what was wrong. We weren't yet married, and so I didn't matter to them.
"Two weeks later, she had begun to recover. I was more than relieved. We were to be married and she had hidden this from me." Delbert paused for a time. "I can see how what she kept and what I kept from you can be seen as the same. And I'm sorry, but I still wish you needn't have wanted to know any of this Amelia.
"Any way, she recovered. We argued over and over that she tell me exactly what was wrong. I never found out, rather stupid really. I honestly don't remember how, but she made me promise, once we were married and even until then, that I would not ask what was wrong with her. I only knew it was a disease to which there was no cure. Something very rare, passed down through generations of her family. That last of her family to have what she did had been an uncle of her great grandfathers so many years prior. She had another relapse of some sort not too long after, not as bad as the first I had seen, but it was enough to try to persuade her to change her mind about such a long engagement.
"In the month that followed, her book was published, I put my work for my Doctorate aside and we were married. She seemed to have been getting so much better in such that short of time. Things seemed like they were reverting back to the way they were. There were days where we could forget that she was ill. It was not completely forgotten, but as such I was able to respect her wishes and not ask her about the incurable disease she had been born with. For the next three months we were happy. She was happy. Whatever joy I had felt, there was always the fear that I would lose her to something I had absolutely no control over. All I knew was how much I loved her and how scared I was of losing her.
"In the last month of her life, all my fears, everything I was so afraid of came true. Her attacks started again. She would become ill as to pass it off as a stomach virus. Violent seizures would rake her almost every other day for two weeks. Something else she was good at hiding. Somehow, as closely as I'd watched her, I never saw them until the day she was again admitted to the hospital. The one I saw was enough. I walked in the room, and there she was, shaking on the floor. It only lasted a few minutes before she lost consciousness. She woke only once in the two weeks of her admittance. Only once, at the very end, before she died. She was only awake long enough for me to see her eyes open, see one last smile. To see one last breath before she closed her eyes and all I heard was the monotonic drone of the machine signaling that her heart had stopped.
"I didn't know what to do after that. After the funeral I completely shut myself out and away from everyone. I didn't want to see anyone or do anything. If people came I would barely take notice, and for the most part, I had had no problem with not seeing others and not being seen. I had never before been depressed. Honestly I was devastated. I was much more than sad, I was angry. I was angry with her for everything she'd never told me, all the secrets she had kept hidden. Logic would say she was her own undoing. The fact that she knew that not seeking treatment, as morbid as it was, would kill her. She chose only the small chance that a sane mind would have voted against, and involved none but her. I was so angry at myself for being angry with her, and there was nothing I could do about it.
"As the phrase goes 'everyone has their vices', I turned away. At my mother's request, my brother came to see me. He tried to help, only his alcoholic cure to pain turned to aide my own. He regretted it. It's why I never drank. I couldn't drink myself out of depression. And it didn't take long to realize that. So I stopped and reverted back to shutting myself away. I stayed like that for a year. I would work but I would refuse to associate with any colleague or friend I had had. It took so long to see how my own selfish depression was affecting those still close to me. I was angrier with myself towards then. I don't even remember how I snapped out of it. All I can remember thinking was that after a year I couldn't blame myself, she brought this on, and it was cruel beyond measure.
"So I shut that away from me instead. I refused to speak of it, think about it. It seemed to work. My family didn't mind, my mother was just happy her son wasn't an empty shell anymore. I was happier and I had gone back into a normal routine as if Juliana hadn't been a part of my life. There were years that went by and I'd not even thought about her. So eight years ago I left Kinapis and moved back to Montressor; back home. I needed to be somewhere far away. I was indeed happier here.
"It was horrible for me to think I could try to erase this from my life. And I think, how angry I was with you, may not have entirely been directed at you. I'm not angry that you found out, I may have just been so angry that this is still something I've not overcome yet." Delbert said finally looking up at Amelia.
As she stared at him throughout his story Amelia had, at last knew what it was she had seen in Delbert's eyes. What she couldn't read earlier, she saw as plain as day now. What she had seen was only a small fraction of what it had been years ago. What she saw were the remnants of a tortured, hallow shell he had once been. It was a mix of the most horrible things a person could feel, amplified to the highest degree.
"I hated who I was so many years ago. I've never been as angry as I was then. And I hated myself for it. I just didn't want to be that person anymore, so I did the only thing I could think of and try to forget everything. Until I met you it seemed to have been working." Delbert tried to offer a smile, but it was short lived. "I should have known that I couldn't lock this away forever, least of all from you."
Amelia was lost for words. She'd never known anyone who had gone through this sort of depression before. Had she reacted similarly when Arrow had died? Yes, but at the time Delbert had been there for her. She had tried to push him away but he pushed past the barrier she held around her. And now she understood why. He may not have told her all this two years ago; she may have completely discarded it then. But nonetheless, she understood that he knew what she had gone through the night Arrow died, because he had been through something much worse. Something he was tormented and tormented himself through.
"Delbert," she said, her voice barely audible. "Delbert look at me."
He had to force himself to meet her eyes. His past wasn't necessarily as hard to bring out as he'd thought it would be. What was hard, though, was the fact that he had to show a side of him he would always regret to the woman he loved more than anything. He felt ashamed. He finally met her eyes.
"I cannot begin to comprehend what you went through. I doubt I'll ever fully understand, because when I had lost that who was closest to me, you were there. And you understood more than I thought you ever could."
"Amelia – I'm sorry I – I just didn't want you to see this. I fell in love with you when all I had known for so long was hate and – I can't bear to think of ever losing you to whatever ends. I just think – "
"Darling," Amelia said taking his hand. "A flicker of thought enters my mind to make me want to drop everything just so there was an assurance that nothing will happen that would interfere with my life, just so you wouldn't revert back –"
"I'd never ask you to do that. You love this life far too much. You've made me love it too."
"I know. But don't you think, that possibly it may be healthier for you to speak of this? Maybe it's time for you to let this go? … Let her go? Honestly, I don't want you hurting anymore over something that happened a decade ago."
"I already have let go." Delbert said offering her a modest smile. This time it was genuine. I let it go when I fell in love with you Amelia. I let go of her a long time ago. The part I still cling to is the man I became as a result of her death. I see you darling and I know I won't be that man again."
They sat in silence then. Finally enjoying a moment where they weren't angry with one another, a moment where they fully understood one another. Until, that is a slightly amused smile played at Delbert's lips.
"What?" Amelia asked noticing his sudden change is sentiment.
"It's nothing." Delbert said, fighting the amusement that had so heartily plagued him. He stood from his chair and walked over to the windows, staring at the open etherium. Amelia approached him from the side.
"What could possibly be so funny?"
"I – it's nothing."
"Hmm… I don't believe you." She replied staring at him through narrow eyes.
"All right…" Delbert said putting a hand up in mock defense, giving in. "It's just a thought is all, it's just something that came to me now from days ago. You – you just seemed a little jealous."
Amelia's eyes grew wide when he said it.
"Don't be ridiculous." She turned away from him, facing the open sky through the windows of her stateroom. "How could one be jealous of the deceased?"
"I'm sorry." Delbert said although he sounded like he clearly didn't mean it. "Like I said, it was just a thought."
"Maybe just a little. A week ago." Amelia huffed.
"Or all week long?" When he said it Amelia turned and glared at him. "Darling, jealousy suits you in the most unflattering way."
She raised an eyebrow at him when he repeated the same words she had said to him what seemed like an eternity ago.
"You don't have to worry…" Delbert said taking her in his arms. "All of my affections are held for you and only you. I love you Captain."
"That's good to know Doctor." She said smiling.
Amelia turned in his arms and kissed him. Happy that they were no longer at ends with each other. But as she mulled over everything he had said this night, there was one thing she couldn't fathom: How could this wonderful man fall in love and be so kind and caring to someone whose own choices had led to cruelty and death. She decided to put it out of her mind for now.
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Authors Note: OK! Two chapters for the price of one! Good Deal. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I know it's kind of sad and I guess we'll see how this all plays out.
And Stacy Vorosco, thanks for staying a faithful reviewer of this story. You're Awesome!
