A/N: Heyla! I'm ahead of myself again so no worries yet about updates. Got some more ideas for Faolan, looking forward to writing it. Thanks to all reviewers, you make this story possible!
Snowbear

Later that day Faolan sat on a log with Taryn, poking at the dirt with a stick. It was free time, designated, for the days of these werewolves was strictly regulated. Those older than thirty did the labor, and those younger not fighting were constantly being schooled. Weaponry, as Faolan had been shown, was one of them, and they seemed to assume everyone wanted to go to war, yet also… everyone did seem to wish to fight with their brothers and sisters on the front lines. There cannot be a race of killers, Faolan thought, for the only one thing connecting them was their werewolfism and Faolan herself didn't wish to fight… After a break from weaponry came lunch and then was time spent in tactical and strategy training. This was done more subtly, in the form of playing on the rocks, moving in teams and chasing one another. It was a bit of a miniwar in itself. Players would try and capture and then 'kill' all opponents, which could be done once an opponent was totally helpless. It was, Fao quickly realized, extremely fun, although the fact that she knew the werewolves that had killed Carry had probably trained in this game dampened the joy quite a bit.

But now was free time, and so Faolan poked the dirt with a stick. Taryn was staring at the sky, and both were silent, such that the forest noises could be heard in perfect detail. They were a ways off from the camp, but the camp could still be heard as well.

"I'm worried about my sister," Taryn finally said and Faolan glanced over at the older girl, unsure of where this was going, pulled from her musings about eavesdropping on the elders who, so far, had said nothing about the war.

"Why?" Faolan finally asked, her blue eyes curious.

Taryn sighed and slid down off the log to lean up against it, her hair getting stuck to the bark, "She's fighting now. She's fifteen, well sixteen now. She left last year. Sometimes they come back quick but others… They need time. And for every five that go, only three come back. What if she becomes one of the lost two?"

Faolan stared down at the dirt, pondering her answer. Would a direct question about fighting seem too obvious? Should she try prying, or would her curiosity be suspicious? She sighed and shrugged at Taryn and finally said the only thing she could, "You gotta hope."

The longer her sister lives, Faolan thought sadly, The more likely she is to kill my people- so I want her dead.

But looking at Taryn, Faolan felt guilty for wishing such a pain upon a girl who so far had shown herself to be nothing but supportive. And someday YOU will go to kill my people too. It made Faolan want to growl. Why? she wondered angrily, It can't be for the money, I see no need for money among these peoples. And you're certainly not blood thirsty monsters doing it for the kill… So WHY are we fighting this war? Why are our people dying?

Faolan suddenly felt an arm drape across her knees and she looked over at Taryn. The girl was smiling gently and Faolan glowered, feeling tempted to shove the arm away. She held the feeling back.

"If there were another way we'd do it, right?" Taryn asked and Faolan stared at her, mystified.

"Sure," she finally said, and Taryn stood.

"Let's go to the game," the plain faced girl said, her almost red eyes dancing with excitement, "And forget the war, right?"

"Okay," Faolan stood as well, following Taryn as she darted barefoot through the trees, swiftly, silently, just the way she would to avoid scouts like she had once been…

The next day, over breakfast, Faolan overheard Skylar talking to Magdalia- the two that were the most in charge as far as Faolan could tell. She'd overheard them talking before, so at first she paid little attention to the words dancing over her head until a word caught her attention.

"…a Companion?" Skylar asked, his voice sounding worried.

"Or a white deer," Magdalia admitted, "My source isn't too trustworthy."

"Who was it, Shaun?" Skylar asked with a half laugh, "It was probably a white rabbit in that case."

"Still- if this valley is found…" Magdalia's voice trailed off and she noticed Faolan watching them intently.

She smiled and Skylar nodded and wandered off. Faolan quickly glanced back at her breakfast, which was warmed moose from the day before. A moment later she felt a touch on her shoulder and looked back up to find Magdalia standing over her.

"Could you come with me, Faolan?" she asked and Faolan nodded quickly, standing up as her heart gave a lurch in her chest. Please be all right, Raul, she prayed as she followed Magdalia through the crowd of munching werewolves and their barbaric slavering over the meat.

Once they were away from the others Magdalia kneeled down, looking at Faolan seriously. Fao's heart crawled up into her throat and she stared back at the woman, feeling terrified and small.

"Faolan?" she asked softly, "If you need anyone to talk to, you can come to me, you know that, right?"

"Uh," said Faolan, blinking at Magdalia stupidly and wondering if she heard right, her mind on Raul, who undoubtedly was the Companion sighted. If it was a Companion. She hoped it had been a white rabbit.

"Faolan… the bond of being a werewolf stretches beyond the ties of a nation," Magdalia said, "The Valdemarens stopped being your people the moment you were first forced out on your own. Your parents did throw you out, right?"
Faolan nodded slowly, for it was a truth… in a way. Although she hadn't been a werewolf when she'd run away. Her fear was beginning to fade as she realized Magdalia thought she still felt like a Valdemaren- which she did, but Magdalia couldn't know that.

"Never will you find a more loving family than with a pack of werewolves," Magdalia said and Faolan felt like growling, for she knew the Heralds were better, and she missed Rathmir terribly as she thought of it.

"Okay," Magdalia said, "Well… if you ever have trouble coping with who or what you are, just come to me. I'm here for questions."

Faolan's ears pricked at that. Could she ask now? Magdalia had opened to the door for it… So Faolan leapt. She paused a moment, letting out a shy sputter to grab the werewolf's attention before speaking.

"Um…" she said, looking at her feet, and not at Magdalia, "Why… why do… why do we fight?"

She was very careful to say we, because anything else would show her disassociation from the pack.

Magdalia sighed and looked up at the trees above them, before giving Faolan a sad smile, "It's a long story Faolan, and goes back to the very beginning of werewolves. Just wait, the tale will be told on the next full moon, as it is every month, to remind us why we are. Have patience, I couldn't tell it too you like Skylar can."

"Okay," Faolan nodded, feeling truly satisfied. If it was open like that, then she need do no mind prying. Rathmir had once spoken to her about the ethics of her Gift, but Fao was fairly sure that spying was one of the situations where mind reading was allowed. However, she had just mastered centering and grounding and only the basics of sending and shielding, before she was sent off. In order to listen in she'd have to drop her shields, figure out who she was listening to, pick out their voice, and do it all so they didn't 'feel' someone poking about in their heads.

I could train myself, Faolan realized suddenly, as Magdalia led her back to the pack, I did it with Archery. Raul could help me even though she's far away… And then, if I could read Skylar and Magdalia's minds like that…

As it turned out, telling the 'tale' wasn't all that was due to happen the next full moon. Faolan was to be Initiated into the pack as well. Those who were born a member of the pack went through the Initiation as babies, on their first change, but since that wasn't possible with newcomers they were traditionally scheduled on the next full moon. No one would say what the Initiation entailed, but Faolan could tell from their expressions and tones of voices that it wasn't anything bad or painful, so she worried little about it.

That night Faolan and Taryn were taken aside by Skylar and led off to the Rocks, alone. It happened over dinner, with Skylar catching their eyes and motioning them over. He would answer no questions and Taryn was silent as well, giving Fao no hint of what was to come. The night was dark for the moon was waning and cast little light through the trees that night. Pines needles crackled beneath their feet until they emerged upon the lighter area of the Rocks, where the litter was shrub and dirt.

Skylar sat on a rock, his shape silhouetted against the faint light, outlining the strong and burly young man that he was, and shadowing his face in darkness. Taryn sat down, cross legged, at his feet, her expression expectant, so Faolan did the same.

"Tonight," Skylar whispered, "Is your true training. This is the training that makes your blood, keeps your life, and is your deepest sorrow. Because werewolves are social, group creatures by nature, we train in two, Faolan. You're with Taryn, because Taryn seems to be with you."

Taryn and Skylar grinned at that, but Faolan didn't know what to make of it, so she spoke up, softly and puzzled.

"What training?" she asked Skylar the Werewolf, wondering if this had anything to do with the Initiation ceremony.

"Werewolf training," Skylar said, his voice intense, "Change training."

"The blood, the life, and the sorrow!" Taryn piped up, "You have any control, Fao?"

"Shh," Skylar gently rebuked the older girl and ran a hand through his tangly mess of hair atop his head, pausing a moment to take in the night.

"Taryn…" he finally said, "I think I'll have you go first. You have a strong enough control, so if Faolan loses it you can keep her from doing any damage. You're both puppies, so there'd be little harm either way, but I'm taking no chances. I'll stay human, to watch with a clearer mind."

Taryn nodded and almost immediately Faolan saw gray fur sprouting up from her skin, and saw Taryn face's squint with pain- or was it concentration?

The ten year old Faolan knew was swiftly dwindling down to a lanky wolf pup, a bit bigger than Faolan was in wolf form. Her change went smoother than Faolan's ever did, and Taryn let out no squeak of pain, for which Faolan admired her. When she was done she sat and looked at Skylar, watching his face for instruction, but Fao sensed, with the Empathy she couldn't always totally Shield, that underneath that façade was a vicious wolf ready to tear through the woods, even with the control she had. It made Fao puzzled, for hadn't Skylar said she had good control? Taryn's seemed elementary at best, like momentary stilling a wild beast- no true taming.

"Now you, Faolan," Skylar said calmly so Faolan pushed away her own concerns and, with trepidation, nudged at the wolf deep inside her. It eagerly burst from within her, closer to the surface from being around so many others who shared the same affliction.

All of them, Faolan thought as she withdrew from her body to avoid the pain of the change, All of them make this change. Every one. Every one has the same beast inside of them… How do they live with it? How can they stand it? I have being a Herald, I have Raul, and they only have each other. Why are they not a pack of wild beasts, living deep in the Pelagirs? How did a society come from this?

When the Change was complete Faolan found herself in her body again, in fully wolf pup form. She whined slightly and looked at Skylar, as Taryn had, to find, with her better night vision, a look of confusion and almost horror upon his face. Confused and upset at this, Faolan glanced around, wondering if this was truly directed at her. What? she wanted to ask. Taryn too was staring at her, the beast that she had become struck dumb by… what?

She lay day on the ground, her own beast subdued by submissiveness. If Taryn had been jumping about… but no, so the wolf crawled away, living Faolan in it's skin. She tried wagging her tail gently but Skylar still stared, his eyes inscrutable. Finally he gave a low cough and looked away, mumbling something under his breath before looking back at her.

"Not what I expected," he muttered incredulously with a hint of.. (disgust?) in his voice, "Definitely not what I expected."

Faolan whined, upset by his lack of acceptance. She was just like Taryn… right? She sat up now and looked at the other wolf for support. The girl changed wolf stared back at her with eyes that were soft and brown, just like Taryn the Girl's. That answered her question about eye color anyway. Looking closer Faolan saw that her coat too, was browner, while Faolan's had a reddish tinge to it. As human, as wolf, she thought, and, bored by the lack of action, gave a large yawn and lay down, resting her head on her paws to stare forlornly up at Skylar.

"Both of you change back. Now," he said crisply and stood up.

Startled, Faolan began to obey before even thinking about it. The fur slipped away and her bones shifted back into shape. Too grounded to leave her body, Faolan felt the pain of the Change this time, and couldn't resist giving out a small cry of pain at the peak of the Change. The woods around her was silent, and when Faolan was human again and had pulled her clothes back on, she felt shame for making such a noise of it.

"What's wrong with you?" Taryn immediately asked as she pulled on her furs, her voice as Skylar's had been.

Faolan only stared at Taryn, but Skylar answered back, sharply, "Be quiet Taryn. Nothing's wrong. She's just different. She wasn't raised among werewolves… it only makes sense. I suppose there you only get the opposite ends of the spectrum with the wild raised ones. Most of the ones who come to us have no control at all and the wolf tears them up inside, eating their human mind until nothing is left but beast. Faolan is simply the opposite."

Isn't the opposite better? Faolan wondered, looking at Taryn, I don't want to kill anymore. Is that why you fight? Because you have no true control?

"Faolan…" Skylar sighed, but then stopped and turned to Taryn, "You can go. Thank you for your help but I think I'll work with Faolan alone until she's ready for wolf on wolf interactions."

Once Taryn had scampered off into the woods sullenly, Skylar added, "You seemed odd when I first met you, but I thought you were just scared in quietness."

"I'm not sure I understand…" Faolan started but Skylar cut her off with a wave of his hand.

"Let me speak first," he said, "I'm going to ask you questions in a moment. Faolan… it seems to me, and I apologize for my rude reaction, that you are not only controlling your change, but you have… overpowered and pretty much chained up your other half. You were feeling pain when you Changed, correct?"

"Yes…" Faolan said, confused. She'd never felt anything but pain, it hadn't occurred to her that wasn't natural.

"The Change should not hurt Faolan. It should never hurt. Taryn, who was born a werewolf, for a werewolf is made by blood or bite, has never felt an ounce of pain in her life, while it is clear you feel pain every time you change. Those bitten later in life usually experience pain in their change the first few times, until they totally succumb to their wolf self and become crazed, as Magdalia tells me Markku became, the werewolf that bit you. He was born a werewolf, but he lost his humanity. A werewolf is not a wolf, nor is he or she a human. We are humans and wolves. Remember that Faolan. You, however… seem hardly wolf at all," Skylar said, his voice quiet and patient.

Faolan stared up at him, feeling sick and confused and overwhelmed by what he was saying, for she thought she understood. The idea that the Change could not hurt… She wanted to cry for the years of lying along in her room was she struggled through the change from human to wolf in the dark, with no one who could help her or tell her what to do. I want it to not hurt, Faolan thought.

"How?" she whispered to him, her voice barely audible but fervent.

"Who trained you?" Skylar asked, ignoring her question, his voice wondering and a bit awed, "Who helped you lock part of yourself away, tight inside, in that dark place you must be suffering in? What magic…?" But there he stopped with a short laugh and shook his head, "You must be mentally powerful… Didn't your parents throw you out once it became apparent you had become what had bit you?"

"Uh," Faolan said.

"Then who put the pressure on you to make such a shift within yourself?" Skylar inquired, his voice holding no suspicion.

Faolan thought of the times within the shelter, deep in the woods, alone with Raul, and the fire burning dully behind Raul as she shouted at her. :Hold it: Raul shouted, :Hold it back! You can control it, Faolan: But there was no way she could tell that to Skylar… Nor could she reveal her mind gifts, for though these werewolves seemed little like Karsites, everyone knew how they treated the Gifted, and the werewolves were working for Karse. And as she was a Valdemaren… it would associate her far to closely with Heralds, and she didn't want them to think she was about to be carted off by a white demon in the form of a horse.

"Sorry," Skylar said suddenly and Faolan looked back up at him, "You clearly can't answer that. I suppose it's possible you did it yourself. How old were you? Four? With such environmental stress… but being a wolf should have helped you survive, not be detrimental…"

"There was no wild," Faolan spoke up, the answer coming to her as he had spoken, "Only people. Farms, towns… no wood, or wild. I had to push it away… else they'd kill me."

And then Skylar laughed and said, "Dog!" with another laugh and he patted Faolan on the head, shaking his head incredulously.

"You're no wolf, you're a dog!" he chuckled a little longer and then sighed, leaning back and stretching, "Well, its time you became the wolf you really are."