His kisses grew more fevered and insistent. He had never kissed her like this before, with such unbridled intensity; she could feel the desire rising between them, hot and heavy. She pulled back reluctantly. "Ashayam," he said, his eyes questioning.

"Spock," she said, "I—love you. I probably always will. But—I can't do this."

"I mean, you had an affair for three whole months before you even told me!," she told him angrily and he bowed his head in shame.

She continued, "Why Spock? Why did you hurt me?"

"Nyota, when Elder Spock melded with me and showed me the love he and Kirk possessed in another timeline, how very—passionate it was, I realized that we had many missing elements in our relationship and I--,"

"Spock, I would have worked to make our relationship better!," she told him angrily, "You know that! If you hadn't spent so much time trying to make me into the perfect Vulcan mate, I could have given you what you needed, I tried to make things more passionate, but you wouldn't let me--,"

Spock held up his hand and interrupted her, "I know, ashayam. The failing was mine. Yet at that time, I did not know if I could make things better. I had already done considerable damage to our relationship by--selfishly seeking to control every aspect of it from the very beginning; and in my—haste to become more Vulcan, I disregarded my humanity and yours as well."

Nyota nodded and looked up at him, seeing him with new eyes.

"I did not want to feel passion, lust or desire for you, although," he assured her, "It was there, and very much so, ashalveh. I did not want to allow those emotions to be apart of our relationship. I wanted to hide from those things which are considered taboo and barbaric in my culture."

He wrapped her hands in his. Nyota did not remove her hands, instead she squeezed his gently.

"Why didn't you talk to me?," she inquired, her eyes soft with emotion.

"I—thought you would think less of me," he admitted.

"Oh, Spock," she said shaking her head, "If all you wanted was a little passion in your life, you didn't have to do what you did. You could have talked to me about it. I would not have thought any less of you."

He nodded and they both were lost in their thoughts for a time, each thinking of what could have been.

Then he turned to her, kissing her gently before pulling away.

She gazed at him sadly.

"You know Spock, even though I really love you, sometimes love just isn't enough,"

She continued, "And right now, everything is still too fresh," she continued, "And I have been building my entire life around you. Now, I want to see what else is out there. Live my life for me. I would really like to see where things go between me and Dimitri."

"You like him," Spock stated sadly.

"I do."

Spock nodded, and then gently caressed her cheek. "Ashayam, I--understand your decision. And I want only for your happiness. But I know that your love for me runs deep. You will return to me."

Nyota cocked her head to the side, "How can you be so sure?"

He nearly smiled. "Someone once told me that one must sometimes rely on faith. Nyota, I can even sense your love for me in your kiss. I will wait for you. And one day, you will come for me."

Nyota did not speak. Perhaps he was right. Maybe one day she would come back for him. But if she did, it would be on her own terms.

She let him press his forehead against hers once more. He listened to the sound of her gentle breath and took her hand in his, and enjoyed the coolness of her skin against his.

******

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. Please R&R! I still have a couple of chapters coming.