A/N: Hopefully I will be updating regularly again now that I'm in the swing of school again. Even though I have written nothing after this. I only have a week! Eep! I shall find time. Or try to find time. Anyway, thanks to those who hung on and reviewed the last chapter, I appreciate your perserverance! And thanks to those who missed the last chapter but are reading this one!
Faolan was stumbling through the woods later that day, alone, and about a mile from camp. She was thinking on what she'd learned that morning, when Skylar had fetched her out of sleep. And she was mourning. The day was beautiful, the leaves with their changing colors with startling bright in the sunlight, which came clearer now that the humidity and haziness was leaving with the summer warmth. Faolan saw none of it.
There was a snort, and a stamp of hooves. Faolan jerked her gaze off the ground and saw a white creature standing before her, blue eyes angry and nostrils flaring. Raul? Faolan stared at the Companion for a long moment before reaching out, tentatively with her mind.
:You were blocking me, Faolan!: Raul practically screamed into Faolan's head and the girl looked at her Companion in surprise.
:I was?: she inquired softly, staring into Raul's blue eyes and feeling despondent.
:Yes!: Raul answered fervently, :Now get on my back so I can gallop you off before someone finds me and we BOTH get killed.:
:Why?: Faolan answered, nudging a stone with a toe.
:Just do it: Raul said so Faolan obeyed, wondering vaguely in the back of her mind why Raul had risked this, and also thinking that she'd really prefer to be in wolf form…
It felt odd, the movement of pulling herself onto that broad white back- she hadn't done it in so long. With that, she clicked back to reality and leaned over Raul's white mane to give her a strong hug and whispered, "I've missed you Raul."
:I know: Raul answered and burst into a canter, darting through the trees with a swift grace that a werewolf almost rivaled, but not quite.
"Why are you here?" she asked, worried. Was Raul taking her to Haven? But if so- why the brusqueness, the anger?
:Faolan, Raleigh is not dead: Raul said, sounding angry still, and suddenly Faolan wondered if it wasn't just at her.
"He isn't?" she asked hopefully, her voice cracking as conflicting emotions filled herself. If he wasn't dead then why…? And how…? But ohh, he wasn't dead!
:No: Raul answered fiercely, :And you've been blocking me so I couldn't tell you and had to come all this way just to break your stupid assumptions:
"Oh Raul…" Faolan whispered, wrapping her fingers through the Companion's white mane as the wind from their passing pushed back her own red hair, "I'm sorry…."
:You're forgiven. I'm sorry myself I didn't tell you earlier. I didn't think you'd jump to that conclusion when I told you it wasn't because he'd woken up: Raul said, explaining and explaining nothing at the same time.
"Where are we going?" Faolan asked, worried that a werewolf would come looking for her and find her scent intertwined with that of something suspiciously horse-like and unhorse-like.
:Away. You and I need to talk: Raul said shortly, jumping over a lock, her hooves scattering the leaves beneath them.
The two were silent until Raul finally slowed, in a spot that look totally random. Fao figured she was just trying to get out of the werewolves' territory. At the speed they'd been going, it'd take a day for a werewolf to get here. She slid off the Companion's back, her bare feet landing in multicolored leaves. Raul turned to face her and Fao ran her hands along the Companion's face.
"If he's not dead"- Faolan started to say but then choked up, her vision blurring with tears until she took a deep breath and asked, "If he's not dead, then why is he appearing in my dreams?"
:Because Raleigh is in a coma- a sort of living death: Raul said softly and pressed her nose against Fao's shoulder, :I believe he's appearing in your dreams because, well, when a person is in a coma is when their soul has left their body for a time, usually because of a traumatic event, and no other soul has taken up residence so the body becomes sort of like a discarded husk. Alive, but not alive. You died very near to here, Faolan, I don't know if you realized that, and I believe Raleigh's soul never left this place, and now that you're here, he found you and is appearing in your dreams.:
"Then- then," Faolan whispered, staring into Raul's blue eyes, "Could I tell him to go back to his body, and would he wake up?"
:Maybe: Raul said, flicking her white ears back thoughtfully, :But maybe not. It's worth a try. Then again, if he wakes up, what are you going to do?:
"What do you mean?" Faolan asked as the chilly autumn wind gently brushed by them and disappeared into the deeper parts of the woods around them.
:What will you do? What will it mean to you?: Raul inquired, her voice soft and steady. Her words betrayed nothing but sincerity.
"I…" Faolan said, and the sat down, peering up through the leaves that were speckled with different colors, to the bright blue of the sky beyond, "I don't know. I guess I would go back to Haven…"
She looked up at Raul. The Companion stared down at her. They stayed like that a long moment and finally Faolan spoke again, "But I can't do that. I have to stay here. And even if I did go to him now, if he found his body again, how would he react to an seven year old lifebonded? But he knows I'm here, and alive- would Rathmir be able to explain to him? And he'd learn that Carry was dead and maybe he wouldn't understand… I couldn't stay here, Raul, I couldn't!"
:But you can't go either. You have a duty here: Raul reminded her, but not in a reprimanding sort of way. Faolan had the feeling she was being led down a trail to a single answer.
"What should I do?" Fao asked, feeling a deep longing to push Raleigh back into his body so he could be alive again…
:What you know is right: Raul answered, giving no answer at all.
"I can't not try to help him," Faolan said, shaking her head and giving the Companion a pleading look, "Raul, I can't do that. Knowing that I could help him, having to wait for the war to end… I can't do that to him. He's suffering, Raul."
:Not even for the good of Valdemar? You are needed here Faolan. Raleigh… is not needed: Raul pointed out.
"So should I help him or not help him?" Faolan burst out, standing up and kicking a tree angrily, "I can't do both Raul!"
:Faolan…: Raul said slowly, and swished her silky tail, :I'm not sure there is an answer here. Try and see if you can show Raleigh the way back to his body. Try and explain things to him if you can, maybe he'll remember when he wakes up, maybe not. But if does wake up, you have to stay here and let things take their own course back at Haven. Either way, you have a hard job to do. Think of Raleigh though… it might be easier for him if he stays asleep a little longer. At this point in time, is it really a kindness to push him back into a world where there is no Carry, where he is weak and without friends, where a war is still raging and he is left alone with terrible memories of what happened to him? Here he still has you, Faolan.:
"I never thought of it that way," Faolan said and then perked up and asked, "If his soul is here, isn't it somewhere, physically? Could he be in more than just my dreams?"
:Don't try and find him while you're awake: Raul advised, :I think he's probably here, in this area, but he's locked in his own memories. His soul isn't moving around. If you brought him out of himself, so that he saw this place, that might make him go back to his body. And he might see you, which would only confuse him.:
"What if I told him everything and asked him to stay?" Faolan asked, feeling a deep ache inside her- how could she plot to keep him away from life? But she forced herself to remember Raul's words, for the Companion was right.
Raul gave her the mental equivalent of a shrug, :Perhaps. But again, once he returns to his body he may not remember anything of these interactions with you.:
"Alright," Fao said with a sigh and stepped forward to lean against Raul's shoulder, pressing her face against the soft white hair and breathing in Raul's horsey scent, "It won't be easy, but alright."
:Faolan, if you consider it, it's probably a lot easier than many of the things you're doing right now: Raul pointed out and Faolan laughed, :And Fao- I'm proud of you. You're doing a good job.:
Faolan returned to the werewolves, where, thankfully, no one had noticed her absence or tracked her to Raul. The Companion herself retreated to far enough away that her mindvoice was faint when Fao spoke to her. She found Taryn, and the two of them spent the rest of the day skipping rocks. Fao told her about how Skylar had taken her off to the side to Change, and Taryn thought that was really awesome.
"What made you Change?" the older girl asked, throwing a rock into the river with a splash, and a laugh.
"Huh?" Fao asked, kneeling by the stony shore, looking for a nice, flat, rock.
"He said great emotion is your werewolf part, right?" Taryn asked, "Or something like that, but that was it, right?"
"I guess…" Faolan said, not really paying attention to the conversation and turning over another muddy stone and trying to summon up that flick of the arm that she had once, in a life ago, used to send rocks hopping across water ten, sometimes even twenty, times.
"So what did you think of to Change?" Taryn asked, her voice turning persistent, "That was you howling this morning, wasn't it?"
"You heard?" Faolan asked, straightening up to stare at Taryn- she hadn't realized anyone other than Skylar had heard her…
"Yeah," Taryn said, "but I'm an early riser."
"Ah," Faolan answered and then Taryn said, "I'm gonna dig out my boots and pants soon. It's getting cold."
"Yeah," Faolan agreed, wondering where she would get boots and pants.
"Who were you howling for?" Taryn asked now, chucking another rock into the water. She'd given up skipping them over half an hour ago.
"Huh?" Faolan said again, putting on a puzzled look.
"No one howls like that unless its for someone else," Taryn said, hefting up a large stone and pointedly staring at Faolan.
"Uh…" Faolan replied.
"Do you miss your family?" Taryn asked, in lee of Faolan's lack of an answer, "My mother died on the front lines, near the very beginning of this war, so I don't really remember her too well and my father is still there, fighting. I only see him about once a year. I was just thinking, its hard for me, knowing my father is in danger every minute, and I could lose him any day, but you… you're parents disowned you. They're both alive, but at least my father still loves me. Is that why you were howling?"
Faolan stared at Taryn. She'd never even wondered about Taryn's parents… There were so many young werewolves around, of course their parents were all on the front lines. She hadn't thought of her own parents in a long time either- she had so many memories of fine parents in her head that the one of this life had sort of submerged below those. In a way, they had disowned her, for her mother didn't take her with her when she ran, and her father had never cared… Fao sighed, it still hurt, but it was a faint ache, a sort of regret. She hardly even thought of them as her parents. If she sat down to think about it, her parents in this life were really Rathmir, and William, to an extent. And Raul.
"Yeah," Faolan whispered, looking at Taryn and letting herself almost believe the lie, "That's why I howled."
The two girls stood there, sort of not looking at each other for a while and then Taryn looked back at Fao and said, "I think you can talk to Skylar. He likes you. Faolan… we're your family now, okay?"
Faolan looked up at Taryn silently and the nodded, thinking, I have two families. And they are the enemies of each other. The only thing that stands between them is me. The werewolf Herald, and there's nothing I can do to stop the fighting.