A/N: Here it is. The long awaited next chapter. Today I finally have some real free time so I'll try and write a few more chapters so hopefully the next one will be up within a week instead of two weeks later. I apologize once more for the long update time, beg you to forgive me, read this anyway, and then tell me what you think. Profuse thanks go to those who reviewed the last chapter!!! Those two reviews were what made me sit down today and write another chapter- so this is for you guys.

"Skylar?" Faolan asked nervously, approaching the man through the makeshift huts of the new village. Well, relatively new- for Faolan, they were older than the first werewolf village she'd lived in. Her throat felt dry, uncomfortably so, and Fao wondered how she would broach this…

"Yeah?" the now twenty-four year old werewolf asked, look at Faolan through dark, dark eyes. His hair had grown long enough that now he kept it tied back in a bushy ponytail, revealing the shape of his face more.

It was a few weeks later, and Faolan had finally worked up what meager courage she could to try and pressure Skylar into sending her off to war. It had been hard, especially because Faolan didn't really want to go to the front. She'd spent the last seven years out with the werewolves- half her life, really, and to tell the truth, she was used to it. She was used to spying, used to pretending to only pretend to be one of them, used to not thinking about the fact that she was both Werewolf and Herald, used to telling herself she could truly belong to both communities. Deep down, she knew that someday she'd have to leave the werewolves, or kill them, or somehow betray them utterly when all they'd done for her was give her a home and take her as one of their own… Not that she needed that but still, their acceptance was gratifying. So Faolan didn't think about this- didn't think about the day she'd have to leave them for good, and never see them again. Didn't think about the fact that she never truly saw them as enemy.

So it took her a few weeks. But the Herald in her knew what had to be done. It wasn't like she really had a choice, either. She was an Arrow of the Queen, what the Queen ordered, it was her duty to do it. Faolan took some comfort in the knowledge that Raul hadn't repudiated her yet- if Raul still accepted her, it meant she was still a Herald, no matter how much she felt like a Werewolf.

And all my past lives don't make it any easier. Or if they do, I'm not noticing it, Faolan thought as she looked into Skylar's eyes.

"I want true control," she said slowly, softly, earnestly. She'd planned out exactly what she'd say- her past lives gave her that much knowledge, at least. She knew how to get Skylar to do what she wanted, it was the implementation of that how that was hard.

"Don't we all?" Skylar asked with a smile, starting to turn into a joke.

"Skylar!" Fao said loudly, thrusting her hands into her pockets, "I'm serious. I've come a long way from when you first found me wandering through the woods half crazy."

"Actually you were quite sane," Skylar pointed out with another smile. Fao stared at him. He was being odd. Skylar never made jokes. At least- not since she knew him. He always kept a sort of brooding, angry look. She knew it was from the war- did his joking manner now mean something had changed? She felt a pang of worry and reached out with her empathy, tentatively touching Skylar's soul.

A rush of worry raced into her, twisting her stomach. Faolan stared at the leader of the werewolves. He was worried? But he- when Skylar was worried it just made him brood more. That still didn't explain his joking manner, but it certainly vouched for no change in the war. Fao sighed, and pushed her thoughts from that. So she touched his soul again, trying to get overtones from his thoughts- though her mindspeech really wasn't that strong.

Now, along with the worry, she could feel an odd tangle of protectiveness and love, curled up into a writhing mass of denial. Ah, Faolan thought, and held back a blush, He doesn't want me on the front, and it's not because of my lack of skill.

"Skylar, I can take care of myself," Faolan told him, "I'm a werewolf, right? And I doubt the Command will put me anywhere near the White Demons."

Skylar relaxed and he nodded, "Yes. You're right. But it's still dangerous. True control is often gained with a killing rage- but so many people die for that, Fao. You're still very young."

"Only a year younger than YOU were when YOU went to the front- and I've got more maturity than anyone else," Faolan pointed out, "I'm sick of this uneasy truce with my wolf form, never sure how far I can push myself. I want to know Skylar. I want to be free. You must understand that."
"I do," Skylar nodded, looking up at the sky, "But I wonder if you realize the danger."

"Skylar…" Faolan sighed, "I spent the first few years as a werewolf with the threat of death hanging over my head every day."

"I know," he nodded and leaned up against one of the huts, scratching his head uneasily.

"So?"

"I'm thinking," Skylar growled.

"Come on Skylar," Faolan begged, "Remember how you felt before gaining true control?"

"This isn't about me!" Skylar exploded, grabbing Faolan's shoulders and staring into her eyes, "This is about you. This is about you on the front line, you in the way of those silver tipped arrows, under the gaze of those white demons. It's not a game out there, Faolan!"

"I know it isn't," Faolan said seriously, "But I'm a better shot than even you, Skylar, and I'm not sheltered. I've seen death, I've seen pain, I've seen evil. I've probably seen more than you."

Skylar laughed and looked away, removing his hands. It was a harsh sort of laugh, with little humor and Skylar said, "Now that I have to question."
Faolan didn't debate it, because obviously she couldn't tell him about her past lives, "Well… I'm not inexperienced, is what I'm trying to show you."

"I'll talk to Esben," Skylar said and inwardly Faolan smiled- this was victory, surely, and she hadn't even had to nudge his emotions.

Skylar strode off and Faolan flopped back against the hut behind her, breathing a long sigh of relief. It hadn't been as hard as she imagined it would. Esben would say yes, once Skylar talked to him, she was sure of that. A strange sort of chill settled over her as she realized she would finally, after fifteen years, be back on the front- but this time she'd be fighting on the other side. Sadly she realized she probably wouldn't ever gain true control- she remember her conversation with Rathmir, before she knew she was going to be a spy, about not thinking she was going to live through the war. She felt it even stronger now. For the past few years it had died down, but now it throbbed up through her, powerful and real. She wasn't here for Raleigh much had been cemented into her, she was here for Valdemar. Faolan sighed and wondered in a depressed state of mind if she'd die another Vanyel, another Lavan. Her whole life certainly seemed to be leading up to something like that.

"OY FAOLAN!" a voice rang out and a blond headed kid leaped around to lean in close near Faolan, "Overheard your conversation… I sure did. Very interesting. Very. You trying to usurp my position as coolest dude around?"

"Uh," Faolan said, peeling open eyes she hadn't even realized she closed and staring into Roscoe's pale blue ones.

"You really wheedled him into it," Roscoe declared, draping himself against the hut wall beside Faolan, dropping on arm around her shoulders, "Wheedled. Very manipulative. No doubt you'll be on the front soon. Next time you go about manipulating our dear leader, join me in too, kay?"

And with that, he was gone, running off somewhere else. Faolan sighed again and pulled herself up, peering off in the direction the older boy had run, not sure what she was supposed to make of his little speech.

With a half shrug, she wandered back into the more populated areas of the village. Vidar ran past, in puppy form, snarling and snapping, and Kalvin ran after, looking like to murder his little brother. Faolan watched them go past with a half smile, hoping they'd both grow up a little happier. She paused, and thought about it. How many of the werewolves were really happy? With a start, she realized the number was very small- and mostly included those who hadn't gone to war yet, or hadn't lost family. There was a strong passion and connection among the werewolves, a determined spirit to survive, against all odds, that made them do what they did- but in the end… none of them were happy. It was a miserable sort of loop they'd been placed in. Kill or be killed. There was no escaping it. If only there was another way, Faolan sighed, And then we could just end this stupid war. The only one fighting for a real reason is Karse- and that's not even a good one! There are three parties in this war, and two of them are really fighting on defense. It makes no sense.

Faolan wandered around until she found Taryn, and the two sat down on a log- the elder sensing the younger's distress. Taryn hadn't changed much. She was taller, but still had a boyish look and a tough attitude towards life, a very rough and tumble attitude.

"I hate this war," Faolan admitted.

"And Roscoe says you've volunteered to go frontwards," Taryn mused, asking the question in a veiled sort of way.

"He sure spreads gossip quick," Fao attempted a halfhearted smile, "But yeah. I did. I want true control, get it over with, and come back here."
"Or not come back here," Taryn said. Faolan gave her a sharp look and Taryn elaborated, "Roscoe thinks you're bound to up and leave. Your soul isn't meant to be a werewolf, everyone sees it. If you get true control, good for you, but how do you think it will affect you? Will you be able to handle what you may have to do to get there? You can live without true control, Faolan."
"Not here I can't," Faolan shook her head, feeling the chill come back now.

"But alone you can," Taryn answered, "Ever think that might be better for you? You've got a good soul, Faolan. You can't ignore the evil in the world, that's just who you are."

"You know me better than I know me it sounds," Faolan sighed, poking a rock with her toes.

"Sometimes it takes an outside view," Taryn said with a shrug, "I know I'll be able to go to the front and kill people I don't really know or care about so I can live… but you? That'll break you, Fao, not make you. You value other people's lives above your own. Maybe you can gain true control without actually killing anyone, but maybe you can't. You can't bet on that sort of thing."

"Are you suggesting I just leave?" Faolan asked, "Leave me home? Leave the people who love me?"

Taryn shrugged, "I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just telling you the facts. I don't want you to leave thinking you'll come back the same person."

Faolan stared into the dirt. She never thought of it from that point of view. From the selfish point of view. She always assumed she go to the front one day to spy there, if the war went on that long, but she do it not for herself, but for Valdemar. It's already hard, Faolan thought, Now I see its even harder, because I do want true control…

"Just think about yourself, okay Faolan?" Taryn asked and the two girls' eyes met briefly, and understanding passed through them.

Taryn shrugged, and the moment was gone, "Do what you need to Faolan. I won't stop you."

"Thanks, Taryn," Fao said and stood up, stretching and looking at the sky, "I'll keep it mind."

A/N: Please review! Your comments/critiques are what make this story go on!