Max POV

"Just shut up Fang, just shut the hell up. I don't want to hear it anymore!!" I screamed at him. I couldn't deal with this all right now. Luke gone and me not knowing where he was or if the flyboys had decided to drop in (literally), the flock wanting me to come back and act as if the past year didn't happen, and then added to all of this was Fang wanting to have another "talk" with me.

I was surprised that I was able to restrain the need to strangle him right now. As it was I just settled for a death glare. I had perfected it in the year that I was in the school, so that now it made whoever received it physically tremble with fear when they saw it.

I t seemed to have worked on Fang, as he took as step back from the pure hatred in my face. But then he regained control and stepped towards me.

"if you come 1 step closer then I swear, flock or no flock, I will rip your wings from your back and use the feathers to make my own personal mattress." I snarled.

"Max...what's wrong? I just wanted to talk."

"Well I know how these talks go or how they used to go anyway. You start talking, I get embarrassed, we argue and then out of nowhere you're kissing me. And I either run away or give in to it, and I am done doing both."

Fang looked shocked at this, so I just let the words sink in before carrying on,

"I promised myself a long time ago that I would never again be duped by a pretty face and a warm smile, 'cause it hurts too much when all of those feelings are thrown back in your face..." I almost didn't make it to the end, I could hear my voice breaking with the repressed emotion that seemed to be choking me, trying to stop me from saying anything.

"Max..." fang seemed to have regained his voice and was looking at me with horror and shock written all over his face.

"Max, I promise that what happened before will never happen again. I will never throw your feelings in your face; I will never leave you again."

I chuckled humourlessly. It was painfully familiar, this little speech. I could feel the tears lying beneath the surface now, threatening to break free.

" Don't...don't promise me anything Fang." I heard my voice waver.

"You think I'm lying...!" Fang started but I cut across him before I lost my nerve, before I broke down completely. I wasn't going to give him that satisfaction.

"DON'T! Just don't Fang! Don't you dare promise me anything! You said almost the exact same thing almost a year and a half ago. You promised me that you would never leave me, that we would never break up again. And you know what? I believed you. Like a sucker I stood there and DRANK in those words, 'coz they meant that we would always be together, that I would never have to deal with the pain that being without you had caused. I memorized every single word that you said, and not only that but I well and truly believed them"

I could feel the tears now, rolling down my face, blurring my vision. So much for not giving him the satisfaction. All I wanted to do was go lie down and cry, but I had to do this I had to get through it and get this conversation out of the way.

"When we were in that corridor, you remember, I had that brain attack. And I looked up and saw you. I was so depressed and I thought that I would be trapped there alone, and then I looked up in to your eyes and all that fear melted away, and I thought to myself "Don't be stupid, you're forgetting his promise. You idiot, he would never leave you."

I could see that this was hurting him; I could see the pain in his face. But I had to finish, to show him just how badly he'd hurt me, how devastated I'd been when he stood there and turned away from me.

"And then you know what you did? Do you even remember? You were standing there, you could have made it back to me, you could have saved me, but what did you do? You hesitated. You stood there and wondered if I was really worth it. And that was when I knew that I could never properly trust you again. That I had been duped and played like a sucker! And I vowed to myself that I would never let that happen again. Never."

I had finished, my speech was over, my sharing time was up. But I hadn't told him it all, I hadn't voiced the hurt that I'd felt when he hadn't come for me. I didn't have the strength. What id said was half the truth. I probably would have been able to forgive him, to take them all back if they'd come. But time had added insult to injury and now it was so closely mixed I could barely tell one from the other.

But I could see that what I had said had hurt him. There was a look of pain on his face that had me aching inside. No matter what had happened, I still loved him, I still cared about him. And it hurt me to see him in this much pain. But I had to let him know, he had to know what he had done and he would have to deal with the consequences.

I turned and started to walk away.

"Don't you think that I regret that, that moment of weakness?"

I stopped shocked. Looking back I saw that Fang was staring at me in pain and despair.

"Don't you think that I've played that moment over and over in my head every night for the past year? That I wish more than anything else that I had had the sense to run over to you. That I had got you out, or even that I had been in there with you." His face was twisting as he said this. If I didn't know Fang better I would have said that he was fighting back tears.

"It doesn't change the fact that you hesitated, that you had to think about it" I replied. How dare he try to make me feel bad for him? I struggled to find the rage that had been there seconds before.

"God.." he muttered as he turned away. He looked like he was struggling to find the right words.

"Every night Max, every single night." I heard him whisper, almost to himself."Every night I have the same nightmare, the same memory of me being there but unable to help you. I have to watch you collapse, scream, beg and then collapse again over and over and over. Like a reel of tape that's stuck on one moment for the rest of time."

I stepped back shocked. I hadn't expected this, this waterfall of emotions. I felt my anger slide away completely and knew that I could never regain it. As is stared at him hopelessly he started to talk again.

"I used to wake up screaming for you, screaming your name over and over. Nothing worked. I couldn't stop the dreams from coming. Ask any of the flock, they'll remember. They didn't get much sleep for the first couple of months."

That left me reeling. Mr. Unemotional, screaming in his sleep, screaming for me? I didn't know what to say.

"Fang...I'm not saying that you didn't feel this too,....but I can't....I just can't ever really trust you again. You see I thought you were a constant, something that would never change. But that one act....it scared me... it made me shy away from forming any other relationships....in case I got hurt again." I stuttered out. I didn't know where to look or what to say. I wanted him to feel better; this was the first time that I had admitted this to anyone, even Luke. That speech had been heart wrenching, but at the same time, my brain wouldn't let me give in again. It shied away from anything that caused me that amount of pain again.

I couldn't think of anything else to say so I turned and started to walk towards where the flock were camping.

"I can't go on without you Max!" I spun round and say Fang staring at me in agony. "I tried, God knows, I tried every day to live and protect the flock for you, so that you hadn't been captured and possibly killed in vain. But I couldn't, I couldn't lie to myself. At night the lies caught up with me and made me realise that I can't live without you. Its physically impossible for me to function without you."

I felt more tears stream down my face. God, the one thing I wanted to do most was run over and kiss him, tell him that I was sorry, that I forgave him and to wipe that pained look off his face. But I couldn't, my mind wouldn't let me. I couldn't go through that amount of pain again.

"I'm sorry Fang. I couldn't live without you either. It was a struggle from day to day, just to get through. But...no matter what you say, you still left me. So I can't ever trust you completely again. I can stay with you, 'coz I know that I wouldn't be able to survive without you all, but no more than that. I can't let you all in again, 'coz it would hurt too badly when you left. I'm sorry Fang..but I can't give you any more than that."I mumbled in his direction. God it was killing me saying this. But it would hurt even more when he left again.

I turned again and started to walk away.

Suddenly I felt someone grab my hand and spin me round. Fang.

"NO Max, I can't let you go again"

"Fang...let me go ...Fang really seriously let me go..."He was crushing me to him, like he couldn't stand any space between us. His eyes were lighted up and burned with anger and frustration.

Suddenly he pulled me away from his chest and began to shake me by my shoulders. That really brought me round. I smacked him upside the head and he relaxed his grip but he still shook me.

"Ma x why can't you see it, why can't you realise that this was all a big mistake. Why can't you forgive and forget?!" he spoke with such emotion that I had to catch myself for the second time that night. This wasn't like him, showing all these emotions.

But he was still shaking me.

"Fang let go...really your holding me too tight...Fang your hurting me...stop it..Fang....stop it......Fang..."His hands were digging in to my arms. Sure I could have taken them off but I would have had to deck him in the process and I couldn't do that to him, not now.

"Fang please stop..."I started again, but then something broke out of the bushes. A large something, moving at inhumane speeds, heading straight for Fang.