Me: Who wants a blueberry muffin??
Everyone: Oooh!!! Me! (scramble to get muffins)
Opal: Are they CHOCOLATE?
Me: Uhh, no. They're blueberry, hence the name, "blueberry muffins"
Lili: Pfft, duh! (flips hair)
Mulch: (picks nose)
Juliet: (high pitched giggle) Oh Mulchie, you're SOO funny!!
Trouble: (sulks)
Holly: (fires Neutrino)
Doodah: I can drive anything. ANYTHING, I SAY!!!
Butler: (Dies)
Artemis: Oh no!!! (cries)
Holly: (snogs Artemis)
Trouble: (sulks)
Chix: Hi everybody!!!
Everyone: (ignores)
No. 1: (Whizzes past in a wheelchair) WHEEEEE!!!!
Root: WHY ARE YOU IN A WHEELCHAIR, PRIVATE!?!?!
Holly: (hugs Root) Julius, you're back!!!
Root: DON'T CALL ME JULIUS!!! (explodes)
No. 1: I'm not a private.
Artemis: (rolls eyes) Yeah, there's the headline…
Holly: (cries)
Artemis: (snogs Holly)
Minerva: (comes back from dead) (sulks)
Me: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! DIE MINERVA, DIE!!!!!!!!! (stabs Minerva)
Minerva: (dies)
Everyone: (ignores)
Grub: Hey, did anyone else notice that the sky is blue?
No. 1: Duh!! I discovered that, like, YESTERDAY!!!
Grub: (cries)
Opal: TRUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!
Butler: (comes back from the dead) Say, Artemis, did you, by any chance, happen to know why all my underwear is pink?
Artemis: (shifty eyes) Uhh, no?
Butler: Oh, okay, then. (dies)
Foaly: Has anyone seen my hat?
Holly: I think Mulch had it.
Mulch: (shifty eyes) I needed it.
Artemis: What could you possibly need a tinfoil hat for?
Mulch: (shifty eyes) Nothing…
Chix: Say, Holly, will you marry me?
Holly: (ignores)
Trouble: (snickers)
Juliet: (starts watering her rhododendrons)
Lili: The cow jumped over the moon!!
No. 1: The MOON?! MY MOON!!!!!
Minerva: (comes back from dead)
Me: Ugh, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO KILL YOU?!?!?!?! I guess I gotta call in a friend.
Minerva: (eyes widening) You don't mean…
Me: Oh, I mean. (on megaphone) CALLING SHANNON!! PLEASE HELP ME KILL MINERVA!!!
Xx Artemis Rox mi Sox xX (aka Shannon): Whoohoo!!!
Minerva: (starts whimpering)
Opal: (looks delighted at watching someone getting beat up)
Holly: Ooooh, can I help?!!
Shannon: Yeah!!!
Me, Shannon, Holly: (beat Minerva to a pulp)
Artemis: (observes, mildly amused)
Chix: You know, watching girls fight is sort of hot.
Trouble: Yeah, especially when it's Holly.
Artemis: (scowls)
Juliet: (Suddenly notices me, Shannon, and Holly beating up Minerva) (gets into fight)
Minerva: (dies)
Me, Shannon, Juliet, Holly: (dust off hands)
Me: I have a feeling she's gonna be back next chapter.
Harry: (to Juliet) You're hot!!!
Juliet: (rolls eyes)
Shannon: (to me) May I?
Me: Please.
Shannon: (stabs Harry)
Hermione, Ginny: (cry)
Ron: (completely oblivious)
Voldemort: (to Shannon) I was supposed to do that!!!
Me: (Rolls eyes) Will Harry Potter characters PLEASE leave before I have to make this a crossover fic?!?!?!?
Voldemort: Jeez, talk about party pooper…
Voldemort, Hermione, Ginny, Ron: (leave)
Me: This isn't random enough.
Artemis: Did you know that my middle name is Millie?
Me: Never mind.
Trouble: (rolling on the floor in a mad laughing fit) Millie?!?!?!
Grub: We'll, it isn't any better than you're REAL name, Trouble!
Trouble: Don't you dare…
Grub: It's Wilmurding!!!
Everyone: …
Holly: (bursts out laughing)
Everyone: (follows suit)
Shannon: So, yeah… I'll be going now…
Everyone: (ignores)
Shannon: (cries)
Me: What was that, Shannon?
Shannon: I'm leaving.
Me: Wait!!! I have to show you something, first!
Butler: (comes back from dead) (dies again)
Artemis: (cries)
Holly: (Snogs Artemis)
Shannon: SQUEE!!!!!
Me: SQUEEEEE!!!!
Shannon: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Me and Shannon: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shannon: (disappears)
Me: (cries)
(disco ball spins and 70's music starts to play)
Juliet: Oooh! Shiny!!!
Opal: MYYYYYYY TRUUUUUUUFFFFFLLLLEEEEESSSSS!!!
Chix: Oi, Holly! How 'bout dancin' with the Chix-man!
Holly: (ignores)
Grub: Hey, I just had an idea for a book!!!
Everyone: (ignores)
Grub: (leaves)
Mulch: (passes wind)
20 minutes later…
Grub: I'm back with my new series of books!!!
Everyone: (suddenly interested)
Artemis: What is it about?
Grub: It's about this Irish genius kid that kidnaps a fairy for gold!!! But later they become friends!!! And they go on many adventures together to save the world!!! And they LOVE each other!!!!
Eoin Colfer: Now, why does that sound familiar?
Everyone: (ignores) (suddenly loose interest in Grub's books)
Butler: Why do I have so little lines in this chapter?
Me: Uh, you're dead.
Butler: Oh, well can I come alive again now?
Me: Whatever.
Holly: PISS COLORED POTATO SALAD!!!!!!
Bird: (poops on Harry's corpse)
Random goblin: (licks eyeballs)
Me: Ugh, this chapter isn't funny. But review to make me happy. Please?
Everyone: (puppy dog face)