A/N: Sorry about the long update time, I've been really busy. AP exams are next week!!! Ahh... I'll be glad when all that is over.

Constance found her a few hours later- she was in wolf form, big and splotchy grayish white. She nosed Faolan's motionless form, then slid back into human shape and leaned down to say, over the sound of the rain that was still falling, "Faolan. Faolan, it's Constance."

Faolan rolled over and looked up at the werewolf with half blank eyes. It seemed unreal to her that the woods could still look the same- black and rainy, as they did a few hours ago. How could they look the same when so much had changed? Faolan started to think about what had happened, felt sick, and pushed the thoughts away. She stared up at Constance, feeling cold.

"Come on Faolan- back to camp," Constance said and pulled Faolan to her feet. Then she moved over and picked up Faolan's knife, wiped it off on the leaves, and put it back in the sheath on Faolan's belt with a soft, "You'll be needing that."

"I don't want it," Faolan murmured and turned away. Constance only growled, and Faolan saw she'd shifted back into her wolf form.

The werewolf growled again and started trotting off through the woods. Then she stopped, looking back, and growled again, so Faolan, with a sigh, reluctantly jogged after her. In an hour they'd reached Broderick's small camp- a series of three tents hastily erected in a very bushy area- so the tents were mostly concealed.

When they got there, Constance shoved Faolan inside a tent, then went off elsewhere, leaving Faolan to flop wetly down onto a bedroll and stare up at the black ceiling, listening to the rain pound and wonder if the morning would ever come. It felt like it shouldn't- like time should have somehow stopped because of what she'd done. What seemed like no time and centuries later, Constance returned, this time as a human and dressed. Her clothing was already quite wet though it was clear she'd gotten it dry. She crept into the tent and sat down on the other side from Faolan.

I'm an Empath, thought Faolan, But I can't heal myself… How ironic. Maybe I should just die- then I wouldn't have to fight in this stupid war. I wouldn't have to be a Herald- wouldn't have to be a werewolf. I wouldn't have to live with murder on my hands.

A wave of grief poured through her and she rolled up in a ball, clutching part of her furs close to her body and hardly noticing as the wetness from her clothes soaked into the fur. Raul saved my life… she thought, thinking back to that full moon so many years ago, She saved my life… but now I wish she hadn't. I wish… I wish I was just a werewolf, and fighting was what I had to do to live…

"Faolan…" a voice pierced her thoughts and Fao almost yelled at Constance to shut up and leave her alone- but she was too tired, so she just whimpered an acknowledgement and closed her eyes.

"Faolan," the voice persisted, "It's all right to run away- the first battle is always hard. As horrible as it seems, it gets easier. And once you get true control you can go home and never fight again, if you so wish."

"I don't want true control," Faolan whispered, though she was lying. She wanted it more than anything in the world- she wanted to go home and never fight again.

She heard Constance shift around and then- suddenly, the rain stopped and Faolan almost sat up in surprise as the hard patter of rain on canvas trailed off. The tent felt very, very quiet, and Faolan relaxed into that quietness after a moment, as she had relaxed into the rain.

"It's all right, Faolan," Constance said, and Fao felt her give her shoulder a reassuring pat, "If you need to talk I'm here- I got your bow and arrows by the way- they should be okay if you oil it tomorrow morning."
"Thank you," Faolan murmured automatically as Constance left the tent and Faolan slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep.

OOO

She woke to feel Raul hugging her through their bond. It felt like ages later, though it had been, in truth, only a few hours. The tent was lighter, but day hadn't quite come yet. Faolan almost wanted to choke in the warmness of the bond around her- it felt constricting and comforting at the same time.

:Faolan, my sweet,: Raul said, :Tell me what's wrong.:

The Companion must have felt the emotions from even the great distance between them. Faolan felt completely unable to answer- and she realized that Raul couldn't just read it from her mind either. Guilt poured over her and she squeezed her eyes tightly together, wondering if she really had to tell Raul- and if the mare would be able to spot a lie.

:It doesn't work,: she finally whispered down their bond, sending the thoughts to the Companion so far away.

:What doesn't work?: Raul wanted to know.

:Fighting- me fighting,: Faolan said mournfully, :I can't fight and just injure my enemies… It just doesn't work that way, Raul. War isn't like that. It isn't planned, or calculated- you can't control it, Raul! It just doesn't work that way!:

Raul was silent for a while, and then she said, :Faolan… what happened?:
:I killed someone!: Faolan sent to her forcefully and opened her eyes, staring at the top of her tent. Beside her, snoring gently, slept another werewolf. Faolan didn't know who, and didn't move to look over and see.

Raul waited and so Faolan added, :I killed a Herald too.:

:I know,: Raul said and Faolan's arm twitched.

:What?: she sent, confused- her mind wasn't working properly again and she wondered if she'd heard Raul correctly.

:I know what you did, Faolan,: Raul said, :The Companion- Leola- she recognized you. You're still wearing that necklace too… She's still alive, Faolan, and she reported the battle. You might actually want to keep a heads up- return forces are stalking you down.:
Something was wrong with what Raul had said, but Faolan couldn't quite figure it out for a moment- and then she realized, :But… I'm here.:

:Well… that doesn't seem to matter anymore,: Raul said carefully and Faolan detected something she'd never heard in Raul's voice before- uncertainty. Had Raul really detected Faolan's emotionally turmoil as she originally suspected- or had she just been investigating the murder of another Herald?

:Faolan…: Raul continued:I love you, Chosen… but… the Queen and Rolan are doubting your allegiance. You're a Herald, Faolan- I reminded them of that but…:

We're so out of touch you don't know me anymore, Faolan thought silently, aghast- but somehow she didn't feel as bad as she expected she might, They don't trust me anymore.

:But it was an accident!: Faolan cried out- but accident was really the right word. She had meant to kill that Herald- she just… hadn't planned on it. Nor had she planned on him being a Herald.

:I know, Faolan! I tried to talk to them… I even pulled Raleigh as a holding point but Rolan isn't listening,: Raul said, and then her mindvoice turned urgent, :You are a Herald, Faolan- you mustn't forget that. Even in the heat of battle, even among friends, you cannot forget that you are a Herald! I Chose you for a reason, Fao- don't let me down.:

Faolan was silent for a long time, and then she sat up, feeling totally not tired, and she pushed out of the tent in a damp, misty morning and stood up, feeling frustrated and full of pent up energy- despite her lack of sleep. Nearby, a sentry glanced over at her, startled by her sudden appearance. She gave him a half hearted smile to reassure him and moved over to sit down on a rock. Her clothes were still wet- and the rock just made them wetter.

:Faolan…: Raul's voice prodded in, :Tell me you'll remember you're a Herald.:

Faolan paused a moment and then shouted, "I don't want-!" then switched to mindvoice, :I DON'T WANT TO BE A HERALD, RAUL!:

The sentry had glanced over at her again, and Faolan stood up and slammed shut her connection to Raul and stormed around the camp, kicking up leaves and wishing she was back at the main encampment, where she at least had a few friends that could understand here. She hardly knew these werewolves-

Broderick appeared, and concern was written on his face and he said softly, "Faolan? Are you all right…?"

"Fine," Faolan growled and felt fur started to creep out of her skin- another reminder of how un-Herald like she really was, "I'm fine. I couldn't sleep, is all."
"Bad dreams?" he asked, then yawned, as if for emphasis, and ran a hand through his light, short hair.

"Of a sort," Faolan answered, letting the fur grow thicker on her arms.

"First time is always hard," Broderick said, then stepped closer and clasped her on the shoulder, glancing momentarily of the signs of Change on her, and said, "Go be a wolf- hell I'll come with you. Running always helps to get it out."

Faolan, feeling a sudden, overwhelming gratitude towards the young Captain, let the Change overcome her, stripping off her clothes before she lost her hands, and then sat on the forest floor a wolf- a drier wolf. She yawned, and stretched, reveling in her different body. Broderick changed quickly too- and then they were two werewolves, sitting in the woods.

He gave a slight bark- almost a howl but not quite, then bounded off through the trees. Faolan chased after his brownish form, her claws digging into the slick dirt as they ran together, side by side, wolf by wolf. The sound of her paws hitting the ground could almost drown out the screams of the Companion that echoed in her head.

And Faolan ran away from being a Herald.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!!
ginalee- If I didn't already have the whole story planned out I'd want to change things just to make it easier for her... Thank you for your enthusiasm!
GinaStar- I find it amusing that two people with sn's starting with 'gina' are reviewing my story...
LightningStorms- The answers will come... At this rate and my layout the story should be finished... In July or August... Wow... I started this a long time ago, seems crazy that it's almost over!
The-Elven-Bookworm- I'm glad it's still interesting! I try and make each chapter have something new in it.