A/N: Once more apologies about the long interval between updates but I have been swamped with two AP exams, then a all night drive to Minnesota for my older sister's college graduation, and then I have another AP exam tomorrow for which I need to be studying for! I can't wait for it all to be over!!

Faolan wondered sometimes, in the next few days, if Raul was trying to contact her. She didn't know- for the simple fact that she wouldn't let herself know. She had completely blocked out her mindspeech and avoided thinking about Heralds at all. Her mind skipped around that idea like it was poison. In a sense, she forgot she was a Herald.

The first day- after her run with Broderick, she was put back into duty, and Faolan performed it as if she weren't a spy. She went out with her group, in wolf form or with her bow and arrows, and hunted Valdemarens. There wasn't any more large battles, like the one before, but there were a few skirmishes, and Faolan's well placed arrows shot down a few soldiers. She worked hard, and quietly, and without questioning her orders.

And after another few days her group went back to camp for a day break, to let some different werewolves push the line in that area of the mountains. Faolan spent her evenings with other werewolves, talking with them about the fighting, about true control, about the things that were important to them. She let herself drift with things. And she felt that maybe she was being trusted again. Broderick certainly trusted her. Those she worked with trusted her. For Faolan this meant one thing- that maybe she could earn the Commander's trust once more before getting true control. Not that it mattered to her- getting close to the Command. All she wanted was peace.

One thing was missing- and that was Raleigh. She hadn't seen him ina while- he appeared sporadically at best, but Faolan missed him. At night, when nightmares stole through her sleep, she missed him, and wished she could leave her dreams, leave her body, to find his soul and hold him close, have him hold her close, and tell her everything was all right. She missed him like she'd never missed him before.

It was turning into autumn, and the trees were turning multicolored. The days were crisp and cool and leaves crunched snappily under Faolan's feet when she walked. They crunched under her boots and they crunched under her paws. Faolan spent more time as a wolf as well- changing whenever she really felt like it instead of just when required. She felt like she could relate to Seath- for being in wolf form was an escape like that no other human or Changeling could experience.

Back at the main camp, where tents were scattered under the trees in a more permanent fashion, Faolan would trot among the tents, her tail up and her head low, moving among the werewolves and inhaling the scents and smells of the camp. She would wander the woods around the sentries, and roll in leaves for the fun of it. At times like those, she wished Taryn was there to play with her, to chase her in the woods, and she couldn't wait for true control so she could go home to Skylar and her own pack. The pack she'd grown up with.

Faolan fell asleep in wolf form one night, about a week from the incident, curled up inside her tent, her nose poking out from the canvas to let night scents and night air in. Her tent partner was sprawled across her bedding, snoring softly and Faolan hovered in that state between sleeping and waking, where one's thoughts drift like dreams, yet the physical world still curls around one's awareness. Such was Faolan- and this was when Raleigh finally appeared.

She saw him first as if he in the outside the tent, walking towards her- though her eyes were closed. She thought she could smell him, and her nose twitched. She almost stood up, but then remembered it was his soul, and the physical world did not touch him.

Raleigh stopped what felt like a few feet away- distance was arbitrary and peered around. His soul was fuzzy around the edges and Faolan couldn't tell if she was seeing him in a dream or still awake. But then some part of her gave in and she was really dreaming. Raleigh didn't seem to know she was there. He leaned against a tree- a tree in his imagination, and shivered- or shook, Faolan couldn't tell which. He was still soft around the edges.

She twitched her nose and stood up, creeping around the edges of the spirit world that he lived. She wondered if he had trouble coming to her, where all these souls of werewolves resided, or if the places his soul wandered over played no relevance to the state of his mind.

For a long time it felt like, she watched him. He was quiet, and forlorn, and Faolan's heart ached for him. He shook almost constantly, and every once and a while he would glance around nervously. Faolan realized she couldn't let him go on like this- he was getting worse. He seemed to be sinking deeper and deeper into the nightmares as the years had gone by, that his spirit was getting closer and closer to breaking under the strain. How long could he hold out?
With a cold feeling Faolan wondered if he'd die when his spirit broke- if he'd drift away from his body permanently and never come back. If only he could get stronger, and return to his body! With a frustrated growl, Faolan crept into Raleigh's dream world.

His eyes lifted as he heard me approach, and I saw them wide and white and desperate appearing. I smiled to see him and then paused as a look of cold, tired dread spread across his face and he sank to the ground with a moan, a whisper coming from his lips.

"No," he said, staring at me, his eyes confused and scared, "Don't come to me like this. Don't torture me any longer."

I wanted to cry out, "But it's me, it's Faolan- it's Carry!" but I found I couldn't- because I was still a wolf. And a wolf was what Raleigh was seeing.

I stood there and stared at him, my wolfish yellow eyes staring into his own brown ones. My expression was undoubtedly unreadable, but in his I could see everything. It was despair, and the longer he stared at me the more despairing he got, until finally he cried out again.

"Leave me alone!" he begged, "Or do something… you cursed spirit. Tormenting me to my soul's end…"

He stared at me in puzzlement, and I realized his confusion must come from the fact that I felt like Carry and I sat down with a whine, wondering what to do- wanting to go up to him and lick his face, let him bury his face into my fur- but he wouldn't do that. From his body I sensed any movement against him, towards him, any possibly threatening movement would only make him more scared, more confused, more desperate. He was very close to the edge- to the breaking point.

In final despair- I broke first, and ran away from him, unable to look at his mourning eyes any longer. As I changed swiftly back into human form, my eyes stung with tears. My hair- long when down, hung over my face as I crouched, still in a wolf's stance, but human in form. My fingers dug into soft, leafy dirt as my tears spattered onto the ground beneath me.

"Raleigh!" I gasped out, "How can I help you? Raleigh, let me help you!"

I gasped in several heaving breaths and then stood up, and I was wearing clothes- for this was a dream world, and no true physicality. They were not the clothes I wore as a werewolf, but the clothes I wore as Carry, and they were the softest leathers, comfortable and worn to fit my body- though my body had changed. I couldn't feel the dirt beneath my feet anymore, so I stood up, and pulled my long red hair back into a ponytail, then let it drape around my shoulders.

Then slowly, carefully, I peered back to where Raleigh was, and wondered if I dared approach him. Would he let me, or would he see right through me into my wolfish core? A sharp pain ran through me and I clutched my arms around myself as I realized that part of me which I cherished most, was that which he despised most- was that which haunted him and kept him terrified for fifteen years.

"Oh Raleigh…"I whispered, "We're not so frightening. I'm not so frightening."

Slowly I stumbled through the woods back to him, and found him hunched under the same tree, his body shaking with what I presumed was terror and despair. I paused a bit away and watched him again, as I had before, wondering if he could sense me, and then I took a deep breath and stepped over to him.

"Raleigh," I whispered, and took another step so I was standing above him, and I reached down to run my hands through his hair, pulling it out of it's ponytail and letting it fall loose about his shoulders- it wasn't quite as long as mine.

"Carry," he answered, and his voice held this note of relief. I sank down beside him and leaned against him, feeling my eyes well up with tears again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to him, "I've been lying to you."

His face curved towards me and I saw his strained face and he said, "You can't lie to me, Carry… If you're even real. I knew it all along."

I stared at him, then to make sure, prodded, "That I'm a werewolf?"

"Yes," he answered, and I saw his eyes flicker with fear even now, as I sat close to him, "Yes… It's how things should be, right? This is a nightmare- and nothing could possibly be worse than you being one of them. I sensed it around you, whenever you were near, but ignored it, because it's you, Carry… And I love you. But then, just now…seeing that wolf and knowing deep down inside it was you… I couldn't take it. So I'm sorry, Carry. I'm sorry that I'm afraid of you."

"You're not afraid now," I whispered into his ear, letting my lips brush his skin gently. A long sigh slipped through him and he leaned against the tree.

"No," he said, a half smile appearing on his lips, "No I'm not…"

"It's all okay," I told him, "I'm a werewolf, but I'll never hurt you. They'll never hurt you again because, Raleigh… they're just like us. They're like me. They're human."

He shivered, and I slipped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him tight to me and letting our heads rest together. On sudden inspiration, I let out my empathy, and touched the writhing mass of blackness that formed his poor soul. He seemed to quiver when I did so, but he didn't move or say anything, just let me gently work through his emotions, prodding here and there and pulling there.

"What are you doing?" he asked me after a while.

"Putting your emotions straight," I whispered, wrapping him in my empathy, wrapping him in my love.

He nodded and sighed, leaning against me. It was like giving a shoulder massage to someone who's needed it for years, who can barely move for the tightness and pain in their muscles. It took forever, and I barely realized I could do it, but it happened. In a sudden twist, and sudden nudge, his soul fell straight and I heard Raleigh gasp from it. He was still afraid, he was still a little despairing- but he wasn't twisted up inside anymore. He was at the point where he could heal normally- where his soul could heal.

Suddenly I realized I was in wolf form again, lying by his side and leaning my furred head against his arm, feeling him breath. I hadn't changed, I had just… changed- switching between forms without the twisting of sinews. At the same moment I realized it I knew Raleigh had realized it, and he let his arm fall over me, letting his fingers run through my fur and I felt like leaping for joy because I could feel the happiness in him, feel the comfort- and feel the fear. It was still there, but it was realistic fear. His fingers shook slightly as they moved across my fur, gently touched my ears, my paws, my shoulders. He was forcing himself, I knew, and it made me proud, made me love him more, that he was doing it for me.

"Raleigh," I said, in human form as suddenly as I was in wolf- my soul was one of duality and it changed forms easier than a body.

"Raleigh," I said, and pressed myself close to him, turning so I could face him directly, then so I could reach up and pull his face to look at mine.

He was pale and still a little shivery, but when I looked into his eyes they were strong, and it brought a smile to my face. A smile lit across his as well, and that made my smile turn into a grin.

"I love you, Raleigh," I told him, "I do- I love you in this life as much as the last. I'm with you, Raleigh, forever and ever. I'm by your side and you're safe with me, safe where you are."

My empathy still open I could feel him sigh to my words, feel his soul reach out for mine and in a sickening sort of way, he slipped a little farther away from me. I realized I felt like I was holding sand, and he'd slowly been trickling away the whole time I'd been with him. Tears stung my eyes as I realized he was leaving.

"I love you too," he whispered to me, and his soul was almost transparent. But he wasn't gone yet. He was still here. I sensed it was within my power to keep him here- the right words, the right actions…

So I leaned up to him and pressed my lips against his, softly and gently. His were warm, as they always were, and I could taste his own tears there. My arms wrapped around him and his wrapped around mine and the entire world fell away around us. I felt like we were falling through a haze, a mist, towards something.

"I love you Carry," Raleigh said. And then he was gone.

Faolan woke in wolf form with a terrible, hollow emptiness inside her. She awoke instantly awake, standing, and she woke with every hair on her wolf form alight, standing up, and brisling. She awoke with an odd haze over her vision. The peaceful tranquility, the sadness of letting Raleigh go that she had felt moments before was gone, and it was replaced with this hole that was eating up her insides, sucking her in, swamping her. Faolan's legs shook from the effort of holding herself up under the weight of the emotions she was feeling.

It took her a moment to realize why she felt like that, to remember what had happened. It was dark and quiet, and as she also came to her sense of where she was, she almost slipped away from thoughts of Raleigh- but then she remembered. And she started shaking, worse than she had when she murdered a Herald, worse than she had ever before. She stood, unable to see or feel anything but blackness and coldness because this place where Raleigh had been for years- ever since she'd come to the werewolves, was sickeningly, terribly empty.

:RALEIGH!: Faolan screamed and the person in the tent beside her stirred.

A sudden, erupting, terrible anger burst through her, like none she'd felt before, and it replaced the horrible swimming emptiness that had been in her before. It coursed through her like fire, eating through her veins and body, and through it ran the feeling that if Raleigh was gone, no one deserved to live. No one deserved to be happy.

Faolan looked around her, and her vision swamped red…

A/N: And now... thanks to those who reviewed the previous chapter!
GinaStar- Wow, you graduated high school three years before I was born! Now I feel young. Even though I'm going to be eighteen in nine days!
The-Elven-Bookworm- Still writing! I find myself rereading old chapters too, when I should be writing new ones! Ah, I can't believe it's almost done!
ginalee- Yeah, Fao doesn't really have it easy!
LightningStorms- You'll have to wait until the next chapter to hear from Raul!
Ban Capall- That you have only one word in response to that chapter is both inspiring and thought provoking. XD. Have anything specific that made it 'wow'?