When Faolan woke up, it was a few hours after dawn, and in the low valley she was in, the light drifted through low, and it was still cool. She could feel the sun would burn it all off soon though, when the day came into itself. A stick was pressing into her back uncomfortably, and when Faolan sat up she was surprised to find herself completely naked. Looking around, she saw no one else- only a series of bloody paw prints leading up to where she was laying.

Faolan leaned over and vomited as she realized, at the moment she saw the footprints, that her entire mouth tasted like blood, and she could feel dried blood on her chin, caked beneath her fingernails, between her fingers, and streaked across her chest.

"Uhhh…" she moaned, and lay on the leaves, gasping for breath.

She still felt achingly empty, but the emotions that were going through her were too fast and tumultuous for her to be able to think straight. After a moment she sat up and stared at the paw prints, then stared at her hands, and almost threw up again- but she managed to hold it down.

"Is this true control?" she whispered, staring at her hands- and she knew it was. As the memories of the night before flooded back through her mind, she knew it was.

Never had something felt so bitter in her entire life. Faolan sat on the leaves, too empty and too tired and too despairing to even cry. She was completely, utterly alone, in a way she hadn't been since she was a tiny child, alone in the woods as a werewolf howled nearby, thirsty for blood and full of pain from no control.

For Faolan had lost herself the werewolves. She knew that now, because there was no way they'd accept her back after what she'd done. The point of going to war was to force true control on young werewolves in an environment where it did no harm to the pack. But Faolan had violated that. She went to war, but when she got there, she gained her true control from the deaths of other werewolves. The blood covering her body was not her own- not any of it. It belonged to werewolves of whom she didn't even know the names of. Werewolves she was supposed to be working with so they could all gain true control, and go back to their packs.

So Faolan had lost the werewolves. She lost them just when she made them her final choice, her only choice of a people to live with. For she had surely lost Raul as well, after this past week. Surely the Companion would not take her back. Surely she would be repudiated upon sight- and then she would be a true loner, doomed to stalk the woods and wild mountains by herself all her life.

"What have I done, Raul?" Faolan wondered as she heard the scream of the Companion of the Herald she'd kill echo in her mind, "What have I done?"

Then a chill ran through her, for a howl had just rang out through the woods, and Faolan realized she had left a trail any pup could follow. The werewolves would defend their family, their kin, their pack. They would not leave her murders without vengeance.

Without thinking she stood up and turned into her wolf self. With a last glance backwards and a sniff at the spot where she'd lain for several hours, she turned and ran. She ran like only a werewolf could, and she ran towards the place she had called home before she'd called Skylar home. She ran to a place where a Companion hadn't yet repudiated her. She ran to a place where she'd first learned she wasn't the only werewolf in the world. And most of all, she ran towards the place where Raleigh's body would finally be still and quiet, and at peace.

Haven.

OOO

It was three days before Raul caught up to Faolan. She barely felt tired, through sweat and dirt streaked her sides. She felt filled with a boundless energy, such that she could run, and run, and run until she got to where she meant to go or until she died.

:Faolan!: the words pierced Faolan's mind and she winced away from them like one winces away from an stab wound. Moments after this Faolan heard hoof beats and a lithe, white shape appeared, galloping beside Faolan.

Raul was so breathtakingly beautiful that Faolan almost forgot what she was doing. She almost stumbled and fell down- where she was sure she would never get up. But she didn't. She kept running, though she did glance up and over at the horse shaped creature that ran beside her, pulling in air sharply through delicate nostrils that flared wide, who's muscles rippled under a shining white hide, who's eyes were focused neatly ahead and were filled with a deep, indescribable blue. Faolan felt herself falling into that blue as she had the day she was Chosen.

:Raul…: Faolan said, and the words came from her mind like a moan, :Oh Raul… I am so sorry and I feel like I should be dead and if you repudiate me I won't argue but oh please Raul, please, please, don't repudiate me.:

:I'm not repudiating you,: Raul said, her voice strong and certain- and almost amused over the deep worry that pervaded each word she uttered.

Relief sunk through Faolan's body like drinking water and she said, :Really?: and slowed to a fast walk, staring up at Raul.

:Yes, really,: Raul answered, :Now stop and let me talk to you.:

Faolan obeyed, and she stopped and sat down, her sides heaving and her tongue hanging out as her body adjusted to the change in motion and took the chance to tell her that she was tired, thirsty, and hungry.

Raul turned and faced Faolan, then put her head down and nuzzled Faolan gently on the shoulder, breathing warm, horsey smelling breath onto Faolan's bloodstained, sweatstained fur. Faolan's heart pounded loudly in her ears, and it seemed to her that everything else around them was strangely quiet.

:There are some… that think I should repudiate you,: Raul said softly, :There are some that believe you have done things that cannot be forgiven in a Herald… But they do not know you Faolan. They do not know what is inside your soul. And though I may not have been close to your soul these past years it still shines brightly in my eyes, as strong and pure and wonderful as it did when I first saw you and knew I had to Choose you.:

Faolan just stared up at Raul, feeling like crying but unable to in wolf form. She found there were no words she could think to say in response to that anyway.

:But Faolan…: Raul paused, and her blue eyes pierced into Faolan's, :Tell me why I should not repudiate you.:

And now Faolan felt guilt, the terrible guilt of betraying someone you love that loves you, of doing wrong in their eyes, and she bowed her head, dropping to lay on the ground below her Companion, and she said, :Because I'm still a Herald in my heart. Because I love Raleigh. Because I love the werewolves. Because I love Valdemar. Because it is love that drove me to do what I did, and it is love that drove me out of it. Because I love you, Raul.:

Raul seemed to find this answer acceptable, because she was standing silently before Faolan, staring at her with eyes that had turned soft and kind and loving. Faolan sat up and gave the Companion's nose a little lick.

:You will have a hard time convincing the Heralds of that,: Raul said heavily a while later, :A hard time. This war… there is not one Herald who has not been touched by it, and there is not one Herald but you that wishes the werewolf had never been created. And as wonderful as Heralds are, they are still human. There are those that say, and will say, that my opinion of you no longer counts, because I have been away so long that our bond is too weak for me to properly read you. There are those that say you are to young for the duties placed upon you, and therein lies your fault- and the fault of the Queen for placing you in that position, and me for letting her. And Faolan… there are those that will look into your heart and they will find you guilty for the things that I forgive you for. And some of those people will be Companions, and some of them will be their Heralds.:

:I don't care,: Faolan whispered, :As long as you accept me I'm still a Herald. I can handle everything else.:

:You shouldn't have to, though,: Raul said, softly.

:Raul?: Faolan asked after a brief silence, :The Herald… that I killed. Leola's Herald… what was his name?:

:Belar,: Raul answered quietly, :His name was Belar.:

:What's going to happen to Leola?: Faolan inquired, sitting before Raul and looking up at her forlornly.

:Either she will Choose again, or she will slowly fade away, and die,: Raul answered, bowing her head, :I do not advise trying to find her- she's back at Haven now, when we get there. I do not know her feelings towards you, and trying to talk to her will only make her feel worse.:

:All right,: Faolan said, her heart weeping, :I just wish I could tell her I'm sorry. Though I don't think it could ever have happened differently.:

:I know you are sorry, Faolan, and that is enough for now,: Raul said, then sighed, and tossed her head, :Come… It's a long way to Haven.:

OOO

It was a day later that they broke into Valdemaren countryside, and Faolan was amazed at the change. Valdemar was a broken country. The fields they walked by, wolf and Companion side by side, where empty and weed covered. Houses were falling down. The people they saw were downcast, and did not look or even notice the strange pair that passed. Almost all the people they passed were women and children. There were no men or boys over the age of ten or under the age of sixty. Sorrow hung over the country like a blanket, despair hung around it like a noose.

After a while, Faolan changed back into human form, found some clothes in a way station, and rode Raul bareback as she hadn't in years, down ill kept, abandoned roads that had once been thriving passages between towns and villages and cities. Everything look gray, and even the calls of birds in orange leafed trees seemed forlorn.

It reminded her of Raleigh, in a eerie and deeply painful way. Faolan found herself crying almost half the time she was awake, making Raul's mane wet and sticky with tears. And thinking of Raleigh made her think of the werewolves she had once wished she could life with forever, and that made the pain even worse.

The past years seemed so unreal Faolan wasn't even sure who she was anymore. She was Herald, she was Werewolf, she was Faolan, and she was Carry, but those things seemed to hold little meaning over what happened to her. Raul made her way through a dark, sad Valdemar, carrying a dark, sad Herald upon her back, and that was how they arrived at Haven, one dark, cold autumn evening.

A/N: Well, that's the next chapter, and I suppose it answers a few of your questions, but not all of them! Thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter!!
oneswordsworn- Now you know what Raul has to say! Let's see... Raleigh was supposed to still be in the storyline (he's only been out for a few chapters) but I suppose a few chapters is a long time on
Ginastar- I think I will refrain from saying anything on the subject of Raleigh for now but at least she has Raul back now!
The-Elven-Bookworm- I think this chapter answered most of your questions quite directly- yes she has true control, apparently the werewolves have turned on her, and the next chapter shall reveal the acceptance of Valdemar towards her!
ginalee- Thank you- I hope this wasn't too long to wait for this chapter!
Ban Capall- Wow- I didn't even realize I was putting an unthinkable concept into my story... I'm sure someone else has a nice plot that wraps around to create a situation where a Herald kills another Herald too somewhere. Hmm... I THINK I explained true control fully when Skylar explained it to Faolan... to clear it up for anyone who is confused as you are, true control is gained after a werewolf totally loses control, not like never having had control, as was Marku, the werewolf who bit Faolan, but when a normal werewolf loses total control. Usually only extreme anger or sorrow can drive a werewolf to this point, but afterwards the werewolf in question knows where that line is- the line between extreme emotions and losing control, and they will never cross it again. This is important because at some point in everyone life, it is likely they will be pushed over that limit- and this is a danger to the packs. Thus they go to war, forcing young werewolves to gain true control in an environment where they will not harm the pack, and the packs can live safely and happily, with each other. Make more sense now?
LightningStorms- Heh heh... keep reading and eventually everything will make sense. ;)