That first night with Herald Morgan was hard. She wasn't willing to mindspeech him in wolf form, so the entire night was spent either trying to stop him from ripping up the room and hurting himself, or defending herself when he directed his anger onto her. Morgan Derry was no werewolf to be reckoned with- in wolf form he stood almost three feet tall at the shoulder and was black as midnight. In the moonlight that managed to sneak through the window of his room, he glistened with a dark luminescence.
By the time morning came, Faolan was drained, and she left Morgan asleep and worn out on his bed to crawl back to her own, wishing she had the guts to just talk to him in wolf form, and not quite willing to think about why she shouldn't. She slept only a few hours- there was too much light in the room and too many thoughts her in her head to do otherwise. Upon getting up she determined that what she really needed was a long bath, so she gathered up some clean Whites and headed to the baths, which, she presumed, would be quite empty at this time of the day.
However, she was wrong about that. When she stepped quietly into the steamy room, another Herald was there, stepping into a steaming tub. Faolan could immediately tell that she was just from the war- her movements, her attitude, the emotions Faolan could sense around her… this Herald was no teacher or student. This other Herald looked over at Faolan as she entered, peering at her from beneath black eyebrows and worn out eyes. Too many eyes looked like that these days.
"Hi," Faolan said with a half smile, deciding that she definitely didn't know this Herald. She didn't know most of the Heralds- a thing that made her sad. Usually trainees had more of a chance to befriend those they would spend the rest of their lives with.
"Hi," the woman said, sinking into her tub and leaning back to wet her hair. Faolan moved over to another tub, and glanced back at the woman before starting to pump her water- just enough to see this other Herald's dark eyes watching her suspiciously.
After a moment she heard a voice speak up, "You're Faolan, right?"
Faolan turned around to face the other Herald, and nodded, "Yes. I am."
"Ah," her answer was… dark. Faolan's spine prickled, but the woman said no more, so she continued pumping water, feeling uncomfortable.
Sure enough, a little later, as Faolan was stripping, she spoke up again, this time with the words, "You never should have been sent to the front."
Faolan looked over her shoulder at her, finding that there was really no way she could answer that in words, so she just looked at the woman, waiting for her to continue.
"Why, Faolan?" the Herald asked, her dark eyes piercing Fao's own, "Why did they send you to the front?"
"Because I was qualified to go," Faolan said, "Because I could help."
The woman barked out a short laugh, shook her head and said, "No Faolan you most definitely were not suited to go spying. No child can be a spy… Someone made a mistake, and lives paid because of it."
Faolan felt anger boil through her and she whirled around, glaring, and said, "More lives would have been lost had I not gone! Don't you know that I feel guilty for every bad deed I've done every moment I live? Can you imagine I wouldn't? Are you a Herald? Because I am- and last I knew Companion's don't choose wrong. Raul hasn't repudiated me yet, and until then I will keep on being a Herald."
"Well," the woman shrugged, "Some Companions doubt Raul's competence."
"It's not their job to judge!" Faolan retorted, whirled back to her bath and stepping in, grabbing a bar of soap angrily.
"There have been mistakes made," the woman deigned to answer, "Whether or not you, as a child, are directly to blame, is up to questioning. But there have definitely been mistakes made among the Heralds and Companions."
"We're only human!" Fao hissed back, "Everyone makes mistakes sometimes."
There was an answering snort and Faolan found herself so angry that fur was sprouting from her arms and she scrubbed at it vehemently, wishing she wouldn't Change, not in front of so hostile a Herald. Morgan Derry's response to werewolves made her realize that the Change was not a welcome idea among Heralds. It made her even more angry- that she couldn't be free to be herself here in Haven.
Faolan rushed through her bath, finishing long before the other Herald, and as she pulled on her clean Whites, the woman muttered, "You should still be a trainee, child." There was a hint of tenderness in the words, but it was derisive tenderness, and did nothing to soothe Faolan.
"Don't take your anger about the war out on me," she growled as she stalked out, slamming the door behind her and hurrying down the halls of the Collegium as her still dripping wet hair soaked into the back of her tunic.
Before she realized it, tears were stinging her eyes and she moved quicker, blindly, until she suddenly found herself, without even realized how she'd gotten there, standing in front of the Death Bell in the Companion's Field. She stared up at it, then sank to her knees, thinking of how it must have rung when she killed Herald Belar. Then, all of a sudden, she was sobbing, and she let herself sink forward onto her hands, her head hanging between her arms.
"I'm sorry," she whispered to the ground, to the Death Bell, "I'm sorry..."
After what felt like a long time, Faolan pulled herself up and wiped her eyes. As she turned around she saw Raul standing there, still as a statue but for the breeze that wisped at her mane and tail. Her eyes were soft and Faolan stepped up to her, running a hand along the Companion's face.
Together they walked back up towards the Collegium. However, that was not where Faolan destined to go. Instead of going back to the Collegium, she went to the training grounds and found a bow that fit her and some arrows to go with it. Luckily the current classes were all working on sword play, so Faolan set up a target by herself off to the side and out of sight of the classes, and starting firing arrows repeatedly into the target. It felt good to stretch her muscles, and with each arrow that she released, she felt tension leave her body. However, it didn't hold the rewards it used to for her- the dull thunk as the arrow hit the straw of the target only reminded her of the softer, slicker wet sound of an arrow sinking into a human body.
When Faolan had shot all twelve arrows she set the bow down gently and walked over to the target to retrieve the thick cluster of arrows around the of the target. As she carefully yanked out the third arrow she felt a hand touch her shoulder and jumped- surprised not to have heard the person creep up. It was Rathmir.
"What are you-?" she started to ask, but Rathmir answered before she could finish.
"I've been looking for you," she said, "I know you were with Herald Morgan last night, but I imagined you'd be quite changed back by now. There's something I wanted to talk to you about."
"What is it?" Faolan asked, pulling out the rest of the arrows and walking back to her bow with Rathmir.
"First tell me how you and Raleigh are getting along," Rathmir said with a smile, "And tell me about Morgan."
"Raleigh…" Faolan sighed with a smile and thrust her arrows into the ground where she could easily reach them, "I love him so much… he… he sometimes is confused about me- and Carry, but he's so wonderful… He asked me to marry him yesterday."
"Did he now?" Rathmir didn't look surprised, but her eyes were full of happiness at Faolan's happiness.
"Yes," Faolan answered, "It's almost too much happiness, being with him, after so much… It's hard to be back here, Rathmir. Hard to have two families, one here, one with the werewolves… one that I can't go back to… And I don't mean werewolves in general, I mean I know Morgan is here but he isn't a werewolf. I mean the Harailt pack."
"Yes," Rathmir said reached over and rubbing Faolan's shoulder with a comforting hand, "It will all come to an end soon, Faolan…"
"What was it you wanted to talk about, then?" Faolan asked, feeling curious and apprehensive at the same time- something about the seriousness that had been in Rathmir's voice when she had first spoke.
"Well…" Rathmir said, standing with her arms crossed in a position of relaxation as she looked up at the sky, covered with low hanging clouds, "I suppose it was about family. Time went so quickly when you were a child, so much was happening then, Faolan… I suppose I never got to express it- and I know you've never really thought of yourself as a child, but if you wanted a real family- not just the Heralds in general… And I know it's a bit late now, with you getting married to man closer to my age than yours… but I've talked with William and Kayin and Maemi and basically… we'd like you to be part of our family."
"You mean… adopt me?" Faolan asked, feeling stunned and surprised and delighted all at once.
"Yes," Rathmir ascertained with a smile, looking directly at Faolan now, and she reached out to push a stray bit of hair from Faolan's face, "I love you like one of my own, Faolan."
Faolan suddenly realized that this was a little bit of life that had been entirely missing and she'd never even fully realized it in all her time since being Chosen. Rathmir was right- Fao had never really thought of herself as a child and thus in need of a real family- guidance sometimes, love too, but the idea of being adopted by Rathmir and William hadn't ever occurred to her. She wasn't sure exactly how to react to it, either. She hadn't had a real childhood, what with all her memories and experiences, and there was a part of her- a part that wasn't quite Faolan, that rejected everything wrapped up in being childlike and determined to stand on her own feet as an adult, but the rest of her, the rest of her that had gained a hold of having the knowledge of all her lives behind her and being herself, knew that she could be both fourteen and an adult. And Faolan wanted a family.
"I…" Faolan managed to say, her expression revealing everything, "Nothing could make me happier, Rathmir."
The older woman's face lit up with a gentle smile and she said, "I only wish I could have asked you sooner- before you were sent off to war…"
"It's all right," Faolan shook her head, "I mean, in a sense you adopted me the time we first met- when you washed my hair in that bathtub… I was so dirty."
She laughed, and realized that she really had been a child- running around in the dirt without a care, being jealous, being pouty, being inexplicably delighted at small things… She hadn't been aware of it as a child for she thought all her actions were those she'd make as an adult… And she hadn't been a normal child, that was for sure, but… she had still been a child, just with far more experience in her head.
"You were wonderful," Rathmir said, then spoke in Faolan's mind, :I love you Faolan.:
Faolan winced at a sharp, lancing pain that ran through her head and slapped her hand up to her forehead, her brows furrowing- but then it was gone. She bent over slightly, took a deep breath, and looked over at Rathmir, feeling slightly scared at what had happened.
"Fao?" Rathmir inquired, her voice worried, and she leaned over to Faolan, taking her shoulders and straightening her up, "Are you all right? What's wrong?"
"My… head," Faolan answered, rubbing a hand through her hair nervously, "When you… spoke," she shivered, and didn't finish.
"Faolan… have you mindspoke anyone aside from Raul since Dashiell read your mind?" Rathmir inquired, her voice half soft, half urgent.
"No…" Faolan shook her head, "I've tried to avoid it, mostly."
"Ahh…" Rathmir said with a nod, glancing around with her teal colored eyes, "I think I understand…"
"What?" Faolan asked, and dropped her hand, then lay her bow down gently on the ground and turned to face Rathmir directly.
"Put your things away, then follow me," Rathmir said, "You need to see a mind healer."
"What?" Faolan asked, picked up her bow and arrows as Rathmir turned around and started walking off, "A what?"
"An Empath," Rathmir answered as Faolan hurried to catch up to her, "Someone who senses emotion- like you, except far more powerfully."
"Why?" Faolan demanded, thinking of what she had done to Raleigh's emotions.
"Because there are parts of you that need help in healing," Rathmir answered, walking quickly towards the Salle.
"Healing?" Fao echoed, feeling slightly put off by Rathmir's sudden words and actions.
"Yes," Rathmir stated simply, waiting as Fao put away her stuff, then moving off again at a quick walk once she returned.
"Where are we going?" Faolan asked, feeling edgy.
"The House of Healing," Rathmir answered, glancing back at Faolan, "One of the Healer's there is an Empath- a powerful one. He'll help you."
"But I don't think…" Faolan started to say but Rathmir cut her off.
"No," she said, "You do need healing. I'm not surprised, either, Faolan. You're young, and lived in a war zone, as a spy, for many years. It would damage anyone."
"I've been to war before," Faolan pointed out.
"Not in this life and not at the age of fourteen," Rathmir answered, turning as the House of Healing loomed above some trees in the distance.
A/N: There's the next chapter! Wee... I just got back from a four day camping trip- makes me appreciate a nice shower. Thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter! Hugs to you! Also- Happy Summer everyone!
StormyPhoenix- I think you did already read that chapter- or part of it, perhaps. I'm fairly sure you have not read this one until now though!
The-Elven-Bookworm- Yup! I bet there are some of you out there that thought it would end when she came back, huh? Well, there's still a bit of Faolan's story to tell. Mwahaha.
GinaStar- He's not usually so depressing- he's just had a spat of bad luck... but Faolan will put that right! (Hopefully.) ;)
ginalee-Yeah... most of the Heralds are a bit like that, as this chapter revealed... "Werewolves are eViiiLLLL!!!"
M3m0rii- You are very speculative- which is good. :) You shall just have to wait until the next chapters come along to see where it goes though!
LightningStorms-Yup! I need to get writing... I'm only part of the way through chapter sixty-six and I only have about five days to finish it up and start sixty-seven for you guys!! Gotta squeeze writing in around planning my trip to Iceland...