Disclaimer: Why, yes, yes I do own South Park, I just forgot. Now get me a meeting with the writers… we have some slash to write.

A/N: I have a goal for this story: have Indigo get hurt in every single chapter XD Also, guess what? This is the last chapter of explain-y-ness! I CAN MOVE ON WITH THE PLOT! YAY!

Steven Spielberg and Tim Burton, both in matching glitter gold tuxes, smiled and pulled out a thin sparkling pink envelope, seemingly out of nowhere.

"And the winner of the everything award goes to…. Indigo Kelly!"

The audience went crazy, sexy women pulled up their tops, diamonds rained down, and rainbow fireworks went off.

Indigo sprinted on stage and grown men sobbed at his awesomeness. "Thank you! Thank you! Ah jeez your making me blush." He sang, collecting bundles flowers and for some unknown reason receiving a…tiara?

"You make me so hot Indigo!" Bebe gushed; she was wearing a tight playboy bunny costume and stilettos.

But, just as Tom Cruise bent down to lick his shoes something went amiss. Indigo looked down to realize: he was wearing only his briefs! The once-loving audience started hissing and booing. Tomatoes and eggs pelted him viciously. The bras and panties that littered the stage turned into hissing underwear-snakes.

"NOOOOOO!" Indigo shrieked and shot up from the mattress. Wait…shot up, he wasn't tied to a chair anymore. He felt his chest. No rope. It had all been a dream! Exploding animals, crazed psychos, all of it a horrible, horrible nightmare. He hugged Mr. Kitty out in a state of pure bliss.

Wait…. Mr. Kitty?

"Oh for the love of…" Indigo groaned and held his head in his hands. Mr. Kitty gave him a pitying look and mewed in sympathy. After a few weak sobs he noticed a pile of clothes topped off with a pink sticky note (assassins seem to have a thing for them).

Mr. Kelly, to be perfectly frank you look and smell disgusting, plus I can't begin to tell you how many diseases you might spread with a shirt covered in internal organs. Luckily, Kenny was kind enough to share some of his wardrobe with you. Please, I'm begging you, wear them.

Bebe

Indigo scratched the cat's head as he examined his new outfits. It was bad, oh it was very very bad: an alarming array of (multicolored) skinny jeans, a mesh wife beater, a furry purple parka, and a few lewd shirts ("Rednecks do it better, faster and with their cousins"…how charming). He picked the least offensive top and bottom, the neon green jeans and the bubble gum pink tee with "NUMBA ONE PLAYA!!!" written on it in rhinestones.

After squeezing into these pieces of attire he searched for the pair of black snow boots he had been wearing but they weren't there. Bebe must have taken them away so yours truly couldn't make an escape. Indigo was surprised to find the door unlocked, Bebe must have done that too.

He scooped up Mr. Kitty and padded out into the living room, which seemed even more dilapidated in the morning light. A butcher knife stuck out of the leather sofa, Peoples and Play Boys (an odd mix) covered the scratched wood floor, the T.V sat on top of two milk crates with some sort of ancient game system connected to it, and a leaking bean bag chair consumed a corner of the room, weapons were strewn recklessly everywhere. A narrow staircase led to the upstairs and a large door frame gave a view into the kitchen. The entire place gave of a sort of old-farmhouse-meets-teenage-adolescent's-room-meets-terrorist-hide-out vibe.

"Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kanas anymore."

Indigo, too caught up in the glorious mega-movie-nerdness he had achieved, failed to acknowledge a discarded pizza box. Needless to say he tripped and fell face-first on to the ground, gaining him yet another bruise and three scratches from the cat. Continuing his unlucky streak.

Meanwhile in the heart of Denver....

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

RING!!!!

"Huh? Whuzzat." Lillith Evans murmured, awoken from her usual desk time nap. Her dark blonde hair mussed, her purple eyes half closed, several knots in her silver necklace and a pink sticky note stuck to her pale cheek. She reached blindly for the phone and yawned into it, "Hullo, Eric Cartman's office, Lillith speaking, how may I help you."

"Um, I'm having a poetic emergency." A soft voice said seriously."Do you know what I can rhyme with 'Bickhead'?"

Lillith shoot up and screamed, causing various office supplies to fly up randomly, "LUCKSTER!"

"The one and only Lil'." Lucky grinned as she surveyed the snowy forest outside her window. Seriously, it was like a postcard for New England...the one and only perk of living in the middle of South Park's forest.

"What a great surprise!"

You could practically hear Lucky raise an eyebrow, "Well, since Prince Porkchop cut off all our phone lines but this one....it really shouldn't be."

"Oh..." Lillith sounded slightly deflated. "So anyway, what's up?"

"Nothing much, we have a grown man locked in our basement. It's that guy Cartman wanted." She drawled. "His hair is blue."

The secretary chuckled, "Coolio. God, I miss being out in the field with you guys, I'm totally getting desk ass. The only fun I had was with those Green Peace people. And they are such easy targets. I could hit one with my eyes closed."

"But Lil, we aren't out in the field. It's Mission Babysit. Avery wants to know why we can't just torture the information out and kill him....but I think that's mainly because he called her a guy."

"Heh. Just tell her without Mr. Blue Hair we can't get into the d-e-b-a-t-e and k-i-l-l the h-i-p-p-y-s. And then if they don't d-i-e we'll get sued for millions and the Nazi won't like that at all. Remember the PETA incident?"

"It's h-i-p-p-i-e-s."

"Whatever. Anyway, how's my boy?"

The green eyed woman sighed, "Tweek is as good as can be expected." And for a while the two chatted aimlessly about nothing (Lucky, ignoring the loud thump and weak groaning from downstairs).

Suddenly, the southerner's tone turned serious and grim. "...Ever miss being the good guys, Lil?"

Her friend cleared her throat, "We were never the good guys."

Extremely sorry if your OC wasn't in this chapter!!! I swear I haven't forgotten about anyone, it's just I have waaaay to much to put in just one chapter.