Sorry this took so long. It was a busy weekend. Thank you Amy and Barb, my beta's extraordinaire, without you, I would look like a dork. Thanks, readers and reviewers, without you, I would have no reason to write this fanfic.

-Leesainthesky

Chapter 74Breakfast

I'd heard it said that many women experience heightened sexual arousal during pregnancy. While this may be true, it was not a valid excuse for allowing Erik an all access pass to my body the moment he crawled back into my bed. What in the hell was wrong with me?

One moment I'm running in fear of his dubious temper, the next, I'm screwing him. Does being pregnant also discombobulate the mind?

What could I possibly say to his remark that it took no time for me to reacquaint myself to his touch?

Well, gee whiz Erik, you ran after Christine, sent me a Dear Jane letter, or so I thought, then you threatened to punish me in a recent note, but hey, what can I say, you've got magic hands, dude.

Yeah, right.

Making love to Erik, then returning to the reality of the situation at hand left me feeling awkward. There remained between us an atmosphere of cautious reserve. So many misunderstandings, miscalculations and missteps; I wondered how we would glue the pieces of our fragmented love back together without leaving deficiencies.

Our breakfast banter was mostly polite. We had dared not step on sore toes or dive into water too deep to tread. Up until now.

"You're blushing, darling. Does reflecting on our morning mating session cause you discomfort? A most perplexing reaction from the woman who carries my child." Erik scrutinized me closely; his hint of a smile mocked me.

Upset for not knowing my mind any better than I did, I swung around in my chair and reached for the press pot on the stove behind me. Buying time, I poured another cup.

Erik was still considering me when I turned back to the table with my coffee. He'd crossed his arms tightly against his chest and dipped his chin into his cravat. If eyes could truly burn holes into people, his gaze would have incinerated me.

"What? What do you want me to say? I have no words for you, Erik; not in French, not in English, Italian not even Swahili!" I spat.

"The writer has no words of eloquence for her lover?" he said, his voice a toneless shade of gray.

I smacked the table with my full cup, sloshing hot coffee over the table cloth.

"Damn you, Erik! Damn your seductive ways!"

"I beg your pardon?" A bit of the hot liquid splashed on Erik's hand, causing him to wince.

"You've not a clue of the intoxicating power you hold over me, have you?"

"Many others have fallen under the spell of my vocal charms, but never you, dear. Why, it was you who told me that those who resist control of their person are immune to even the strongest hypnotic suggestion. Therefore, I find your claim puzzling."

"It is not your voice that I am speaking about."

There it was again, that dark eyebrow raised over one seductive, jade colored eye, fringed with impossible long black lashes.

"Erik, don't—"

"What is it I am doing? Really, Gabrielle, you are acting illogically. I find it hard to believe that, being a beast of a man, I possess sexual prowess so immense as to render a headstrong women helpless."

Maybe it was anger or frustration or the months of pent up sorrow or those pesky hormones; I couldn't pinpoint the precise cause of my actions, but I began to cry. These were not sweet little princess tears either, but an open faucet pouring down my face at breakneck speed.I shoved my chair away from the table and sprang to my feet, gulping in air, willing the waterworks to cease.

"Look here you—you impossible man. I gave you all that I had, my body and my trust. I know you don't get the whole 'how to behave in a relationship' thing, but you act as if you do not understand my trepidation in the least. The problems we experience are not solely my doing. We are equally to blame for our stupidity!"

"Agreed." Erik said with uncharacteristic meekness.

I could not stop the endless rush of words— or tears.

"When I came here to this century, I was so lost; lost and frightened. Then you found me and took me in. You were kind, compassionate and helpful. It was as if our singular worlds collided at just the right time. Slowly you and I forged a friendship. There was respect, affection, love, lust."

I leaned against the kitchen sink and gripped its porcelain edge behind my back. I took another deep breath and continued while Erik looked on.

"Ah, but then—" I hiccupped and sniffled, "—just when I thought I'd found the most marvelously unique mate, Christine's ghost sweeps in causing you to blink and lose focus on us. If I must, I can make it alone in relative comfort, however I don't—well, do you want to know the truth, Erik?"

"Of course I do," his rich voice implored.

"The truth is that I—I don't want to live a life where you are not in it. But I need to know that you will always choose me."

Another storm cloud of tears threatened to rain down my face. Erik pushed away from the table and rose. In no mood for his solicitous approach, I turned away.

"Gabrielle, I—what do I say? I am human, a damaged, insufficient human at best. I've hurt you very badly, haven't I?"

I leaned my head back, willing the tears to run backwards.

"Dear, dear, Gabrielle," I felt the weight of his hands touch my shoulders gently. The contact made me need him, and that made me angry.

"Stop, stop, stop!"

"For God's sake, whatever is wrong with you?"

"Every time you touch me, I remember how I love you, why I love you and I wonder if you will ever fully love me in return. I wonder if you will consider my feelings when you get a notion to do something that could harm us, or if you will continue your way of barreling into whatever it is Erik wants to go and do without a care in the world for what I think. Oh, I know it's how you've survived the cruelties of others all of your life, but I am not responsible for that life. If you want me, want us, you will have to prove to me that you are worthy of me!"

I was spitting mad and the tears gave way to anger. It boiled forth so swiftly that it was hard to stop.

I shook Erik's hands from my shoulders and walked over to the kitchen's picture window. The late winter sun shone on the dusky earth, barren but for withered remnants of last year's foliage and a few tiny green shoots reaching for the hope of spring.

"This is madness," I head him say. He slammed something, maybe his fist, on an unknown surface.

"My mother should have taken me to the river and drowned me like a mongrel at birth," he whispered, his voice seething with self-loathing. "Once again I have succeeded in murdering the only light in my life with my cursed self-indulgence. You had every right and reason to flee from me, Gabrielle. I crave love, yet I feel that I am not equipped to love as a man ought to love a woman. How can you stand the thought of me?"

I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead onto the cool glass of the window.

"Because I love you, Erik, you idiot."

He snorted. "Whatever for?"

I whipped around to look him, trying not to think about my blotchy red face and tear swollen eyes. I was never a pretty crier.

"Lordy, you can be amazingly daft! In the eighteen months you and I have spent in one another's company, have you not gotten a glimpse of the man within? Oh, I do agree with your personal appraisal of being a self-centered and suspicious man, but I've witnessed those walls crumbling down. I believe that if you wish to continue to change for the better, you will do so!" My voice echoed off the plaster walls of the cottage's large country kitchen.

Erik gawked at me as if I'd popped him upside the head; his mouth ajar, eyes wide open, saying nothing.

I held my hands up in a gesture of helplessness, but then let them flop back to my sides.

"Put yourself in my place, Erik. You sneak into this cottage, slip into my bed, seduce me, then like a swashbuckling pirate, stake your claim and your intent to carry me off to your lair for safe keeping."

"I wanted you back in your proper place," he growled.

"Yes, brute force always woos the ladies, Erik," I said snidely.

"Forgive me, Gabrielle. I was distraught. I didn't know what had happened to you." Erik advanced on me with predatory grace, his eyes flashing fire.

I pointed a finger at him and stuck my chin out in defiance. "You better step off, Erik. While I appreciate your passion, I do not appreciate your aggression!

Erik paused two or three feet shy of me. His countenance softened. It was as if a stark personal revelation had hit him, that he'd gotten a glimpse of himself that he did not like in the least. He'd caught himself being the Phantom.

"I daresay that since you've left, I have been but a cold, empty tomb of a man. You make me feel as though I have a soul. I—I need you to live, Gabrielle." His voice was a whisper.

Erik made his way back to the table and sat down with his long legs spread wide; he slumped over and rested his elbows on his knees, raking both hands through his hair, giving the appearance of a man defeated.

I went to him, knelt at his feet and peered up into his face. Erik slid the half mask from his face and wiped at the perspiration on his forehead. His expression was that of a man heartsick with remorse.

"Imbécile," said aloud.

"We're both behaving like simpletons," I said. "You must realize Erik, that I would not leave you without thinking I had a valid reason to do so. I now totally realize that you would never have typed such a letter to me."

Erik lifted his gaze to meet mine.

"I know," he whispered.

"If there's any hope for us, then we'll both have to make allowances, not only for cultural differences, but gender differences as well. Healing, Erik; it could take some time and considerable patience."

"Time," he snorted, "is something I have quite a lot of."

I smiled and kissed his forehead. My knees began to stiffen so, steadying myself against his arms, I rose to my feet.

Then he straightened up to his full height, smoothed his hand over his face and across his dark hair. "Breakfast is clearly over; shall we progress to the closet in your bedchamber for that confounded letter?"

"Lets."

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Yes, the next chapter will get into the letter. Please review for me, and thank you in advance for doing so.

Your obedient servant,

-Leesa