SONG: Lily Allen - The Fear

Chapter 19

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BPOV

I was mad.

No, I was furious. Furious with myself for daring to hope that Edward might actually like me, furious at Tanya for barging in and ruining that hope for me, furious at Edward for sleeping with her.

I couldn't lie to myself though, I wasn't just mad.

I was jealous. Jealous that she got to touch him, that she got to run her hands through his tousled bronze locks, that she got to kiss him, see his bedroom, that she got to....well you know.

The thing is I knew I was kind of overreacting. I mean, it's not like Tanya came in the room and Edward ran over to her and starting having sex with her in front of me. In fact, he seemed just as shocked as me that she was there. But I couldn't help it. He walked over to her, and I didn't hear what he mumbled to her but as soon as she said, "I just wanted to see you baby," well, that just did it for me, the anger and jealousy just took over from there and I couldn't stay and watch her start touching him again, or even hear her calling him baby again. I had quickly rushed to pack up my stuff, not even glancing at either one of them as I exited the office.

Driving home with Alice was irritating.

"Bella, why are you mad? He doesn't want her, I 'm telling you."

"Alice," I sighed, "Just drop it ok, you're the one who got my hopes up in the first place. Edward is with Tanya, and I don't care about whatever he said to Jasper, maybe he was just being a guy, you know, trying to act tough in front of him, pretending he didn't like her."

Alice shook her head fiercely.

"No Bella, I'm telling you, he was trying to find a way to break up with her. I mean, you can even ask Jazz yourself. I told him that I thought Edward might like you-"

"You did what? Oh my God Alice, why can't you keep your mouth shut for once in your life?" I cried.

"Listen Bella! Look Jazz thought about it for a second, you know, thought about the way Edward always looks at you at lunch, and he said that he didn't notice it before, but since I pointed it out, he thinks that I might be right."

I was silent. I wasn't going to let that hope spark up again, I wouldn't allow it.

"Bella?" she asked.

"Whatever Alice, if Edward Cullen likes me then he'll tell me himself. I'm not bothering to waste my time trying to figure him out anymore."

Alice groaned, frustrated.

"Ok, whatever. I'm sick of trying to play matchmaker anyway."

We drove the rest of the way in silence and she dropped me off at home.

Dad was in when I got home, watching TV.

"Hi dad." I said, dully.

He turned to look at me curiously, obviously surprised by my tone.

"What's wrong Bells?"

"Nothing." I said, trying to perk up a little, "Just tired."

"Did you finish the assignment?"

"Yeah."

"That's good."

He was silent as I slowly walked to the stairs.

"Bells?" He called out after a while.

I walked back to him.

"Yes dad?"

"Your punishment is over. You can have your keys back." He took out my keys from his pocket and handed them to me.

I beamed. "Thanks dad. What's brought this on?"

"Well, you're a good kid Bells, this is the first time since you moved here, that I'd had to punish you. I figured your punishment's lasted enough."

"Thanks dad." I smiled at him.

I went up to my room and lay on my bed. The events of the day were running through my head. The way Edward had gazed at me when I opened the door, the way he kept glancing at me while we worked in Carlisle's office, the way he kept smiling at me. I had started thinking that maybe he really did like me.

I was conflicted.

I wanted so badly for it to be true, that Edward liked me, that he was finding a way to get rid of Tanya, that Alice was right. But then I would hear Tanya's voice in my ear calling him 'baby', seeing her all over him at lunch, imagine him and her together in his bed....

I punched my pillow.

I drove my truck to school on Friday morning, happy to have it back and kind of relieved that I didn't have to deal with Alice straight away. However, in French, she didn't say a word about Edward. In fact, she barely spoke at all during the lesson. This was weird, I mean, French class was the one class Alice and I had together – and the one class we were both failing because we were never concentrating on the work, too busy gossiping. I kept looking at her questioningly, but she just shrugged her shoulders at me – trying too hard to look innocent. But I knew her too well for her to fool me. She knew something, and for some strange reason, she wasn't telling me.

I dreaded going to biology. I walked as slowly as I could without being late to class. He was there in his seat when I got there and he turned to me as I approached, smiling a crooked, breathtaking smile at me, causing my pulse to starting racing.

"Hey."

Why was he smiling at me? Talking to me so casually?

I didn't reply, not even glancing at him as I sat down.

He looked at me, confused.

"Are you ok?"

Why did he always ask me that?

"I'm fine." I said through clenched teeth.

"Ok." He swallowed, "So...why'd you leave yesterday? I mean, you didn't have to you know, just because Tan-"

"I wanted to." I cut him off. I didn't want to even hear her name coming from his lips.

"Ok. Well, I apologize for her just, you know, barging in like that, I mean, I didn't even know she was coming..." he trailed off, and I could feel his hazel eyes boring into me.

"What's wrong?"

I sighed, annoyed. "Nothing's wrong with me ok Edward, I'm just not in the mood for conversation so just, leave me alone."

His brow furrowed.

"Whatever." He said, peeved.

He turned to the front and didn't speak to me again for the duration of the class.

I didn't fail to notice that Tanya wasn't in class. She probably had drama rehearsals again, I thought to myself with a scowl.

At lunch, there was still no sign of Tanya. Rosalie was there and not in costume so I knew that there wasn't a drama rehearsal. Weird, I thought, maybe she was absent from school today. There was a weird atmosphere at the table; it was as if everyone knew something that I didn't. Edward, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper were all exchanging looks. Rosalie was glaring at Edward and Jasper kept glancing at me oddly. When I happened to meet his eyes a few times he would just smile quickly and look away. What was going on?

Jessica and Tyler were the only ones apparently not in on it, as they were just talking and eating normally. Emmett was at football practice. Alice looked at me, and I could tell that she was fighting hard to restrain herself from telling me something. I raised an eyebrow at her and she shook her head, mouthing that she'd tell me later. Edward kept staring at me too, trying to meet my eyes. I felt myself growing hot under his gaze, but kept my eyes averted from his.

After school Alice ran to meet me at my truck.

"I'm coming to your house Bella." She said, and then ran back to her Porsche.

I was really confused, and dying to know what was going on. I drove home fast, well as fast as my truck could manage, with Alice driving behind me.

"Alice what's going on?" I said, as soon as we got in my house.

"Oh my God Bella! You will not believe this!"

"Alice." I said in a warning tone.

"Ok, ok. Last night, after we left the Cullen's..." she bounced on the couch, barely able to contain her excitement.

"Alice!" I said frustrated, "Will you just spit it out?"

"Tanya is leaving Forks!" she blurted out. "Well, for a few months anyway."

My mouth dropped open in shock. I was baffled. I waited for her to continue.

"Ok, when Tanya came over to their house yesterday, Edward didn't know she was coming because he had been ignoring her calls. Didn't you hear his cell ringing?"

I had heard it buzzing but I didn't know that it had been ringing.

"Yeah, he switched it off after a while." I said.

Alice was nodding. "Yeah, so Tanya basically just decided to show up because he wasn't answering her calls. Jazz was like, trying to get her to leave but she didn't want to, saying that Edward had called her over. Then she quickly went up the stairs so Jazz couldn't say anything else to her. He knew she was lying though, because he knew that Edward would never call to ask her over. So anyway, we just went back to the living room thinking nothing of it, and then you came down and said you wanted to leave so we left."

She paused. I watched her impatiently, waiting.

"So Jazz told me that after we left, he and his mom had heard Edward yelling at her from upstairs, telling her he didn't want her, how she was a slut and he only felt sorry for her that's why he so nice to her, basically telling her to fuck off. So Jazz and Esme had ran up and stood watching from the hall. Then...and here's the weird part."

She grinned, leaning in close to me.

I was frozen, trying to process all of this information, trying to make sense of it.

"Then apparently Tanya had started crying, telling Edward that she loved him; telling him that he couldn't do that to her..."

I made a face in disgust.

"How can she love him? She's only known him for about a week." I said rolling my eyes.

"Exactly! Edward said the same thing apparently. Anyway she kept crying, saying that guys treat her like a slut and that Edward was the only guy that had been nice to her since Garrett."

I raised my eyebrow, "Who's Garrett?" I questioned.

Alice looked at me, then slapped her forehead, "Oh yeah, you weren't living here when Garrett was around. He was this guy who lived next door to her. They basically grew up together here in Forks and they were like, best friends and started dating in junior high. I didn't know Tanya at the time because I didn't go to Forks Junior High, but apparently she and Garrett were like totally in love or something. Then he got killed in a car accident and his parents moved away, unable to stay in town because it reminded them of him."

"Wow....that's pretty sad-"

"Yeah, it is." Alice interrupted, "Anyway, Jazz said that Tanya was never like the way she is now when Garrett was alive. He said she was nice, sweet, kind. Then after he died she started acting slutty, turned into a bitch, you know, became the Tanya we know. So she was telling Edward how she and Garrett loved each other and stuff and Edward was like, he doesn't love her and he can't be Garrett. So eventually she left and went home. Rosalie told them this morning that Tanya had called her like around 3am crying and stuff and told her that she was going away for a bit, that she needed to get out of Forks for a while. So apparently her parents phoned the school this morning and informed them and she's gone now."

I let out a breath. "Wow, I didn't know all that stuff about Tanya-" I felt a tiny bit guilty for calling her a skank. A very tiny bit.

"I know." Alice cut in again, "She must be like messed up. Jazz told me she looked like a nut job yesterday. But now we get to the really good part."

She smirked at me.

"You know I told Jazz that I thought Edward liked you? Well...."

She looked at me worriedly.

"Mary-Alice..."

"Well, Jazz asked him if he does!" she blurted out. She closed her eyes, and tensed her body, expecting me to hit her or something.

But I could only concentrate on her words. I stared at her in disbelief.

"Well, what did he say?" I asked impatiently.

"Oh, I thought you said you weren't going to bother trying to figure out Edward Cullen anymore?" She smirked smugly, eyebrows raised.

"For crying out loud Alice will you just tell me?"

"Well, Jazz said that he was confused, like he didn't know at first. He thought about it and after a while he was like, yeah he does like you."

I held back the squeal that threatened to erupt from my mouth. Alice was grinning smugly.

"See? What did I say about my feelings?" She said.

"So, he likes me?" I breathed.

"Yep. And now crazy Tanya's out of the way so....." she trailed off looking at me expectantly.

Dad had gone fishing, like he did every Saturday, so I was alone in the house.

Normally I liked being alone on Saturdays. It was peaceful. I would sleep in, wake up around noon and make myself a huge breakfast. Then I'd lounge around the house, reading, listening to music, sometimes watching TV and later in the day Alice would sometimes come over or I would go to her place.

But not this Saturday.

This Saturday the silence was too much, too overbearing. I had already been thinking about what Alice had told me yesterday, all night, I didn't want to spend the day doing the same.

It seemed unreal. The stuff with Tanya just made it even more bizarre. I didn't want to see Alice today either, I couldn't deal with her excitement right now.

Edward Cullen liked me.

If Edward liked me, then what next? He didn't attempt to say anything about it to me in biology yesterday. But then again, I had told him that I didn't want to talk....

I sighed. I liked Edward too, I mean, that fact was obvious, but I couldn't help still feeling mad at him. Whether he had been drunk or not, he had still slept with Tanya, and I tried not to dwell on that fact, but to be honest, it bothered me.

What if we did start dating? Every time I would go into his room I would just picture him and Tanya there, on his bed. I could already picture that unpleasant sight now and I hadn't even seen his room before.

The phone rang, causing to me to jump. I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Bella?"

Great. Renee.

I sighed, "Hi, Renee. What's up?"

"I miss you honey. Please come over for Spring Break. I haven't seen you in over six months now."

This was true, and if I was being perfectly honest, I missed her too despite my resentment towards her. I mean, she was still my mom.

"Ok." I said reluctantly, "Only if you pay for my ticket though."

I could hear her excitement in her voice.

"Of course dear!"

I heard Phil in the background calling her.

"Shit." She muttered. "I'm sorry hun but I've got to go now. I'll call you back another day. Say hi to your father for me." She was almost whispering. She then hung up before I even had a chance to say bye.

That was weird.

I was getting bored after a while. So I went into the kitchen and decided to bake a cake. I had gotten all the ingredients and equipment out when the phone rang again.

I hurried over to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" a deep voice rang in my ear. My heart started thumping instantaneously.

"Yes?" I said, my voice slightly shaking.

"It's Jake."

I let out a quiet breath, a miniscule part of me was disappointed – but the rest was glad to hear from him.

"Jake! How are you?"

"I'm good. You?" he said.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good. What are you doing right now?" he asked.

"Nothing really, I was bored so I was just about to go and bake a cake."

He chuckled. "Be sure to save me a piece if you do."

"Sure will."

There was a pause.

"So....you still grounded?"

"No actually, my dad has finally let me off, he feels like I've done my time."

"Great!" he sounded excited, "so...if you're bored.....and not grounded anymore....you want to come out somewhere with me?"

I really needed to go out, I was going insane just sitting at home, pondering. And Jacob seemed like a nice guy, and he was fun to talk to.

"Sure, where are we going?"

"Hmmm, I'm not sure yet. Are you ok with riding on my motorcycle?"

I wasn't sure, I mean, I had never been on one before and those things were fast. I had nearly had a heart attack when Edward was speeding and that was in a car, a motorcycle had nothing around it, nothing protective.

Jacob sensed my hesitation.

He chuckled.

"Don't worry, I won't go too fast and you'll be wearing my spare helmet."

This reassured me a tiny bit.

"Hmmm, ok."

"What time should I pick you up?" he asked.

"How about five?"

"Perfect. What's your address?"

I gave him my address.

"I'll be round at five." He said.

"See you then Jake." I said, and hung up the phone.

Author's Note:

Lol, my chapter's seem to be getting longer and longer. You see that green writing below? It likes to be clicked.

Savannah-Vee