"You're wanted, Faolan," Rathmir said, poking her head into the living room area where Faolan sat reading a book by the fire as Maemi and Kayin went over bookwork assigned by their teachers. She was in the Sommer's rooms, per invitation via Rathmir- an invitation that she had pointedly informed Faolan was no longer needed.

"By whom?" Faolan wondered, standing up and setting her book down. Was it Morgan- had something troubled him? Or was there something wrong with Raleigh? A frown arched across her features.

"The Prince," Rathmir said, indicating her head towards the door, "Sent word for you. If you're not busy you're to meet with him now."

Faolan was too surprised to answer, so she just nodded and stepped past Rathmir where a Herald Trainee stood waiting, looking nervous. He swallowed when he saw Faolan and said, "Just follow me, please."

Faolan acquiesced, and quietly followed him through the halls to the room where she had first spoken with Herald-Prince Dante. He was standing, resting his hands lightly on the table in the center of the room. He looked up when Faolan entered, their eyes briefly meeting before Faolan bowed.

"Sit," he said, motioning her down, and taking a seat of his own before the fire. Faolan copied him, feeling slightly tense.

"Faolan Wolfsbane.." he said slowly, "It is time to discuss your future. You are teaching Morgan Derry, and that is quite good. I have also heard of your lifebonded- Raleigh Van den Acker, recovering from a curious fifteen long coma… You are aware of the fact that because he is not a Herald, your Heraldic duties may keep you and him from one another? I don't wish to be cruel, but I wanted to make sure you were aware of that possibility in your future."

"I know," Faolan said quietly, feeling a slight pang in her chest- knowing didn't make it easier.

"Good… then we can move on," he said with a smile, "I also know you are receiving mind healing- an excellent idea for any returning veteran. At this point now, you have several choices, Faolan. You may- if you wish, remain here as a teacher- of werewolves, and of whatever else you feel comfortable with- though if you chose that path recall that you are still young, and instead of teaching may wish to continue learning yourself… Another option is to start taking classes here, with other trainees or privately- the things that you did not learn while here previously. From there, you would be sent on circuit- for even in war Valdemar still needs guiding. You could too, if you so wished, go back to the front, as most other Heralds do. I understand you have friends there… a Christopher Alaska and several others… You would be useful there, for your knowledge of werewolves, Faolan… But… now I must ask you this… of the circumstances in which you left the werewolves. You, while fighting for the werewolves in order to keep their trust, killed a Herald- and then you blocked your Companion. A week past, and then, just after the man I now know is your lifebonded awakens, you opened back up to your Companion, and came home… My first impression, before I was informed of Raleigh Van den Acker, was that you were coming home because of the crime you committed against Valdemar… Tell me true, Faolan- what happened?"

Faolan stared at the Prince, resplendent in formal Whites that marked him as more than just the average Herald. She almost gaped, but managed not to. All that he had said swirled around in her head until she finally realized she had to answer him.

"Uh…" she started with lamely, "Well… I struggled with the fact that I'd killed a Herald and for a while I wished I wasn't one… which is why I blocked Raul. I… I'll never forgive myself for Herald Belar… and I'm not about to shed my Whites either… But I uh… I left because I gained what the werewolves call true control- the reason they fight"- Dante nodded so Faolan didn't bother going into more depth, "But I didn't gain it on the battlefield. I've known that I was lifebonded to Raleigh since before I left, and Raul told me that he had woken up. That stirred in me such powerful emotions that I lost control- the way one is supposed to in order to gain true control, but only on a battlefield. Instead, I ended up murdering… almost my entire fighting group… And that is why I left, sir."

"I understand then, that there is no chance of your going back to the werewolves?" Dante inquired, raising one eyebrow at Faolan and not even blinking at hearing of Faolan's mass murder.

She shook her head, "Very little… I can't imagine they'd forgive my actions… not after they were suspect already by their discovery that I had mindspeech."

"Ah," Dante nodded, and leaned back in his chair, glancing momentarily at the crackling fire, "I was just curious- neither you nor I is seriously entertaining the idea of sending you spying again. I'm sure it will come as a welcome word- you are spy no longer, Herald Faolan. I have given you your new options… do you need time to think of them, or do you know what you wish?"

Faolan shook her head and answered, "Right now… sir… I just want to help Herald Morgan and hope that the war ends soon… Perhaps by teaching Morgan I can delve deeper into the workings of the werewolf Change…"

"If you learn anything that can help us win this war, I've an open ear ready for the craziest suggestions," Dante said with a smile, then a sigh, "I doubt the existence of even one being that wants this war to continue."

Faolan sighed, and stood up as Dante stood up, thinking of the werewolves… out there, fighting… They did not care if the war was won or lost or went on forever, because war was what they lived on. If the war ended- if Karse was finally pushed back behind the borders, or if Valdemar was overwhelmed and destroyed… neither mattered to the werewolves. They would simply break up into their many clans and wander the world once more, sending their young out to fight as mercenaries and welcoming home those that returned with true control, and forgetting those that didn't…

"Thank you, Faolan," Dante said as he saw her out, "And remember- I'm always here for a word of advice from our resident werewolf expert."

"Of course," Faolan said, and gave a slight bow before turning and walking away down the halls, back to the Sommer's rooms. She wondered if Maemi had managed to figure out his class work, and wondered how Morgan would Change this night…

OOO

Faolan found Morgan Derry an hour before the full moon would rise- earlier than they had met the previous two days. She wanted to get him meditating before hand, to get his mindset freer, more relaxed. He was alone, in his rooms, as he often was. She wondered if he had any close friends, or what he spent his days doing, here at Haven, but she never asked. Her job was to train him, not to inquire about his personal life. She doubted he'd appreciate her questions, either- Morgan Derry was a proud man.

She knocked on his door, and he opened, carefully, as usual, peering at her for a moment before letting her in all the way. He gave her a questioning look, then sat down at his desk and waited for her to start talking.

"I was thinking we could do some meditating," Faolan said slowly, looking at him while she spoke to gauge his reaction. He shrugged.

"It'll get you working on what we talked about this morning… about emotions, and letting go. You're a long way from control, and even longer from true control, but you're on the right path, now," Faolan said to him, "I wish we had a giant forest to run around in, where the only things you could hurt are deer and the wild animals, as I did, but I suppose that's not really possible."

"Is the open space better?" Morgan asked, and Faolan almost smiled as she saw a certain glint in his eye- one that spoke of a longing to run, to hunt… to howl to the moon.

"Yes," she said, "It gets rid of the feeling of confinement- no one likes to be locked up."

"All right," Morgan nodded, then stood up, "Should we go to the Room?"

He was speaking of the one they Changed in- the one bare of furniture with a single window that let the moonlight stream in on them as it rose in the sky. Faolan nodded, and led them from his room and down the hallways to a stretch of uninhabited rooms- the Collegium was, like everywhere, sparser in population that in peaceful times. All the Heralds that could be spared were on the front, and the trainees were be trained as quick as possible.

Once in the room, Faolan locked the door and started Morgan on meditating, specifically asking him to concentrate on letting his emotions flow freely- even the ones he would normally suppress or reason himself out of. She wanted him to feel all the rage he'd felt last night- before he was in werewolf form.

While he meditated, Faolan daydreamed, letting her thoughts wander to when she was a trainee, to times with Christopher Alaska, playing his game… To running around the Companion's Field at night, just a puppy, playing tag with Raul under the moonlight. Innocent times. Playful times. Alaska was a powerful foe, out on the front, making nightmares come true for the Karsites and werewolves he encountered, making them see… Faolan paused. Something had clicked in her mind, but she wasn't sure what it was yet- so she went back over her thoughts- then sat up a little straighter.

Maybe… maybe Christopher Alaska could somehow… create an illusion of the sort of scenario that induced true control? Or rather, induced the blood rage that led to true control… Except that the experience was individual to each werewolf. There was little to guide by- except that it often, like with Skylar, involved the death of a friend on the battlefield… And if the one undergoing the experience- the illusion, as her trailing thoughts suggested, knew that what he wasn't real, would it still work? Unless Fao herself could use her Empathy to stir up Morgan's emotions and perhaps pull images from his mind to create some sort of nightmare scenario? She shivered, feeling a cold lump inside her of that thought… it seemed something just short of torture, and unlikely to work. Then again, what every living werewolf today had to suffer through could easily be classified as torture anyway…

But the thought wouldn't leave her mind. It nagged at her as she and Morgan pulled on their wolf skins and as she stalked around Morgan, snarling at him and daring him to start another fight- though he didn't- at least, not on last night's scale. They did tussle a bit, and she could feel the chaotic anger writhing inside him… And when Faolan finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, in her own room, she knew she had to write a letter to Alaska- after so many years of wishing for another way she wasn't about to drop the first inkling of an idea she had- no matter how awkward it seemed. Especially when it kept pestering her.

OOO

"I really miss Skylar," Faolan said to Healer Valentine a few days later, as she sat in the House of Healing, peering out a window at the grounds that spread out between the buildings. It was her third meeting with the Healer, and she left each one feeling even better than the last.

"I haven't seen him since I left to go to the front, left the village to go and gain true control," Faolan said, "But he was a great friend. He was the one who took me in, showed me who the werewolves really are… He told me once that we aren't human, because humans have rejected us- he made me wish I wasn't a Herald, that I could just be a werewolf, truly be one of the pack. They're my pack. Maybe the Heralds are another pack… but Skylar and Taryn and Magdalia and Roscoe… they accepted me just because I was one of them… they made me part of their family. I just wish my two families weren't fighting each other on opposite sides of this great and terrible, terrible war…"

Faolan paused, wondering how much she could tell the old Healer, but then deciding that he was the kind of person one could trust with any sort of information, so she took a deep breath and spoke, feeling his magical presence around her, making her relaxed and letting her relive her memories in a way that let them Heal, instead of destroy.

"I remember when I was bitten very clearly," Faolan said, "Because even though I was only three years old, after I was bitten… I wasn't three years old anymore. I can remember my past lives, and that's what's given me the edge to, as a child, be a spy among the werewolves, be a spy for the Heralds of Valdemar… Everything that has happened since that day has seemed inevitable, the way things were meant to be… but I suppose if I had a choice, I'd take back being bitten, and I'd take back being a Herald… I wish, though the Herald in me says this is best, that I spent a cold night in the woods that winter, then found my way to some hunter's cabin and grew up as a normal child- maybe to still be Chosen, maybe not to be… Maybe to find Raleigh again, maybe not to… At the same time, though, I'd never give up those I've found and loved in this life. I'd never give up Raul, Raleigh, Skylar… Rathmir… Christopher Alaska… I'll never give them up…"

A/N: Ah... it's so sad... this story is coming to an end. I only have seven more chapters planned out... It's been so wonderful writing this story for you guys, hearing your input and comments and communicating with you about my writing. It's been fun... and I shall miss it when this story is over!!! Today's thanks to...
ginalee- Yeah... gotta have some warm stuff after all the bad stuff... Also the story is wrapping up.
GinaStar- Yeah- she doesn't hang out much with normal people, does she:)
The-Elven-Bookworm- Yup! There's so much more I want to add in though... looking back... I think as a non-fanfiction there will be a lot more depth in everything that happens.
StormyPhoenix- Yeah, I try, but most of what she's doing doesn't really apply to her past lives.
LightningStorms- Is this quickly enough? I need to get writing on the next chapters... eep!