Disclaimer: I do not own any of the cartoons within. Or Fall Out Boy. They own themselves (a little bit, maybe). Also, I don't own the concept of 'Underground Classrooms'.
And here is the second installment of "I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You!" As said last chapter, it's One Piece versus Naruto! This episode might have even more twists, turns, and made-up-as-they-go rules than the first one. As also said in the last chapter, this week's hosts are the punk/emo/whatever-you-wish band, Fall Out Boy (I know a fair amount of you probably don't like them and/or their music at all. If so, you can read the chapter and pretend the hosts have different names, or ignore the hosts' lines, or something, but I really don't want to hear about it if you dislike Fall Out Boy.)
IMPORTANT NOTE: This chapter also marks the first episode where they will be split into two chapters each. The first episode was only one chapter, because it was the premiere and had to be special. But these are getting long, so they'll be split now.
The same deep narrator voice as last episode filled the studio. "Welcome to the second episode of 'I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You'!" The crowd interrupted with their applause. "This week features the ninja anime 'Naruto' vs. the pirate anime 'One Piece'! And now, welcome your hosts, Pete Wentz, Patrick Stump, Joe Trohman, and Andrew Hurley of Fall Out Boy!" The lights lining the top of the auditorium shone on the four rockers as their instruments dropped from the ceiling.
"Hey! You got our instruments wrong!" Pete called to the ceiling.
"Entire drum set… on toe…" Patrick squeaked.
"Screw the instruments!" Joe shouted. He pointed to one side of the stage. "In this corner, we have the main characters of One Piece! The Straw Hat Pirates, which include Monkey D. Luffy, the captain! Roronoa Zolo, the swordsman! Nami, the navigator girl! Usopp, the ugly one! And Sanji, the cook!"
"Hey! I'm not ugly!" Usopp shouted. "Insult me again and I'll send my crew of one thousand men after you!"
"Hee hee… you're ugly and a liar!" Andrew laughed. "And anyway, in the other corner, we have the main ninjas of Naruto! Naruto, the title character! Sakura, the lone female ninja today! Sasuke, the intense one! Kakashi, the cool teacher! And Rock Lee, the guy who they picked to bring on because they needed five people to match the pirates!"
"Power of youth!" Rock Lee shot his fist into the air.
"We're so going to win this thing!" Naruto shouted to the Straw Hat Pirates. "BELIEVE IT!"
Pete used one hand to shove Naruto back. "SO, how about you guys tell us why you're here?"
"This might strengthen me up and help me become the next Hokage of my village!" Naruto answered loudly.
"The next oh-what-ay?"
"He said Hokage." Kakashi answered calmly. "And also, who doesn't want a little extra money in their pockets?"
"AMEN!" Nami called out from across the stage. "That's why we're here! The money!"
"It might help strengthen ME up to become the KING OF THE PIRATES!" Luffy yelled.
"How about you just explain the rules already?" Zolo asked the hosts.
"Let me refer to the rule book!" Pete took out the rule book from thin air. "Okay, this episode, both shows will take turns sending contestants up to spin the Wheel of Foodstuffs. Then you have to eat what you spin, obviously! If you puke, faint, or just avoid your selected food like the plague, you get sent to the underground classrooms! The same happens if you break any other rule!" Upon this last note, Joe played a random guitar riff. "BUT!" Pete continued. "If you make it to the end, you get to choose between the first prize, the giant bottle of Pepto Bismol and the small, thousand dollar cash prize! Or, you can move on to the final round, El Diablo! If you win it, you get the grand prize: a twenty-thousand dollar cash prize and a year's supply of Hot Pockets of your choice!"
"Hmph," Sasuke said. "We'll win without a problem," He had an intense scowl on his face.
Sakura swooned. "Oh, Sasuke-kun! You're so confident!"
"UH-OH, I spot a rule breaker!" Patrick sang into the microphone.
"Huh?" Luffy looked around. "Where?" He looked under his sandal and under his straw hat.
"RIGHT HERE!" Joe pointed to Sasuke.
Sasuke said nothing, and barely looked mildly worried.
Pete opened the rule book. "It says right here, uh, Smoochina Sausage, was it? Right, well Sausage, here it is: Thou shall not be emo."
"That rule book… is an upside-down copy of Green Eggs and Ham with 'Our Specials For Today' written on the cover," Kakashi observed.
"Huh?" was all Sasuke had time to blurt out before the floor opened up underneath him, and he began to fall to the Underground Classrooms.
"SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura shrieked in worry.
Sasuke did not panic. He sent an extra amount of chakra energy to his fingertips and toes, allowing him to grab onto the sides of the walls and hang there, giving him an extra minute of time to figure out how to get back up.
Sakura smiled. "Sasuke rocks! There is no way he'll lose this!" Sakura thought in admiration of Sasuke.
Sasuke smiled. "I rock! There is no way I'll lose this!" Sasuke thought in admiration of himself.
Pete got frustrated and took out a special remote similar to the one Chuck Norris had used in the previous episode. He pushed a small, ovular red button near the blue one for opening up the underground classroom. The hole Sasuke had fallen in widened, and he went plummeting down.
Sakura gasped and stood in disbelief. "Sas…uke…kun…"
"YOU four got rid of Sasuke for being emo?" Kakashi said. "Oh, the irony…"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Pete asked.
"Nothing…"
"Oh, cool buttons!" Andrew looked at the remote. "What's this one do? Spin the wheel?" He eagerly pushed a square, grey one.
The stairs where people walked up to their seats suddenly turned to ramps. A young man walking with his arms full of sodas and popcorn slipped and fell down the ramps.
"Oops…"
"Um… well… let's get the first contestants!" Pete shouted. "Let's get Naruto on stage!"
"WOO YEAH!" Naruto jumped over. "I'M SO READY FOR THIS!" Without being told, Naruto spun the Wheel of Foodstuffs. After spinning many times, it finally landed on 'canned boiled peanuts'.
"Huh?" Naruto said in response.
"From the looks of the rest of the board, Naruto, I'd say you got let off easy," Kakashi commented.
Pete plunked down an open can of boiled peanuts in front of Naruto. "In all their briny goodness!"
"Ah… okay!" Naruto plugged his nose and downed the entire can of peanuts in a few gulps. "Ugh… they were all soft…"
"Next up!" Andrew shoved Naruto away.
"ME ME ME ME!" Luffy came over to the Wheel of Foodstuffs. He flexed his muscles and spun the wheel with all his might. After even more spins than Naruto, it finally landed 'Death by Chocolate'.
"Oh, that's no fair!" Sakura whined. "That's really being let off easy."
"No, it's right there," Usopp said, "between 'Strangulation by Caramel' and 'Brain Damage by Marshmallow'."
"BRING IN THE DEMON!" Patrick shouted.
A giant wagon of chocolate pudding was wheeled in and stopped in front of Luffy. He looked overjoyed, too stupid to be put off by Patrick's comment. Joe handed Luffy an unusually small plastic spoon.
Just when Luffy was about to dig in, the pudding wiggled. Luffy flinched, but reached towards it after that anyway. The second his spoon touched the dessert, a ten foot monster came slowly and dramatically rising out of the pudding and roared loudly, standing over Luffy. It was made of solid dark chocolate, with cocoa blades for hands.
"A chocolate demon?" Luffy asked, his eyes full of wonder.
"Fresh from an Aztec temple," Avatarjk137 responded.
The demon roared and slashed at Luffy. Luffy jumped back, but the blade still managed to cut his shirt a bit. "Gum Gum Gatling Gun!" Luffy screamed, pounding the demon with dozens of long-range, devastatingly fast and hard punches. The chocolate abomination simply began walking towards him. It suddenly vanished and reappeared behind Luffy, and made another wide slash as it roared. Luffy jumped clear, but fell into the vat of chocolate pudding. The chocolate demon leaped and landed in front of the vat, preparing to stab into it until the rubber pirate was dead. Suddenly a sandaled foot shot from the pudding and caught the demon square in the chin, cracking its face and launching it upwards. The monster hit the ceiling and stuck with a gooey noise. Luffy, covered in pudding, erupted from the wagon and shot straight up, becoming level with the monster's chest. "Gum Gum… DOUBLE BARREL!" Luffy reached both arms back impossibly far, and slammed them together into the demon's chest. The delicious abomination shattered with a pained roar, spraying the crowd with dark chocolate breakup.
"Way to go, Luffy!" Pete shouted. "Now just eat the pudding and you win."
"Where can I get a recipe for chocolate demons?" Sanji asked.
Luffy stretched his mouth as wide as he could and consumed all the chocolate pudding in one bite.
"So you have stretching, rubber powers, eh?" Joe said to Luffy. "Meh. I've seen weirder. NEXT!"
Kakashi walked onto the stage nonchalantly, leaving his precious book, the romance/porn novel Icha Icha Paradise, in care of Sakura.
"This should be interesting," Kakashi murmured after spinning the wheel. It landed on 'pigeon feathers'.
"Feathers, eh? Hmm… how best to do this…"
"All right! Kakashi-sensei is finally going to have to take off his face mask so we can see what's underneath!" Sakura said to Naruto.
"Oh yes! I've been waiting so long for this!" Naruto rubbed his hands together.
Kakashi realized that his eating would make people see what was underneath. So he opted for a quick distraction. "Look! A giant ham-demon!"
Everyone gasped and turned to where Kakashi pointed.
"Let's put it on the wheel!" Avatarjk137 accidentally turned the camera away from Kakashi in his excitement.
"Hey, there's no ham-demon!" Joe shouted. He turned back to Kakashi. "You tricked me by using my worst nightmares against me!"
"All done," Kakashi simply responded. He was straightening out his face mask. The feathers were nowhere to be seen.
"Okay then… NEXT!"
"I'll go," Zolo volunteered for his team.
"WAIT!" Pete put his hand in front of Zolo. "It suddenly occurs to me that since Sasuke was eliminated, you guys have an extra member! Think briefly about what you want to do!" The Straw Hat Pirates went into a huddle.
After about a minute, Pete spoke again. "IT'S THE MOMENT OF TRUTH! You guys have to decide what you want to do! So what do you want?"
"New hosts?" Nami suggested.
Silence filled the studio.
"Well…" Pete looked speechless. "You can't have that… CHOOSE SOMETHING ELSE!"
"No can do!" Usopp shouted. "We've decided that we're a team! We stick together! If you eliminate one of us, you may as well take us all down! Therefore, we're remaining together no matter what you-"
"Bye Usopp!" Nami smiled and waved.
"Goodbye, Usopp!" Luffy, Zolo, and Sanji did the same.
"WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN GOODBYE?!" The floor opened up under Usopp and he went falling into the underground classrooms.
"Now that that's over with…" Zolo walked over to the Wheel of Foodstuffs, bored.
"Now spin with all your glory!" Andrew commanded.
Zolo spun it with about half of his strength, which still made it give a large amount of full rotations.
"Oh, Zolo, you landed on 'glass'! What a pity!" Andrew handed Zolo a plate with different size chunks of glass pieces.
"Oh man…" Zolo took the plate and made a face as he began forcing down hunks of glass. Awkward crunching noises were heard.
After finishing his plateful, Zolo grimaced. "I think somewhere along the line, it went down the wrong way. Oh well, I've had worse internal bleeding." He coughed up several pints of blood to prove his point.
"Oops, looks like we're almost out of time! We'll be right back AFTER THESE MESSAGES!" Pete picked up his bass guitar and slammed it on the ground.
No, he's totally right. This episode will return soon.
Brought to you by: (-music-) Hot Pockets!