Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. Believe it.

This episode is American Dragon: Jake Long versus Danny Phantom! With your hosts, the guys of Jackass!

I know I said that the episodes would be split into two chapters, but these are only three people per team. So I just didn't think it would be worth it to make two chapters of minimal length.

Now I will shut up and let you read (stop cheering! Silence!)

"Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is 'I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You'!" The host declared, clad in his usual sunglasses but also in a tuxedo. "Today, we bring to you the battle of American Dragon: Jake Long versus Danny Phantom in a battle of wits!"

"Wait, what? Wits?" The deep narrator voice from the first chapter commented. "What the hell are you talking about? And you're stealing my lines!"

Bam Margera, wearing the pants of a tuxedo but no shirt, tested the microphone by tapping it. "By Knoxville's standards, this is a battle of wits."

"I'm going to say the rules!" Wee Man loudly declared, wearing his superman costume with a bow tie on it. "As usual, you have to eat whatever you spin on the wheel, and you can't pass out, blow chunks, or dance around the food completely, or YOU LOSE and are transferred to the Underground Classrooms! Same thing happens if you break any other rules!"

"I hear the bathrooms there leak venom," Ryan Dunn commented. He was wearing underwear and a tuxedo shirt but no pants.

"Anyways, the winning team gets a choice between sets of prizes. In Prize Set 1, you get a thousand dollars and a HUMONGOUS bottle of Pepto Bismol to soothe your now damaged stomach! Or you can go for Prize Set 2, which is made up of twenty thousand dollars, and a all expense paid trip to both Orlando and Hawaii!"

Jake Long stood on the left side of the silver-tiled, brightly illuminated stage with Trixie and Spud. "Hey, can you explain some of the other rules?"

"Basically, like the last sets of hosts, we make most of 'em up as we go!"

Danny, on the right side of the stage with Tucker and Sam, looked at his hosts. "Yeah… I was wondering what happened to the last hosts… why do you keep having new ones?"

Avatarjk137 looked emotionless as he tilted the camera towards Danny. "Don't think twice about it, kid. Chuck Norris and Fall Out Boy went away."

"To where?" Danny raised an eyebrow.

"They're going to get fixed."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Get started over here, we don't have all day!"

Johnny pointed to Danny. "How's about you go first, half-ghost boy!"
"Uh… okay…" Danny reluctantly spun the wheel. It landed on 'a lead pipe'. "Is this safe?"

Johnny put his hand on his heart and looked surprised. "Good lord, NO! I wouldn't have hosted this if it was!"

"Well, down the hatch!" Danny quickly went into his ghost transformation. Lucky for him, the hosts either didn't notice or didn't care about the sudden uniform and hair and eye color change. Danny shoved into his mouth, but used his intangibility power to let it slip through his system and onto the floor. He put his foot in front of it as to fool Johnny. "Mmm! All gone!"

"HEY, I SAW THAT!" Wee Man pointed accusingly at the lead pipe. "You can't fool us! We already know all about that!"

"YEAH!" Bam agreed. "We already realize… that you must've taken steroids to make your digestive system go super-fast and that's why it already came out!"

"Uh… huh?" Danny was utterly puzzled.

"Oh, wait…" Johnny flipped through the rule book from the previous episode (it was an upside-down copy of "Green Eggs and Ham" that was scribbled all over, book and scribbles courtesy of Fall Out Boy). "This is a POOR excuse for a book of rules!" Johnny reached down the seat of his pants and pulled out a copy of "Teen Vogue" magazine with a paper reading "Roolz" stuck to the front. "Okay, here we go…" He read it from right to left. "What happens now… uh… nothing… it's just talking about how to make your smoky eyeshadow work just right for you for that all-important first date. Huh. Since there's nothing about steroids here, I guess you pass."

"Uh…" Danny was still puzzled. "Cool!" He smiled and went back to Sam and Tucker, who congratulated him.

"Woohoo, dude! I'm next!" Jake strolled over confidently. "Okay, all I got to do is spin it, and…." He spun it, and when it stopped, he leaned forward and read it. "Mine says 'Stunt: Ryan Dunn gets eaten by a dragon?' What does that mean, man?"

"Well, I'll explain it to you, but first you have to go dragon."

"Uh, okay. DRAGON UP!" Jake went into his bigger, red dragon form.

"You couldn't have thought of a better catchphrase for transforming?" Bam rolled his eyes.

"Hey, it's harder than it sounds! Just explain what I'm supposed to already!"

"Just stand still and know when to swallow!" Johnny yelled, then jumped out of the way.

"What?!" Before Jake could say anymore, Ryan was shot out of the cannon Bam had shoved him into and he went flying into Jake's mouth.

Naturally, Jake was very surprised, and let out muffled screams as he pointed to Ryan Dunn's legs, which were the only thing sticking out. Jake reached up and pulled Ryan out, then tossed him to the floor. "MAN, WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?! I COULD'VE EATEN YOU!"

"No crap!" Ryan brushed the spit off of himself. "I was halfway down, so technically, you threw up! You lose!"

Johnny responded by taking out the remote that was passed down by the other hosts. He pressed the bright blue button, and the floor right under Jake suddenly opened up, and Jake went hurtling down into the Underground Classrooms. Ryan almost fell in himself, but climbed out at the last second, which the other Jackasses found hilarious.

"Oh… woo… funny." Johnny caught his breath from laughing so much, and stood up straight. "All right, DP team is up next! How about we get the girl up here?"

"Oh, fine," Sam looked unhappy to be dragged into the whole game show scene. "I don't even really want to go to Orlando or Hawaii. Now a European trip? More my thing. But no…" the Goth girl griped as she spun the wheel.

"Sam, you rolled 'broken toy'. Interesting." Johnny commented.

"Uh… okay…" Sam looked unsure as the ceiling dropped a perfectly good-looking, colorful toy train from the ten foot high ceiling. It smashed, sending a couple of plastic pieces flying into the audience. It wasn't broken enough, so Johnny took it upon himself to bash it some more with a sledgehammer.

"Here you go," He handed it to some.

"Well, down the hatch," Sam closed her eyes tightly. She shoved the bits of smashed train into her mouth and swallowed. She made a face. "Ew… plastic breath."

"Good job, girl!" Johnny gave her a little shove towards the Danny Phantom side. "Now get off!" He turned around. "How about the lone female from the American Dragon now?"

"Oh yeah!" Trixie strode onto the stage. "Now, I just spin it, aaannd…" Trixie awaited her meal as the wheel spun. "Um… 'butter'?"

"Here you go! Three sticks!" Steve-O handed her butter.

Trixie opened the wrappers on the butter and looked at Steve-O. "How come it comes from the ceiling sometimes, but you guys give it to us the rest of the time?"

"Hmmm… I don't know. Why do you think I know?" Steve-O made a face. "What do you expect of me?"

"You're a host, fool!"

"JUST EAT THE BUTTER!"

"Fine, fine!" Trixie snapped. She ate the butter while scowling at Steve-O.

When Trixie had finished her meal, she went back over to Jake and Spud, not seeming to have had a problem. Spud looked confused. "Uh… what happens now?"

"Your teammate didn't puke or faint, so… I guess she passes." Johnny responded. "Party Boy? Would you like to say what happens next?"

"Yes, I would!" Chris Pontius began dancing to a dance remix from his boom box and took off his shirt. He was going to take off his pants when Tucker yelled from the Danny Phantom side, "HEY! Isn't it my turn now?"

"Oh… that's right. You have to go." Chris replied but did not put his clothes back on.

Tucker walked over and spun the wheel. "This is interesting… I wonder what it will be… I hope it's meat!"

The wheel landed on one of the permanent markers, "Smoothie of No Return".

"It sounds… weird. What is it?"

"Well…" Johnny pressed a small button. ""Here's the magical chest you pick your ingredients out of." There was a beautiful, bejeweled gold chest. It was fit for a king.

"Oh yeah! Looking good!" Tucker flipped open the chest, only to be met with the stench of rancid, putrid garbage-like items and other horrors only imaginable by the deepest, darkest corners of your mind.

"Now you pick three items to accompany your ice and green tea-protein packet! AND YOU GOT A SMOOTHIE!"

"This is disgusting." Tucker reached gingerly into the chest of garbage and stuff that could be upgraded to garbage. He pulled out a fish skeleton, a full can of 'pork whiz', and a magazine with a picture of Ryan Seacrest on the cover. "Eww, Seacrest Out Monthly!" He gagged a bit, then stuffed the garbage into the blender with the ice and booster packet. Wee Man hit 'frappe', and it blended for several seconds.

"Here's your 'smoothie', kid!" Wee Man laughed evilly as he handed it over.

"Here goes nothing…" Tucker braced himself as he took the first gulp. But then he smiled. "Hey, this is pretty good! Has an aftertaste, but still pretty good!"

"Uh… yeah, ew." Danny commented.

Tucker happily gulped down the rest of his beverage, and even made sure to get every last drop. "I have to make that sometime…"

"I wish I got that…" Spud muttered.

"Well, you may get your wish! YOU'RE NEXT!" Johnny pointed to Spud. "Last, and quite possibly least!"

"Oh! Cool," Spud walked onto the stage, looking around dumbly to observe his surroundings. "Okay, now all I have to do is spin this thingamajig and…" Spud spun the wheel. "Oh. It says 'goat fur soup'. Okay."

From the ceiling, a platform with a bowl of strange-looking soup came onto the game show floor right next to Spud and The Wheel of Foodstuffs, on the Table of Eatery.

"See?! Now that thing came out of the ceiling!" Trixie called out.

"You want it to come from me?! Fine!" Johnny reached over, grabbed the soup of the table, wrote his name on the bottom of the bowl, and handed it back to Spud.

Spilling a splash of it, Spud lifted up the soup bowl. "'To Spud. Cordially yours, Johnny Knoxville'. Aw, thanks!"
"Just eat the stew,"

Spud stuffed spoonfuls of goat fur saturated in chicken broth into his mouth. "Hey, this is better 'n what my mom makes!"

Like Tucker, he enthusiastically made an effort to get the last bit. Tucker smiled. "See, you guys? This show isn't bad!"

"Okay, let's add this up…" Ryan Dunn said. "Team Phantom still has all its players, but Team Dragon is missing its dragon! You know what that means, Team Dragon!"

"Uhh… we get the other prize as consolation?" Trixie asked hopefully.

"No, fool! Underground Classrooms!" Bam grabbed the remote from Johnny and punched the blue button. The floor opened up and Trixie and Spud went falling down.

"HEY! THIS IS SO COOOoooollll…" Spud called out as he fell into the pits.

"Now! Team Phantom! What are you going to choose?"

"Hmmm…" Danny thought. "We actually need the Pepto Bismol, and-"

"Hold on there!" Sam interrupted. "YOU two made me work for the grand prize. I ate a colorful toy train for the grand prize. WE ARE GOING TO TAKE THE GRAND PRIZE."

"Grand prize it is!"

"They don't have to complete a final round?" Preston Lacy asked.

"Huh? What final round?" Bam asked him.

Johnny handed them the check for the humongous cash prize and began to get out the tickets for their vacation trips, but Danny talked back to Sam.

"But it would be better for ourselves to take the medicine!" Danny said.

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN EAT ANYTHING!" Tucker and Sam shouted at Danny in unison.

Johnny's head pricked up. "I KNEW IT!"

"No, you didn't!" Chris said.

"Well, I can still send you away for cheating!" Johnny stroked the button on the remote maliciously. But he suddenly stopped. "We're running out of time. Take your prize and remember that you don't get anywhere in life for cheating!"

Before anything else could happen, Sam grabbed Danny and Tucker and dragged them off stage.

"Wait…" Avatarjk137 said to himself. "I don't think there's anything in the rules that says you can't cheat." He shrugged, and tapped his fingers absentmindedly on the camera. "I wonder if you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?"

Next chapter will be X-Men Evolution versus Teen Titans. With your hosts, Flava Flav/ Stephen Colbert. Heh heh, it'll be weird.

This episode was sponsored by The Lord of the Rings! Destroying evil One Rings Of Power since 1965, Lord of the Rings!