Author's Note:

This is a very angsty chapter. Hope you likey.

Savannah-Vee

SONG: Coldplay - The Scientist

Chapter 35

Loss

BPOV

"What...what's happened to her?" Edward asked, sounding anxious, "I mean, is she...is she ok?"

I sniffed again, and wiped my nose with the back of my hand.

"Not really." I answered shakily, "She's in...She's in hospital."

I burst into another round of sobs that I'd been fighting hard to hold back. Edward was silent a moment, probably a little startled, then he started hushing me, whispering that it would be ok, pleading with me to stop crying. The sound of his voice did soothe me a little, and I sniffed one final sniff and took a deep breath.

"Are you ok now?" He asked softly.

"A little." I replied.

"You ready to talk about it?"

"Yeah."

I felt a little bad burdening him with these problems which really had nothing to do with him at all, but for some reason, it was him I wanted to talk to. I had called Alice earlier when he wasn't answering his phone and had spoken to her, but it still wasn't enough, I still needed to talk to him.

I had been sitting outside the hospital entrance on a bench, with my mom's cell in my hand, waiting for him to call me back. My mom was asleep so I didn't feel bad about leaving her for a while. After she had told me that it was that evil asshole Phil that had hurt her, I had ran to the phone and called an ambulance and the police. While waiting for the emergency services to arrive I had asked my mom what had happened, why Phil had done that to her, whether he had hurt her before, but she didn't answer any of my questions. She just sat there sobbing silently and clutching her stomach. The ambulance arrived and took her to the hospital and I went with her, while the police said they would stay outside the house until Phil arrived, and take him down to the station and keep him there until my mom was ready to talk, and until they had found out exactly what had happened.

I'd had to wait outside the door while the doctors had checked out my mom to assess her injuries. It turned out she had been pregnant, nine weeks, and had miscarried, due to several blows to her stomach. It was then that I had started sobbing uncontrollably, mourning the little sibling I could have had, and murderously enraged at Phil for taking him or her away from my mom and I. I asked my mom again, to explain what had happened after they had tended to her and she was in the recovery room, but she still didn't answer me. She just stared blankly at the space in front of her. I had started to get mad, I mean, why the hell wasn't she shouting about what a sick bastard Phil was and hurrying the process of locking him up? I mean, this was physical assault, and in her own home. The nurse had asked me to leave my mom for a bit, to give her some space, so I had gone home for a while. Phil's car was in the driveway and I seethed with rage when I spotted it, but the police cruiser that had been waiting at the house for him had gone, so I guessed that they had taken him down to the station already.

I cleaned up the blood on my mom's bathroom floor, crying again at what had happened to her; then I'd called my dad, letting him know what had happened. He had wanted to catch the next flight to Phoenix but I stopped him, telling him that there wasn't really a need for him to come. He said he would still fly over on Thursday night to pick me up so I wouldn't have to fly back to Forks on my own, and he'd speak to my mom when he came. I phoned Edward then, but he didn't answer. I made something to eat and then ate a bite of it and threw it away; then I called him again.

He still didn't answer.

So I called Alice and cried again, while explaining what had happened and she consoled me as much as she could over the phone. After I had gotten off the phone to her I called Edward again, several times continuously, but he never answered. I had gotten a little mad, wondering where the hell he was, but then I had calmed down again quickly. I mean, he didn't know what had happened and it was Spring Break, he was probably out having fun like he should be, why should I stop him? I found my mom's cell on her bed and texted him, asking him to call me on her number when he got the text. I showered quickly and changed clothes and then went back to the hospital. My mom still wasn't talking, so I just sat with her until she fell asleep, then I went to sit outside to wait for Edward's call seeing as we weren't allowed to have cell phones on in the hospital.

"Phil beat up my mom." I whispered to Edward, forcing back the angry tears behind my words.

"What?" He asked, "Your stepdad?"

I cringed at the word 'stepdad', that monster was nothing to me.

"Yeah." I said.

"What the..." Edward said incredulously, "How could he? Why did he..." He stopped and gasped. "He didn't fucking hurt you too did he? Because if he did, I swear I will fucking fly over there and murder the fucking asshole myself. I should really be doing that now after what he did to your mom." He growled, his voice low and menacing, literally causing the hairs to rise on my body.

"No, he didn't hurt me. I wasn't there."

He sighed a little then asked, "What about your mom? Is she ok? I mean, he didn't, you know, cause permanent damage or anything?"

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "I don't know." I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion again, "She was pregnant –"

"What!" Edward interrupted, and I could hear that his teeth were clenched, "He fucking beat up a pregnant woman? What kind of sick asshole is he? You know, I really think I should fly over –"

"No." I cut him off, "There's no need; the police have got him anyway."

He sighed. "I'm so sorry baby; I'm not being much of a comfort right now I guess. It's just...well, I'm not exactly in the best of moods right now, and hearing about a sick bastard like that isn't helping. What were you saying about your mom before I interrupted?" His voice was soft again, gentle.

"Well, she was pregnant, nine weeks, and..." The tears overflowed, "And...She lost the baby."

I sobbed into the phone again.

"Oh God," Edward said, "I am so sorry baby, please don't cry. Your mom will be ok, that sicko will get what he deserves."

I heard voices in the background on Edward's side. I heard him talking to someone, away from the speaker on the phone. Then he spoke back into it.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I whispered, sniffing.

"I'm going to have to call you back later ok, I need to drive. Will you be awake in about an hour?"

"I think so."

"Ok, I'll call you back on this number. If you're asleep then I call you tomorrow morning ok?"

"Ok." I replied.

"Alright, I lo...I'll talk you later." He said, and hung up.

I figured that I might as well get some sleep; I would talk to Edward in the morning. I switched off the cell and went back inside the hospital to my mom's room, sat on the chair next to her bed and soon drifted off into an uncomfortable and troubled sleep.

I awoke to an unfamiliar voice by my side.

"Mrs Dwyer we know this is difficult for you, but it would all be a lot easier to get in the process of pressing charges against Mr Dwyer, if we could get a statement from you explaining the details of what happened yesterday evening."

My head snapped up. It was the police. I glanced at my mom to find her shaking her head vehemently, still staring blankly at nothing in particular. My brows furrowed in confusion, why wasn't she just giving them a statement?

"I'm not ready." She stated; her voice void of emotion.

The two policemen looked at each other a moment.

"Well," One said, "When you do feel ready please give us a call. Just ask a nurse for the number."

They stared at her a moment, awaiting a response, but she didn't say anything after that, just kept staring in front of her, seemingly engrossed in particles of dust.

The policemen turned and exited her room, and I felt the anger bubbling up inside of me as I watched them walk away.

"What the hell is wrong with you mom?" I asked her heatedly, "Why won't you talk? Why won't you get that sicko locked up for what he did to you?"

She continued her examination of dust.

I sighed in exasperation and got up from the chair and stood directly in front of her, where she was looking. She couldn't help catching my eye for a moment and then she quickly closed hers.

"God mom." I cried, "Look at me, talk to me, please."

Her eyes remained closed, but her face twisted as she held back tears.

"Please mom," I said more gently, "If you won't talk to the cops yet, just tell me what happened, I need to know. I need to know why he did this to you."

Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"It was...it was my fault." She whispered.

I shook my head vigorously. "No mom, how the hell could it be your fault? He punched you, in your stomach, and you were pregnant."

"He...he didn't know I was pregnant." She sighed and finally opened her eyes. "I didn't want another child Bella, you know that. And deep down, I'm sure he didn't want one either."

My brow furrowed in confusion.

"Look, he's hit me before ok, a lot, and the last time he hit me, I told him that I was pregnant just so he could stop. I wasn't pregnant then, but it did stop him from hitting me. He started getting used to the idea of us having a baby and I was getting worried, wondering how I was going to get out of it, when the months passed and he saw that I wasn't pregnant, so I faked a miscarriage."

She laughed bitterly, shaking her head.

"There's karma for you. Anyway, he was crushed, you know, really upset; and I felt really bad and told him that we could try for another one. He agreed, and so that's what we'd been doing for months, and for months, he didn't hit me."

She paused.

"I didn't want to get pregnant so I had been taking birth control, but obviously, he didn't know that. He did wonder why I wasn't getting pregnant but I told him that it was probably because of my age; that I wasn't as fertile anymore. Well, I forgot to take a few pills occasionally, thinking it wouldn't be a big deal, but obviously it was because I ended up getting pregnant. I didn't tell him because, well, I'd been thinking of having an abortion."

I sat on the edge of the bed, unable to stand any longer.

"Yesterday he went into the bathroom cabinet to get some painkillers because his old knee injury was playing up, and I'd stupidly forgotten to put my birth control pills in my purse and had left them in there."

She closed her eyes again, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.

"He saw them in the cabinet, and of course, he was fuming. He dragged me by my hair into the bathroom, pointing to the pills and asking me what the hell they were doing there. At first I lied and said they were yours, but he didn't believe me, punching me on my arm every time I repeated that they were yours. Finally, I just blurted out that I didn't want a baby at all, and he went livid, punching me in my face, kicking me, pulling my hair."

She started sobbing again silently, her voice now barely even whispering. I moved closer up the bed to hear her.

"Then he said...he said, seeing as I didn't want a baby, he would make it so I didn't need to take birth control pills anymore. And then he started punching me in my stomach, over and over. I pleaded with him, begged him to stop; told him that I was pregnant with our child but he didn't believe me, told me that I couldn't possibly be if I was taking birth control. Finally, he stopped and left me on the bathroom floor. Then, he walked out of the house."

My fists were balled up at my sides and furious tears dripped down my face. I sat there a moment, glaring at nothing in particular, and then stood up.

"I'm going to get the nurse so they can give you the number for the cops –"

"No!" She shook her head quickly, "No Bella, I'm not ready to speak to them yet."

I glared at her incredulously. "Are you crazy mom? What the hell is there to be ready for? Just tell them exactly what you told me –"

She was shaking her head again.

I sighed. "Mom, look at what he did to you, have you even seen yourself?"

"It was my fault." She whispered.

"No!" I yelled, "How can you think that? Of course it wasn't your fault. He practically punched your baby out of you mom! He murdered his own child!"

"He didn't know I was pregnant."

I stared at her in shock, my jaw dropping open.

"Why are you defending him?"

"Look, Bella, it sounds and looks worse than it really is, I mean, I bruise easily anyway, you know that, and maybe...and maybe the miscarriage was for the best, I mean, I didn't really want another baby anyway."

I shook my head at her sadly. "Oh God mom, he's got you, hasn't he? Are you even going to press charges?"

She looked down at her lap.

"Bella, he loves me ok, I know he does, and I love him too. He can get help for his anger issues; we really don't need the police involved in this."

I sniffed. "So you're going back to him?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.

"Where else can I go Bella? My home is with him, I've handed my resignation letter at work so I'll be out of a job soon."

"Come back to Forks with me. You can stay with me and dad until you find an apartment and you could teach at the elementary school –"

I stopped when I saw her shaking her head again, a sad smile on her lips.

"I have to stay here Bells. I have to stay and work on my marriage." She said quietly.

I shook my head incredulously and wiped my tears furiously.

"Fine mom, if you don't want to help yourself, then there's nothing I can do. You two deserve each other. He needs a punching bag and you're a willing candidate. Good luck with that."

I stalked out of the hospital and took a taxi back to the house.

I showered and washed my hair quickly, then made myself something to eat, actually eating it this time, and then went up to my room and started packing up my things. I didn't want to stay in the house with my delusional mother and her abusive husband any longer. I decided I would call my dad to come and get me after all. Thinking of that reminded me that Edward was meant to call me and I switched on the cell to find eight missed calls from him. I called him back and he picked up after the first ring.

"Bella?"

"Hey." I said feebly, all the crying and emotions had worn me out.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm a little better. I talked to my mom."

"Oh yeah? What did she say?"

"She's not pressing charges against him, and she's going to get back with him." I said, emotionless, my emotions feeling drained from my body.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. She loves him she says." I shrugged.

Edward sighed. "That's fucked up."

I couldn't help chuckling a little at his understatement. 'Fucked up' didn't even come close to describing the situation.

"What's funny?" He asked.

"Nothing. I guess I'm just hysterical. I'm going home though, back to Forks, I'm going to call my dad and ask him to come get me."

"You want me to come home too?"

It was so sweet of him to ask to do that for me, to leave his own mom for me. And I did want him to come back, I missed him terribly and needed his comforting hands to hold me and tell me it would be ok, but I couldn't let him.

"No Edward, you stay and spend time with your mom."

My mom was discharged from the hospital the next day. I picked her up from the hospital in her car, and we drove back to the house in silence. My dad had called and told me that he was on his way over from the airport.

I hadn't seen any trace of Phil.

My dad was furious as he walked into the house.

"Where is he?" He asked, pacing the living room, "Where's that goddamn asshole? He's just lucky he never laid a finger on you Bells, coz I'm telling you, he wouldn't need your mother pressing charges for him to serve time. I'd make damn sure of it."

My mom came downstairs from her room into the living room and stood in the doorway, watching my dad as he paced. My dad froze when he spotted her, his jaw dropping open.

"Jesus Renee," He said, shaking his head incredulously, "What the hell did he do to you?"

My mom sighed.

"It's none of your business Charlie; just...stay out of it, please."

My dad fumed.

"None of my business?" He yelled, "None of my goddamn business? If my daughter has been coming to visit a mad man for the past four years, a mad man who fucking beat the living daylights of you, then I think you'll find that it is very much my goddamn business!"

My mom closed her eyes.

"Look Charlie, I'm tired ok, I don't want to get into this now."

My dad scoffed.

"Figures. You were always one to run Renee, whenever there was a little problem you couldn't handle, you would run. Yet the time when running would be beneficial to you, beneficial to your life, you don't want to run. So typical. Bells, let's go, I've got a cab waiting outside."

I glanced at my mom, while my dad stalked past me, carrying my suitcase to the cab. She stood there defeated, tears streaming down her face. I darted over to her, clutching her waist gently but firmly in a hug. Her arms went around me, stroking my hair, and she buried her face on my shoulder, her tears soaking my sweater.

"Please mom," I whispered, though I knew it was fruitless, "Please, leave him and come with us. Please, for me."

I felt her head shaking.

"I'm so sorry honey, but I can't. I love you with all my heart, you know I do but –"

"But you love him more." I cut in, pulling away from her.

She remained silent and I nodded slowly.

"It's ok mom. I can't say I understand but I've accepted it. I accepted it the day you sent me to Forks." I sighed. "I'm not sure when I'll see you again though, because dad says I can't stay here if Phil's here. I'll miss you, and I love you mom. Always will. And if you ever decide to leave him, well, you know you can always come to Forks."

I turned and walked away from her, urging my legs to keep moving as I heard her strangled sobs from behind me.

"Bella."

I winced as I heard her voice, and shut the front door, muting her cries.

I climbed into the cab with my dad, burying my face in his shirt as the tears brimmed over once again, with the realisation that I had lost my mom.

Author's Note:

A review would be nice. :)

Savannah-Vee