SONG: Paramore - Ignorance

Chapter 39

Gone Again

BPOV

Edward was gone again.

He had gone to visit his mom on the weekend and hadn't returned. His uncle had gone up there to join him, so I knew that there was something up with his mom, but I didn't know what it was.

In fact, Edward had never actually told me much about his mom, only that she was Bipolar. I mean, he didn't even explain what Bipolar was and I'd had to look it up on the internet for myself to find out.

He had called me on Sunday night.

"Bella, I'm staying in Seattle for a while. It's...my mom."

I waited, expecting more information, but that was all he gave me.

"Oh," I replied, "Is she ok?" A stupid question I knew, but I didn't want to pry if he wasn't willing to tell me.

"Not really."

He sniffed.

Was he crying? I had never seen or heard Edward cry before, it must have been bad.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively, wishing that I was there with him, wishing that I could hold him and just...do whatever I could to make him feel better. "Are you ok?"

He sniffed again and muttered, "Shit." Then he took a breath, seeming to compose himself and said, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"How long do you think you'll be there for?"

My own voice was shaky as I thought about not being able to see him every day for...I wasn't even sure how long.

"I don't know. A couple of week's maybe?"

"Oh. Ok."

I tried to conceal the disappointment in my voice. It was incredibly selfish of me to only think about the fact that he would be away from me, that I'd miss him terribly, and not the fact that his mom wasn't doing great. I mean, this was his mom for goodness sake, and he had been great on the phone to me when I was having my own crisis with my mom. What kind of girlfriend was I?

My disappointment wasn't unnoticed though.

"I'm really sorry baby, but I have to stay. You understand right?"

Guilt coursed through me at his statement. He shouldn't feel bad about staying with his own mother just because I would miss him.

"Of course I understand. And you've got nothing to apologise for Edward, just concentrate on your mom. I hope she gets better soon."

"Thanks. I'll try to call you every day, ok?" He promised.

"Ok, but you really don't have to."

"I want to. I've got to go now though. I..." He paused, "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

"Bye babe." He hung up.

I had lain on my bed that night, and let the dejection wash over me. I would miss him, of course, but that wasn't the only reason I was miserable. I was unhappy because he was unhappy, and I could tell he was by his voice. I was also unhappy because there was nothing I could do to help him. I felt so...useless. I thought about going up to Seattle myself, and maybe stay there for a couple of nights with him or something, you know, just to be there for him, but there was no way my dad would ever allow that.

Monday at school was worse than I expected.

Firstly, Edward usually picked me up on Mondays, and the fact that I had to drive myself to school was just the first painful reminder that he wasn't there. I trudged to French miserably.

"What's wrong?"

I hadn't even sat down, yet Alice already knew that something was up.

I sighed dolefully.

"Edward has to stay in Seattle for a while, it's his mom."

Alice looked at me sympathetically. "What's wrong with her?"

I shrugged my shoulders weakly. "I don't know. He didn't say – as usual."

Alice nodded slowly. "No wonder Jazz was so quiet this morning. Well, he's usually quiet but not that quiet. It must be bad. I wonder what's wrong with her. Jazz never tells me anything when it comes to Edward's mom." She put an arm around my shoulder.

"She's manic depressive." I told her, "I think she must be having a manic episode. I read about it on the internet."

Alice nodded again slowly, squeezing my shoulder.

"Don't worry Bells, she'll be ok, and he'll be back soon."

And usually Alice was always so confident in her predictions, - and usually right – that I would always listen to her, that I would always cheer up at her words. But this time, even she didn't seem certain. I managed a weak smile, which was more like a grimace, and nodded.

My day got infinitely worse as I glumly made my way over to biology. The lesson would probably be the worst, I knew, because of course Edward wouldn't be there. I frowned as I spotted the empty desk, already looking huge and lonely without him. Edward was always there before me, smiling crookedly as I approached, and seeing it empty was just another reminder.

How long would he be away for?

Would he even come back?

I pushed that thought to the back of my mind.

It had been lurking there from the moment Edward had told me that he had to stay in Seattle. I had forced it back though, refusing to even entertain the idea. It was too painful.

Tanya and Jessica were at their desk when I reached mine, yapping away about nothing of importance as usual. It was hard to believe all the stuff Alice had told me about Tanya. The stuff about her boyfriend that died, and then the stuff about her telling Edward that she loved him, about her having to leave town to have counselling for a couple of months. In fact, it was hard to believe that she had even left town in the first place. She seemed exactly the same as she had been before the incident.

I wasn't paying them any attention at all; too busy missing Edward, until Tanya suddenly said, very loudly,

"Right Bella?"

I reluctantly turned to face them.

"What?" I asked her, puzzled.

She smirked.

"Edward's dick. It's fucking huge right? I mean, my pussy was sore for days after we fucked. Was yours?"

I stared at her in horror, my mouth dropping open slightly as my face burned with embarrassment. Mr Banner wasn't there yet and Tanya was talking extremely loudly – obviously on purpose. The whole class could probably hear her. The sudden hush that filled the room confirmed that they could.

"I...I..." I stammered, unable to think and speak coherently as my face and neck were scorching.

Tanya's grin grew.

"Oh," She said; her tone an obvious attempt at feigning innocence. "Haven't you seen it yet? Or even felt it?"

Jessica snickered, and I wasn't certain but I think I heard a few other people chuckle too.

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. The whole class was listening to our exchange, some people even turning around to glance at me.

Why was she doing this? I mean, of course I knew that Edward's manhood was big, I could feel it through his pants whenever he had an erection – and he had an erection a lot of the time I was with him. But there was no way I was going to say this to Tanya of all people, especially seeing as the whole damn class was eavesdropping. It was none of her or their fucking business anyway.

Spiteful bitch.

I could feel the tears welling up under my lids. They were tears of embarrassment, tears of fury, and I silently prayed that they wouldn't spill over because Tanya wouldn't know that they were tears of anger. She would think that she had embarrassed me – which she had – but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry. She and Jessica, as well as some other people in the class were looking at me expectantly, waiting to hear my reply.

There was about ten seconds of mortifying silence in which I was forcing back tears as well as trying to think of a good comeback. I finally opened my mouth and took a breath, about to speak - when Mr Banner walked in and began the class.

I was relieved because the attention was finally shifted away from me, but I was also pissed because I'd had a brilliant comeback lined up for the slut. I sighed in frustration instead and tried to focus on the lesson, ignoring the people turning around to smirk at me inanely.

At lunch I sat at our table in silence, stabbing at my fries furiously with my fork, still bubbling over with anger at Tanya Denali. To be honest, her words had pissed me off for more than just the fact that she embarrassed me in front of the class. I was also pissed off because, although I hated admitting it to myself, I was jealous. I mean, she had seen my boyfriend's dick – sans pants – before me. She had had sex with my boyfriend before me. And then she was practically telling the whole class – which would soon spread to the whole school – about the size of his anatomy, so every other girl in Forks High would also know about something that only I was meant to know about.

I threw my fork down irritably, not feeling hungry at all, and it clattered noisily to the floor, causing the people at our lunch table to stare at me in puzzlement.

Alice grabbed my arm.

"C'mon." She mumbled in my ear, tugging at my arm as she stood up.

I tugged my arm away from her and huffed.

"Where're we going Al?" I asked her crossly.

"Bathroom." She replied, giving me a meaningful look.

We were the only two girls left at our lunch table since Tanya, Jessica and Rosalie had moved back to their old table. Emmett sat with us, though he occasionally sat with Rosalie. Jasper and Tyler sat with us, and of course Edward did too. A few other guys from either the football, basketball or track team would also join us. So Alice and I usually kept quiet at the table, resorting to giving each other meaningful looks and whispering to each other while the guys goofed around.

They weren't even paying us attention, too occupied with talking sports, as Alice dragged me away to the bathroom.

In the bathroom I let it all out, spilling out my grievances figuratively and literally on Alice's shoulder. I told her about what happened in biology, told her about my jealously that Tanya had fucked Edward and I hadn't, moaned about how much I was missing Edward, even though it was only the first day he was gone, and admitted my fear that he wasn't coming back, my tears soaking her black cashmere sweater.

She rubbed my back soothingly as I cried, and then, when I was all cried out she helped me fix the havoc my mascara had wreaked on my face.

"Tanya is a fucking asshole Bella. She's trying to cause trouble between you and Edward because she's jealous because she still wants him. Just ignore her and her ass-kissing sidekick who goes by the name of Jessica Stanley." Alice said fiercely.

"What about Jessica Stanley?"

It was the whore herself walking into the bathroom, followed by none other than the ass kisser extraordinaire. They paused by the door when they spotted Alice and I stood in front of the mirrors.

Alice smirked impishly.

"Oh nothing, we were just commenting on the fact that Jessica Stanley's favourite bubblegum must be ass flavoured."

I couldn't help snickering at that.

Jessica's eyes narrowed. "Funny." She said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

Tanya's eyes were locked on me, and that smirk crept up on her lips again.

"So, Isabella," She began, "You never did tell us if you've seen Edward's huge cock yet."

My teeth clenched, my anger returning tenfold.

"That's none of your fucking business."

She chuckled. "I'll take that as no then. God, how long have you guys been dating for and he still hasn't fucked you? Poor guy must have a bad case of blue balls. Either that or he's getting it from someone else..."

My fists clenched as she and Jessica hooted with laughter. Alice linked arms with me, muttering, "Don't react Bella, it's what she's looking for."

"What was that Mary-Alice?" Tanya asked, smiling sweetly at Alice.

Alice smiled sweetly in return. "I was just telling Bella that Jasper told me, that Edward told him that he couldn't seem to feel anything at all while he was fucking you." Alice frowned, feigning puzzlement. "I wonder why that was. Oh yeah!" She smacked her forehead lightly, "It's because you're such a whore that your pussy has been stretched so wide, fucking you is probably like throwing a hotdog down a hallway."

She finished off with a wink, tugging me along with her as she brushed past Tanya who looked to be frozen, her chest heaving; her face a bright red. We pushed out of the bathroom door and collapsed against a row of lockers, laughing hysterically.

"Oh God Alice, did you see her face?" I gasped in between chuckles.

Alice nodded furiously, unable to speak, she was laughing so hard.

The week continued on in the same fashion, me missing Edward, Tanya trying to piss me off but failing miserably. Edward kept his promise of calling me every day, even though I'd told him he didn't have to. He called me every night at ten, just before, he knew, I was about to go to sleep. His mood seemed to lighten more and more each day, and by Friday we were back to our normal kind of conversations, teasing each other and kidding around, and getting horny. We didn't have phone sex though.

I was just about to say goodnight to Edward, because I was starting to fall asleep, when he started sounding weird on the phone, like he wanted to say something but couldn't get it out. Sort of...nervous?

"Babe?" He began uncertainly.

"Yes Edward?"

"Why...why don't you come to Seattle tomorrow? I mean, I haven't seen you in a week and I miss you. Plus, my mom wants to meet you."

My heart leapt with joy before the reality of what he was actually saying dawned on me.

His mom wanted to meet me.

Why was I so nervous all of a sudden?

"Bella?" Edward sounded anxious. He was probably nervous about it too. "You still there?"

"Um, yeah, I'm here. And I'd love to come." I answered, slightly shakily, "I'll be in Seattle tomorrow by one."

Author's Note:

It's coming to the end of Manic now, only a few more chapters to go! The next update will come soon, as I've already started on the next chapter.

Savannah-Vee