Disclaimer: Blah blah blah. I don't own any of these characters. Eric Kripke does.
My title is from a song, yes. I give Avenged Sevenfold full credit for the title of this chapter.
Warning: There is foul language and somewhat graphic scenes in this chapter. Don't read if you can't deal with that.
Chapter 3:
Unholy Confessions
"I gave in to him. Even though he disgusted me, I gave in." Dean stifled a sob then went on, his face turning solemn. "I remembered you telling me to never give in. Your voice always filled my mind when I felt weak. You helped me fight through thirty years of that sadistic bastard's torture." Dean spat on the ground, "I feared for Sammy while I was on the rack. Always thought about whether or not he was okay…" A pitiful laugh filled the small room. "I didn't care what Alastair did to me. All I cared about was Sammy's safety. I can't believe I gave in to him..." Dean softly muttered to himself, remorse filling his voice.
"You did what you had to son, I forgive you." John placed his hand on Dean's shoulder but it went unnoticed. Dean's eyes darkened as he continued on.
"The first soul I had to torture… She was new. Just brought to the pit of filth I had to live in for decades. Her tear filled eyes really got to me, you know? She just kept whispering about how she didn't deserve the pain I was about to deliver to her. Her pleas drove my anger off the wall. Who was she to say what she deserved? Hell, the pain she was experiencing was nothing, nothing. She didn't know what pain was." A deep breath separated details before Dean once more continued, "I got to show that bitch a little more about what hell was every time she begged me to stop 'hurting her'. She should have been thankful that I was her torturer, not my dear friend Alastair." Dean paused, remembering his own time on the rack. "Do you know how creative one can get after torturing the same soul for decades?" He laughed. "Alastair spent the first few years letting me hear others' screams. He let me watch flesh be torn from the bodies of others' until I broke down and begged for him to stop." He smiled, "I never have been good with handling others' pain. After having screams of others etched into my mind for years I finally broke down and begged for Alastair to just torture me instead. I can't begin to describe the sickening smile that filled that bastards face when I begged for him to tear my body to shreds rather than the girl before me. She couldn't have been more than twelve, at the most. Watching such a young child be exposed to damnation as she was drove me insane. Hell, I didn't even mind having flesh slowly torn from my arms, exposing muscles and unbroken veins beneath. I laughed at the pain.. For thirty years I laughed." Dean coughed, trying to clear his throat from the emotions building up inside of him. "I'm sorry for giving in to him dad. I'm sorry."
John pulled his son into a hug, whispering soothing words to calm his eldest child. "It's not your fault Dean. I had to experience hell, too." His voice was gruff. "I gave in after fifteen years, fifteen. You're much stronger than I. You always have been."
In response to his dad's confession Dean clutched onto the older man tighter, afraid he would disappear once more at any second. "It's not your fault either, Dad. Alastair makes people snap. That's his job."
"I know it is Dean. I know." John sighed then pulled away from his son, "I have a confession to make, however."
Dean looked into John's eyes evenly and waited.
"I miss torturing souls. I almost felt complete, hearing others beg me to spare them pain." He frowned, "Who has had to deal with more pain than you or I have Dean? Hm? No one. You lost your mother... I lost my wife. God only knows how much I miss her. Why can't we ever get a break? Life on Earth just weakens us Dean. It kills us inside and leaves us vulnerable. Being in hell torturing others… It's almost like a dream come true. For me, torturing others makes me feel accomplished. Why can't the rest of the world know what pain really feels like? Every soul in hell is there for a reason. Each god damn person on the rack hurt someone else." He paused and looked into his sons darkening eyes. Dean swallowed then nodded, "It's better to teach souls a lesson than to let killers run away with out any remorse, isn't it?" John laughed, "It's amusing to see how easily someone who tore apart another's life breaks down when they're faced with any amount of pain themselves." John smiled. "You can judge me however you like Dean. I'm just telling you the truth here. Being in hell taught me some things… I've learned that pain is one of the best teachers. Souls being tortured deserve every scream that you and I have pulled from their lungs. Don't tell me you don't agree, hell punishes you in the most righteous of ways imaginable. Hell has shaped me into a more understanding, well-rounded man." John finished his speech then looked at his son's blank expression.
"I.." Dean paused, confusing easily showing on his face. He seemingly replayed his father's words in his head as a darker veil clouded over his body. "I miss torturing souls too. I miss their screams. I miss being in control." He bit his lip then continued, "I want to teach those sick bastards on the rack what it really feels like to be remorseful for your actions."
A slow clapping from behind him startled Dean. He turned quickly to see an all-too-familiar lopsided grin on the body of a middle aged man.
"Alastair." Dean barely managed to whisper his old 'bosses' name before falling weakly to his knees.
"Hey Dean-o. I've missed you too." He smiled then laughed darkly, "I have a feeling that the three of us are going to be great friends."
Dean nodded in reply before having black spots blot out his vision. His unconscious form fell to the ground as Alastair smiled once more.
"I never realized that you could give such an inspirational speech, John." He clapped the older man on the shoulder proudly. "Let's get to work."
I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. I'll try to update more frequently, I've just been having extreme writer's block lately!
PLEASE R+R!!!I really want to know if readers are enjoying the fic so far. Let me know so I can decide whether or not to continue writing!