SONG: Muse - Endlessly

Epilogue

Endlessly

BPOV

Edward sighed irritably, closing his eyes for a moment.

"I'm not fucking doing it Bella." He muttered through clenched teeth.

I sighed too, running my hand through my hair – something I had gotten from Edward no doubt. "Why Edward?" I asked, throwing my hands up in frustration. "It doesn't make any sense! You keep complaining about how hard it is, how frustrating it is, but –"

"And what? You think a bunch of fucking pills are gonna magically make me feel better about it?" He yelled.

I clenched my jaw and took a breath, trying to calm myself down and not yell back. "No," I said calmly, "of course I don't think that. But I do think they'll help."

"And what would you fucking know Isabella?!" He yelled, getting up from the bed and pacing the small space before it, running his hand through his hair frantically. "You're not the one living with this shit! You're not the one who watched your mom live with this shit for most of your fucking life!"

"But don't you want help Edward?!" I was shouting now. "Don't you want to, at least, try and control it a little? I don't see the big fucking deal in going to the hospital with your uncle and getting help!"

He paused his pacing and glared at me a moment, his face twisted in a scowl. I stared back at him, also scowling, my arms folded over my heaving chest.

It had been over two months now, and Edward still hadn't been to see a psychiatrist to get treatment for his Bipolar. I'd tried to be patient with him and let him decide when he wanted help. I reasoned that he obviously wasn't looking forward to seeing a psychiatrist, so he was probably putting it off a little. I'd tried not to push him. But now, he seemed like he had no intention of going at all. I'd asked Dr. Cullen if Edward had gone to him for help, and he told me he hadn't. So I casually brought up the subject a few times, and was answered with a nonchalant shrug, and Edward simply muttering that he would go soon, swiftly changing the subject afterwards.

We were in his room after school, and I decided I would bring up the subject again today. This time however, he had gotten mad.

"Damnit Bella." He muttered, still glaring at me. He sighed and turned to start pacing again. "I don't wanna go."

I was puzzled. Why did he not want help? "Why?"

He raked a hand through his hair. "Because I don't wanna take fucking pills ok?"

I stared at him in confusion. "But Edward, they'll help you. Dr. Cullen said –"

"Yeah I know they'll fucking help." He snapped. "But then, when I stop taking them I'll just be back to the fucking episodes. They're pointless."

"No they're not. And why would you stop taking them anyway?"

"Yes they are. And besides, I agree with my mom on one thing." He stopped and looked at me. "I don't wanna take pills for the rest of my fucking life."

I sighed. Talk about history repeating itself.

It wasn't that he was bad. I mean, he'd had a few episodes, but they weren't too bad. I could handle them. In fact, I even seemed to help with them a little. He'd had a depressive episode one time at school, and had gone to sit in his car, refusing to go to his classes. Jasper had told me where he was at lunch, and I'd gone to find him. I got in the car with him and just held him silently, and he'd gotten better, making it to his last two classes. Another time, during a manic episode, I'd caught him smoking pot in his car after school – I'd never seen him smoke pot before – and then he'd wanted to drive home, despite being so high and fidgety he could barely sit still. I talked him into letting me drive him home, and then persuaded him to stay in his bedroom so his uncle and aunt wouldn't find out that he was high. He'd ended up falling asleep, his head on my lap.

But still, I didn't know how the medication worked, but surely it would help him have a little more control, and not be so up and down anymore. Wasn't it exhausting for him to be so emotionally charged all the time? Why wouldn't he want treatment?

"Please Edward." I whispered, pleading now, though I knew it was pointless. "For me?"

He groaned, closing his eyes to avoid my gaze.

"I'm sorry baby." He answered. "I really am. But no, I can't."

---

On Saturday, when Alice and I arrived at the Cullen house, Edward was outside in the driveway.

Alice and I exchanged questioning looks, before she hurried into the house to Jasper, and I went over to Edward.

He was polishing the Volvo furiously, his brow covered in a light gloss of sweat, strands of his hair sticking to his forehead. I approached him cautiously, and was stunned to see that the car was already amazingly shiny. I could see my reflection in it.

Edward was still polishing it though, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, seeming to find imaginary smudges and going over them again and again frantically.

"Edward?" I said hesitantly.

He turned to me quickly, grinning widely. "Hey babe." He gripped me around my waist and pulled me to him, kissing me quickly and deeply before releasing me and going back to polishing the car.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

He cocked an eyebrow, a slight grin on his face. "What does it look like I'm doing Bella?"

"Well...don't you think it's shiny enough?"

He looked at the car, tilting his head to the side, his eyes narrowing slightly as he appraised it, seeming like he was thinking about it. He smirked. "I guess it is." He said.

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

He placed his arms around my waist again and pulled me flush against him, leaning against the car. He smirked at me, and then leaned forward, kissing me, his tongue entering my mouth as soon as he pressed his mouth to mine. He groaned, smiling against my lips, and muttered, "Mmm, you taste good baby, what is that?"

Although I knew he wasn't himself, that he was likely having an episode, I couldn't help smiling. "Strawberry lip-gloss." I replied.

He moaned again and sucked at my bottom lip, sucking off all the lip-gloss. I could feel him hardening against my stomach.

"Edward..." I mumbled into his mouth.

"Hmm?" He replied, still sucking at my lips, his hands travelling down from my waist and round to my ass.

It was hard to concentrate on anything when he was kissing me, so I pulled back, looking into his hazel eyes which were half closed already. He grinned at me for a moment, licking his lips, before leaning down to my neck to start trailing wet kisses along it.

"Wanna go to my room?" He murmured. "Uncle C and aunt E aren't home."

I moaned, struggling to keep focus.

That seemed to spur him on and he moved back up to my lips, kissing me fervently. I used all the strength I could muster, and pulled back from him again.

He stared at my face, his eyebrow raised. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just...I just don't wanna do that right now."

He pursed his lips. "Ok, what do you wanna do?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Hmm..." His lips were still pursed. "Let's go for a ride." He released my ass and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to the passenger side and opening the door.

I hesitated a moment, not sure if it was a good idea for him to drive, but driving - weirdly - seemed to calm him down. Maybe it would be a good thing. I got in the car and he shut the door and hurried over to the other side, getting in the driver seat quickly.

We drove out of the driveway a little too quickly than I was comfortable with, and I gripped my seatbelt tightly. Edward chuckled.

"Relax babe." He reached out and squeezed my thigh, inching his hand higher and higher up my leg, holding the steering wheel lightly with the other hand. He was still going too fast and it was making me anxious.

"Edward, slow down. You know I hate it when you drive fast."

He rolled his eyes. "C'mon Bella, I've never even scratched my car before."

I breathed in and out slowly. He still wasn't slowing as we made our way down the street. In fact, he seemed to be gaining speed. "Edward." I said again, my voice coming out shaky. "Slow down."

He chuckled, his hand still on my thigh, caressing it.

"I mean it Edward!"

The passing houses were becoming a blur now. I wanted to look at the speedometer to see exactly how fast we were going, I mean, we were on a thirty road and seemed to be doing a lot more than that. But I was too afraid to tear my gaze away from the road for even just a second.

Edward ignored me, not slowing down at all, still only holding the wheel with one hand.

"Where are we going?" I was panicked now. This was not good. He was doing at least fifty, and yet he was barely concentrating on the road, his attention more focused on my thigh, as his hand travelled to my crotch.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Port Angeles I guess."

I stared at the road ahead of us in shock, seeing that we had hit the freeway, and we were making our way out of Forks, towards Port Angeles.

I was breathing heavily, my eyes wide, my hands clutching the seat under my ass. Edward's fingers were fluttering over my crotch now, but I didn't even notice.

Edward glanced at me, frowning when he saw the fear outlined on my face. We had to be going at about eighty, though I didn't dare tear my eyes away from the road. "God Bella, will you just –"

But he didn't finish.

Because at that exact moment, he veered into the other lane slightly, as his hand was still loosely holding the wheel, and I spotted the huge truck, heading straight for us. I didn't register the sound, but I must have screamed, because Edward's head snapped to the road, and his eyes widened, before he gripped the wheel in both hands, turning it frantically.

I shut my eyes tightly in time to hear the screech of tyres, then I felt a sharp jolt which pulled me forward, and I hit my head on the dashboard hard, and then it all went silent.

---

Someone was shaking me, I could hear a voice talking over and over, I could feel hands gripping my arms tightly, and I could smell his cologne.

Edward.

I tried to turn my head towards the direction his voice was coming from, and winced, crying out at a sharp pain at the back of my neck. My head, I'd noticed, was throbbing.

"Bella? Oh God Bella, please wake up! Open your eyes, please, look at me!" Came Edward's frantic voice.

I slowly opened my eyes, blinking at the sudden light filling them. It seemed like my eyes had been closed for ages. My eyelids fluttered, trying to focus on the blurry shapes before me, when a familiar pale blur, topped with a mass of reddish brown blur, was suddenly in front of my face. I squinted, blinking a little more, and Edward came into focus.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw I'd opened my eyes, burying his face into my chest.

"Oh my God Bella." He cried into me. "I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. God, I'm such a fucking idiot!"

I looked around us, despite my aching neck, and saw that we had hit a tree. Edward must have swerved to avoid the truck. The front of the Volvo was scrunched up like an aluminium can, the windscreen shattered. Bits of glass were all over us, and I gasped when I saw drops of blood on the dashboard. Our doors were both open, and Edward was kneeling before me, even though the floor of the car must have been covered in glass. His head snapped up to look at me when he heard my gasp.

"What's wrong?" He asked anxiously, his eyes darting frantically from my face down to my body and back again. "Are you hurting? Am I hurting you?"

I shook my head minutely, wincing again at the pain.

A big, burly man with a grey beard, wearing a lumberjack shirt, hurried over to us looking panic stricken.

"Is she ok?" He asked; staring at me wide eyed. He must have been the truck driver.

Edward nodded. "I think so." He answered.

The man nodded. "I've called an ambulance, they're on their way. They told me to tell you not to move her, in fact, you shouldn't have really moved yourself, but you seem ok, I suppose."

He turned back to the road, pacing by the car, occasionally shaking his head.

Edward was staring at my forehead, his face pale. He looked like he was trying to fight back nausea. I raised a hand to my head tentatively – thankfully my arm seemed to be ok – and my fingers came away wet. I looked at them and groaned when I saw the blood.

Edward grimaced. "Don't touch it baby. The ambulance are gonna be here soon." He shook his head, staring at me ruefully. "I knew it." He whispered. "I knew I'd fucking hurt you. I'm a fucking nut job, just like her, and now I fucking hurt you."

I cleared my throat and swallowed. "You're not a nut job Edward, don't say that. And I'm not that badly hurt." I croaked.

"Bella have you seen yourself?!" He asked incredulously. "I'm so sorry. I was just...I was feeling good, so fucking good..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go and get help, I promise, I'm gonna take the fucking pills, because I can't hurt you. I don't wanna hurt you Bella, and I'm so sorry, God I'm so sorry."

I nodded, smiling lightly.

He buried his face in my chest again, still murmuring his apology over and over; and I reached out to stroke his dishevelled hair.

"I love you Edward." I whispered hoarsely.

Because I did. I loved him, endlessly, and no matter what happened, I always would.

He was Edward freaking Cullen, and he was manic depressant, and he was mine.

Author's Note:

Well, that's it folks! All done! I feel so proud to have finally finished it, as it's my first ever completed full length story!

Thank you all for reading, and alerting, favouriting, reviewing. I was motivated to write so much more when I received those little messages in my inbox. Thank you! Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Last time I'll ever ask for this - reviews please? If you've never reviewed (which I know applies to A LOT of you *cough cough*) please be so kind as to leave me one, just this once, seeing as the story's finished! Did you enjoy it? Which parts were your faves? Which parts could be improved? Any questions about anything?

I'd love to read feedback.

Thank you all again!

Savannah-Vee

xxx