The Death of a Dream - Part II
Darth Vader raced to his chamber, consternation inundated him the minute the door slid open. There they were, his children and Padme chained to the railing. Luke and Leia cried for the father as panic splashed over their distraught faces.
"Lord Vader. Just in time." Palpatine's smug smile needed to be wiped off. His presence was soaked with darkness, covering joy and colour like vultures swirling around the souls in the room. It was his "Gotcha" moment – his distasteful, insensitive, grandiose abstractions are only to serve him and everyone else is a chess piece.
Vader felt those familiar instincts kick in – unbridled impulsions about to erupt, losing rational thought as his emotions become clouded by the sight of his loved ones in danger. He wanted to revert to old habits induced by trauma, to gain control of the mayhem. Something he used to succumb to all the time as a child, trying to combat the chaos around him by fighting back desperately in order to feel competent in an environment that made him feel small, and worthless.
Vader turned his attention to his master, blurring his own thoughts, knowing that his old behavior and past arrogance as he unleashed his power rashly wasn't a trait to be proud of, and it wouldn't protect the people he loves. If anything, he lost more control over their safety by not showing restraint back then, and holding on too tight.
"I've been explaining to the Senator what a valuable asset we believe these children will be to the Empire." Palpatine continued. "All she has to do is get out of the way."
"Is that true?" Disapproval sat upon Padme's lips, peeling over her underlying sadness, feeling let down. "All this time, you were using them. . .using us."
Any particles of light between her and Vader recoiled as he buttoned his lip under the mask. Even the kaleidoscope of colours that often coruscate around Padme and his children were fizzling out, moving further away from him, and he's left to fade into the background of black and white, pulled into familiar shades of cold and dullness.
"As you can see, we got off on the wrong foot. Perhaps you'll do a better job at convincing her." Palpatine's covert threats and ultimatums were deliciously evil, offered to Vader like poisonous desserts to the unsweetened tooth, un-turn-downable, no matter how sickly they make you feel – he tries to tempt you, making it sound good... or like it's the only feasible option.
"And if I refuse?" Vader's voice monotone in every way, showing all the restraint he could.
"I'm sure you'll do what's right. You know, for the safety of the offspring." Palpatine responded with adamant directness. He wasn't going to risk either of the twins becoming Jedi.
"Anakin." Padme urged, calling to Vader's former self, hoping it would land because right now she needed him to be their father. "Save the children! You can't hand them over. Do you want them to suffer your fate–"
"–That's enough." Palpatine cut her off and his focus returned to Vader. He spoke with an even firmer tone, a sharp sting of imposition. "I told you. . .you'll see it coming. I sensed betrayal... But I trust that you now understand why we must respect each other's abilities."
A slight smirk hid behind the mask, as Vader acknowledged the art of learning from your mentors. "You've taught me well, Master. Always one step ahead."
Palpatine observed Vader closely, questionably, Vader was far too calm for a man who has just been checkmated.
In that moment, as the Emperor's eyes ran along his metal suit, he was inflamed by what appeared from around the corner behind his apprentice.
Obi-Wan showed up shadowed by the beam of blue light as he took his fighting stance, not the stance of a young warrior in battle anymore, but an evolved stance of an older, wiser, enlightened man whose goal is simply to protect. Palpatine's eyes formed into slits of savagery, and Vader got into position himself, his red lightsaber humming at his side.
A blinding bolt of lightning shot at both men, lighting up the entire chamber, only hindered by the swift thrashes of lightsabers in an attempt to capture it – lightning bottling up in a blade. Obi-Wan held his blue plasma weapon with both hands, shielding himself from the surge of brutal energy.
The Emperor felt electricity coursing through his veins, feeling drunk with power as the force left his body and aimed at the two men. Blue lightning cased their laser swords and ultimately pervaded the air around them. Vader took a step towards the Emperor, defiantly pushing back, wanting to deflect Palpatine's power back onto him. Obi-Wan, however, felt the outpouring of evil wrap around his hand after enveloping his blade, causing his saber to drop to the ground, leaving him vulnerable to an electric shock coming his way.
There were startled gasps from the kids as they quailed and cried, worriedly watching their uncle fall to the ground unconscious.
Vader managed to hold his own, slowly but surely getting closer to Palpatine, now using both hands to block the active efflux of rabid heat. But with both of Palpatine's hands now expending all their energy onto one target, Vader began to struggle, feeling flaming sparks prick his suit.
It felt as though Palpatine was rising over, vanquishing Vader, making him smaller and his lightsaber heavier, encompassed in shockwaves.
Luke, upon watching his father flounder, glanced at Obi-Wan's lightsaber, twisting his arm trying to call to it from in between his metal constraints. His movements slow, orderly, drawing the blade to him. With the saber physically in his grasp, he cut through his chains and snuck up behind the Emperor.
Vader caught a glimpse of his son and the blue gleam surrounding him. He couldn't let this pollute Luke's spirit. This was bigger than the force, bigger than the dark side. It was the unconditional, unselfish, invincible kind of open-heart love a parent has for their child.
To preserve his son's innocence, he gathered all the strength he had, evoking as much of the force as he could to relieve one of his hands, to telekinetically snatch the lightsaber from his son.
Vader raised his hand at an angle and the blade was pulled towards him, slicing through Palpatine's wrists just before Vader caught it.
Palpatine was ambushed by the glow of red and blue light as Vader crossed both swords over his neck, adopting his typical arrogant stance, blocking his victims' freedom.
"Go ahead." Palpatine retorted. "Show your children who you really are. Yet again ready to take the life of an unarmed opponent. Driven by your anger and hatred. Let them see this is who you'll always be. A slave to your emotions. This night will stay with you, as did the others. You are forever a murderer."
An indecisive Vader's eyes swept over his son, his daughter, Padme and back at the Emperor. His head faltered, his heart landing on the floor. He was a contradiction, a cold-blooded killer and yet the poster boy for crimes of passion. The Emperor was right. As tragic as his downfall was, Palpatine didn't give Anakin anything that he wasn't already looking for.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, especially when you live in fear and allow it to dictate your actions. He created this self-fulfilling prophecy, making his fears a reality in his desperation. His lust for power and revenge grew the more he got a taste, and it made him lose sight of his original purpose.
"...I can live with that." Vader accepted it all, his well-intentioned mistakes and his irredeemable, impetuous actions that followed.
Padme quickly ordered her kids to look away as they heard the coarse sounds of the two lightsabers sliding along each other before cutting into Palpatine's skin.
A moment of silence as the body fell to the floor.
Thoughts, words, a subtle alchemy, as they are swept away with this night, and transformed into this eventual peace swaying between everyone in the room. No matter what it took to get here, the darkness and violence no longer had their attention, just their memory.
Vader proceeded to unchain Padme and Luke followed suit, freeing his sister. Everyone was quiet, calming their nerves, waiting for the state of shock to pass.
"Thanks." Padme spoke to Vader with her exquisite brand of softness as she rubbed her wrists. They were all distracted by the sounds of Obi-Wan writhing about on the ground. Vader looked on as Luke and Leia rushed to his former friend's side.
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
Vader watched as his kids smothered Obi-Wan with affection, pulling the man up by the arms to sit upright. The twins were over the moon to reunite with him.
Vader felt it all, heartache, yearning, all with open pores. Emotions he had suppressed once he was encapsulated in the black metal suit. When that mask covered his face a decade ago, gone was the fragility of Anakin's feelings, disappeared along with warmth and purity. He never learned to control his emotions, only suppress or release thoughtlessly, such extremes, no balance, no middle ground... a disheartening failure. A lesson he longed to learn, true stoicism and safe vulnerability from a strong, loving father.
But now a long overdue reemergence – all those sumptuous feelings absorb him with an enormous hunger, fighting to refill, to come back, in a healthier way, to a place Vader had shunned them from. The emptiness, the void, the vacuum was no longer a place where he could seek shelter. No more denial. He was now present, bare, exposed. Anakin asserted himself front and centre. He had to unsheathe the mystery, accept the deprivation. He had to call it what it really was, what he didn't want to accept – loss. He lost his family 10 years ago, and he can't have those days back.
Padme turned her attention to Vader. She knew his reaction underneath the mask would be something akin to heartbreak. She imagined it would be difficult for him to see the relationship Obi-Wan had built with the children over the years while he was here.
There will never be a requiem for his dream – for the death of a life with Padme and his children – there was no time to mourn its passing.
And that was his fault. He valued power over purpose, addicted to self-serving ideals, he cut corners to get there and now he's paying for taking the easy way out.
He is a victim of his raw choices.
And it doesn't matter that the Jedi failed him when he struggled with his identity or that he succumbed to Palpatine's manipulation when he needed guidance.
It doesn't matter anymore because he chose to numb himself for ten years rather than do anything about it...
until now.
Vader felt Padme's eyes on him like a comforting breeze giving him strength. Looking back at her, he decided to rip off the band-aid. "You're free to go."
Padme's eyebrows raised, her expression loud, her voice plain, almost in disbelief. "What?"
"Obi-Wan'll take you home."
Obi-Wan and the kids looked up at them, catching wind of their conversation. Padme took a subtle step closer to Vader, seeking some resemblance of privacy.
She practically whispered, "What about you?"
"What about me?" Vader seemed peaceful, embodying a gradual acceptance of fate.
But Padme wasn't quite as calm. Her sensitive eyes in search of closure. She glanced around the room before her eyes landed back on him. "...Come with me." She said with a shrug that merged hope and hopelessness.
"Padme..." Vader shook his head, gently letting her down. He would not allow her or himself to deny what was necessary. And he had absolutely no intention of being crippled by fear.
"W–we can find a way." Her voice was wobbly, trying to find her bearings in an insecure sea of unpredictability.
But the tender resolution in his voice, the strength in his deep bass tone, and the calmness of his essence assured her he had thought it through, he was thinking clearly – now more so than ever. "You already have two kids to feed, bathe, take care of... You don't need another." He established. "I'm bound to this place."
He looked into her magnetic brown eyes still full of sweetness as if they weren't once stripped of promises. But he noticed the conflict, the uncertainty. He could see the unhealed wounds, hear the abandoned truths, and read what was never said out loud. Denial flooded her features as she clung onto a hypothetical alternative.
Her tentative thoughts are diffused by the sound of his synthetic voice carrying so much density. She gazes through his lenses as he speaks, and she knows the man before her isn't Vader.
This is Anakin, as he states forthrightly, "And if I loved you... If I truly loved you, I wouldn't make you stay."
He realized that somewhere along the way he began chasing the wrong dream. He thought power was his dream. He thought it would end the chaos, the trauma, give his life structure, security, and freedom. He would finally have control, complete autonomy for the first time in his life.
Power meant control, control meant the ability to protect those he loves, protect everyone from pain and suffering by defeating his enemies. But gaining power is a double-edged sword – the more you get, the more you want. It's a bottomless pit of insatiable hunger. And what the desire for control really does is push everyone away as you exert your power over them in the name of love, in the name of safety and security – because love and peace can't be taken, it must be given.
It became clear to him that you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable when you love. You have to accept that openness. Sometimes in life there will be fear for those you love, you won't always be able to protect them. But you can't let that fear cloud your judgment – control is not protection. You just do the best you can, stay in the moment, present, so you can adapt and live it.
That was what love is. Like a river. It needs to flow, you can't stop it. You can't break its fall. You can slow it down, speed it up, but you have to go along with the waves. There's no changing its direction or cutting it off. And he'd rather go with the tides, as precarious as they may be. He'd prefer to be overflowing with love, pouring it all into his family than be here, in his suit, in this dehydrated darkness, trying to control, to hold the water current.
Anakin turned to the twins, determined to be the father he once needed.
"Luke, Leia!" He called them over with loving assertion. He knelt down before them, "Help me take this mask off. I want to see you both with my own eyes."
They joined in on the fun, pulling the helmet over their dad's head. And they saw him. The scars didn't burn them because they knew who the man was beneath them. Their faces restful as they embraced this soulful connection. The heart knows what the eyes cannot. He is their father.
Leia held his hand as a smile graced her lips, while Luke looked adoringly at the man who gave him the final puzzle piece, completion.
"Your eyes." His son mused. "They're blue. . .like mine."
It was overwhelmingly fulfilling for Anakin to see them so clearly smiling back at him. He felt accepted, respected, loved and, most of all, seen.
But Leia's smile soon faded, realizing this was it. This was the goodbye.
"Will we ever see you again?" She asked
Anakin didn't know what to say. He didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep. "...What does your heart tell you?"
The ends of Luke's mouth curved up into a joyous, boyish smirk, knowing that nothing could break this connection that they repaired, not even distance. And that gave Leia peace of mind.
Anakin pulled them both in for a hug, immersed in the kindness and snuggly texture of loving arms, a circle of trust, the sensitivity of a comfort blanket, and the softness of their flesh, of feeling their warm cheeks against his — that was the purest form of a dream.
He then got up, taking their hands and leading them to the door where Obi-Wan stood.
Obi-Wan studied his former padawan, and all the senses, the instincts awaken in the silence. The silence conjures up an alertness, allowing him to look upon the face of Anakin Skywalker and see the same crystal blue eyes of the boy he met on Tatooine regain a new hope.
Knowing he'd protect them, Anakin shook Obi-Wan's hand, ensuring his children knew he approved of the life they would have without him. It was a way to show he would not undermine Obi-Wan, rather show appreciation, and even gratitude, for the things they actually got right together.
Obi-Wan shot him a nod, polite, heartwarming – but with a tinge of wistfulness and nostalgia for a bond with smoother, lighter intricacies.
Obi-Wan led the children out the door and Padme followed. She made her way to the doorframe only to turn back.
As the twins and Obi-Wan's footsteps faded into the distance, she found herself walking back towards Anakin.
Without thinking, she pulled him in for a soft peck as her lips lightly brushed his, an opportunity to hold onto the moment and old feelings a little longer. She tried to read his reaction once they broke apart, holding his eyes once they opened. He was taken aback. His eyes hone in on her mouth with wonder and pleasant confusion, favouring the satisfying taste. He found himself leaning back in, engulfing her with a carnal desire, as he deepened the kiss the second time around.
A kiss that was fire to the touch, a rush of untold perfection, a head-swirling, heart racing act of devotion.
And as they were slowly released from each other's arms, her illuminating smile shone brightly on him, louder than words, knowing that between them they shared an admiration, a genuine appreciation for all the little things that make up their past, present, and curious future.
She backed away amiably, not wanting to tamper with this feeling of peace and forgiveness... a final, loving, and replete goodbye.
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back