A/N: Thank you once again for all the kind words and reviews, special thank you going to those people that I can't reply directly to, especially MentalistLover: your detailed reviews make my day, thank you!
Chapter 10.
Jane was slowly getting through each day, his days filled with physical therapy of different sorts as well as sessions with the psychologist. To everybody's amazement, he had agreed to see her, although one of the reasons was that Lisbon had talked to her first and seemed to like her. He was eagerly waiting the evenings when Lisbon would come and visit him as she came almost every night, except if the team had a case out of town and that had happened only once. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt had also been to visit few times a week over the past two weeks and Jane was happy that they came.
He hadn't talked to anyone else than the psychologist, but he was aware that he had changed, however that change didn't really bother him. He knew some about the physical trauma he had gone through, but he hadn't been ready to hear all the details yet. The psychologist had encouraged him to talk to Lisbon about the changes and he was considering it. He was at the same time reluctant and eager to talk to her. On one hand he didn't want to burden her any more as she had been a god sent already, however he had this need to talk to her, to try to reach her on a deeper level. He knew it wasn't how things had been before between them, thus he was reluctant to scare her away as he wasn't sure that she cared about him that deeply.
Jane had been walking today as his hamstrings were healing nicely. His shoulder was giving trouble and he had been warned that he would never gain the full range of motion, but he still went to the physiotherapy to try to regain as much of its use as possible. The various cuts and bruises were a minor ache and didn't bother him too much. At least not during the day. During the night he had had several flashbacks to the torture, when he had woken up in severe pain. The nurses and doctors now made sure that his analgesia was increased for the night, but that left him very drowsy.
Jane had had flashbacks on other times too and after having a panic attack when Lisbon had touched him without a warning, he had avoided physical contact. After hugging Lisbon after waking up, he hadn't touched anyone else. He still startled easily at certain noises and when they needed to remove his stitches, the sight of the blade made him literally run out of the room or rather wheel himself out in a wheelchair. It had taken several days and Lisbon at his side before the stitches came out, with the nurse using small scissors and forceps instead of a blade.
Now Jane was lurking outside the psychologist's office as he knew that Lisbon was suppose to talk to her first and then come to see him. But he was inpatient and lonely and he wanted to surprise her by walking up to her, so here he was, sitting on a chair in the corridor behind a big plant to hide from Lisbon before springing his surprise.
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Lisbon was talking with the psychologist about Jane and how his behaviour had changed.
"He had this arrogant, cocky, cheerful exterior, always the charming devil that was plotting away schemes behind your back. Rarely did he show me his other side of gentleness, sadness and grief, but now it feels like the crust has fallen away and the core is all that is left", Lisbon said trying to explain what she thought.
"My team also says that Jane is more openly friendly and shows genuine happiness when they visit, whereas before they couldn't be quite sure whether he was genuine or not", Lisbon concluded struggling how to describe the changes.
"I agree with you", the psychologist said.
"What I have learned from you and from him, it does indeed look like his protective persona that was the shield against the world and all the hurt, has gone and he's vulnerable and exposed. He still retains his observational skills and I would say that his charm is as intact as ever as all the nurses could vouch for", the doctor chuckled and Lisbon grinned at her.
"What is remarkable though is that he doesn't seem to be too bothered about the changes and one of his reasons is you, Teresa", the doctor continued. Lisbon looked at her with a genuine surprise on her face.
"He has been able to cope with the changes, as well as accept himself as he is, mostly due to you still staying at his side and treating him with honesty and letting him take the lead", the psychologist explained to a stunned Lisbon.
"Like he himself said, you have been his shield when he needed it the most", she continued smiling.
"He has had time to construct a new view of himself and you have provided him with a reference point. I would think that his personality changes are permanent due to damage to his brain and the PTSD, but he is coping remarkably well with that. He also knows his boundaries and for example has stated that he's not ready yet to go through all the details of his injuries and the trauma itself", the psychologist explained.
Lisbon was happy that Jane was doing so well and if she was truthful to herself, she liked this new Jane. Even with the obvious problems and episodes of flashbacks and panic attacks, he was more open, gentle and happy than he had been before. It was so sad that it had to take all the suffering and torture to bring this side of him out to the open.
"How are you coping Teresa?", the doctor suddenly gently asked.
Lisbon was startled out of her musings and stared at the the doctor hesitantly, but decided to go for honesty.
"It has been hard when I feel there's nothing I can do to help him, that I can't even touch him and I have been struggling to hide my feelings from him as he doesn't need me sad. Luckily so far I think I have succeeded", Lisbon said quietly.
"You care a great deal about him and that is your strength", the doctor said carefully, trying to navigate the dangerous waters of not telling Lisbon what Jane had told her about his feelings. She knew it was going to be a hard, long journey for these two, but she truly believed that they were going to make it if they gave it a chance.
They chatted for a little while longer, but Lisbon was keen to leave to have a little moment to herself before seeing Jane as she usually did. She needed the time alone to compose herself and to wipe all the traces of worry and doubt and a little room just outside of the psychologist's office was meant just for that and that was where she was heading.
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Jane saw Lisbon coming out the doctor's office, but instead of walking down the corridor towards him, she slipped inside a small room in the corridor. Jane felt the first coil of worry in his stomach, Lisbon looked so tired, so sad. She never looked like that when she came to see him. Had she received bad news? But what could they be?
Jane walked slowly up to the door and stopped to listen outside. When he heard Lisbon's muffled sobs, the worry uncoiled and he would have barged through the door if it had been locked. Lucky for him it was open and he stepped in.
Lisbon was sitting on a sofa, her hand in front of her mouth trying to stop the the sobs. She looked up at him with watery green eyes, now red rimmed and shocked. Jane didn't need to think, his only thought was to comfort this wonderful woman in front of him.
"Oh Teresa, come here", he whispered sitting down next to her and gathering her in his arms.
This seemed to be the last straw for Lisbon who buried her face in his neck, now openly crying while Jane stroked her back in soothing circles. He didn't say anything as he didn't know what was wrong, but the fact that Lisbon was seeking comfort in him, warmed his heart. It did escape him that he had voluntarily touched someone, but the importance of the moment didn't escape Lisbon, whose emotions spilled over for the man's capability of gently offering comfort, while still battling with his own issues.
Lisbon was practically sitting in Jane's lap, her face still buried in his neck, now her sobbing slowing down, but as Jane seemed quite happy to sit with her like this, she decided to accept the gift of comfort that he had given her. She shyly and carefully pressed a kiss on his cheek, hoping that she wasn't overstepping herself. When Jane froze, she wanted to hit herself for pushing him, but then he tighten his grip on her and nuzzled his face against her hair.
All of the sudden Lisbon realised that Jane wasn't in a wheelchair and sat up and looked at him in wonder, to which Jane grinned back and flexed his legs as he seemed to know what she was thinking.
"You can walk!", Lisbon exclaimed.
"Yes, I can and I wanted to surprise you", Jane smiled proudly, but then became serious.
"I didn't want to disturb you like this, but I was worried when I saw you coming out of the psychologist's office looking so tired and sad", he continued looking at Lisbon the worry evident in his eyes.
Lisbon wiped her eyes dry and decided still to stick with honesty, "It's just gets a bit overwhelming sometimes and I still worry about you."
"When it gets too much, I wish you would tell me so I could try to help you", Jane whispered finishing with a quiet, "I'm sorry".
Lisbon made him look at her, "There is nothing to worry about. I promise to tell you if you promise to tell me when it gets too much, ok?".
Lisbon stood up from Jane's lap and held out her hand, "Let's go, the nurses must be worried sick for their favourite patient". Jane took the offered hand and was pleasantly surprised when the contact didn't trigger a bad response from his subconscious. He was about to let her hand go when Lisbon surprised him by entwining her fingers with his. They slowly started walking along the corridor, hand in hand.
TBC