Author's Note: This chapter was so much fun to write! Please review. I'd love to hear what you think!

***

Prussia slammed the door shut behind them and tossed Romano on the bed. Romano landed on his back, the mattress bouncing under his weight. Romano rolled to the side, but Prussia launched himself onto the bed directly on top of Romano, making both the mattress and Romano squeak in protest.

"Moan," Prussia ordered in a whisper.

"I'm not--"

"You know that your brother and probably my brother too are listening at the door. Now moan."

Romano glared stubbornly up at Prussia and clamped his mouth closed.

"Look, you've been awesome with this acting thing so far," Prussia said, his whisper taking an impatient tone. "And when I call something awesome, I mean it, so you'd better damn well take that as a compliment. If you can't moan, though, we're never going to convince them. Now what do I need to do? Pull your hair curl again?"

Romano was furious. "If you so much as tou--" Romano broke off with a loud moan, then threw a hand to cover his own mouth, still glaring at Prussia who was now twirling the end of Romano's curl idly with a devious grin on his face.

"L-l-let go," Romano hissed, humiliated to hear the stammer in his voice.

"Moan again," Prussia said. "One more should do it, really." He gave the hair curl another decisive tug, tilting his head and grinning down at Romano. "You know, you really do look hot like this."

Later, Romano would tell himself that the moan that escaped him was because of Prussia's hand and not because of that appreciative smirk and the words accompanying it.

There was a faint murmuring from the other side of the door. Prussia hopped off the bed, removing his shirt easily and tossing it carelessly to the ground before storming to the door and flinging it open. Veneziano had obviously been leaning against the door, because he fell in the room, landing on Prussia's feet. Germany stood barely a step away, slowly turning red from the embarrassment of being caught eavesdropping on his brother during what was obviously an intimate encounter.

Romano didn't see the glare that Prussia gave the two of them, but it must have been a good one, since Veneziano scrambled to his feet while whimpering an apology,and Germany's face completely bypassed crimson in favor of purple.

"If you two don't leave us alone right now," Prussia said, each word precisely pronounced to convey the maximum amount of frustration. "Nevermind. I'm not even going to finish that threat. I'll leave it to your imaginations to figure out exactly what will happen if Romano and I can't finish what we started without any further interruptions."

Veneziano started sniffling. Germany took him by the hand and led him towards the other bedroom, safely out of the way of whatever activities Prussia had in mind. Prussia slammed the bedroom door closed as they retreated.

"What was that?" Romano demanded, sitting upright on the bed, looking absolutely furious. "I told you not to touch it!"

"Oh, please," Prussia scoffed, taking a seat on the other side of the bed. "As if you didn't like it."

Romano flushed. "I-- I-- Perverted Cabbage!"

Prussia grinned. It was a wide, genuinely amused grin. "Perverted Cabbage? I like it. It's kind of cute, but in a seriously awesome kind of way."

"You would say that," Romano mumbled sullenly.

Prussia suddenly flung himself back on the bed, letting out a loud, obscene moan.

"What was that for?" Romano demanded. "They're not listening anymore!"

"It's not like they're across the ocean. They're just in the other room. They could still hear that." Prussia grinned wider. "I want to make sure that they know exactly how awesome the sex we're having is. Part of the plan, remember? Establish credibility and embarrass and/or annoy the hell out of them."

"I'm supposed to be setting a good example for my brother," Romano said, covering his red face with both hands. "I'm having obnoxiously loud, probably unprotected sex with a potato head."

"Not unprotected!" Prussia interrupted. "I brought condoms. Remember, I didn't know you were such an annoying prude before I picked you up for our date."

Romano shot him a dirty look.

"What?" Prussia said, shrugging. "No need to get all huffy about it. I mean, it's not that I would have protested if you'd been a nubile little nymphomaniac, but I like you the way you are."

Romano felt a jolt of disbelief. That was ridiculous. Hadn't Prussia gotten the memo? Nobody liked Romano just the way he was. Even Spain, for all of his oblivious half-advances would continually state his dissatisfaction with Romano's "uncuteness" and wish he was more like Veneziano.

"Now you're just being dumb," Romano said, leaning his back against the headboard. "Potatohead flattery isn't going to get you in my pants, you know."

Prussia scoffed. "As if I need flattery at this point. Whose sheer awesomeness was making you moan in bed just a few moments ago? Oh yeah, that'd be mine." Prussia's smirk widened. "And you haven't even seen the Five Meters yet, baby."

"And I'm not going to," Romano insisted, scooting away. "Ever. So stop thinking stupid perverted cabbage thoughts!"

"It's your own fault for looking so goddamned cute when I pulled your hair curl," Prussia laughed.

"Shouldn't we be making sure the Potato Bastard isn't molesting my brother?" Romano asked, desperately trying to change the topic as he moved to rise to his feet.

"As if," Prussia said, pulling Romano back down. "You saw Veneziano sulking. He's your brother. You know him better than I do. What do you really think he's doing now?"

"Crying," Romano replied instantly. "And even if the Potato Bastard got him to quit, he's probably trying to make it up to us." Romano sniffed the air. "I don't smell him cooking yet, so he's probably still crying."

"I'm going to teach you proper strategy yet," Prussia said, punching Romano playfully in the shoulder.

Romano scowled and rubbed his shoulder. "I don't need strategy, idiot."

"You're right. You don't," Prussia said glibly. "Right now, at least. Fifty years in the future when you've got, I don't know, England or France breathing down your neck?"

"I meant," Romano said," I don't need you teaching me strategy. I'm doing fine without your help."

"Yeah, screaming at people and then hiding behind other people if they turn out to be too scary," Prussia chuckled. "Way to go, Romano, that's some brilliant tactical maneuvering there."

Romano punched Prussia in the side, making the other boy laugh harder. Romano stuck his lower lip out and turned away from Prussia in a grumpier (and, as Spain liked to remind him, less cute) version of Veneziano's pout.

"Come on, don't be like that," Prussia said, pulling Romano back towards him. Romano stiffened at the touch, pulling away. "Romano~, you're my new awesome teammate in the fight against boring couples! You're not allowed to be mad at me."

"Stop being dumb," Romano said. "Of course I'm mad at you. You're Potato Bastard's brother. Being mad at you is just the normal way of things."

"Hm," Prussia said, obviously dissatisfied with this answer. He brightened up. "Hey! You know what time it is?"

"Time for us to leave the bedroom because you have no stamina?" Romano asked.

"Not quite," Prussia said cheerfully. "Time for you to let them know exactly how awesome I am in bed." Without any further preamble, he reached over and tugged on Romano's hair curl. Romano let out half a moan before clamping his jaw down hard, cutting the sound off again.

"Stupid perverted cabbage!" Romano said. "Do you even know -- of course you know, that's why you're doing it. I am not going to moan again. Veneziano--"

"Veneziano already thinks we're doing it," Prussia interrupted. "You just need to make sure he knows you like it. Now come on!" Prussia reached for the hair curl again, but Romano held it out of his reach.

"I'm not going to be the one to put ideas into his head about -- about the joys of sleeping with dumb, macho Germans!"

"Well it's not going to be you doing that, remember? That'd be my brother. The one who we're trying to annoy with our obnoxiously loud sex. The one we're probably failing to annoy because someone isn't a team player."

Romano glared. "Fine, you idiot. But you are not touching my hair curl again. I can moan on my own."

Prussia leaned back. "Be my guest, hot shot. But make it good. I don't want my reputation tarnished because you don't know how to moan without proper incentive."

Romano looked stubbornly defiant now and he opened his mouth, determined to make the best, most satisfyingly sexed up moan he had ever made in his life. "Oh~" he began, when suddenly Prussia's hand was sliding sensually from his scalp down to the tip of his hair curl. "Prussia!" he yelped.

Romano glared furiously and batted Prussia's hand away. "What's your problem?"

"You were making porntastic noises," Prussia said. "Seriously, have you ever had sex? No one makes porntastic noises unless they're A) trying to cover up the fact that they're having really sucky sex or B) they're a porn star. Everyone knows that sucky sex with the awesome Prussia just doesn't happen, so everyone's going to assume you're a porn star. You don't want your brother to think you're a porn star, do you?"

"No!" Romano said furiously. "Why would I--"

"So really," Prussia continued, as if Romano wasn't talking, "I was doing you a favor." Prussia raised his eyebrows. "A favor that you are more than welcome to repay, you know."

That was when Romano decided that Prussia needed to be smothered with a pillow.

* * *

"Veneziano, get away from that door," Germany hissed.

"But I don't hear anything going on in there anymore!" Veneziano protested, ear pressed against the door. "It's been hours and I want to know if they're done having sex because I made pasta to make up for being rude earlier! Besides, I'm pretty sure this is my brother's first time having sex so I want to celebrate!"

Germany winced. Romano had been a virgin? This could only end badly. Romano would undoubtedly blame Prussia for the inevitable soreness that came after losing your virginity and he would probably accuse Prussia of coercing him (and Germany wasn't sure whether or not that accusation would have been entirely unfounded, though Romano had definitely enjoyed the experience, judging by the loud moans that had reverberated through the house up until a while ago).

"Maybe we should leave them alone," Germany suggested.

"But the pasta!" Veneziano protested.

The door swung open, Veneziano falling inside once again. Prussia stood in the door frame, looking annoyed but not half as homicidal as before. He had a still-bruising black eye and hundreds of tiny white feathers stuck in his hair. Germany was impressed, despite himself. It's obvious that either Prussia got into a very violent pillow fight with someone or had just had a round of -- possibly several rounds of -- very exhausting, very kinky sex of which Germany most definitely did not want to hear any details about.

"I made pasta for you both!" Veneziano said. "As an 'I'm-sorry-for-interrupting-your-lovemaking-but-congratulations-on-taking-what-I'm-pretty-sure-was-my-brother's-virginity!' present!"

Prussia blinked blearily at Veneziano, then turned back to the room. "Romano, wake up. Your brother made us pasta to celebrate the fact that we just had hot sex."

Romano startled awake. He hadn't even realized that he'd fallen asleep. That pillow fight must have taken more out of him than he'd realized. Who'd have thought that Prussia's self-proclaimed battlefield strategy prowess extended to pillow fights as well? "Pasta?" Romano asked, making sure that he'd heard right.

"Yeah, pasta. Come on, I'm hungry." Prussia said impatiently.

"Hold on, let me find my --" Romano paused and his voice took on a familiar, angry edge. "Prussia, where the hell are my pants?"

"Where'd you take them off?" Prussia asked.

"I don't remember taking my pants off at all," Romano said furiously. "Prussia, what did you do with my pants?"

"Damn, I'm awesome," Prussia said, retreating back into the bedroom, shutting the door with a satisfied click behind him.

There was the sound of a brief scuffle before Prussia and Romano emerged, both wearing pants this time. "A-alright," Romano said, red faced and shrugging off Prussia's hand from around his waist.