Episode 5: S.I. 2

"Hazuki Residence"

:: Ryo walks into the smoke filled bathroom, only to find Fuku taking a pleasant shower::

Ryo-san: Fuku-san. I don't wanna see anything I just want a bar of soap. can you hand me a bar?
Fuku-san: (Frantic Whispers)
Ryo-san: Fuku-san? What are you doing?
Fuku-san: Uh, n-nothing Ryo... STOP IT! CAN'T YOU SEE IM TALKING!
Ryo-san: OK! Fuku-san, THAT'S ENOUGH! Enough acting and guessing! If the BAR OF SOAP is shoved up your ass or something JUST TELL ME! I won't be mad.
Mysterious Man: HEY! IM AT THE CREME FILLING!
Ryo-san: What the hell? W-Who's in there, Fuku-san?
Fuku-san: Uhhhh... n-no one! Im just ahhh... t-talking to my dick!
Ryo-san: YOUR DICK!?!?
Fuku-san: Doesn't wanna cooperate! Ya know dicks? When they curl and get all clammy and shit. Then it fuzzes and-
Ryo-san: OK FUKU-SAN! Hand me the SOAP, NOW! There's nothing that your doing behind that curtain that won't suprise me.

" Five Minutes Later"

Ryo-san: OH MY GOD!!!!!

:: Ine-san flees into the bathroom with a skillet::

Ine-san: IM TELLING YOU! IM ARMED!... HOLY SHIT!

:: Fuku was getting his dick sucked by a mysterious man with pink hair::
:: Fuku crys::

Fuku-san: I TOLD YOU RYO! NOW LOOK WHAt'YA DID!!! WAAAHHHH!!!
Ine-san: Fuku-san, GET OUT!

:: Man hugs Fuku::

Man: Can I take him?
Ine-san: NO YOU GAY FAG! Fuku-san! OUT NOW!

" Ryo's Room"

Ryo-san: FINALLY! MY NEW LAPTOP IS HERE! Now I don't have to use Fuku-san's all the damn time!

:: Ryo gets on the internet and finds "ShenmueDojo"::

Ryo-san: What the hell? HEY! There's a picture of me! BOY! Im sexy as EVER! Damn... look at Fuku-san... hahahahaha! And Ine-san! Boy she was a young little bitch, HAHAHAHA!... huh? What's this topic?... Ryo's GAY!

TOPIC: IS RYO REALLY A FAG::POLL::

Ryo-san: NO IM NOT A FAG! What are these stalkers trying to pull!?!?

:: Ryo clicks "NO" on the POLL::

POLL RESULTS: 20 PERCENT: NO... 80 PERCENT: YES.

Ryo-san: WHAT THE HELL!?!? WHAT DOES EVERYONE HAVE AGAINST ME!?!? IM NOOOOOOOOOOOOTTT GAY! And what's this? Shenmue is the name of my life!?!? What the FUCK IS SHENMUE!?!?

:: Ryo goes to the library::

Ryo-san: OK OK! Shenmue... Shenmue? SHENMUE... SHENMUE!!!!! Where is it!?!?

:: Ryo scatters twenty different books on the table about: Cultures, Video Games, etc.::

Ryo-san: NO SHENMUE! Im going to find out what the fuck that damn word means even if the damn library catches on FIRE!

:: The library catches on fire::

Ryo-san: Shit...

" The Tomato Convenience Store"

Ryo-san: I'd like this bottle of milk please.
Lady: Sure! Draw a Raffle Ticket!

:: Ryo draws::

Ryo-san: DAMN! I lost!
Lady: AWWWWW! TOO BAD!

:: Ryo thinks and figures something out::
:: Ryo buys another bottle of milk::

Lady: SURE! Draw a Raffle Ticket!

:: Ryo lost::
:: He purchased milk again::

Lady: SURE! Draw a Raffle Ticket!

:: Ryo figured it out!::

Ryo-san: Ummmm... excuse me? Why do you keep saying "Sure! Draw a Raffle Ticket!"!?!?
Lady: Cause! I was commanded to do so.
Ryo-san: AH HAH! That's it! Tell me Lady, why were you commanded?
Lady: CAUSE? The creator made me.

:: Ryo grabs her by the shirt::

Ryo-san: WHAT CREATOR!?!?!?
Lady: HE wouldn't tell me his name! GET OFF ME! HELP! RAPE!!!!!!!!

:: Ryo flees out, avoiding the cops::

" Hazuki Residence"

Ryo-san: I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LIFE IS BEING CONTROLLED!

:: Ryo walks into Fuku's room, spotting something he didn't intend on seeing::
:: A big light approaches Ryo from the top::

" A Big, Circular Room"

:: Ryo was flashed into a room that went around in circles, surrounded by moniters, and very white::

Ryo-san: Where am I?

:: Ryo sensed fear... death... he got hard. Don't ask me why, it just happened::
:: A man sitting in a chair in the middle of the room turned around, dressed in all white::
:: IT WAS YU SUZUKI!::

Yu: Hello Ryo. I've been expected you. Im Yu Suzuki.
Ryo-san: Yeah? And...?

:: A door opens from behind::
:: A man sticks his head through::

Man: Yu? Your Anal Inspection starts now!
Yu:(Turning red) DON'T YOU SEE IM WITH A CLIENT!?!?!? Tell Michael Jackson to reschedule it!
Man: HE CAN'T! He said he was meeting a group of kids around 5:00 P.M.!
Yu: GO NOW!
Man: OK... ok! Don't get mad...

:: Man leaves::

Yu: As I was saying... oh yes! Listen Ryo: this here, is the outside world.
Ryo-san: The O-Outside World?
Yu: Yes, and guess whom im the creator of!
Ryo-san: Ohhhh ummmm... that's a toughie! OH! I KNOW!
Yu: What?
Ryo-san: INUYASHA ON ADULT SWIM! GOD PLEASE SAY YOU ARE! Cause if you are I-
Yu: NO YOU IGNORANT BASTARD! Did you say that cause' your dumb or are you just trying to annoy me!?

:: Ryo is dumbfounded::

Ryo-san: I u-u-um... gee I- I- u-ummm...
Yu: Im just fuckin' wid' ya! HAHAHAH!!

:: Ryo plays along and laughs, even though he didn't find it funny at all::

Yu: I AM THE CREATOR OF YOUR LIFE RYO: SHENMUE!
Ryo-san: REALLY!?

:: Yu's phone rings::

Yu: Just a minute!

:: Yu answers::

Yu: Hello?... WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?!?! NO I DON'T HAVE IT! YES! He's right here! YES I KNOW ABOUT TONIGHT! I DIDN'T FORGET! I promise to take you to that Prostitute Club after im DONE! OK! BYE!... god what a slut, OH! Sorry... so, where were we? Oh yes! Shenmue, right!?!?
Ryo-san: Uhhh... s-sure, why not?
Yu: Yes Ryo, I created you...

:: Yu farts::

Yu: Sorry... (Laughs) gotta let one loose sometime! Ya know it's a fact! Holding in farts can cause serious problems in your stomach and bladder. Anywho! Your whole life is a little play Ryo! I created you and that's all there is to know! Now... ya wanna know what Shenmue is... right!??!
Ryo-san: YES! PLEASE! IM DYING TO KNOW!
Yu: Let me show you...

:: Yu lifts up a remote and points it towards the monitors::
:: He presses a button and on comes The Playboy Channel::

Yu: DAMN! I forgot to change it from LAST NIGHT! Sorry bout that... this is what I meant to show. Before I show ya what Shenmue is... I want ya to know the RATING of your life:

Ryo-san: That rating?
Yu: Your life is rated: M for Mature. It would of been T for Teen but Fuku-san was added into the picture. He's a mistake by the way. Fuku-san wasn't meant to be in your life. Some gay fag snuck into the company late at night and added him in there! Probably ruined yals life too, eh?
Ryo-san: TELL ME ABOUT IT!
Yu: Ok, here's what Shenmue is...

:: Yu shows a big tree::

Yu: THAT'S YOUR LIFE! GOODBYE!

:: Ryo is warped back into his house::
:: Ryo finds himself on the floor in front of Fuku's room. Fuku was pissing on him::

Ryo-san: FUKU-SAN! WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL!?!?
Fuku-san: WHAT DID I DO!?!? YOU PASSED OUT IN FRONT OF MY ROOM CAUSE YOU CAUGHT ME SHOVING A FLEET ENEMA UP MY ASS!!!!
Ryo-san: WHERE'S YU!?!?
Ine-san: WHO'S YU!?!?
Ryo-san: IT WAS- was it ALL a dream? IT COULDN'T OF BEEN! But maybe it was?
Fuku-san: MAKE UP YOUR MIND YA BIG GOOFBALL! Hehehehe... silly willy!
Ryo-san: WAIT A MINUTE! Yu said my life was named after a tree? BUT WHY!?!?!? WHY IS MY LIFE NAMED AFTER A TREE!?!?
Fuku-san: Yeah? So?
Ryo-san: Doesn't bother you Fuku-san, you have sex with them for crying out loud! But for us "NORMAL" people it does! Guess it was a dream...
Fuku-san: SEE INE-SAN! THAT'S WHAT I MEAN! HE PICKS ON ME!!! WAAAAHHHH!!!

:: Fuku crys and runs in his room::