A/N: I'm terribly sorry for not updating sooner. I feel awful about leaving the story unfinished for so long, but unfortunately life kind of got the best of me for the past 8 months and I haven't been able to take the time to write as much as I wanted to. Even when I did make plans to write, something else would pop up preventing me from doing so. Now however, I am in a better headspace, and life isn't totally kicking my butt! So, without any further ado, let's continue this adventure, shall we?!
And again, Thank you so much for your patience.
-SBQ
Yor grabbed the pitchfork from a pile of hay and carried it towards the barn doors. Sliding it at an angle into the handles, she locked the doors in place. She gave another pull at them to make sure it was secure before stepping back with a satisfied grin. Knowing Loid, it probably wouldn't keep him out for very long, but at least it would buy her some time. Now that they were so far from the city, getting the file back to the Garden seemed risky. She didn't trust Loid to keep whatever information this drive had on the Garden from his own agency, which was why she needed to do this alone.
She continued to look around for any sign of a hidden base but found only farming related supplies. Heavy brown woven-bags filled with grain lined the wooden walls. A large tractor, old and rusting sat in the corner with shovels of various sizes leaned against it. Her eyes continued to shift right, and she spotted a thin ladder that lay against a ledge, leading to a loft upstairs in which she assumed was where the tiny cot Madelyn had mentioned was located. She continued to walk around eyes combing the ground for any sign of a secret entrance to a basement.
Come on. Imagine that this is an episode of Spy Wars…
If I were to hide an underground passage where would I….
She narrowed her eyes as if she had just found her prey. Smiling she walked back to the large stack of hay and frantically kicked the straw aside until it revealed a simple wooden trap door beneath. She knelt down, amused at the ridiculousness of the situation. Real spies with underground bases. If Anya were here, she'd have a laugh about this.
Her smile quickly muddied into a frown. Who knew what Anya would say. What did she really know about the girl? She played along to be Loid's daughter in order to stay out of the orphanage, what else was the girl lying about? Perhaps she wasn't even into spy films. Maybe she didn't even like Yor and that was just another lie. Stabbing the key into the hole, she twisted it, though it could have been her heart she was twisting the key into for all the hurt she was suddenly feeling. A daughter to call her own, and a husband by her side. A real family, what a joke.
The sound of footsteps fast approaching jerked her from her thoughts as she snapped her head towards the direction of the doors. No, this soon? How did he notice the key was missing already? Damn it!
Frustrated she lifted the door revealing stone steps that led into nothing but darkness. Squinting her eyes she tried to see how far down it went but there was nothing she could see. A pitch-black basement underneath an enemy's secret base. What could possibly go wrong?
She heard Madelyn's voice faintly in the background, calling out for Loid. The footsteps immediately came to a halt and Yor felt her heart begin to beat with relief as she listened to Loid turn and walk away. Taking deep breaths, she began her descent. She hated this new time restraint, but she needed to hurry. Now was not the time to think on what could have been, Anya…none of it. She had a job to do, and above all else she needed to protect The Garden at all costs.
Cautiously she made her way down the winding staircase, her fingertips tracing the side of the wall. It was much longer than she expected. How deep did this go exactly?
Picking up the pace, Yor quickly found her stride. She was completely in the dark but that didn't faze her. There were many missions that left her blinded in the shadows. Eyes were not the only way someone could see. She had been carefully listening to the echo of her footsteps. At the top of the stairs her steps were like faint taps, almost like raindrops on a glass window. They sounded far and distant. Now however, the sound was getting deeper, as if someone were banging on a drum. Good. It meant she was getting closer to the bottom.
Slowing down she was careful with each step, not wanting to fall forward by misjudging where the stairs ended. Taking a final step she was relieved to be on solid ground again. Within a second bright lights automatically turned on and she had to shield her eyes. When her eyes adjusted, she was stunned by what was in front of her.
She was standing in a much larger underground bunker than she expected it to be. Flat concrete walls, along cold concrete floors that she estimated to be about 28 meters wide by 15 meters long. It was sleek and well-polished. This was definitely a bunker belonging to WISE. Who else could create such a structure under a humble farm? As she walked further in she felt the change in temperature immediately. It was much cooler down here, and she couldn't help where her thoughts wandered off to next. What would happen if someone were to be trapped down here? How long would it take for oxygen to run out? How long until someone simply withered away, cold and alone, cut off from everyone? She stared up at the ceiling as if she had x-ray vision, imagining just how much earth separated her from the surface. If she had to guess she would say at least a half mile below ground, give or take. Shaking her head, she chided herself to get a move on. She was supposed to be looking for a computer, not daydreaming about the possibility of leaving a certain somebody down here, forever. She looked around, noticing that the compound was separated into three areas.
To her immediate right was a weapons room, fully stocked with handguns, silencers, grenades, knives, even c4s. All of it, hung up perfectly organized on a wall, showcasing the best of military grade equipment. Her eyes glistened at the sight of the blades. Those were always her weapons of choice. She made a mental note to grab some goodies before she would leave. She deserved a parting gift after all, especially after everything she's been through.
To the center was a training area. Gym bags and weights scattered about the room with a thick sparring mat at its front. The image of locking Loid in a headlock popped into mind and it brought a temporary smile to her lips.
Finally, to the left was a single desk that housed a massive computer station. Mounted on a frame wall were six monitors, three above and three under those. Quickly she made her way over to the desk and pressed what she assumed to be the power button, booting up the system. Sitting down into the leather chair she leaned back as she waited for the screens to turn on. It took a while but eventually the sound of the machine stirred. She waited impatiently, staring at the drive in her hand. She would see what intel they had on the Garden and then destroy the drive completely. Now that she was well into enemy territory with not just one but two Westalis agents waiting for her on the surface she could not risk losing this file to either of them.
Annoyed she continued to stare at the blank screens. Why was it taking so long? Her eyes focused on three tiny white dots that were flashing slowly on the center monitor. Was the computer loading? Was it waiting for something? She shook her head frustrated. She didn't have time for this.
She tapped on random keys on the keyboard, but nothing happened. Maybe it's just waiting for me?Loid had mentioned that this was a data processor, perhaps it didn't do anything unless entering a command or a….
She pulled out the thumb-drive and scanned the machine for any type of slot that she could stick this blasted thing into. There were plenty of knobs, buttons, and dials…all of it was overwhelming her. What did all this high-tech spy stuff do anyway? Anxiously she continued to look around when she finally spotted a slot the drive could fit into.
Apprehensively, she stuck in the drive and waited for anything other than the three little dots to appear.
Waiting…
Waiting…
Waiting…
Yet the screens remained blank save for the same three dots. Tilting her head, she wondered if perhaps the computer wasn't working at all. Surely something should have appeared on screen by now. Maybe it was broken? Who even knew when the last time somebody used or checked in on this machine?
Or maybe…
What if this was a trap to lure me here all along?! Stuck, half a mile below the surface? How could I have been so stupid again! Just blindly following a Westalis agent! What is wrong with me?!
Instinctively she reached for her blades and shot to her feet. Her senses on high alert as she looked around expecting to be jumped by enemy agents at any moment.
But there was nothing.
Not a single soul down here except for her and her paranoia. She fell back into the chair with a heavy thud, feeling exhausted for the first time in nearly two days.
How did everything go wrong so quickly? She didn't know what to believe anymore. Trust Loid, or don't trust him? Involve him with untangling her mystery or was he actually the mastermind behind it all? She pressed her fingertips to her head, massaging her temples. Back at the apartment, he seemed to be genuinely sorry. But then again…didn't he always sound genuine when he was lying to her before?
She let out a defeated sigh. And what exactly was she supposed to do when she returned to Berlint? Simply go back to City Hall and pretend that nothing happened? What would she tell Camilla and the others? That all of a sudden her marriage failed? Not to mention trying to explain how Yuri's Lieutenant fell unconscious in her presence.
The sudden blare of an alarm came ringing from the monitors, startling her so ferociously she almost fell from the chair. Pivoting the seat, she turned back to the screens. Gone were the little white dots and instead, numbers began flooding down in rows rapidly. Zeros and ones flickering up and down, down and up, right to left, racing furiously. Thousands of rows raining down numbers on all six screens.
What on Earth was happening?! She looked frantically from monitor to monitor, trying to focus. Bright blue numbers dashed across so intensely she couldn't make out if they were numbers anymore or if they were just blue streaks across the screens.
Desperate, she yanked the drive out hoping that it would disable whatever was happening on screen, but to no such luck. They continued to flash, except now…
Her eyes widened. They were changing colors! What were once blue were now turning a deep red. Not good, not good. She didn't know what was going on, but she didn't want to find out what happened when all the rows of flashing numbers turned red.
Fumbling over the desk she turned every knob and pressed every button she could get her hands on, hectically trying to stop whatever "this" was. She pounded the keyboard as hard as she could, hoping that one button would eventually trigger an off switch. Nothing! Nothing was working! She looked up at the monitors, only to find more red numbers on the screens than she felt comfortable with.
Her own alarms began sounding off in her head, her stomach suddenly so tight she thought she might be sick. Something was definitely wrong, and she had no idea how to stop it. Unsheathing one of her blades she was ready to stab the computer as a desperate last attempt when suddenly Loid was by her side, shoving her out of the way.
She felt her heart beating hysterically and so damned loudly in her own ears, that it drowned out the alarms blaring in the background. She watched Loid anxiously as he hit a sequence of numbers on the keyboard, his gaze focused and intense.
And then…it was silent, save for her racing heartbeat still pounding in her ears. Relief washed over her as the monitors faded back to black. Loid dropped his head and let out an exasperated breath before angrily turning to face her.
"I told you to trust me! Do you even know what just happened? What could have happened?! You initiated the computer's self-destruct mechanism because you tried gaining access without entering proper credentials! This and everything down here would have been blown to Hell! You included!"
Guilt flooded through her entire body and she immediately felt as if she were suffocating. Her chest so heavy that simply breathing was a difficult task. She lowered her gaze unable to meet Loid's and stared at the floor. She'd never actually heard him yell out in anger before. He was always so calm and level-headed but there he stood, eyes glaring, and it suddenly made her feel like a child.
But who does he think he is? Coming in here scolding me. HE is the reason I snuck away to begin with anyway, he can't blame this entirely on me! It's his fault that I don't trust a single word he says! Hurt pride and embarrassed, guilt slowly faded into frustration. Her hands curled into fists at her side as she stood her ground and barked back at him defensively.
"How was I supposed to know turning on this computer would blow me up? I don't know anything about this spy stuff, or you! And how can I trust you when everything you have ever said to me has been a lie!"
"Damn it Yor!" Loid slammed his hand onto the desk. "I'm trying!" The anger that was in his eyes just a second ago was now replaced with…was that pain she saw in his eyes? She watched as he slowly stood up to his full height and took a deep breath. "I've been trying to apologize ever since we left the other safehouse." His voice was calmer now, softer.
She was about to counter, but he raised a hand stopping her before she had the chance to speak.
"I know what you're going to say. In retrospect, trying to kiss you then was probably not the smartest thing I could have done, but—" He combed a hand through his hair and let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know how to go about this. I'm not good at expressing…I mean…before you, well, there's never been anyone before you. Yes, I admit that I lied, and God I wish I didn't have to, wish I could have spared you from all of this." He took a step closer, locking eyes with her. Suddenly she felt frozen to the ground. Her legs wouldn't move. With just his piercing blue eyes, she was helpless.
"I've lived my entire life dedicated to the job. Whatever it took, lying, manipulating others. It didn't bother me as long as the mission succeeded. For me, that's all there is…the mission. But something changed the moment you stepped into that tailor shop." He took the last step to reach her. All logic was screaming at her to back away, to get away from him, but her body betrayed her, she couldn't move. She felt his large comforting hands cup the back of her neck.
How does he always do this? When he's near it feels like I'm upside down and the room is spinning. I can feel my heart ready to beat out of my chest. And my body…my body is on fire. He's so close. We're…so close.
"Just now…the thought of losing you. Of never being able to see you again." Gently he lowered one arm to her back, the other still at the nape of her neck and he pulled her as close to him as he could. She tried to ignore that familiar hot sensation that sizzled across her skin whenever he touched her, but she was waging a losing battle. When he held her like this, it didn't matter if he was an agent from Westalis, or that she was an assassin. The world simply melted away in his arms. And to her, nothing was more dangerous than that. No person should have that much power over another. She was treading a very thin line.
"Yor. Every time I'm with you, I catch myself staring at you. When I close my eyes, you're all I ever think about. No matter how hard I fight myself, how hard I fight this—and trust me, I have fought. I cannot bring myself to walk away from you. Not this time."
No, this is another trick. Another lie. He's just saying what he thinks I want to hear, but I won't listen. I won't believe it. I won't…Pretty words from a handsome face, he's admitted it himself, he's done this a million times. I won't be another bystander caught in the crosshair of his mission.
Tearing her from her thoughts, she felt his mouth come onto hers in a hot, deepening kiss, and she felt the last of her resistance begin to crumble. With one last desperate effort, she pulled herself away from him, stepping back into the coolness of the room and away from the warmth of him.
"No. I—I don't trust you." Her voice was shaky, barely a whisper.
"If you won't believe what I say," Loid said as closed the gap between them. His eyes locked on hers. "I'll just have to show you."
Loid dipped his head again and took her mouth in his. She tasted like honey and tea. God, she tasted exquisite. Sweet lust gripped him, but it was more than lust. Everything he was holding back, all the words he didn't know how to say, how to express…he pushed into this kiss. He parted her lips with his own and slipped his tongue in her mouth. He wanted more. Wanted to taste more. Needed more. He explored her mouth and when her tongue met his he immediately felt himself harden.
The adrenaline of almost losing her only added fuel to the fire already burning inside of him. He hadn't a damn clue what his next steps forward would be, but he knew for certain he couldn't lose her.
His arm slid around her waist pulling her closer until his proof of lust was pushing against her. He traced his lips along her beautiful neck and nibbled at her ear. "Let me show you how much I need you Yor." Her reaction sent him in a spiral. Her hands felt down the length of him, teasing him, and he groaned through gritted teeth.
He felt her lips on his once more. Her desire for him just as eager as his own. Enraptured with each other, lips locked, their bodies moved on their own across the room until they crashed against something solid. Yor's back against the wall, he pushed up against her, grabbing her wrists, pinning them above her. He took a second to look down at the woman in front of him, heavy breathing, her cheeks flushed. Her eyes pure embers of red and gold, as if he were staring into a wild fire. God, she was absolutely beautiful. Her eyes commanded him to continue, to touch her, please her and he obeyed.
He lowered his mouth again unrelenting. The first night they shared was gentle, slow. This was anything but. No, this was ardent, raw. Pure emblazoned passion. Energy charged; together they fed into their desires. No fears in the back of their minds of cover stories, or lies. All cards were on the table, with nothing left to hide.
He felt her hands claw into his shoulders as she drew him closer, one leg wrapping around his thigh as she rubbed against him. Groaning, he felt himself harden even more. His arm tightened at her waist as he lifted her, and she wrapped both legs around his hips instinctively, using the wall at her back as leverage.
"Yor…"
Her small hands yanked at the back of his neck, pulling him into another deep, sensual kiss. Her lips felt like electricity. Sparks humming against his lips as she hungrily searched his mouth with her own tongue. She pulled back abruptly, leaving him breathless, panting. He hadn't even noticed that she had unsheathed one of her golden blades and held it to his neck.
"Promise me this isn't another act or so help me." She held his gaze and while she exuded confidence there was also something very vulnerable in her eyes.
He leaned forward an inch, pressing his neck into the tip of her blade. "I promise you Yor. What I feel for you, is real."
The sound of the dagger was loud as it dropped to the floor and he barely had time to react when she sank her mouth onto his once more. Lips locked he fumbled his fingers trying to unsheathe her other blade and was relieved when she helped him. The second dagger fell with a resounding clank.
Her hand at the back of his neck she ran her fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends. Her breasts pressed against his chest. Legs still wrapped around his waist he pushed Yor harder against the wall. He couldn't take it anymore. She was intoxicating. He pulled at the front of her dress, tearing down the center, spilling two mounds of perfectly round, heavy slopes.
God, she was perfect.
Immediately he began to knead one of her lush mounds as he dipped his head to lick the length of her neck, causing her to moan in his ear. Her soft breaths sent another thrill down his spine and straight to his groin, the hardness pulsing against his pants in response. He teased her nipples with his fingers, squeezing slightly and she leaned her head back and whispered his name in pleasure. Her moans were like velvet on his skin.
He let out a low growl, "You don't know what you do to me..."
Lowering his hand, he raised her dress up to her thighs and brought his fingers to her already wet center. Hovering just close enough that he could feel her pushing towards him, begging him to enter. He teased her until she begged again.
"Loid, please—"
He smiled in satisfaction. He enjoyed hearing his name breathlessly across her lips. He slid in a finger working gently against her folds. Slowly sliding in and out, basking in the pleasure he could bring her. She was so wet for him, and he slid in another finger, watching excitedly as her face gave signs of lusty satisfaction. Leaning forward, he whispered in her ear that they were moving.
"Moving—?"
He reached under her, grabbing each cheek of her curvaceous bottom in his hands and flashed her a devilish smile. "Moving."
He lifted her from the wall and she let out an excited squeal. Her legs still wrapped around his waist, her arms at his neck. Their eyes never left each others as he carried her over to the spar mat before carefully bringing them down on it, the thickness of it cushioning the fall.
He couldn't resist any longer, he needed her, needed to be inside of her. Quickly he began to unzip his pants, revealing his throbbing lust for her. Laying on her back beneath him, she held herself up with her elbows, full perfect breasts on display. She looked absolutely ravenous. He felt the heat of her crimson stare, beckoning him to her.
Covering her body with his own, he felt the wetness of her entrance against his shaft and his groin pulsed in response. He grasped her knees, pushing them up towards her shoulders before slowly guiding the tip of him inside of her. She bit her lip and cocked her head back in response. He nestled his head against hers to soothe her through the initial pain and felt her body adjust to the size of him as he pushed his way inside of her.
She was tight, hot, and it was sending rippling pleasure down his shaft in waves. He drew her legs up around his waist and thrust in harder. Her body arched, plunging him deeper into her. She moaned out in pleasure, and he brought his mouth down heavy onto hers, devouring her sweet cries.
Their bodies rocked. He thrust deeper. Harder.
Yor's nails dug into his shoulders and he groaned, quickening his pace. She bit at his lower ear. "Don't hold back."
Her words were enough to drive a man insane. His hand gripped her hair, and he buried his face against her throat. He thrust as deep as he could go.
Faster and faster.
Pounding strokes.
Teeth biting into his shoulder. He felt her arms tighten around his neck, and her legs locked around his waist firmly. He felt a pull as Yor suddenly rolled them, so that now she was sitting on top of him.
He was stunned but excited by her brazen control, bringing him to a new level of arousal. He watched in awe as she began to grind her hips into his, slowly at first before picking up speed.
God. This was pure ecstasy. He could feel himself building, ready to release at any moment. He gripped her waist with his hands, holding her firmly as he guided her.
Up, down.
She rode him faster.
Harder.
"Loid, I'm going to—"
He didn't need to hear the rest. Tightening pulses squeezed around him as her entire body arched. Nails digging into his chest, and he knew she had reached her peak. Her pleasure became his pleasure, and her climax sent him to his own. He erupted inside of her, filling her with everything he had.
Breathless, panting. She collapsed to the side of him. The first time was amazing but this? This was other worldly. Perhaps because there were no more facades, no more masks. No lies, no secrets. The walls between them were gone.
If this was what honest, passionate lovemaking was like, he would never lie to her again he decided. Basking in the aftermath, he turned his head to face Yor, only to find auburn eyes already looking up at him. They were wide, dewy. Something heavy was weighing on her mind.
Turning on his side he propped himself up with an elbow. "Either something is bothering you or I didn't satisfy you well enough…and I sincerely hope it's not the latter. I don't think my pride could take it." He grinned devilishly.
Yor flashed him an embarrassed smile. After everything they just shared, he still managed to make her blush. He found it quite endearing. "You know that's not it. It's just—what happens now? Realistically. With us, I mean?"
"I'm not entirely sure but…." An idea popped into mind, and he raised a brow, "Perhaps... with your skills, you can come work with—"
"No." He hadn't even fully asked the question, yet he was immediately rejected. Then again, was he surprised? Ostania and Westalis were not on the best of terms.
He felt Yor shift uncomfortably beside him. "I just mean…I could never leave. Not after everything the Garden has done for me and Yuri."
"Could you tell me more about this Garden?"
She glanced up through wispy lashes, a look of hesitation in her eyes. He leaned back so that he could see her fully. "Even after all this, you still don't trust me?"
"I don't know where to begin."
"The beginning might be a good start." He responded coyly. Yor rolled her eyes but not before slipping him a smile.
"The beginning…" Yor brought a finger to her cheek as she began, "I was about thirteen I think? Yuri was six. It had been a couple of days since we've had anything to eat and nobody would hire me for any serious jobs that paid well, I was too young. After some time, I grew desperate. I didn't care that I hadn't eaten in days, all that mattered was taking care of Yuri. He was so young at the time, he depended on me. So, I did what I had to. I stole food from several shops. An apple here, some bread there. I—" She paused and closed her eyes, letting out a guilty breath before continuing, "I even pickpocketed some coins from a man before heading back home. That's when the Shopkeeper found me. Cut me off in one of the alleys and told me he saw much potential in me. That I had natural instinct and impressive movement for somebody my age. He also said that I could keep the coins I had lifted from him if I gave him the opportunity to train me, smug bastard." She let out a laugh at the memory.
"He promised that my skills would not only bring food to the table but also benefit Ostania. As a kid I thought it was the deal of a lifetime, I felt like I was chosen to be…some type of hero." She smiled at that. "So, I agreed to the training. Studied under him. Days turned into months, and months into years. I owe so much of my life to the Shopkeeper. He saved me and Yuri from a life of hunger and hardship. I could never betray all that he's done for us."
Loid had so many more questions ready for her. Who exactly was this Shopkeeper? What kind of training did she have to endure? How old was she when she first killed somebody? How has she hidden it from Yuri all these years? He decided better on it though, choosing to save them for another conversation. He wasn't going anywhere, not this time. There was no reason to push her into any uncomfortable situation so soon after getting back into her good grace.
Deciding to change the subject so that she would feel more at ease, he tapped at the light scar on her shoulder. "Safe to assume that this wasn't by walking into a fence then."
Yor giggled, shaking her head at the memory of the ridiculous lie she had told him. "A bodyguard for a shady politician, threw a dagger right through my shoulder."
"Did you get him back?" Loid teased.
She nodded proudly, "Yes. I returned it to him. In his eye."
Loid's eyes widened. Not at the actual statement but at how relaxed she was talking about throwing a knife into somebody's head. Calm Yor was infinitely more terrifying than anything he's ever seen.
"That's a nice little reminder to never make you upset again."
She laughed at that, and it took everything Loid had in him not to sweep her back into his arms and kiss her all over. He felt her hands on him then, as she reached for his own shoulder and peeked towards his back. "And this one wasn't really from a girl stabbing you with a pencil, was it?"
A loud bellowing laugh erupted. "No, it was not. Some idiot got lucky and shot me from behind. I was infiltrating a mob boss's hideout and there was a little more security on duty than mentioned in the briefs."
"9 millimeter?"
He grinned and nodded. "Stella star for you." He bopped her on the nose with his finger, as if to congratulate her.
Her eyes lowered then, her smile lost. He tipped her chin up with his finger so that she looked up at him. "Did I say something to upset you?"
"Stella stars…it reminded me of Anya."
Loid felt as if his own heart stopped. Anya…the poor girl that he had dragged into this dangerous life was already sent to another orphanage and he did nothing to stop it. Guilt overwhelmed him. How could he have done that to a child? There were always casualties caught in the crossfire, but if the mission succeeded, didn't the end result outweigh the consequences? For years he thought it did but…did he cross the line this time?
Yor's voice pulled him from his darkening thoughts. Her eyes lowered and her tone was so soft, as if she was afraid to ask. "Loid…was Anya pretending to like me? For the mission?"
Loid looked down at her with guilt in his eyes and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She looked so defeated and miserable. It pained him like he never knew he could feel. His gut felt like someone had just took a knee to it. It never occurred to him how the person on the other end of his lies would feel. Or maybe it did, he just never cared.
Until now.
"While her being my daughter was a lie, Anya was real I promise you. She had no idea about my work, or the mission. Aside from her pretending to be my daughter, every interaction she ever had with you was genuine. She was my ticket into Eden, so that I could eventually get closer to Desmond but that's where the lies stop. I'm sure she believed us to be a real family even."
He noticed that Yor's eyes were suddenly beginning to swell and tears ran down her face. "If that's true then we can't leave her at that orphanage! She was happy with us! We have to get her back!"
Loid's eyes looked away with guilt. Of course, he didn't want her to be sent off to St. Anne's, but…he couldn't be a father to this girl. Not in his line of work. He'd be off on missions, traveling to different countries. Not to mention the long list of enemies he's acquired along his journey since.
"Yor, I wish we could but—"
"There is no but. If I can protect my cover, have a job, and keep it from Yuri all these years… who is an officer within the SSS might I remind you, then I can do it with Anya as well."
"Perhaps you're right but…would you be able to live with yourself if you knowingly put Anya's life in danger? This temporary arrangement has made me question my own morals. I put this child at risk for the sake of an undercover op and that was only for a few months. Imagine a lifetime of constantly looking over your shoulder not because of just your own secrets but because of mine as well. Now add Anya into the thick of it. Could you guarantee her safety?"
Yor didn't look up to meet his gaze this time. He sighed. This is not the way he wanted this conversation to go. He reached for her hands and gently kissed her knuckles. "How about this. After I get the answers as to how this mission went sideways, I will ask Handler to at least check in on Anya? Maybe make some calls to see if someone from a prominent family can adopt her."
Yor nodded, unhappy with his solution but accepted it nonetheless. It took her a couple moments before finding her voice again, "Who is this Handler?"
"I suppose she is to me, as Shopkeeper is to you. Sylvia, was the one that took me under her wing all those years ago. Rescued me after I lost everything." He took a deep breath and laid flat on his back. He didn't particularly want to dive into his dark past and tarnish this beautiful night. He had already upset Yor, he didn't want to do it again. He cleared his throat, ready to change the conversation. "Come. Why don't we head back up to the barn? The cot Madelyn was referring to is actually a mattress. She's not a complete savage you know. She's actually a very sweet woman once you get to know her."
Yor huffed. "Yea, if you don't have family that works for the State Security." She said under her breath.
He let out an exhale from his nose, and leaned his head against the mat, staring up at the ceiling. "I promise it's not you exactly that she hates. Let's just say when it comes to the SSS, she's had it…more than rough."
"What happened?"
He closed his eyes dreading the question. He was hoping to avoid a trip down memory lane by withholding his own tragic backstory, but it seemed he had just traded one for another.
"Before joining WISE, many years ago Madelyn used to be an informant for the SSS. She used to be one of the leading entertainers for an underground gambling hall right here in Ostania. When you work in a place like that, you gain all the dirt on politicians, government officials, celebrities you name it. Well, someone at SSS got sloppy and let it leak that she was a snitch. Turns out she made a lot of enemies real fast.
One of the gang leaders she had helped put behind bars, wanted to get back at her so they took the one thing that would hurt Madelyn the most. Her daughter. Snatched her up in broad daylight. They wanted Maddy to know who took her daughter. They brought the kid to a secret location and tortured her for hours. Beat her. Shocked the poor girl with electricity." He closed his eyes tighter at the thought, disgusted. "She was only twelve years old at the time. Imagine. Twelve. When they were done with her they dropped her outside of SSS headquarters. A dead rat chained around her neck like some sort of sick necklace."
He heard a whimper at his side. He glanced over to Yor, she was pale, eyes wide with both terror and disbelief but he continued. "She wasn't the same after that. Who could blame the poor girl? The pain she suffered forced her into a comatose state, and she remained like that for nearly a year. Just stared off blankly into the world. Unresponsive, didn't speak. When doctors were finally able to pull her out of it, we thought it was a miracle but she…she resented Madelyn. Hated her, blamed her for everything and she vowed that she would never forgive her. Madelyn was able to at least bring her to Westalis where she begged WISE to put her daughter in protective custody and vowed to do whatever she could against the SSS. They haven't spoken to each other since then, although Madelyn assures me that Evee is living a very happy and full life. Which she knows because she's continue to watch from a distance.
Which brings us to my role in this story. About five or six years ago, Evee got tangled up with some rotten politician's son. They were constantly making headlines as Westalis' favorite young couple. But, he had a drinking problem and behind closed doors he was beating her and she was too afraid to leave him. Madelyn asked me to get some dirt on him so that I could use it as leverage to force him away from Evee of his own accord. Of course, Madelyn would have done it herself but couldn't risk Evee finding out she was involved."
"And that's the reason you said you would never call upon that favor…because you did it to protect your friend's daughter and now you feel guilty dredging that history up." She cupped his face with her hands, turning him so that he could see her. "You're a good person Loid. I'm sure Madelyn understands that you're just trying to figure out what happened with the mission. And I understand now where her hate stems from. No mother should ever have to endure what she did. And no child—" His heart sunk as Yor looked away unable to finish the sentence. It took a moment before she turned back to him. "She'll come around I'm sure." She reached up to him reassuringly.
Loid nodded. Relaxing at the touch of Yor's hand on his cheek. "After what happened to Madelyn's daughter, it strengthened my resolve to want to make this world a better place. So that no child should ever have to suffer the way she did." Or me.
He let out a breath. "Which is why I'm hesitant about bringing Anya into our lives. I couldn't imagine my worst enemy using someone I cared for against me. It's another reason I stayed away from any relationship for this long. Loved ones can be used against you. They're a weakness waiting to be exploited."
Immediately he regret how harsh that came across. Yor turned from him hurt by his words. He reached for her but at the last second dropped his hand. He didn't know what he could say to her to offer any reassurance. Hell, he didn't even know how to reassure himself how he could make it work with Yor.
He did believe that allowing someone intimately into his life was dangerous. He knew this, preached this. Yet. He pulled Yor into his embrace and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm very bad at this obviously, but I'm willing to try." He felt her let out a small laugh and he felt her head nestle into the dip of of his shoulder.
She hadn't said anything in response to him. Perhaps she too was questioning this odd situation they found themselves in. After-all, a spy and an assassin? How would that even work in the long run? He wasn't sure himself but what he did know. Tonight, it felt. Right.
They laid there for some time until his arm began to numb and he decided that it was probably best for them to get back to surface level to get some proper rest.
"Come, it's late. We should go upstairs and sleep." He waited for her to move but she remained still. Glancing down he stared at the beautiful woman fast sleep in his arms. She could handle her own and go toe to toe with him. She was vivacious and strong, but in this very moment she looked so gentle, and at peace.
He leaned back trying to get as comfortable as he could on this quite uncomfortable mat. He would help Yor figure out who was going after the Garden, and who had sabotaged his own mission. But what happened after that? What happened for him as a WISE agent? What would happen with Yor? What kind of life could he possibly give her? The life of a spy, he was never in one place for too long. He let out another heavy sigh. For a man who was always ten steps ahead of his enemies, how was it becoming so common of him to not know what the hell he was doing? He shifted uncomfortably again. It was going to be a long night.