Title: Hell Knows No Fury Like a Woman's

Torture: Bullying/Intimation

Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Kudo Tite

Characters/Pairings: Ichigo, Rukia, Yamamoto; Ichigo/Rukia

Rating: PG

Summary: Rukia will do anything to keep them together.

Warnings: Rukia and her acting skills.

"Have you heard the latest?" Rukia asked.

Ichigo looked up from his textbooks. "No. What?" He asked as he reached over and took a sip of his coffee.

"The Commander General has been feeling rather guilty lately."

"Really?" Ichigo felt a moment of sympathy for the older man. The battle against Hueco Muendo had taken a large toll on Soul Society - innocents and Soul Reapers had been brutally murdered, and according to rumour, Yamamoto knew every single one of their names off by heart. "He should know that it wasn't his fault."

Rukia shook her head, her eyes watching him with interest. "Actually, he's feeling more guilty about you."

"What? What are you talking about, Rukia?"

She shrugged, and looked away from him, causing Ichigo to suddenly feel worried. "He worries that we've taken too much away from you - that we've ruined your life."

Ichigo could feel himself sweating. "You haven't." His hand inched across the table to her hand.

"He wants us to stop all contact with you. He has ordered that this is to be my last visit with you until you die."

The chair crashed to the ground and he was almost over top the table, pinning her to the back of the kitchen chair. "You are not going anywhere." He growled. "I don't care what I have to do, but if I have to, I'll go to him and tell him that, that..." His eyes widened as he realized what he was about to say. His hands relaxed around her shoulders. He looked away, too scared to see what her reaction would be to the words and feelings that he had always refused to say.

"Good."

His head snapped over to stare at Rukia. She was smiling, and it looked like there were tears in her eyes. "You know," she took his hands in her own and squeezed them. "There are easier ways to convince someone than threatening their lives." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Congratulations. You're a father."

"HUH? WHA?" Ichigo's brain was a bit slow processing what Rukia had just told him. Then: "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! WE HAVEN'T EVEN HAD SEX YET, MUCH LESS HAVE ANY TONGUE! OH GOD! YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME IN MY SLEEP, DIDN'T YOU?! I KNEW THAT ONE DREAM WAS JUST TOO GOOD TO BE A DREAM!"

Rukia stared at him. "What are you talking about? What dreams? I was bluffing when I told Yamamoto that I was pregnant with your child, and did he actually expect me to raise my child without its father? It was lucky that I had done plenty of research in your world before hand - he reacted exactly as I expected him to." She frowned. "Of course, I don't think that Nii-sama was too pleased, he looked like he was having a heart attack."

"Buh gah?"

Rukia ignored him, and pulled a tie and dinner jacket out of nowhere. Ichigo's eyes bugged out. "You are going to wear this. You are going to smile. You are going to hold my hand. And you are not going to make any comment when Yamamoto comes to give his blessing." She smiled sweetly at him. "And then, later tonight, you are going to tell me all about those little dreams of yours."

Ichigo whimpered.