Title: Happiness in the Home

Torture: Deprivation

Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Kudo Tite

Characters/Pairings: Ichigo, Rukia, Yamamoto; Ichigo/Rukia

Rating: PG

Summary: You could almost feel sorry for him – almost.

Warnings: Rukia. Sequel to Hell Knows No Fury Like A Woman's


"You will sleep in separate rooms." Byakuya's voice held no room for argument, as he glared holes into Ichigo's head. Ichigo slunk a little bit further into his seat on the couch beside his future bride.

Rukia didn't seem to hear the underlying threat in her brother's voice as she continued to hold Ichigo's hand. "I don't see why we should do that. I mean, we already had sex, where else would this little one come from?" She cooed as she patted her tummy, completely missing the horrified looks on Yamamoto, Byakuya, and Ukitake's faces. Byakuya shot another glare towards Ichigo, that clearly stated that he knew exactly what Ichigo had done to his precious little sister and as soon as they were alone, he was going to have a lovely little chat with Byakuya's zanpaktou.

Life just wasn't fair. Ichigo hadn't even done any of the things that Byakuya was imagining he had done to Rukia. He hadn't even gotten any tongue yet. And because of Rukia's stupid scheme he was going to die for something he had never done.

"Besides," Rukia continued, touching his knee (Ichigo jerked, causing Byakuya's glare to increase tenfold). "According to several books I picked up," She nodded to several neatly arranged titles on the coffee table (A Young Mother's Guide to Pregnancy; How To Be a Good Parent; Have You Got a Bun in the Oven?; How Your Man Can Continue to Please You During the Next Nine Months of Hell; Top Ten Assassins For Getting Rid of the Bastard Who Decided It Would Be a Wonderful Idea for You to Carry His Child) "It is important for the baby to know that both his mama and his papa love him very much." She squeezed Ichigo's knee, causing him to squeak.

"Ah, but Kuchiki, the child isn't even born yet..." Ukitake stopped at the look that Rukia shot him.

Rukia picked up a book from the table, Modern Parenting, and shook it in his face. "According to the latest parenting tips, it is important that the child knows right from the start that they are loved!" She let out a sigh and leaned into Ichigo, jabbing his ribs ever so subtly. He quickly put an arm around her shoulders and forced a smile - he looked like he had just eaten a sour egg.

She let out a giggle. "Ichigo is always so good. He kisses my tummy every morning and night to let his baby know that he loves him."

Ichigo shot a look to Rukia. He did not! The damn actress. As if anyone would actually fall for her act...

Byakuya made a sudden shift on the couch and both Yamamoto and Ukitake grabbed his arms tightly.

"Captain Kuchiki, please. Calm yourself for your sister's sake." Ukitake warned.

"Don't forget about the baby." Rukia piped up, wrapping her arms around Ichigo's torso and snuggling up next to him. "It's important to raise the child in a healthy, loving atmosphere." She kissed Ichigo on the lips, to which he eagerly returned.

There was a strangled scream from someone on the other couch.

"Right. I think that we should quickly bless them and get out of here, before Captain Kuchiki kills himself." Ukitake threw a pointed look at Yamato.

Yamamoto nodded and waved his hand over the kissing couple's head. "You are blessed. May your house have many children."

Rukia pulled away from Ichigo. "Oh thank you!" She gushed. "You are too kind." She patted her tummy. "See how loved you are? Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you, Grandpa Yamamoto loves you, Uncle Byakuya loves you. Everybody loves you. You're such a lucky baby, yes you are." She cooed, never even noticing how the three Soul Reaper Captains had already slipped out the door.

"Rukia. They're gone."

Rukia's head snapped up. "Good." She grabbed Ichigo's arm and started racing upstairs. "Now listen and listen good. You are going to make me pregnant and you are going to do it right now, or I will never let you see the light of day again."

Ichigo grinned. Figuring that he could live with that.

They didn't come out of the bedroom till a week later.