Azriel cursed himself for making eye contact with her. He could have sworn he saw the hurt he had caused surfacing in those beautiful doe-eyes. Elain quickly looked away from him, as she took her spot beside Feyre, the two of them standing behind Nesta.

Clotho began the ceremony by placing herself between Nesta and Cassian. "We have all gathered here today to bear witness to one of the most powerful mating bonds of our lifetime." Azriel's eyes wandered to her again, but she did not look at him. "Mating bonds are rare and special, the mother's way of ensuring eternal companionship. You may exchange vows."

Cassian reached for Nesta's hand, "Love, I did not know I could feel it, I didn't think I deserved it. Not even that I wanted it, not until you came along. But love is a word that is much too small. It is used far too often to ever describe the fierce, infinite and blazing passion that I have in my heart for you, Nesta Archeron. My life's greatest honour is being your mate."

Tears began to pool in Nesta's blue eyes. "Cassian, you believed I would be okay when no one else did, just Az maybe," she said, earning a chuckle from everyone. Wiping her tears away she continued, "You reached out for me despite everything. It was you who taught me that I could work through my pain, and that life was worthwhile. That I deserve to be loved. I love you Cassian, thank you for choosing me, and loving me. I cannot promise that our life together will be without its challenges, but I promise to try." Cassian reached for her face and kissed her. When they let go of each other, Elain handed Nesta the soup she had made for Cassian. "Are you sure Elain didn't make this Nes?" he said after sipping and handing the dish back to Elain.

Ignoring Cassian's terrible joke, Rhysand stepped in front of the two, reaching for Nesta and then Cassian's hand, tying them together with a piece of black ribbon "the next part has been done many times already I imagine" he joked "so this concludes it, you both are mates, in the truest sense. Let us celebrate."

?

Elain watched everyone as they danced, Cassian and Nesta at the centre with everyone else dancing around them. Elain hated feeling like this, envying her sisters for finding love, one she could never have. She often wondered why her mate couldn't also be someone she loved? Was something wrong with her? Nesta was against Cassian at first, but she did not know they were mates- not until she had already fallen in love with him. Why couldn't she be lucky like her sisters? It had been two years and Elain felt nothing looking at Lucian. She doubted he felt any different from her. He hadn't said or done anything to make her believe otherwise. No one loved her, not in the way it mattered, not in the way Rhys and Cassian loved her sisters. "Elain, was it?" a raspy voice jolted Elain from her thoughts, a tall, slender male with white hair and rich brown skin was beaming at her.

"Yes. hmm." Elain was trying to remember the High Lord's name. "Lord Tarquin," she added quickly.

"Please call me Tarquin," he insisted.

"Sure, Tarquin." Elain forced a smile.

"Tell me Elain, why is a lady as beautiful as you not dancing? I could have sworn you have a mate. If I were him, I would be very worried about someone else wooing you away.".

Elain had heard from Feyre that Tarquin took a liking to her before she had mated with Rhysand, that he was rather shy and reserved. But this high Lord with wine in hand seemed different. Everything was different now, everyone was different, and even the one person she thought would never change was different.

"I do not think he cares much about it." Elain said, shaking off her thoughts to answer.

"Why the hell not? Surely, I am not the only one to think that you are easily the prettiest woman here," he reasoned.

Elain could not help but smile, "Are you flirting with my Lord Tarquin?"

"I am just stating a fact, but if I were flirting with you, I would ask you to dance with me." Elain's gaze found Azriel at the bar, his back to her, a regular thing he did post last solstice, so Elain turned to Tarquin smiling, "Okay." she said.

"Okay?" Tarquin repeated.

"Okay, I would dance with you." Tarquin wasted no time pulling her to the dance floor. When they got close to the circle of people that were dancing, Elain caught Feyre's intrigued smile and then Rhysand's tense gaze. What was it about? But she brushed it off. Someone wanted to dance with her, not someone she had hoped for, but someone nonetheless, a handsome someone. She smiled at Tarquin again, silently thanking him for the kindness usually only Azriel would extend to her.

?

Back to the dance floor, Azriel was drowning himself in liquor when he heard voices approaching the bar.

"Az, what are you drinking?" Turning to Mor, he showed her what he was holding. Why was she asking? She knew what he liked to drink when trying to forget his wretched existence, but before he could say anything his eyes drifted to the dance floor. Elain-Elain, dancing in someone's arms. Tarquin's. Azriel felt his heart topple at the laugh that Tarquin got out of Elain, while she twirled around him. Azriel looked around to find Lucien, who was also looking at the dance floor. At least he was not alone in his misery. But unlike Azriel, nothing was stopping Lucien. He was the luckiest bloody male in Prythian.

"Who is that handsome man Elain is dancing with?" Azriel was sure it was not Mor who had asked. He shifted his gaze away from the dance floor to find Emerie and Gwyn standing by Mor. "Summer's high Lord, Tarquin." Mor answered, "why, however, he is dancing with Elain, I do not know." She turned back to Azriel and grabbed his drink from his hand, sitting it on the bar. "Her mate does not look too happy about it," added Gwyn. "Anyone can hardly blame him. Look at her. She can have whoever she wants." Mor said, and Gywn nodded in agreement, but added "He is also very handsome." Azriel struggled for breath at the thought of Elain finding Tarquin handsome. He was a fool, why did he care? But she had said that word to him once. He would never forget that moment. In his long miserable life, Elain had been the only person who had called his scars beautiful. Azriel was no stranger to female admiration, but she had been the only one to say that about something other than his face.

"Az, come dance with me." Mor pulled Azriel to the dance floor before he could refuse, so he followed her obediently. He was already here, so he might as well dance. It was his brother's mating ceremony. He was happy for Cassian, and it did not matter that he was in agony. "So, are you going to tell me what is going on with you?" Mor asked. "Nothing is going on." Azriel schooled his face to a cold calm again. "Then, why have I not seen you in months? You don't attend dinners, you don't answer letters or show your face to anyone. What is going on, Azriel?" she pondered. "I know you won't believe me when I say nothing is wrong, so just leave it." "No, I will not leave it. You almost missed Cassian's ceremony. You barely come to see Nyx." Mor hissed.

"I am here now, aren't I?" he replied, eyes looking past Mor at the female still dancing with Tarquin. Once upon a time, Azriel never thought he would be so indifferent to Mor dancing in his arms. Now, all he could think about was how much he had misjudged his feelings toward her. Now he realized how different his feelings were for Elain. What true defeat felt like. He now understood why they could never be. "Azriel." Mor followed his line of sight to find Elain laughing at something Tarquin was saying. "You know Az, I have never said this to you before, but I do care for you and I think you deserve to have whatever it is that you love." Unexpectedly Mor twirled out of Azriel's arms towards Tarquin. "Want to switch?" she grinned. "Oh, sure." He answered right away, not wanting to upset Mor. "You don't mind Elain, do you?" she asked. "No, of course not. I will fetch something to drink." Without meeting Azriel's gaze she walked away.

?

It took everything in Elain to walk away from him, but she would not let him dance with her out of pity. She would not dance with him. She couldn't let him touch her, not without her heart breaking again. She had kept it together for months, but this would surely be her undoing, so she walked away to get something to ease the ache. Elain was not much of a drinker, not in the way Feyre and Mor were. However, lately, she had been using alcohol on occasion to work through the things she could not share with Nuala and Cerridwen, like the loss of the one friend she could say anything to. Before she could reach the bar, Elain spotted Nuala cutting pieces of cake to serve. "Would you like some help?" She offered. "No. Thank you, Elain. I am almost done. Would you like a piece?" Nuala asked. "No. I lost my appetite." Elain forced a smile. "Maybe it is not my place to say, but why did you leave the spymaster to himself on the dance floor?" Elain was shocked that amidst all her work Nuala had seen what transpired. "He looked rather pale when you walked away." Surprised at Nuala's observation Elain turned to where she had left Azriel. He did not care about her. Why would he turn pale? Was it because she embarrassed him in front of their guests, in front of Tarquin? After a few seconds of scanning, she found Azriel by the bar, drink in hand, his back towards her once again. " I don't think he cares." Elain professed. "You couldn't possibly believe that." Nuala glared Elain down as if to say I expected better from you Elain. She was about to ask her friend what she had meant when she felt an unwelcome presence behind her. Elain took a deep exhale before turning to find Lucien. "Lady, would you do me the honour?" he asked, extending his hand to her.

?

Azriel felt like someone had put a knife through his heart. She had walked away from him, much like he had walked away from her. He felt nothing and everything at once. He was once again drowning his pain in alcohol. He hadn't imagined Cassian's mating ceremony to be the worst day of his life. He didn't think this day could get any worse when Rhys put a hand on his shoulders and squeezed it in an assuring gesture as if to comfort him.

"Don't." Azriel hissed at him. Rhys' eyes betrayed him, guilt glistening in them. He tried to say something, but Cassian had found his way to them. "There you are, brothers. When can I take my mate home?", he asked turning to Rhys. "She is your mate, you two may leave whenever. Though might I remind you it has barely been an hour?"

"Right." Cassian groaned before turning to his other brother, "Azriel, have you done anything but sulk today, brother? Come on, cheer up. I am mated, who would have thought? Look even Vanssera is smiling, but I suppose Elain has that effect on people." Azriel's eyes shot up, slowly turning to face the dance floor again. "Tarquin, and now Vanserra" The Cauldron boil him "The Archeron charm." Cassian laughed, but all Azriel felt was nausea.

?ￂﾠ

Elain couldn't refuse Lucien, not without good reason. Not here, she would not make a scene at her sister's mating ceremony. She would not embarrass Feyre and Rhysand. Heck, she could not even turn Lucian down only to keep his respect intact in front of his brother, whom Rhysand had also invited, however odd. She had never felt more awkward than at this moment. They were touching for the first time and all Elain felt was dismayed. These were not the feelings one should have for their mate. Mother help her. He was saying something, but lost in her thoughts Elain hadn't heard it. Lucien understood, "Feyre told me you managed all the arrangements for today.".

"Yeah, with Rhysand's help." She forced a smile.

"You are very talented." He mused.

"Thank you." They were quiet for a few seconds before Lucien began again. "Why did you invite me here? Feyre told me you wanted me here." He pressed, eyes locked on Elain, searching. "Oh, I. I- now is not the time. If you can Lucien." Elain quavered, "Please stay in Velaris, today is my sister's day. We can have this talk another day. For now, let us celebrate them."

Although he looked sick, he managed to say "Okay." The pair continued to dance in awkward silence for a while before Elain collided with a waiter, sending his tray of drinks all over. "I am so sorry." Elain managed to say to the waiter before Lucien neared, taking out a red handkerchief from his pocket as he wiped the rosé that had splashed Elain's cheeks. Elain was taken aback by his gesture. She looked past his shoulder to avoid his longing gaze but soon realized her mistake. She had locked eyes with Azriel, visible pain on his beautiful face. Instinctively her eyes dropped to his hand, blood dripping-glass pieces remained shattered in his palm before she could search his eyes for answers, he had sped past his brothers.

?

Azriel saw red. "Congratulations brother." He looked at Cassian before storming off. Azriel took to the skies. He accelerated faster and faster until he couldn't feel anything, but the wind breaking through his skin.

Several hours later, Azriel landed with a thump. He stood still at the door, his eyes pooling. The door opened wide."Azriel?" she said, worried. He had never come here without sending a word in advance.

"She hates me." Tears blurred his vision.

"Who? Azriel?" she asked somberly, "Son, "who hates you?".

Azriel dropped to his knees, "Elain."