Chapter 6: I Thought I Loved You

It was raining. Raining hard too... the streets were flooding over with massive puddles and little streams that seemed to come from everywhere. Neji sighed and turned away from the window. He'd been sitting at home for the entire day and had grown restless. More than anything, he wanted to go visit TenTen, but...

The Hyuuga huffed irritably and sank onto the edge of his bed. It was hopeless. The girl wasn't the same anymore. After they'd returned home three weeks ago from the Claw country, TenTen had been admitted to the hospital immediately after debriefing (which had lasted several hours). She hadn't stayed there long – and it wasn't because she was in top physical condition. In fact, her health was failing then and it still was now. However, being in the hospital only seemed to make her condition worsen at an exponential rate. Heck, she'd even got up on top of her bed and swung the heart rate monitor at an offending Lee (who was the first to visit her). And Lee was her best friend...After that, no one was admitted to her room. It was a direct order of Lady Tsunade.

A few days after Lee had nearly lost his head, the weapon's mistress had been allowed to return home – still refusing to see anyone. Tsunade had to stop in every day to check on her health, but other than that no one went in her apartment and no one came out. People began to speculate about what had happened. It made Neji sick how they talked.

Training had been hellish. Without TenTen, everything was monotonous and dull. Lee's once limitless energy paled, and Gai had seemed quite tense lately. Neji...well, he'd nearly bitten both their heads off on several occasions. All of them, especially the Hyuuga, felt highly responsible for the brunette kunoichi's misery. Neji still felt the searing words eating away at his heart.

"...all of you...are worthless...All I was ever good for was helping you train...I thought I'd have someone to rely on...I'm through with being a shinobi...I have nothing left to return to..."

The room suddenly felt very closed in and stuffy. Were the walls shrinking or was it his imagination? He had to get out of here. This was no good. The young genius gruffly exited the Hyuuga grounds and sloshed through the muddy streets, not caring that he was almost instantly soaked to the bone and getting muddier with every step. If he was miserable, maybe it might make up a little bit for what he'd failed to do – protect her.

After several wet moments, he stopped and looked up. It was a little shocking to see he'd unconsciously made his way to her apartment. "I'm losing it..." he muttered desolately through the downpour, turning away. He'd go to somewhere else, somewhere where he knew she wouldn't be right now. Neji wasn't sure if he could ever look into those beautiful sepia orbs again...he was too ashamed.

The going was slow, but he finally made it there – to her tree. It was that tree she always went to to think about stuff, solve her problems and whatnot. Maybe it would do something for him too...who was to say? Neji groaned and let his forehead rest against the wet bark. "TenTen..."

"What do you want?"

The familiar voice made him jump slightly. He'd been too preoccupied to notice her chakra presence. It would have been hard anyways – it was so faint...like she was dying almost...

Neji looked up into the leafy boughs, trying to find her. Sure enough, there sat TenTen. She was dressed in civilian's yukata instead of her usual kunoichi outfit. The Hyuuga also noticed she wasn't wearing her forehead protector. "...I'm through being a shinobi..."

The girl coldly glared down at him. He hadn't remembered her eyes to be so...lifeless. It was just like when he'd first found her again. "T-TenTen? Why are you out here? Your health..."

"My health? Like I care," she spat. "If you've come to lecture me, I'm leaving." The former kunoichi stood shakily on her branch and prepared to jump down.

"No, I've not come to lecture...Please don't go..." he pleaded softly. "I...I want to...beg your forgiveness."

She stopped and glanced at him from the corner of eyes, but said nothing.

"I know that I should have protected you – I was careless. I let you out of my sight...I lied when I said no one would touch you. I've failed at protecting...something very dear to me..."

TenTen openly scoffed at these tender words (which were no doubt hard for him to say). "I don't believe what I'm hearing! The great prodigy, Hyuuga Neji, is actually...apologizing to a lowly kunoichi such as me?! Tell me, did Gai-sensei put you up to this? Perhaps Tsunade-sama, hm? She thinks it's putting a strain on my recovery, that's what it is, right?" Her words were dripping with sarcasm. It was obvious she didn't intend to accept his humble apology.

"No, that's not what it is. I came on my own, because I want you to know how sorry I am...how much I regret not being there for you. Please, TenTen...please forgive me."

She smirked and hopped down from her perch so they were eye to eye now. "There's nothing to apologize for. It's not like you did any of this to me, but...now you know. You will know at least," she corrected herself. "How it feels to be treated so coldly by another teammate. No – rather, another person. We won't be seeing much of each other anymore, which suits me just fine. I'm sick of being your little assistant, and I'm sick of always being pushed around by you and your cold-heartedness. Go find someone else to replace me." TenTen spun around and headed off into the woods to be alone. Neji knew she'd catch pneumonia but was so distraught by what he'd just heard, he could barely breathe let alone move.

"I can't..."

She paused. "Excuse me?"

"I said I can't. I can't replace you!" he blurted out, keeping his pearly eyes focused on the mud just between them.

"Oh, it's easy. Just find someone to throw some knives around and you'll be golden!" she said condescendingly, as if to a three-year old.

His hands tightened into fists. "Don't you understand?! Haven't you heard anything I said just now? You...You're precious to me! I want you to stay with us – Lee, Gai-sensei, and me – more than anything! If you leave...I...I don't know..." he faltered.

TenTen's coldness softened into a grief so wretched that few on this earth had ever experienced it. "Why?" she choked out. "Why am I precious to you? Why do you want me to stay?"

Neji gritted his teeth together. "Ngh...I-I...I don't know why..."

His former teammate smiled disbelievingly and shook her head in sadness. "Sorry, then I can't stay. You know something?" The brunette brushed a soggy lock of hair out of her eyes. "I thought I loved you once...but that was obviously a mistake."

Neji froze. "W-What?" he whispered hoarsely.

"I found that it only gave me pain instead of happiness – like what love is supposed to bring you. That's when I realized...I realized what I felt wasn't right. It wasn't right for me. No matter how hard I tried, you only built your damn walls up higher. And guess what, Neji? Now...I'm stuck on the outside for good. I hope you eventually find that happiness I've been so cruelly denied..."

As the rain began to dump in torrents now, the young Hyuuga watched as the girl who'd loved him...and the girl he'd come to love...walked away into the darkness – alone and cold.

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Wow! I feel so grateful (as Natsuki Takaya would say). Thanks to you reviewers – you really got this story going again. Oh, and in response to one reviewer's question: "Weeeell, I didn't want to outright make anything for sure, but it was more a 'reader-determined' sorta thing. I will say that she was deeply traumatized by whatever happened to her while in captivity, so it is most likely something happened along those lines. I'm so mean to poor TenTen... TT.TT"

Again, sorta a short, depressing chapter...sorry. It'll get happier, promise! This isn't an entirely angsty story as you might think.

- Hikari