THE ONE WHO MAKES HIM SMILE by Moon71

Chapter 3: A moment with Eiri

Summary: Ayaka finally gets to see the man she loves. It's the moment she has been dreaming of, but she's in for a rude awakening…

Author's Notes: Once again I am overwhelmed by the reviews – such kind and supportive words! I hope this story will win Ayaka a few more friends, but in the meantime its nice to know I'm not the only one who likes her!

Once again I'm following the anime fairly closely. I have watched both the subtitled Japanese and the English (American) dub a number of times, and prefer some bits in one, some bits in the other. Which version I have used for dialogues reproduced here depended on which I thought sounded better on paper. But I did rather like the Rome Elliot Yuki's particular tones in the pre-concert scene with Ayaka – that mixture of bored and bewildered…

I have sometimes wondered if Uesugi Tatsuha had been a fox in a former life. He certainly must have been with real cunning, if everything I have heard of his double life is true. In Kyoto he is admired as a good and dutiful son, respectful to all, perfectly suited to inherit his father's temple. My cousins, though, told a different story of his hell raising in Tokyo – his drinking, his womanising; his unnatural obsession with Sakuma Ryuichi, the singer in Seguchi-san's band. But if any of these stories ever filtered through to those whose opinions held any weight, the blame could be conveniently laid at the door of Eiri-san, the rebellious, libertine, fair-haired aberration.

To me Tatsuha had always been a source of amusement and distant affection, younger than I was and therefore easy enough to bully into doing my bidding. So when I followed Hiro into the NG recording studio that morning and saw Tatsuha grinning crookedly at me, all I felt was mild irritation at the embarrassment and inconvenience he might cause me. I had no intention of going back to Kyoto without seeing Eiri and there was no way Tatsuha could force me, especially not with my new friends to protect me. My parents would be furious – but if Tatsuha had been sent here to find me, the damage had surely been done, even before I had been away from home all night. At least if I stood my ground I would not go home completely empty-handed.

How very sure I was of myself! How blind I was to the furtive glances being exchanged over my head in that studio; how little I suspected how quickly my world would be turned upside down!

The idea that Shuichi thought it was Tatsuha I had come all this way to see only seemed humorous to me just then – somewhere in the back of my mind I supposed Tatsuha had told Shuichi some story about us to win his trust. I only started paying attention when Shuichi began spiritedly arguing my defence.

"You said she's Yuki's fiancée," I heard him say in a voice that sounded a little strained. Odd, I thought, to hear Eiri called "Yuki" – perhaps that was what all his Tokyo friends called him? "Therefore she's got the right to see him, hasn't she?"

"Shuichi, whatever you've got in mind, let it go," Tatsuha was warning in a surprisingly uneasy tone, "whatever way you play it, you'll only end up annoying the crap out of Eiri! Trust me on this, man – we can talk about it later, but first let me get Ayaka-chan home…"

"She deserves to see him!" Shuichi protested, "I want her to see him! If you won't come with us I'll take her there myself!"

I glanced toward Shuichi then, hoping to reward him with a grateful smile, but he was staring resolutely at the ground, his cheeks flushed with inexplicable passion. In confusion I turned to Hiro, but he was also avoiding my gaze, a troubled frown on his face.

I could make no sense of this sudden coldness, but it oppressed me deeply, making me suddenly doubt the wisdom of the reunion I had been so determined to bring about. What if Eiri was angered by this intrusion into his Tokyo life? What if he complained of my recklessness to Mika-san? As the three of Tatsuha, Shuichi and I set out on foot to Eiri's house, I tried to drive back my doubts by making polite conversation.

"How do you know Eiri-san, Shindou-san?" I asked Shuichi, pausing to fall into step with him as he dragged behind.

He shrugged, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. "We're friends, that's all," he mumbled, "just friends."

I saw Tatsuha glance back over his shoulder, then roll his eyes and turn away again.

"Well… of course," I said with a small smile, slightly confused by this answer, "I'm very pleased about it too! I mean… of all the people to come to my rescue last night, who would have thought it might be friends of my – of Eiri-san? Isn't that funny?"

"Yeah," Shuichi answered dully, "hysterical."

I glanced uneasily at him. With glittering eyes, flushed cheeks and lips pressed into a pout, he reminded me of one of my little cousins when they were being scolded for something and were stubbornly struggling not to cry. What was I missing? Did Eiri have a girlfriend Shuichi and Hiro were fond of? Were they just upset Eiri hadn't told them about me? Were they afraid I would whisk him back to Kyoto and they would never see him again? Actually I intended the reverse – if these were the sort of friends Eiri had here in Tokyo, if life here in the capital could be this colourful, I would be only too happy to support Eiri's desire to avoid the temple life and remain here. Perhaps when I told him how well I'd gotten along with his fashionable Tokyo friends he would warm to the idea of life with me…

"But you haven't told me how you met Eiri-san," I prompted, as the chilly silence descended over us once more.

I heard Shuichi exhale softly. "He… read my lyrics, one night in the park," he said vaguely.

"And he liked them?"

"He said they were crap."

"Oh!" A nervous giggle escaped me. "And… so… he offered to help you with them…?"

"…Yeah. Something like that…" Shuichi slowly lifted his head, his eyes growing suddenly wistful. "He… came to our debut concert. I challenged him and he came, he really came… Actually it was Ask's concert, but we're better than Ask! I was so nervous that night, and when I saw Yuki in the crowd, I…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter."

"It sounds as though it was a very special night for you, Shindou-san," I offered, hoping to keep him talking, hoping to coax back that warm, friendly smile, hoping for some sort of reassurance that all would be well.

He looked right at me then, his eyes glowing feverishly. But before I could make sense of it, I realised Tatsuha had stopped in front of a very exclusive looking block of flats. "Well, here we are," he said with an ironic look at each of us, "last chance to bail out!"

I hardly heard him. "Eiri…" I whispered under my breath, my chest growing tight.

We made our way up in the lift in silence. All morning I had been buzzing with a strange, unnatural energy after a whole night without sleep and twenty-four hours plus crammed with new experiences. Now, just as I was within sight of my goal, all that energy seemed to ebb away, leaving a dull sense of panic. As the lift doors swished open and we stood before Eiri's door I was seized by the urge to bolt. Only the prospect of humiliating myself before my companions after already causing so much trouble held me back.

And a moment later, Eiri himself was standing before me, turning a silently scowling gaze from me to Tatsuha. I hardly heard the words Tatsuha spoke; completely forgot the long speech I had been rehearsing for weeks; could only mumble a few silly words of apology to my fiancé as I felt my face grow very hot and my head began to swim. All I remember was Eiri welcoming me with that same distant courtesy before my world started to dissolve around me.

I don't know how long I slept, but when I awoke it took me several minutes to realise where I was. Then I saw Eiri seated nearby, a book open in his hands, blinking at me through his rimless spectacles.

"Did I wake you?"

At first I could not answer. The quiet intimacy of this precious moment seemed to cast a spell over me, and I was afraid to break it with words. I was in Eiri's flat – I was finally in Eiri's world, the world he occupied by choice. Simple, sparse, functional… tasteful. It was austerely masculine, lacking a woman's touch, but that was pleasing to me. It meant no other woman was being allowed to make herself at home here. Feeling the warmth of a blanket around me, I was finally compelled to offer a word of thanks.

"You must think me a little fool," I said at length, drawing the blanket tight around myself, "but I had to see you. On my own." I took a deep breath. This was it; this was the moment I had longed for, the moment I had come all this way for. I must use it well. But it was so overwhelming – I was finally here, alone with Eiri, just the two of us. I could reach across and touch him. I could open my heart to him. There would be no room left for doubt. If only Eiri would give some response – some sign that it meant something to him too. But he just fixed his inscrutable gaze on the book in his lap and remained silent.

"I… care for you, Eiri-san," I whispered, my throat constricting as tears stung my eyes, "I need you to know that. I had thought an arranged engagement was meaningless, but I can't seem forget you. I… I couldn't just give up…"

I wanted to go on, to tell him how desperately, how absolutely I loved him, that I did not care about the rumours and the gossip about his past or his present and that I would do anything to make him happy, but the words just would not come. He was utterly still, watching me now with eyes that seemed to see through me and past me and yet revealed nothing of their owner's thoughts. The characteristic stillness I had first become conscious of watching him give interviews suddenly seemed to sum up his attitude to others - no energy expended on lavish gestures or unnecessary changes in facial expression just to put another person at their ease. No wasting a smile when he could get what he wanted without one. When it was required – when, for example, the interviewer was challenging or impertinent, he could be absolutely charming, winning them over quite easily. But only when it was required.

All at once he stirred, getting to his feet with that same economical grace, taking his glasses off and laying the book aside. I could not help a small thrill of excitement. If this was one of his novels, it was surely here that Eiri would take me in his arms, warn me that I was insane to love a man like him but then force a kiss upon me, throwing down the challenge for me to surrender to his will or flee with my honour intact. But then again, his novels usually ended unhappily…

"Would you like something to drink?"

Our moment was over. I knew it, and yet my heart fought against it. I caught hopelessly at his sleeve as he passed. "Just a while longer?" I pleaded, longing against all reason for a smile… a word… a caress… Did it really mean so little to him to be alone with me? Was he so used to the intimate company of women that my presence left him completely unaffected? "Stay with me, just a while longer?"

He did not turn. His expression hardly changed beyond a tightening of the muscles in his jaw. "I'm living with him," he said almost harshly, "Shindou Shuichi. I'm living with him."

Living… with…

Absurdly, my mind refused to process the true meaning of his words. Was he telling me I couldn't stay here because Shuichi was renting the spare room? Slowly the fog cleared and the true glaring reality broke through. It all made sense. All at once, everything that had happened that morning made perfect sense. The odd looks, the confusion as to whose fiancé I was. Tatsuha's reluctance. Hiro's embarrassment. Shuichi's ambivalence. Even Eiri's reticence. It would seem that the joke was well and truly on me.

"May I use your shower, Eiri-san?" I heard myself ask.

He actually looked relieved. "Of course. I'll get you some fresh towels."

I struggled to my feet, looking about the room with eyes no longer blinded by ignorance. The computer perched on the coffee table. The synthesiser propped up against one wall. The bulging, garishly coloured CD wallets stacked haphazardly by the stereo system. The box labelled Sakuma Ryuichi - American Tour lying beside the video player. When I had first scanned the room for signs of a rival, I had been looking for entirely the wrong clues.

I sat on the shower floor with my knees drawn up to my chest and let the water pelt down upon me as I cried and cried and cried. Anger, heartbreak, humiliation or despair – I did not know which made me cry the hardest. So much for my great Tokyo adventure! My fiancé was living with another man. My fiancé was sleeping with another man. My fiancé was making love with another man!

Had Mika-san known all along? Was that the true reason she was so anxious for Eiri to marry? Had she chosen me not because I could be good for her brother but because she thought I was naïve enough to be fooled into accepting a husband who really preferred boys? Was that the real reason Seguchi-san did not quite approve of the match?

And to add insult to injury, my two delightful new friends weren't really my friends at all – one of them was actually my rival! How long had they known? And why had Shuichi insisted I be allowed to see Eiri? Did he already know I was heading for a fall? Was I just being used for some sort of lover's ultimatum - you tell her about us or I will?

Shindou Shuichi. It was all his fault. I hated him. I hated him!

TBC