(I dream all my dreams in black and white)

-x-

// grey like everything that no one notices, the one that no one bothers to mention. grey like a wast ocean of sorrow, and the promising horizon beside it //

-x-

"Josh, I'm sorry."

"Don't you think it's a little to late for that, now?"

-x-

She's not beautiful, you decide idly as you watch her twirl under the white twinkle lights, her hand tightly secured around a half-empty bottle of vodka, smiling serenely. (full, she would tell you if she could hear your thoughts. The bottle is always half-full.) Her skin is almost too pale, her hair almost too flat, her eyes too dull, her dress too plain, her mind too pure - and yet, she still looks every bit like an etherial, Disney-like princess, waiting for her prince with a hopeful heart. And, as you swallow yet another sangria spitefully, you come to the logical conclusion that that simply it isn't fair. It isn't fair that she can capture your heart with a silly, goofy grin. It isn't fair that she can pull it all off, than she can pretend like her life isn't messed up. It isn't fair that she can pretend to be the epitome of perfection when she has so many flaws. (but everything has to have a crack - that's how the light gets in)

-x-

"Where are you going next year?"

"Away from here, hopefully."

-x-

She let's out a scream as she skims through the acceptance letter, and it's all you can do but run away - far away. The smile on her face, her glittering eyes alight with excitement as she bounces up and down in pure ecstasy, the happiness that envelops her makes you want to puke. It's all over the school by the next day, and her smile seems to be permanently etched into her features as her friends gush around her.

"I got into Julliard," she tells you proudly, and although her intentions were pure enough, you still feel the urge to punch her in the face. It's not her fault that she had to go and get accepted into a university in the same city as yours, after all, and it's not her fault that she couldn't remember that you were dying to study at NYU. No, it wasn't her fault. (but you still resent her from taking yet another thing away from you.)

-x-

"I'm revoking my acceptance to NYU."

"You got into NYU?"

-x-

She looks at you, dumbfounded, when you mumble that you've decided not to go to NYU, but to go and study abroad, and her eyes reflect the confusion etched into her perfect face as you utter a pitiful goodbye, promising to write even though you won't, and show her your acceptance letter to Cambridge. She doesn't deserve an explanation, you convince yourself, because of all the times she didn't give you one. And, finally, your monologue comes to an end and you take a breathe and look into her sad eyes.

"Why are you leaving?" she manages to choke out, her voice thick with an emotion you can't quite discern. "Why? We could finally have had it! Think of it - a city to ourselves, just the two of us. No stupid, cheating boyfriends, no controlling girlfriends, no bitchy friends. Just us and endless nights and freedom. Just us against the world. "

And the way she puts it, it sounds so true, so real, so promising that you almost want to believe her. And her sad, twisted smile is so inviting you almost want to take her word for it and believe that it was going to be alright, for once. (almost).

-x-

"No, Claire. No."

-x-

And so finally, once it's all said and done, once you finally manage to turn your back on the person you loved the most - all that's left is grey.

The color of freedom, the promise of freedom, and it's price.

-fin-

-x-

This story is dedicated first and foremost to Alice, as well as to all those who reviewed. So thank you to..

// x-wandering dreams // Cela Fille // emeraldeyes101 // ohmyitsdani // One of the Fallen

I'm sorry if this wasn't the ending you were looking for -_-' but I didn't find it right that he could forgive her after what she'd done.

bah. maybe that's just me, but I like to think that Josh regained some dignity in this chapter.

- Anne-Lise