A New Beginning

Chapter 5: Nightmares and Words

I will warn you now that the following nightmare contains the murder of a baby, and a beloved adult character. But please know that it is a nightmare, it isn't real, no babies or beloved adult characters were harmed in the making of this chapter.

Harry was looking down at his baby, his beautiful baby, who was finally in his arms. The baby, a little girl, had a head of fine black hair and despite only being born a few hours before, her eyes were green, like Harry's, although they had a few red specks in them that were just… perfect.

Everything about her was perfect.

And he was so in love with her.

His little one.

His daughter.

His baby.

Severus entered the room and Harry smiled up at him briefly before looking back at his baby girl.

Severus opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out of his mouth was a pained gasp that made Harry look up at the man he loved like a mother.

Harry's heart clenched in pain at the sight of the sword that impaled the man's chest and the growing pool of blood on the white shirt he was wearing.

"Sev…" Harry whispered painfully, eyes growing wet with tears as the man fell to the floor.

Harry scrambled off the bed, carefully, and knelt next to the dying man, "Sev, please…"

Severus' eyes started to blink closed as the man's breath rattled painfully and blood dribbled out of his mouth.

"Please, mum, don't leave me," Harry cried, "You said you would always be with me. Always. I need you, mummy, please,"

"I… lo-" Severus choked on the blood pouring out of his mouth, and with one last rattle…

"No, no, no, no, no," Harry muttered, gently shaking Severus with one hand, "Please, wake up. Wake up, mum. I need you. I can't-"

"Isn't this cute?" a very familiar grandfatherly voice said and Harry shot up, holding his baby close as he looked at the man grinning at him from the doorway.

"Wh-What are you doing here? How did you get in? Where's Tom?" Harry said shakily as he backed into the corner.

"Tom's dead. The Order broke down the wards. And I killed him, along with the twins who betrayed us," Harry shook his head in denial, tears spilling faster down his cheeks, "And I am here for that precious baby girl of yours,"

"No," he held his baby close.

Or he tried to but his arms collapsed against his chest and he looked down to find nothing. His baby wasn't there.

She wasn't in his arms.

He looked at the man in horror when he realised that his baby girl was in the arms of the one who had tried so hard to kill her. He shook in pain at the delighted, evil grin on the elderly face as he looked at the baby he now held.

Harry's baby.

"Give her back!" Harry said shakily as his magic bubbled on the surface, wanting to burst out and yet not quite being able to.

"Oh, I don't think so, my boy. Not just yet anyway," Dumbledore chuckled, removing something from his pocket that Harry couldn't see.

At least not until the old hand was hovering above his baby girl's chest and he saw the glint of a small blade.

"No!" He screamed, trying to get closer to them, only to be held back by two sets of strong arms, "No! Please! Don't do this! She's innocent. She's done nothing wrong. She's a baby. My baby,"

He looked briefly at the people holding him and his heart lurched at the sight of Sirius and Remus grinning at him as they held his struggling body away from his daughter.

His little baby.

"Please!" Harry pleaded with a sob, "She's my baby,"

"She's a monster," Sirius snarled.

Why wouldn't his magic work?

Why couldn't he get to his baby?

"She's not a monster," Harry growled back through his sobs, "She's done nothing wrong,"

"Yet," Dumbledore smirked at Harry, "With a father like hers she needs to be fixed before she can cause any trouble. With her death the war will be over, Harry. Then you can have all the babies you want with someone decent and proper,"

"No, she's my baby. There's nothing wrong with her. Please! Don't do this!"

Her throat was slit.

She fell to the floor in a bloody heap of blankets.

Harry screamed, his magic finally breaking free and forcing the three men away from him and into the walls.

He collapsed to his knees, sobs ripping from his throat as he crawled to her tiny body, the sight of the blue skin and blood making him want to vomit.

He shot up in the bed and stumbled out of it and over to the en-suite as quickly as he could, tears streaming down his cheeks as he collapsed in front of the toilet and retched.

He felt weak as he vomited what little was in his stomach between the sobs that continued to tear through him at the images still flashing in front of his eyes. He was shaking, but that calmed somewhat when he felt a large, warm hand on his back, rubbing gently.

"Harry," a gentle, deep voice said and he flinched.

He couldn't help it.

He was still lost in the dream.

The dream in which the man was murdered in front of him.

When he was done vomiting he collapsed back into the man's arms and just laid there, crying, legs sprawled out on the floor as he shook with pain.

"Mum," he muttered, not quietly enough if the widening of the black orbs were anything to go by, though.

"No. No. You're not meant to know. I can't say. I can't. No. Sev. You're Sev," Harry said, shaking as he tried to get away from the man, not wanting the rejection along with everything else.

But Severus held him close, not letting him go anywhere as he rocked him gently.

"It's okay, baby, I've got you. It was just a dream," Severus said gently, looking at Harry with awe and… love in his eyes, "And you may call me whatever you want to, Harry. You have been a son to me for a while now, and if you want to call me 'mum' then I will gladly accept the honour. And I was hoping to get some goblins over; since that is probably best than actually getting you to Gringotts with the guard the Order has there; so we can sort out new guardians for you and the twins. I know the twins are technically adults now, but there are always loopholes for if people are in danger, and we can have something arranged to make sure their parents and Dumbledore can't do anything with or to them. If you want to, we can make it official. I can and will very happily adopt you,"

Harry looked at the man with wide eyes and he stopped shaking for a few seconds with the shock before he started crying again, "But… Why? Why would you want me?"

Severus smiled at him sadly, "Because you are Harry. My Harry. You may not be my son by blood, but you are the son of my heart. My baby boy. And I love you more than life itself. You are so amazing, Harry. So kind, loyal, loving, intelligent, creative, brave, and every other good thing I could say about you but the list is far too long for me to say it all out loud at this moment. You are the best person I know, Harry, despite everything the world has thrown at you. You shine brighter than all the stars in the sky, and you are more important to me than all of them. I may not have carried or birthed you, but you are my baby. And I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, and healthy, and happy. I wish I could have done so sooner, but with everything going on… That doesn't matter, though. I love you, Harry. And I want you. If you want me, that is,"

"I want you," Harry nodded at the man, awe shining through him.

"Then you shall have me, Harry. No matter what,"

Harry just laid there, in the strong arms that held him, looking up at the face that was smiling down at him with glistening dark eyes.

"You… You can have babies, too?" Harry asked quietly.

Severus nodded, "I can, yes,"

"Do you have any children? I mean, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Sorry. I shouldn't pry," Harry rushed out, eyes looking at the wall so he didn't see any potential anger in the dark orbs.

"You can ask me anything, Harry," Severus said softly, "I… Given my position I haven't really been afforded the opportunity to properly settle down yet. I… Before I became a spy I was… I was pregnant, but it… It didn't stick. Maybe one day, though, I will be able to have a baby. But in any case, I have you. And you are my son no matter what happens. I will always love you,"

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered, looking up at the man who looked so pained and yet tried to hide it for Harry's sake.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Harry. Never," Severus said.

"But I pried, and you told me… You didn't have to tell me,"

"I know I didn't have to tell you. But I wanted to. You can ask me anything, Harry. And yes, there may be some things I won't answer. But… You almost lost your baby, Harry, and I wanted you to know that I know how it feels. I know how it feels to feel your baby die inside of you. And I know that sometimes talking about it helps. So, if you want to talk to me, you can. If you're not ready to, though, that is okay, too. And you are my family, Harry. I feel safe telling you these things about me,"

Harry's throat bobbed and tears flooded his eyes as he looked up at Severus, who had let a few of his own tears fall but was trying to get control of himself.

"I'm sorry for reminding you," Harry said.

"It's not really something that's easy to forget, Harry," Severus chuckled, "And you have nothing to apologise for. I'm fine. Now, are you ready to freshen up and get back into bed, where it is a lot more comfortable than the bathroom floor,"

Harry nodded and Severus helped him to stand, though he was still rather shaky. Harry brushed his teeth and cleaned his face before he was led by Severus, who was holding his hands and walking slowly with him because Harry was trembling with exhaustion, back to his bed. Severus helped him get comfortable against some pillows.

"I am going to send my Patronus to the twins to get you something to eat and drink. Is there anything in particular you would like?" Severus asked gently.

"Just some toast please, and some water. I don't think I can stomach much at the moment," Harry said.

Severus nodded and sent off his Patronus.

"Do you want to talk about your nightmare, Harry?" Severus said.

"I…" Harry breathed shakily, "Dumbledore came. With Sirius and Remus. They k-killed you. And he k-killed her. He k-killed my baby, and I couldn't stop him,"

Severus pulled him close again and he relished in being held by the strong body of his mother.

"Is everything okay in here?" a soft, yet deep voice said from the doorway and Harry flinched before looking up to find the twins and Tom looking at them in concern. The twins had a plate of toast and a glass of water with them, too.

"I'm fine," Harry said, pulling away from Severus enough to be able to eat his toast, "You made this right?" Harry asked the twins nervously.

"Yes, Harry. The water, too," Fred said gently.

Harry nodded in thanks and started nibbling on his toast, thankful that it settled his whirling stomach somewhat.

"My Lord, is it possible to get a goblin here as soon as possible?" Severus said, "I think it a good idea to get Harry, Fred and George a new guardian so as the protect them from the Order and Dumbledore better,"

"Of course, Severus. I will see about getting one here within the next few days. You are quite right that we should have them as protected as possible," Tom said, shocking the twins but Harry just felt a tug at the edges of his lips.

When Harry was done eating what he could of the toast he drank his potions, guzzled down a little bit of water, and rested back against the pillows with his hand on his small bump, feeling for the ball of magic within and sighing in relief when everything felt okay.

"Harry, are you feeling up to discussing my side of the war? Or do you need some more time to rest?" Tom asked.

"Erm… More time, please. I really would rather not discuss the war at the moment,"

"Okay, whenever you are feeling ready, let me know. But also know that you can do whatever you want. You don't have to fight anymore if you don't want to. We will keep you safe. You can be neutral, or you can help me with my plans, or whatever else you feel comfortable with. I'm not going to force you into anything,"

Harry nodded in thanks again as he pulled his knees up to his chest and stuck his hands between his thighs and stomach.

"I don't want to fight anymore. No matter what your goals are. I'm done with all that," Harry muttered, looking at his knees.

"Okay, that's fine, Harry," Tom said, "You also received a couple of letters this morning. I have scanned them and had my own curse breakers do so. There is nothing on them at all. They are clean. One is from Neville Longbottom, and another from Luna Lovegood,"

Harry took a shaky breath as he accepted the letters from the man. He didn't open them, though. He couldn't. Not yet.

He was too scared.

Logically he knew that neither Neville or Luna would hurt him or his baby. He knew that they would support him.

But that didn't mean he wasn't still terrified of everything and everyone.

"Thank you," Harry said quietly as he placed the letters next to him on the mattress.

"Is there anything you need, Harry? I want you to be comfortable here, and I want you to have everything you want and need. So if there is anything then you can tell me and I will do my best to ensure you have it," Tom said.

"Erm," Harry was shocked, and confused, "I, erm, I don't really know,"

"Okay. If you think of anything, though, let me know and I will make sure you have it as soon as possible,"

"Thanks," Harry whispered, trying to understand what was happening.

"I will leave you all to it, then," Tom said, trying to hide the awkwardness he was clearly feeling, as well as the concern, "I will come by later to see how you are,"

Then Tom was gone and Harry felt bad for not making more of an effort. The man was helping him, keeping him and their baby safe, and he couldn't even be present enough to converse with him.

Harry glanced at the letters for a second before shaking his head and looking away.

He couldn't.

Not yet.

He lent against Severus and sighed when the man wrapped an arm around him. He felt safe in those arms. And loved.

More loved than he had ever felt before.

And, somehow, he ended up drifting off.

Hiya, how are you?

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. So, what is going to happen next, I wonder? What is going to happen in this story? Is the baby going to be a boy or a girl? Are they okay? Will they be born on time? Early? Late? Will Severus find someone to settle down with now that he has a year to rest? What are Neville's and Luna's reactions to everything? What will happen with Fred and George? And the Death Eaters? And the Order? Only time will tell but I would love to hear your thoughts.

Also, if I were to set up a Spotify and make playlists for all of my stories would anyone be interested? They would include songs that remind me of the story in some way, give away little easter eggs for what is to come in the story with some of their lyrics, or songs that just fit. It will be a very eclectic mix of songs because I listen to a variety of music. But I have so many songs that make me think of my stories and I want to share them, if people are interested anyway.

I also have a Facebook group called Maraudering_Paige which you are all welcome to join if you would like to and are able to. It is where we can talk about Harry Potter, fanfics, life, share memes, and more. It is also where I have an update schedule of sorts and will be keeping you up to date on what I am working on, both with original stories, fanfics, and with everything else I do and want to do. So if you are interested in joining then I am more than happy to accept you into the group.

I hope you are all having an amazing day!

Kind regards,

Paige xx