A/N: This is a South Park/Death Note crossover. I don't know if anyone has tried something like this but the idea came to me after watching a South Park episode. I'm not sure if I'll continue it but I'll watch and see how it does then I'll continue.
Anyway, enjoy the story. D!
Chapter 1- "Decision"
Matt was playing video games as usual, trying to beat level 20 one game and beat another game that he already had beaten. Mello opened the door as Matt looked up.
Something was bothering him.
"What's wrong with you?" Matt laughed to himself, "You look like a mistake was made."
"Well, I did get myself into a mess." Replied the Mafia leader, there was a pause in his sentence, "...We're getting a kid."
"Mello, we can't manage some brat. What if the kid breaks something? My games aren't safe then."
Mello sighed, "We're getting one, so things have to change around here."
Matt looked at him, "I'm putting my games in a safe. If it's anything I've learned with kids, they can ruin everything and make your life worse."
"Well, I went to the adoption center. They're having a problem with one kid and I bragged about how tough I am and I decided to take the kid on."
"Ohhh, I can just see the disasters now." Matt signed, "Mello, are you sure can handle something like this? Does the boss know?"
"Not yet." Mello snapped his chocolate bar, he sat down at his table and looked at the list he would need for his new kid, "We're keeping him for five months and if he straightens out then we can send him home."
"Wow. 5 months? You know that you're going to be pushed to your limits, right?"
"What makes it so different is that, I'm a Mafia leader. The kid better be ready for what Mello's going to give him."
Matt laughed, he looked out the window, "So, when's the brat coming to destroy the house?"
"In a week or maybe I can get him today. First they need to see how we are with him one on one. Then we have to fill all the papers and crap."
"I hope you know what you're doing because if this goes wrong, we all suffer."
Mello laughed, he thought he could scare the kid if he acted up or if he decided to get physical, he would lock him in his room. He laughed again thinking that it would be so easy to manage but he had no IDEA how bad this kid could be. Especially when it came to manipulating people, being prejudice, and getting what he wanted.
"What's the kid's name, Mello?" asked Matt, "..."
"Eric. Eric Cartman but he likes to go by Cartman." replied Mello, "I checked his records and Cartman makes bad look worse than a nightmare."
"Ohh man, Mello. I can hear you swearing now."
"Matt, relax. How bad can one kid be? He'll straighten out, he's in company of the mafia." Mello laughed some more as he bit his chocolate, "He won't wine, he won't curse, and he certainly steal."
'What mess are we even facing?' thought Matt, 'Something tells me that hell is coming for us all.'
"I'm going to tell the boss what's happening." Mello closed the door and Matt pressed his ear against the door and listened to the conversation. At first everyone wasn't happy about what was going on then Mello began convincing them that it was ok. They all agreed.
Mello opened the door as Matt went back to his video games, "So, I'm guessing you all said yes to having a brat, huh?" Matt took out a cigarette and began to smoke, "If this goes wrong, you know that we can blame you, right?"
"Matt. Stop worrying so much. I'm going to see him today."
"I'll come, I want to see how bad he really is."
X X X X X
The bell began ringing as the children ran in as the adoption agency agents eyed Mello in fear. Cartman was probably THE, and they really meant what they said; that he WAS the worse kid they ever dealt with in ten years. Cartman never played well with other children, he cursed his mom out, he cursed out the agency, the list could go on.
Mello signed in as he eyed out the place and looked at the receptionist who eyed Cartman, "We've had so many problems with that child. Many parents cancled their ownership right on the spot."
"He's going to have to toughen up where he's going." Mello laughed, "So his name's Eric? I'm sure I can straighten him out."
"I hope you can. The child is the devil himself. He's been through nannies, programs, consulers, all of the services."
Matt came in as he played with his portable PSP. Mello looked back as Matt looked at Cartman running around and hitting other kids.
"That's our kid?" asked Matt, as he took out a cigarette, "He spells ruiner all over, Mello I don't think we can handle a high maintenance kid like this."
"Matt, come on. We're taking him today." Mello still thought he could Cartman, he didn't know how wrong he was, "What's the worse he can do?"
The agent walked in as she had Matt and Mello walk in an observation room with Cartman as the two stared at him. Cartman began to laugh uncontrollably as he pointed at Mello.
Mello looked at Matt in puzzlement.
"Oh my god! You're Mello and Matt, right?! One looks like a transsexual and one looks like a...Hobo!"
"Excuse me?" Mello's tone changed, "You think...You thought I was...a freaking girl?!
Cartman laughed harder as Matt shook his head. Cartman kept pointing and laughing as Matt rolled his eyes. Mello and Matt found out Cartman was already rude.
Mello looked at Cartman who couldn't suppress his laughter, "Cartman!! I'm a guy! I've never dressed like a girl, alright?! How could you make that mistake?"
"Right, sure Mello. Or, should I say Mella!" Cartman continued to laugh as he fell out of his chair, "No, Mellianna the transsexual!"
Matt looked at himself as he eyed Mello, "Do I really look like some hobo? Mello, is that true?"
"Mello is...a Mafia leader!" Mello got in Cartman's face, "So, I don't like how you just badly insulted me! You're with me now and that attitude better change!"
Cartman still continued to laugh, "Mafia? You don't look like you're in it! Aw man!" Tears came to Cartman's eyes as he continued to laugh, "Mello, You're so funny. All these lies!"
Matt shook his head, "What are we going to do about his behavior? This won't slide with everyone else."
Cartman looked closely at Mello and Matt who went to the side to talk things over. Cartman threw a ball at them and continued to throw more balls until Cartman noticed Mello's gun on his pocket.
"Oh, that's so cool!" Cartman replied as held Mello's gun, "A gun? Hella cool! You're actually in the Mafia!"
Mello smiled, "I'm actually the leader of my gang."
Cartman paused as he looked at his two parents, "Hold on a minute!! Are you guys what I think you are...? If Mello's a...then is Matt his...?"
'Oh, great he's questioning if Matt and I were in a relationship? If I answer no, he's going to think I'm lying.'Mello looked at Cartman.
Matt answered angrily, "First of all, Mello is a guy! Second of all, We're best friends! I can't believe you'd do that!"
"Well, it's obvious, how can I have two daddies? It only make sense."
Mello got back in Cartman's face as he glared, "Look here, Cartman! I'm straight, Matt is straight and you need to stop acting like that! We're taking you on!"
"What?!" Cartman banged on the screen, "You're meaning to tell me that I'm going home with these transgendered hobo living people?! Goddamn it, what's wrong with you people?! You're all bitches!"
Matt sighed as he took Mello aside, "Mello, I wouldn't take him. Let's take that those twins over there."
"Oh no, not after the way that brat insulted me! We're taking him and I'm going to staigten him out if it's the last thing I do!"
"Mello, I'm really warning you. You're going to have high blood pressure."
Cartman grabbed a toy train and slapped it against Mello's leg as he screamed out. Matt tried to control Cartman as he grabbed him but Cartman grabbed his PSP and slammed it all over the floor until it broke. Matt ran over to his broken game and glared at Cartman.
"You damn...devil! You fucking broke my game, do you know how much it costs?!"
Mello and Matt were guided out by the agent as they closed the doors, "I'm terribly sorry, Cartman is in one of his fits so you'll have to come back some other time."
Mello bit into some chocolate, "How soon can we have him? I'll sign for him today."
"WHAT?!"yelled Matt, he couldn't believe it. "Damn it, Mello I..."
"Look, I'm sure I have the money to get your game fixed. It's not that bad."
"Damn it, the kid's a ruiner, I knew it!" Matt calmed down as he glared at Mello, "You better keep that nasty kid away from games, I'm serious!"
The agency worker shakily put the consent forms near Mello as Mello and Matt signatured everything about care for Cartman, regulations, and all the other fun stuff. They were down to their sixth paper as they signatured the last bit of information and the deal was done.
Cartman was now their problem.
The agency worker looked up, "Are you sure this what you truly want? You can always cancel and I insist you cancel. Please, don't make him you're problem. We'll give him to someone else."
"No, thanks anyway. I'm sure my partner and I will handle it." Mello smiled as he watched Cartman pack of his things as a kid yelled, "Fatso!"
Cartman exploded and jumped onto the kid as he began hitting his head against the table, "I'm big boned, you freaking jerk! When will you learn you freaking idiot?!"
The aides ran in as they pulled Cartman apart as he yelled and screwed. They placed him in Mello's arms as Matt and Mello walked out of the agency. Mello strapped Cartman into the backseat as Cartman began swearing at Mello.
"The damn seatbelt doesn't fit! You can do anything right, Mella!"
"It's Mello and stop calling me a trans, you fat piece of donut lard!"
"If I hear, one more fat joke out of you Mella..." Cartman began, "I'll break something of yours!"
Mello slammed the door as he went to go start up his car. Cartman glared at his new parents, "I hate you Mello, I hate you Matt. I don't what sick things await me at your house and I hope you have chicken pot pie!"
"We hate you too." they both replied.
"Great, we all love each other. I bet you two are going to make out!" Cartman replied, he stopped for a minute as he watched the trees and the scenery go by. He looked at Mello and Matt who were talking about things.
For once in his life, Cartman felt like he had a father, in fact he had two. He always wanted a father, there was always a gap between him and his friends. They all had fathers and Cartman only had his mom, he smiled happily as he looked out the window.
"Ey, Mello!"
"What?"
"So are you getting an operation anytime soon?"
"Not this again, I'm not get an operation! I'm not changing anything!"
"It's okay, Mello. You can come out your closet, I'm sure Matt will support you all the way."
Mello and Matt sighed, they were just on level one of parenting.
That's Chapter 1, Please R&R. Comments and Questions are always accepted.