Chapter 4- "Werido L"
Cartman ran back and forth between the window and his room. He was looking for L. He had be antsy all week just wanting to meet him but both Matt and Mello were in so much fear. L was not like them in anyway and Cartman would pick up on it and make fun of him right away, L wouldn't take it as bad though. He never took name calling bad, he always followed up with something else and that would shock Cartman.
Cartman ran to Mello, "Where is he?!?! He was supposed to be here freaking five minutes ago!"
Mello growled slowly, "Relax. He'll be here."
Cartman became frustrated, "Man, I thought for someone as smart as him. Timing was everything!"
Mello pulled Matt aside. They went into Mello's office to talk about how to deal with the next situation that would play out. Matt puffed a cigarette and listened to Mello who was nervous as hell to have L come and visit him. Matt just stood around and began playing a game of Tetris to ease his nerves. Mello grabbed the game from him as Matt glared.
"What the hell, boss?" Matt spat out, "I know this is nerve racking for us all but..."
A car engine carefully stopped in the middle of the parking lot. Matt and Mello's eyes both bugged out of their heads. L was here. Cartman began jumping for joy and ran up to the front door and waited. Mello, Matt, and Cartman began fighting over who gets to open the door first and it ended up being a brawl as they began wrestling one another until the door open so quietly and slowly, L's shadow casted an eerie glow across all of them.
Cartman got up and looked at L, "...Um, excuse may? Are you L?"
L looked at Cartman, "If you mean me, then yes. I'm L."
Cartman watched L slowly as he sat in a chair in "his" position. Cartman busted out in laughs as he pointed at L. Mello and Matt were so embarrassed as Cartman got closer to L and sat on his lap causing L to fall out of his chair and send the chair flying across the room. Cartman got up and grabbed onto L.
"Man, you're such a fucking weirdo..." Cartman couldn't stop laughing, "Hey, L. My name is Cartman."
L smirked a little, "What a cute kid and quiet fat to be blunt."
Cartman growled, "Who the hell are you calling FAT?!?! You rail looking...Panda eyed....Werido!!!"
L busted out in laughs, he rarely did that, "...He seemed to have quiet the pet peeve about his weight. I never seen such a vicious child."
Cartman got in front of L, "So, this is the high and mighty L? This is what I say to him." Cartman mooned L as Mello and Matt restrained him, "What the hell?!?! I was showing him my authoritah!"
Mello looked at L, "Why the hell did you insult him about his weight?!?! I told you not to!"
L sighed, "Well, he was rude to me first. Serves the little devil right."
Cartman began running around as Matt and Mello chased after him. L made himself at home as he brought a bunch of Gummy Lifesavers and began eating. Cartman saw them and began playing tug of war with Cartman to get it back. The two fought for awhile until L gave in. He didn't show that he was annoyed but it he was getting close to it. L watched as Cartman devoured every bit of Lifesavers left and left none for L, what a loss it was. The very sweets L carried and they were no more, L was more upset he didn't bring any backups with him incase he was to run out.
Mello brought in a cake as L and Cartman eyed it. This wasn't a good idea. L LOVED cake and there was no reason for him not to have a second chance. Cartman dove for the cake, knife and fork in hand. He didn't make it. L dismounted into kick that knocked Cartman over as L grabbed the cake and sat down and enjoyed victory. Cartman wailed and jumped on L for him to hand over the cake but L refused and just kept eating to annoy Cartman who was ready to kill in him in less than five seconds.
"What a cheater!" yelled Cartman, "You did some kind of karate to make sure I failed!"
"Oh, that?" L's eyes widened, "That is, Brazilian Jujitsu....I am very good at it...Oops, forgot to warn you."
Cartman's face turned a extreme red, "You cheater! DO OVER! DO OVER! DO OVER! DO OVER!"
Mello grabbed Cartman, "Enough, you sit it in time out! I can't believe you would act like this in front of a guest!"
Cartman retaliated, "I can do whateva I want! I don't need your shit!"
L gasped, "What a mouth. Is this how you got him? I'm sure the adoption agency couldn't deal up with this for long."
Mello growled under his breath, "It's been hard since day one, L! You take him for two weeks, you'll want to pull your hair out by day three!"
L surprising laughed, he found it funny that his friends were having issues with a child. It reminded him of the orphanage and of a particular child called "Clary" Clarence. He was even worse than Mello to come thought the orphanage doors of Whammy's. He acted just like Cartman. He played tricks on every child, pulled girls' hair, cut hair, escaped numerous times, and once gave everyone food poisoning at Thanksgiving dinner. He was one hell of a character and L just laughed harder thinking about Clarence's terrible ways. It made Cartman an angel compared to Clarence.
Matt smoked a cigarette, "God, parenting is stressful...I hope I don't get any girls pregnant anytime soon. It almost happened you know."
Mello glared, "What do you mean almost? Matt there is no almost, either you're belly is out to here or not!"
Matt stared at Mello, "Well, you too could've had your almosts....Don't think I don't know boss."
Cartman gasped, "Oh no! You two almost got pregnant?!?! Oh my god, L they almost had a baby!"
L snickered, "Cartman...There is no way boys like ourselves have babies...Girls get pregnant, they have you know.....Well.....I just don't want to say it out loud."
Cartman glared, "Vagina! It's a vagina, L! God, what are you afraid to say that?!?!? God, you're so stupid!"
L sighed, Fine. Vagina...Happy? I said it. You can back off now."
Cartman laughed, "L said it! L said it! L said it!"
L rolled his eyes, "I don't see what is so funny about it. I only feel sorry women have so much to worry about."
Cartman growled, "You are so soft! Women are lame, all they do is get pregnant, have sex, and do it all over again! That's their job!"
L was ready to argue, "Dead wrong, Cartman. Women are tough....I fought one in Jujitsu once and lost. I don't want to hear that again."
Cartman laughed so much that L just ignored him. He turned to Matt and Mello as they discussed the Kira case in the open. Mello and Matt began explaining that there had been change of plans of Kira and he was now killing off people in a certain area and it caused alarm.
Cartman butted in, "Ok, this Kira guy is lame. He kills people with notebooks?!?! Why doesn't he kill the right way?!?!
Mello sighed, "We aren't explaning this to you...Butt out!"
Cartman growled, "Mello, is it your time of the month now? You've been so grouchy and horny!"
Mello grabbed Cartman by the collar, "Look, Cartman....You know I'm a guy, the joke is getting old. Now, I'm going to let go and just go sit down until we're done."
Cartman didn't obey orders, "Mella! Mella! MELLA! DOUBLE FAULT!"
Mello picked Cartman up, got some milk and cookies, and locked him in his room. No noise was heard after that as Mello came to sit down and relax. He looked at L who didn't move. He just finished his cake and watched as Mello and Matt fall against each other on the sofa, they were tired out. Cartman was such a handle full and too much at times. L could see that Cartman's behavior took a toll on both of his friends as he ate more cake and thought some more. He took his focus off of Kira and onto Cartman. He was fascinated with Cartman's words and how he could trick anyone to getting what he wanted all the time. L watched Matt as he dropped his Gamboy Advance, Matt was too tired to finish the last level of Super Mario Bros 3.
L talked with his mouth full, "Have you all considered family therapy? You all are a fine mess."
Mello glared, "No amount of therapy is going to fix that kid. He's worse than me when I was little!"
Matt replied, "It would take a friggin miracle for therapy to work. L, think straight!"
L only snickered, "What were you all thinking you could handle a dysfunctional kid like Cartman? It's like raising two kids in one."
Mello looked up, "I promised myself that I would see it through. I don't want to give up now, L. I know Matt and I can pull it off."
L thought ahead, "I remember Matt telling me that the kid had no father. Is that right? Cartman could be lonely due to that."
Mello's eyes widened, "So, you are telling me he does all the bad things he does for extra attention from me and Matt? The kid is crazy, why would he need more? He has all the love in the world. We give him every damn thing!"
L got up to look out the window, "You know. It must not be easy with a mom who is constantly out "showing her goods" instead of being home. Cartman is very lonely."
Matt sighed, "Ok, Dr.L. Let me ask you something, If he is then why isn't anything we do working? It should be!"
L's black eyes peered into the room, "Go on vacation, do the things Cartman likes to do, get out more often than being home all the time. Show Cartman he is ok."
Mello growled, "You think we can do it just like that?!?! L, I can't be using the Mafia money! I spent it on Cartman's birthday!"
L smiled, "Then do it when you have enough. Cartman needs to go out and see the world."
Matt agreed, "Man, he is right. Cartman needs to be out more than being stuck in the house all the time."
The door busted open as Cartman ran downstairs with a big airplane and began crashing it into L. L remained motionless as his eyes watched Cartman continue to crash the airplane. Cartman then jumped into L's lap causing L to once again hit the floor with Cartman.
Cartman began laughing, "L is so funny! He's so weird and shit!"
Mello sighed, "He's still infected with Sailor mouth. I guess it's the mobsters."
L grinned a little, "Cartman is awful but I like him. I just wish he wasn't so tubby."
Cartman glared, "HEY! Don't call me fat, panda! You're the one that needs to be fat and ugly!!!"
L laughed. Mello and Matt looked at eachother. They were worried that Cartman was having a weird influence on everyone in the group. They really didn't need Near involved because if he was here. Cartman would be the bully and Near would be the kid crying home but Mello needed more advice and Near could help since he didn't grow up at all himself.
Mello looked at Cartman, "Near is coming next week!" Mello grinned evilly, "I'm sure you'll love him."
Matt gasped. His cigarette fell out, "Oh god, boss! Near?!?! Cartman will make a mess of it for sure!"
Mello grinned more evily, "Payback is sweet Matt. Payback is sweet."
That's Chapter 4. Please R&R.